Fireside Conversations

Disclaimer: I don't own LOST.

A/N: This is just my little attempt at trying to get into Jack and Kate's heads. Usually I have no problem with it, but I am having some trouble this time around..

Jack sat next to the river, silently watching as the water rushed along. They had left the Other's camp a day ago, and they still had two days to go before they would reach their camp. He was glad for it in a sense. It gave him time to get things sorted out in his head. But at the same time he wished they could just get there. He could feel Sayid and Kate's death stares at him and Juliet. He knew that it would only get worse when they reached the camp. The survivors weren't going to be too keen about letting an Other live amongst them.

Jack felt the hot sun against his back, and he smiled. He had missed the jungle. He had missed the freedom. The smile quickly disappeared when he felt Kate's presence beside him. He turned and watched as she filled her water bottle up.

After it was filled, she set it in the dirt and cupped her hands in the water, throwing the water on her face. She rubbed her arms with it, trying to get rid of the mud.

"Sayid says we should get a few more miles in before sundown." Kate said flatly. She couldn't believe that a week ago she had sat in the same spot, thinking about how much she cared about Jack and how she could hardly stand knowing that he had done the unspeakable for her. Now things were different. Jack had wanted to leave, and she had hurt him. She had ruined everything for him, and he didn't seem to want to forgive her this time. That hurt. He meant so much to her, but she had driven him away.

Jack didn't say anything, and Kate knew she deserved the silent treatment he was giving her, but she couldn't help but wonder if there was something else that she didn't know.

"You're mad at me." Kate said calmly, slowly sipping from her water, still having her back turned away from Jack.

There was a pause before Jack gave a long sigh. "It's not your fault that I couldn't leave."

"Yeah it is. If I hadn't come, you would be gone right now."

"It was Locke's fault. Not yours. "

Kate licked her lips. There was so much she wanted to say, but she couldn't bear facing him and talking to him about what she had done.

"You trust Juliet?"

"Yeah I do." Jack answered quickly, almost harshly.

"Why?"

"She's different. She's not one of them Kate. She was going to leave with me. They hurt her. They hurt her for helping you. Isn't that enough?"

Kate knew that the Jack that she knew would have never trusted an Other, no matter what they had done.

"Did it ever occur to you that she might be pretending?" Kate turned and finally looked at Jack. She noticed the anger flashing in his eyes, before Juliet called to them.

Jack kept his gaze with her as he got up, and then he turned away, going up the embankment.

Kate sighed and picked up her water bottle, following him.

Kate joined Sayid at the top while Jack and Juliet brought up the end.

"So?" Sayid asked as they walked along.

"What?"

"What did Jack say?"

"He thinks we should trust her because the Others hurt her for helping Sawyer and I escape." Sawyer. Her heart sank. She had gotten herself in a huge mess. She wondered what she should do when she got to camp. She wondered what he would do. Would he hug her? Would he be glad to see her?

She heard Jack laughing from behind her, and Kate swallowed hard. It had been a long, long time since she had last heard Jack laugh. Juliet really made him happy.

Kate thought back to what Juliet had said. Juliet knew everything about Jack. She wondered if Jack had told her all of it. She found it hard to believe that Jack would tell Juliet all of it, but she also found it hard to believe that he would bring one of them back with him. Juliet had only listed facts, she hadn't mentioned anything else, like how Jack struggled with failure, or what made Jack laugh. Though it seemed that Juliet had figured that out on her own.

But at the end of it all, Kate had to admit that she didn't know much about Jack. She hadn't known that he had been married. She had assumed that his dad had been a surgeon as well, but what if he hadn't? He could have been a mailman for all she knew. She knew that his father had died. But aside from that, Kate didn't know much. She had first realized that when she had walked in on Jack playing the piano. For some reason Kate had always thought of Jack as that kind of man, but he never mentioned it, and why would he? They were on an island. Kate wished that she could have spent more time learning more about Jack instead of focusing on things that were less important.

Kate decided that that was what she was going to do. She was going to make it her mission to learn more about Jack. She would ask him questions and see how much information Jack was willing to give her.

Jack couldn't help but stare at Kate's back as they walked. Beside him, Juliet was telling him some story, but he wasn't paying any attention to it. Jack was confused and even more hurt than ever. If Kate loved Sawyer so much, then why had she come back for him, risking her life like she had? He could just blow it off as concern for a friend, but then looking into her eyes and watching her fall apart in front of him told him something totally different, and if he hadn't know about Kate and Sawyer then he would have thought that she still had feelings for him. But he refused to believe that. He wouldn't get sucked into it all again.

Suddenly, Kate tripped and fell onto the ground. Without thinking Jack quickly jogged to her, bending down beside her. "Are you all right?"

Kate looked up at him, his eyes flooding with concern. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she nodded.

Jack gave her a hand and Kate took it, standing up. They looked at each other for a second before Jack quickly dropped her hand as they continued walking.

A couple hours later Sayid noticed it was getting dark and he dropped his backpack and turned around to face the others. "We'll stop here for the night." He announced. "I'll go collect firewood." He gave Kate a glance before walking off.

……………………

Kate turned over on the dirt ground as she tried to fall asleep. It was the middle of the night, and they would soon be getting up again to continue their journey home. She lifted her head to readjust her backpack that she was using for a pillow, and froze when her eyes met Jack's. He was leaning against a nearby tree. Jack quickly looked into the fire, pretending to be deeply interested in it.

Kate bit her lip and looked around her. Juliet and Sayid were fast asleep. She knew that now was her chance. She stood up and Jack awkwardly shifted as Kate sat down beside him.

"Can't sleep?" Kate asked, wondering why she was giving him all the opportunities. If his heart had been broken by her, she thought that he might give her some signs of still caring for her, but it hadn't seemed like it yet.

"No."

"Yeah me either."

"I got used to the concrete beds." Jack said with a smile, looking at Kate for a second. Kate returned the smile.

"Can I ask you a question?" Kate asked.

"What?"

"When's your birthday?"

Jack looked at her in surprise. "Kate.. we've been here for three months, and you decide now is the time to ask me when my birthday is?"

"Yeah."

Jack stared at her for a while before answering. "December 23rd."

"That close to Christmas?" Kate gave herself a mental note to not forget his birthday. It was coming up very soon.

"I hated it as a kid. My parents would combine my birthday and Christmas present and give me one huge present, even though they had enough money to buy me whatever I wanted. Everyone else did it like that too." Jack suddenly felt stupid and exposed. Here he was chatting about his birthday with Kate, the woman that he had shared so much with.

"I'm sorry." Kate couldn't help but feel happy that Jack had shared what he had with her.

"It doesn't matter. They say that the company is what counts, right?" Jack realized what he had said and looked away.

"Right." Kate said softly, staring into the fire.

Jack had always imagined fireside conversations as being romantic, but this was anything but romantic. Awkward was the best way to describe it. "You should sleep. Sayid will want to leave as soon as it's light."

"I really am sorry Jack." Kate turned to meet Jack's gaze again.

He stared at her, his eyes softening. "I know. It's okay."

Kate wished that she could stop being so scared and just tell him that she knew that he knew, but she couldn't handle it.

Jack cleared his throat, wishing that they could start over, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

Kate sighed, realizing that she had gotten all that she was going to get out of Jack for the night and she stood up. "You should try to sleep too Jack." Kate looked down at him.

"I will." Jack assured her.

"Okay."

Jack watched her lie down, and when he was certain she was asleep he looked back into the fire. He wished he could sleep, he really did, but every time he closed his eyes, the image of her and Sawyer haunted him and he had a feeling that it was never going to go away.