True Sleepless Beauty
~A Tribute to Tomokazu Seki~
By: JC Maxwell-Yuy
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JC: LA LI HO!
Ken: So what's all this?
JC: A fairy tale parody. And you're the star. Be warned, there is shounen-ai.
Ken: Nani?
JC: Disclaimer time! I don't own any of the characters or the shows/games that they came from… though I wish I did. In short, I own nothing!
Ken: Thank god! JC doesn't own ANY of the characters or shows/games used.
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~Cast~
(mostly in order of appearance)
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Prince Ken - Ken Hidaka (Weiss Kruez)
Little Pink Riding Shuichi - Shindou Shuichi (Gravitation)
Kenji the artist - Kenji (Pocket Monsters)
Grandma Yuki - Yuki Eiri (Gravitation)
Neko-Tatsuha - Uesugi Tatsuha (Gravitation)
Tinker-Touma-Bell - Seguchi Touma (Gravitation)
Squall Leonhart - Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy VIII)
Shiva - Shiva (Final Fantasy VIII)
Aya - Fujimiya Aya/Ran (Weiss Kruez)
Satoshi - Satoshi (Pocket Monsters)
Pikachu - Pikachu (Pocket Monsters)
Queen of Stolen Hearts - Relena Darlian (Gundam Wing)
Baby Duo - Duo Maxwell (Gundam Wing)
Mama Quatre - Quatre Winner (Gundam Wing)
Papa Heero - Heero Yuy (Gundam Wing)
Robin Hood/Musashi - Musashi (Pocket Monsters)
Maid Marian/Kojiro - Kojiro (Pocket Monsters)
Nyasu - Nyasu (Pocket Monsters)
Sonansu - Sonansu (Pocket Monsters)
Selphie - Selphie Tilmitt (Final Fantasy VIII)
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And so… once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a young prince named Ken. Now as far as princes go, Ken was the prettiest and most gorgeous hunk of a prince that the era had ever seen and was loved (and stalked) by everyone who laid eyes on him.
One day, while Ken was out in the palace courtyard, bored out of his mind and trying to ignore the various people hiding and thinking he couldn't see them stalking him but he really could see them, a giant meteor fell onto the kingdom and crushed the royal shrine to the Doughnut People. Outraged, the Doughnut People cast a spell over Prince Ken and the palace, making him fall into a deep sleep… but wait!
"Num-num… I feel like a midnight snack." Prince Ken suddenly shot out of his bed and ran to raid the royal kitchen and returned a half-hour later full and sleepy.
So at last, the sleeping prince was…
"I need to go to the bathroom." Ken muttered and kicked the silk sheets off and went to the water closet down the hall.
"Ah, much better." And so… the prince wasn't exactly in a deep sleep, but oh well. In any case, he could not be 'woken' from this odd routine of going to the water closet and sneaking midnight snacks, so the King and the Queen decided to remodel the water closet to include a Jacuzzi and a steam room, although that did nothing to resolve the problem of the 'sleeping' prince.
Eventually, the story of the sleeping prince spread throughout the land, and millions of stalkers tried to wake the sleeping prince with a kiss, but could not enter the castle since it was guarded by horrible mutant space bunnies from Mars (who eventually kicked the King and Queen and all the little peons out of the palace). And so, life continued until…
"LA LI HO!!!" Little Pink Riding Shuichi cried as he skipped through the candy cane forest.
"It's that little pink whatever his name is again!" All the cutesy animals in the forest squealed and went to escort the energetic boy with the pink hair to Grandma Yuki's house… … OK, maybe not GRANDMA, but… still, four years older than … nevermind.
Anyway, moving on, the big, bad Neko-Tatsuha was lying in wait, to capture the pretty Little Pink Riding Shuichi and take him back to his lair to make pretty heart marks. Unfortunately for him, 'Grandma' Yuki had a giant mallet, and he was rendered unconscious for the rest of our story.
But as fate would have it, Little Pink Riding Shuichi accidentally took a wrong turn and headed for the royal palace instead of 'Grandma's' house, thanks to a meddling little fairy named Tinker-Touma-Bell. That, and the fact that Yuki had put out traps, since Tinker-Touma-Bell ever so easily convinced the grouchy 'grandma' that beast traps were more humane than an electronic alarm system. And once again, unfortunately for the little fairy, he forgot all about the traps and…
BIFF
CRACKLE
ZAP
CLAMP
Moving right along with our lovely story, Shuichi (since it's a pain the butt to keep writing Little Pink…) wandered down the road until he came upon a giant field of poppies, just outside the gates to the Emerald City… wait, how did that get there? Just for the record, the poppies made him fall asleep (is anyone sensing a pattern here?).
Luckily, the beautiful bishounen SeeD Squall happened to waltz by and summon the ice goddess Shiva, who turned the field of poppies into a giant skating rink and started charging couples to skate across the field of frozen poppies to the Emerald City. With the poppies frozen and a giant sound system blasting 'White Reflection' as couples glided across the ice, it was safe to say that Shuichi woke up and continued on his way. By the way, the Emerald City got sucked into a black hole so the road was clear to the royal palace with Sleeping Prince Ken within it, who at the moment was just waiting for the water coming out of the tap to reach the right temperature before throwing off his clothes and sinking into the hot tub.
Meanwhile, not far ahead of Shuichi, a monster watcher named Kenji and his trusty magic marker, was drawing the next set of scenery since the writer got pissed off at the previous set designer and fired him. Anyway…
"LA LI HO!" Shuichi shouted and glomped the artist.
"Konichiwa!" Kenji tried to pry Shuichi off but decided that it was better to run since a giant pirate ship suddenly descended from the sky and began firing bubble gum bombs at them.
"WHAT THE HELL?! I DON'T REMEMBER DRAWING THAT!!!"
So after the two lost the giant flying pirate ship by Kenji's quick thinking of drawing a black hole (which are only $18.95 on the black market), which sucked the flying pirate ship into oblivion and bombarded it with French toast, Shuichi realized that he was on the road to the palace.
"So… you're gonna go try to wake the sleeping prince huh?" Kenji sighed.
"Uh… since I'm on the path I might as well." Shuichi said. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to make a living drawing scenery. It pays the bills and I get a great dental plan." Kenji held up his magic marker and grinned.
"Sugoi!!!" Shuichi gasped as he took in Kenji's adorable and bright smile.
"But let's get to business: you need help getting past the evil space bunnies from Mars." Kenji stated. "I know just the person to help you."
The artist led Shuichi to a house down the street and three blocks over. When the door was opened, a tall man with beautiful red hair and a sword stepped out followed by a young boy with a Pikachu.
"Aya, I always knew you were a cradle robber, but THIS…" Kenji sighed.
"…" Aya's face remained obvious to Kenji's admonishments.
"What a cute Pikachu." Shuichi cuddled the yellow creature and started to have a conversation with the boy, Satoshi. The two continued to talk as Kenji remained yelling at Aya about morale and love for quite some time.
When Kenji was done ranting, Aya invited them inside after the artist stepped on his foot several times.
"So you want me to help you get rid of the space bunnies?" Aya sipped some tea.
"Anou… yeah." Shuichi stammered.
"And all this came about from you going to Grandma's house?" The redhead raised an eyebrow.
"Um… Well, you see… Yuki really isn't really my 'grandma'… heck, not even a 'grandma'… but you see…" Shuichi blushed.
"I see." Kenji's face flushed bright pink.
"I'll do it." Aya stood up.
"Really?" Kenji gasped.
"On one condition." Aya smirked.
"I get to kiss the prince first."
"You are a cradle robber, let me remind you."
So our heroes set off for the castle that is guarded by the evil Mars space bunnies to try to rescue the prince. Little did they know that Wonderland would swallow them up whole, or that the Queen of Stolen Hearts had a hernia from carrying too many flamingoes. But in the end, our heroes escaped from the evil Queen of Stolen Hearts, Relena, and headed for the palace.
As the palace came into view, thanks to Kenji's amazing artistic talents with the magic marker and a massive plastic eraser, they passed a small house.
"I'm hungry!" Shuichi whined.
"But we're almost to the palace!" Aya glared.
Kenji, seeing the distressed boy in pink, used his magic marker to push the palace further into the horizon.
"OK… that was just ducky." Aya grunted and headed for the cottage.
"I smell blackberry jam, Milktank Milk, and STRAWBERRY POCKY!" Shuichi bounded into the cottage, despite Aya and Kenji's protests that it was rude.
"Pocky… I won't complain." Kenji followed Shuichi who was followed by a very reluctant Aya. Finding the house empty, as well as their stomachs, the three ate the three hot steaming bowls of chicken noodle soup, and the three boxes of strawberry pocky sitting on the dining room table. When they were finished, they left.
About fifteen minutes after the pocky was devoured and our heroes left, the baby Duo, the mama Quatre, and the papa Heero returned to their cottage after a morning of running from an obsessive stalker, which by the way is a wonderful way to stay in shape.
"WHO ATE MY POCKY! OMAE O KOROSU!" the cottage shook with the echo of three very unhappy bishounen.
Full, and ready to take on the next obstacle, Shuichi-tachi headed for the castle, which was guarded by evil space alien bunnies from Mars.
The space bunnies were… quickly eradicated using a very secret technique that involved tartar sauce, a bright blue skipping rope, three blank
CDs, a VCR, an elephant, scrambled eggs, and one very smelly, ancient, old, burrito.
With the evil space bunnies from Mars melting into nothingness, Aya ascended the stairs of the tower where Prince Ken lay sleeping. As Aya leaned forward to kiss the sleeping prince, Ken's eyes suddenly snapped open.
"HEY! YOU'RE NOT WINNE THE POOH!" Ken shouted, slapped Aya, and stalked off to the kitchen for some crackers and cheese, leaving Aya dazed and confused. By now, Kenji and Shuichi had caught up with Aya, who was still standing before the now empty bed with his face bruised.
"Ouch. Rejection." Kenji winced.
"THE STUPID PRINCE WANTS A DUMB STUFFED TEDDY BEAR!!!" Aya screamed.
"So… what's your point?" Shuichi asked, confused.
"Nevermind." Aya calmed himself down and walked off to the bathroom.
"Ooo… pink linens."
While Aya was in the water closet, Ken returned upstairs to return to sleep.
"Um… hi." He said shyly when he saw Kenji and Shuichi both lying in the bed.
"You know, these sheets need to be washed." Shuichi remarked.
"It smells like the prince though." Kenji muttered as he fluffed the pillows.
"I could get used to this." Shuichi started jumping on the bed.
"Uhm… Hi…" Ken said again, this time the two noticed and stopped what they were doing.
"Uh… hi, your highness… did somebody break the curse already?" Kenji asked, his face red.
"No, not yet. Any day now I hope." Ken sighed and slid into the bed with the other two boys.
"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" Shuichi asked, confused.
"I just get up to eat and use the bathroom. It has lovely linens by the way." Ken curled up in the bed.
"I see." Kenji said, jumped on Ken, and proceeded to make out with him.
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Shuichi whined and jumped on two now passionately kissing guys. By now, Aya had finished cuddling the pink linens in the bathroom and returned to the prince's chambers feeling refreshed and…
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! I LEAVE FOR FIVE MINUTES AND PEOPLE ARE ALREADY STEALING MY GLORY OF KISSIN G THE PRINCE! INJUSTICE!" The redhead screamed.
"KENKEN IS MINE!" Aya screamed and jumped into the bed.
"NANDA?!" Ken cried out Aya's face hit him square in the stomach. This, like it always does, prompts a certain duo to appear and announce to the world their philosophy of life… again.
"Nandakanda to kikaretara!" Musashi grins and pops out from under the bed wearing a Robin Hood outfit complete with the little green hat with the feather.
"Kotaete ageru yo no nasake!" Kojiro hefted up the skirt of his pink Maid Marian evening gown and fell in through the window.
"Sekai no hakai o fusegu tame!" the redhead girl shouts as the boys in bed stare at her in confusion.
"Sekai no heiwa o mamoru tame!" Kojiro flashed his skirts up.
"THOSE AREN'T AUXILARY LADIES!" Kenji exclaims and covers his eyes.
"Ai to shinjitsu no aku o tsuranuku!" Musashi clumsily fires and arrow using her crossbow but it ricochets off the wall and hits some stalker girl outside the caste.
"LOVELY CHARMING na katakiyaku!" Kojiro winked and blew a kiss at Aya (who by the way is feeling quite lovely and charmed from being so close to Prince Ken).
"MUSASHI!" Robin Hood throws off the tunic and knickers to reveal… Musashi in her Rocketto-Dan uniform, but then we already knew that now didn't we?
"KOJIRO!" Maid Marian does the same, except a pair of pink lace panties hit Aya in the face.
"Ginga o kakeru ROCKETTO-dan no futari ni wa!" Musashi cries out happily as she embraces a fairy tale book.
"WHITE HOLE, Shiroi ashita ga matteruze!" Kojiro shouts as a giant 'R' sign falls behind him and Musashi.
"SONANSU!" Musashi's Sonansu popped up only to be kicked away by Nyasu.
"Get your own lines!" Nyasu glared.
"Rocketto-dan!" Kenji shouts.
"Pi Pikachu!"
"Pikachu? Where'd you come from?" Kenji asked.
"Sorry I'm late." Satoshi climbed in through the window.
"Oh… so many handsome and beautiful people come to break the curse!" Ken sighed happily and wiped away a tear forming in his eye.
"I feel… so… emotional…"
"Awwww…" everyone else sighed wistfully… but only for a moment.
"What happened to the mood we were setting?" Musashi wondered.
"I have no idea… but I think it's that time again." Kojiro moaned when he saw Pikachu's cheeks begin to spark with electricity.
"Ya no kanji?" Nyasu sighed.
"SONANSU!"
"Pikachu! You know what to do!" Satoshi shouted and Pikachu shocked the Rockets out of the tower into the horizon.
"EEEEEEEPPPPPP!!! I can see my house!" Kojiro screamed.
"THIS ISN'T HOW DOROTHY WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE OZ!" Musashi screeched.
"SOOOONNNNNAAAANNNNSSSSUUUU!!"
"YA NO KANJI!" the white squad screams as they vanish into the sky.
"Yeah, well I got you my pretty, and you're little Nyasu too." Satoshi grinned.
"I love fairy tales." Shuichi spoke up.
"Yes, but we still haven't broken the curse." Kenji crossed his legs to ponder the problem.
"Why not just draw an antidote spell?" Satoshi asked.
"Yeah, why not?" Kenji pulled out the magic marker and drew a sports drink bottle labeled 'Sleepless Beauty Antidote'.
"Drink up!" Shuichi grabbed the bottle and squirted the contents into Prince Ken's mouth.
"Mmm… Lemon lime." Ken licked his lips.
"Did it work?" Aya asked.
"I think so. The sun's coming up." Kenji looked out the hole the Rockets made when they blasted off.
"Lovely." Ken smiled.
"I think I love you and that magic marker."
"Eh?" Kenji gasped as Ken tackled him and began to make out with him.
"And here I thought I was the hero of this story." Shuichi moaned.
"Hold on a second. I thought I was the hero seeing that I have a tragic past and all." Aya argued.
"Well… that's…" Satoshi started, but then decided it wasn't worth it.
"Let's go rescue Shigeru-punzel from the wicked witch of the hazel nut trees Pikachu."
"Pikachu!" the electric mouse followed his companion happily out of the tower.
"I WANNA BE THE HERO!" Aya gripped Shuichi's collar.
"ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!" Shuichi breathed his answer into Aya's face.
"Did I ever tell you that headbands are a major turn on?" Ken suddenly announced.
"SHUT UP! STAY OUT OF THIS!" the red haired assassin and Little Pink Riding Shuichi shouted. The two then continued to argue.
"Is this the part where they say we lived happily ever after?" Ken asked.
"Maybe." Kenji sighed.
"Maybe."
And they all lived happily ever after… THE END!
"SELPHIE! DID YOU HAVE TO CAST THAT SPELL… AGAIN?!"
"Whoops! It just seemed more appropriate than 'Rapture'."
"Nevermind. It's OK."
~THE END~ (insert little flowers and butterflies)
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JC: So that's it. That's the end of our tale.
Selphie: Tee hee! I love ending stories.
JC: So please review!
Squall: I was hardly in this!
JC: You'll live.