Self Esteem, a harry potter fanfic

I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practiced all the things I would say
But she came over I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert

She came over again today. "Just to hang" is what she said. I couldn't help but notice that she only wants to "hang" with me when she's upset. Or she wants something. Usually it's the latter. I don't know why I even let her in. Well I guess I do… because I'm a guy. And horny, like all 15 year old guys. But I have a feeling that, even if I wasn't, I'd still let her in.

Oh I know I'm being used
That's okay man cause I like the abuse
Oh I know she's playing with me
That's okay cause I've got no self esteem

I know she doesn't really love me. She'll never really see me as more than a friend. I know that there's only one thing she wants other than friendship, and that's sex. And for someone to tell her how beautiful she is, and how much they love her, for just a night. She needs me to bring up her self confidence. Bbut I can't help but want to pretend that there's more to us than that.

We make plans to go out at night
I wait till 2 then I turn out the light
This rejection's got me so low
If she keeps it up I just might tell her so

I lie in my bed late at night. Wondering where she is. Praying that the guy I know she's with will treat her half as good as I do. Praying that she doesn't get hurt, praying that she doesn't get too trashed… And praying that she doesn't find someone who she likes more than me.

When she's saying, oh, that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she's saying, oh, that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right? Yeah-eh-eh

Part of me knows that this is wrong… but a stronger part is aching for her touch. And needing to look into her eyes. And hear her voice. Part of me is head over heels for her.

Now I'll relate this little bit
That happens more than I'd like to admit
Late at night she knocks on my door
She's drunk again and looking to score
Oh I know I should say no but
It's kind of hard when she's ready to go
I may be dumb, but I'm not a dweeb
I'm just a sucker with no self esteem

Before she even gets through the door her hands begin caressing my face, running through my hair. Her body is pressed against mine, her lips grazing my neck. But it's her face that just kills me. The look in her eyes is so loving, almost hungry for me: I just can't get that face out of my mind.

And after, when we're just lying next to each other, are hands caressing, our legs entwined, it is heaven. She tells me she loves me, and I tell her the same. Only I mean it. I am in love.

The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right? Yeah-eh-eh