A/N Fangirls…interviewing the characters of Death Note. We're in trouble now…
This was the first time L had ever appeared on TV before. He wasn't really nervous, but he couldn't help feeling a bit paranoid. He knew that nothing could happen to him though, after all, you can't kill a person who's already dead. He was having a jolly good time in detective heaven, but he couldn't help but notice a growing number of fangirls for himself. So many of them wanting to get a chance to meet him that he figured, oh what the heck, might as well humor them and give them an interview. So here he was. On TV. Being interviewed by fangirls.
He hunched out onto the stage, crouching into his usual position on one of the many couches. This was met by many 'Awwwsss!" throughout. L rolled his eyes.
"Let's get this over with." He mumbled.
"Alright, with us today is everyone's favorite sugar loving detective, L Lawliet!" A cheerful host suddenly appeared on the couch opposite L. She was met with deafening applause throughout.
"So dear," the sunny host began, "what's your name?"
"But you just said-"
"And there you have it folks, his real name! Let's give him a round of applause!" After a round of applause, The host held up one hand to silence the audience, and then turned to L, leaning forward and looking him in the eye.
"So, L, tell us a bit about yourself. What's your past like? Let me guess, your parents were murdered in front of your eyes and that's how you became the lonely, emotionless person we know today!" The host's eyes were swimming with tears, several audience members reached underneath their chairs for their complimentary tissue boxes.
"Well actually, I never knew my parents. I don't miss them, so it hasn't affected me, or, as you like to put it, turned me into a 'lonely, emotionless, person'." L deadpanned.
The host waved a hand, as if motioning away L's words. "Pshh, you're just being shy. It's okay, it's understandable. Your past is a tough subject. But don't worry; you can open up to me. Trust us." She tittered.
L sighed. This was going to be a long interview. It was already lunchtime, and he was starving. His stomach growled with hunger. The all-knowing host mumbled something into a walky talky in her hand, and in seconds, a cart of strawberries was wheeled out. "There ya go!" She chirped.
L facepalmed. "You do realize that I eat things other than strawberries and sweets, right?" His words were swiftly silenced when he noticed the audience members exchange odd looks, kind of like when a child says something nonsensical, and the adults swap smug gazes. "Thank you." Resigning himself to his fate, L hastily ate a couple of strawberries, and then sat back down on the couch.
"SOOO KAWAII!" One audience member jumped onto the stage, but was soon escorted away by security.
"Moving on, please." I can handle this, I am –no, was- the world's greatest detective. Just don't think about the stupidity of all this, think of lollipops…yeah, lollipops…L was trying his best to speed up the interview. He hadn't realized he would be subjected to ignorance such as this. He could practically feel his brain cells deteriorating. The host complied with L's wishes, and asked him the next question.
"Did your sexual tension with Light Yagami ever reach a breaking point?" The whole audience roared with approval, and the host's eyes flashed with victory.
"Yes, of course, 'cause being murdered is soo sexy…" L muttered sarcastically. He was still rather bitter about the whole 'being killed by Kira' thing.
"I know right?" The host exclaimed, oblivious to the obvious sarcasm in L's tone of voice. "I wish someone would murder me…it would be so romantic…" the whole room sighed in unison.
"When Misa kissed you and you said you could fall for her – you fell in love with her didn't you?" A group of MisaxL fangirls were doing the wave in the corner, while another group of Yaoi fangirls jumped up, yelling their disapproval.
"No. I was testing her reaction to see if there was a possibility of tricking her into falling in love with me, and betraying Light. I was 99% sure it wouldn't work, which it didn't, but it was still worth a shot." L shrugged.
"Did you consider Mello, Matt, and Near family?" Another audience member shrieked.
"Well, I've only ever visited one of them, so no; I'm not close enough to them to consider them family." L dashed the dreams of fangirls worldwide against the rocky shores of reality.
The host bravely ventured on. "Uhh…but what about Matsuda? The only reason you called him an idiot was because you wanted to disguise the hidden feelings you had deep in your heart for him!" The audience members took heart with the familiar words of their leader. "Yeah!" They cried.
L sighed. Again. "No. I called Matsuda an idiot because he is an idiot."
"I see." The host said with mock belief.
L decided to answer the remaining questions in one fell swoop. "I have never had any romantic relationships with anyone, I don't have a foot fetish, I do not resemble a panda bear, and my hair is naturally like this, I'm very hygienic; I just wear different pairs of the same styles of clothing, and no, I will not be accepting any marriage proposals or requests to become your boyfriend."
The entire room deflated in defeat. The host had fallen off her chair, and was now gripping one of the chair legs, desperately trying to pull herself up. Glancing at L, who was looking on all of these events with an amused, perverted grin, she managed to spit out, "B-but…you're a virgin, right? Please tell me we're right about that!" The audience members perked up from their positions on the floor, awaiting L's life changing response.
"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not." And with that, L took to the skies, flying back to detective heaven.
"NOOOOO!" The host watched L's slowly disappearing form, her hand outstretched towards the gaping hole in the ceiling. Hastily smoothing her frazzled hair, she turned to the cameras with a cheesy grin. "Stay tuned for next week's interview!" And with a nervous laugh, she vanished behind the curtains.
A/N I know it wasn't funny, and it was really lame, please don't kill me…-hides behind slice of cake- I would really appreciate any reviews, though! I'm thinking of continuing this…if you want this continued, please let me know which character you want to be interviewed next, or you don't have to, or…well, whatever you want to do! :)