COLD HEAT

So have you been to a place like this?
To see your breath as it paints against the sky
The fever is near
I wish you were here

Umbrellas – The City Lights

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It always felt like this. The cold sweat, the trembling legs, the icy hands. My eyes were open-wide, blinking through the darkness of the room. My breath was rushing, and my lungs hurt.
Nightmares felt always like this. Although, if I have to admit, it was far worse when he wasn't here to comfort me. When he wasn't here to hold me.

"I love you" he whispered this time, while my frantic heart calmed.

I turned around, meeting his anxious eyes for the first time since my abrupt awaken. The curiosity was obvious in his stare, hidden behind a massive worry.
It was in these times that I was grateful he couldn't read my mind. I knew him well enough to know that my forbidden thoughts would wash him with guilt and sorrow.

And I just couldn't take that.

- - - - - - - - - -

Heat.
The temperature was so hot that my whole skin burned. My blood pulsed in my veins like fire, and my heart was certainly burst.
I felt his hands tangled in my hair, wander through my body. I could feel his arms wrapping me in an unbreakable embrace. His lips kissed mine eagerly, and I moved my hands to still his face next to mine.
He lifted me, sitting me in the counter, never breaking the kiss. I curled my legs around him, because this heat wasn't enough. I wanted more, I wanted all of him.

And it didn't matter that he wasn't cold as ice. It didn't matter that his skin wasn't pale. It was only he and I, drowning in a pool of heated passion.

- - - - - - - - - -

I didn't regret any of my decisions. I knew that it was with him that I was meant to be. Our souls were one; our hearts were shaped for each other's. He was mine, and I was his.
He always wanted the best for me. He never made me choose, he never forced me in anything, and he never wanted me to be like him. But I'm a silly stubborn, and I just wouldn't listen. I was young and stupid, just like tons of other teenagers. My world was about him, my life was about him.
When he left, he took my life with him. He was gone, and I was trapped in my soulless body, all by my own.

When your world vanishes in the shadows, you are left in a dead silence.
When my world vanished, I was empty. Hollow.

- - - - - - - - - -

Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc.

The annoying noise of the clock echoed in the small kitchen. My dad was still, looking directly at me.
I wasn't hungry.

"Bella, must you always look like that?" he asked, genuinely concerned. I met his gaze, surprised.

"Like what, exactly?"

Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc.
He didn't answer, and I excused myself.

I wasn't hungry, anyway.

- - - - - - - - - -

But then, he was back. And my life was back too.
I wasn't going to let him go this time. I would beg and crawl for him to take me back. I would do whatever I could to make him stay.
But I didn't have to do anything. He was staying, whether I wanted it or not.
I welcomed him, of course. He hugged me back tightly, bringing me even closer to his marble body.

He loved me. He would always love me. Forever.

- - - - - - - - - -

His embrace was crushing me in his chest, but I didn't complain. I was desperate for this, for him.
The coolness of his body was making me chilly, and he released me. He kissed my nose, my cheeks, my eyes, my chin. When he kissed my lips, I felt blissful tears water my eyes.

"Why are you crying, love?" he asked, wiping my tears with soft fingers. My heart gave a jolt of pure joy at the sound. I felt my lips curve into a warm smile, and I watched his own lips match mine's.

Words were not necessary. I kissed him this time.

- - - - - - - - - -

Then why the haunting dreams? Why the despairing nightmares?
When he left, he took my life away. When he brought it back, that life wasn't enough.

I'm sorry, Jacob.

He hummed my lullaby.
"I love you." I murmured.

It's my first, be nice please (:

Helena