Bella was dead? She jumped off a cliff? Rosalie can't be right. She said that Alice had a seen a vision. No, no she can't. I mean I left Bella so that she could be safe and live a long, healthy life. How could I have been so stupid?

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

I had been staring at the same indent in the wall for the past four hours. I just couldn't believe that I had left my beautiful angel. Even after all of these months, I just can't let her go. I'm sure she's almost forgotten about me. Humans do that, but we do not. The memory of her broken face will haunt me forever.

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

I couldn't believe that I had told her that I didn't want her anymore. That was so far from the truth, it was hard to imagine that I pulled off the lie. I could see it in her eyes that she believed me. How could she have considered that I didn't actually want her? I'd told her many times how important she was to me and that I loved her. She was my life now. There were too many thoughts running through my mind. I couldn't stand this.

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

All of the ingrained memories of Bella and I trapped in my mind burst through the barriers that I had put up. The prom was the most amazing night of my long life; I couldn't believe how stunning she looked. Though, the most important memory that I have was of our meadow. When she finally learned the truth, I was ecstatic that she had accepted me for who I am, a monster. Unfortunately, those last days with Bella were torture. I was acting distant and cold so that she could have a clean break. Oh, I was a jerk, truly a monster.


Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

Maybe I should've gone back to Forks to check on her, but I was positive that she wouldn't have wanted to see me. In the forest, I had been so harsh to her. I was sure that she didn't want to see me ever again. Rosalie had said that she jumped off a cliff? That can't be true. Bella would never commit suicide. Maybe I'll call the Swan residence and have this whole misunderstanding cleared up. Bringing a smile to my face, I thought about how this ordeal was just confusion from my family.

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

I called Bella's home phone; it just kept on ringing. My face fell instantly, but finally someone picked up. Some boy just picked up. Who was this boy? Why was he at Bella's? Putting on my best Carlisle impersonation, I asked for Charlie. What? Did he just say funeral? No, no, no, no, no! I almost shouted no to the phone. Without a second thought, I hung up. Yelling, I threw my phone to the wall and it smashed into pieces. My dead heart felt like it was being shattered to pieces. It was true, everything that Rosalie said, was true. I was such an idiot. How could I have left Bella all alone?

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

I started pacing back and forth across my room. The room was located in some small hotel room in South America. I didn't know exactly where I was. Details from my life just slipped through the cracks these days. I didn't have anyone to share my life with, so what's the point of paying attention. I crossed the old wood floor and found my small suitcase and pulled out my clothes, but more specifically, I pulled out the clothes I wore when I was with Bella. Her smell still lingered on them; faint, but there. I plopped myself down on the bed and laid my shirt on my face, covering my eyes. Ahhh, her smell was so delicious. I wish I could just hold her. I made a stupid choice to leave her, and now I can never make it up to her. Being a vampire, I was as close to being dead as, well, the dead. But this morbid life I was living just wasn't what I wanted. I needed Bella in my life to survive.

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

I thought that if I left, she would mature into a beautiful woman and get married and have children. Not this, I didn't want her to die just yet. Why didn't I change her when I got the chance? No, I didn't want to damn her to this soul-less life. It was good that I didn't change her. I couldn't let the venom from Jame's bite turn her into a vampire. All of a sudden I thought of the time that I explained to Bella what I would've done if she had been killed by James.

More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

The Volturi. That name kept ringing in my ears. There, that was my plan. I would go to the Volturi and get myself killed. If I truly had a soul, Bella and I could be together again. I would most certainly sacrifice my existence for her, because without her, I had no life.