I NEVER KNEW YOU
Disclaimer: Me no owny Zimmy. Or the Boys of Summer, the Ataris, Send Me on My Way, or for that matter the Bible.
Summary: The title sounds angsty (my word) but the story's actually really CRAZY. Jesus says that in the Baptist bible at this church with crazy people I went to once (no offense to Baptists. not all of these crazy people were Baptists) and I thought it sounded cool so I named my insane fic after the quote...anywho...20 years later, and Zim's NOT married to Gaz. DUM DUM DUUUUUUMMM
Chapter 1: Operation Impending Doom III
"Galactic conquest is...near...galactic conquest is...near..."
The crowd bustled with excitement as the announcer dude did his stuff and announced Operation Impending Doom III. The Tallest Almighty Irk floated down and once again lazers shot across the room over the other Irkens' heads.
"And now..." Red said again as he finished the same speech he'd recited 20 years ago. "Gorge yourselves--on the curly fries Invader Skoodge finally got the Horrible Rat People to serve us."
But there was something strange going on in the crowd. Aliens were scattering, looking freaked out, and a voice could be heard crying faintly "Get out of the way! Move!" and ect.
"Oh, no..." Purple mouthed right before being shot in the eye by one of the lazers...again.
The alien climbed onto the stage thing. He lowered his head, and then got to his feet with a menacing glare.
"ZIM."
"Let me guess," said a recovering Purple. "You quit being banished again."
Zim saluted, "Yes sir, Had I not found out about this "Operation Impending Doom III" I would still being frying burgers, I assure you."
'Eyebrows' raised, Red asked, in a most exasperated tone of voice, "What do you want, Zim?"
"I want a planet besides Foodcortia!!" he quickly proclaimed.
"We can't do that, Zim."
The alien sighed. Feeling defeated, he lasped into the memory of that fateful...DAY...
"Good EVENING Children of the Dirt. Are you THIRSTY for chicken? Because the Dirty Chicken of DIRT has a seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecret!"
Zim rolls his eyes as GIR, for the 17 billionth time(and I mean literally!), explains that he "loves this shoooooooooooow..."
The alien is about to severely harm the robot, but of course before he can there is a knock at the door.
The Zim gets up and promptly flushes himself down the toilet, as he is not wearing his disguise. "GIR," he commands the SIR in dog dress. "Answer the door."
GIR salutes with a metallic "Yes SIR!". Then he walked over to the door, took a sip of his diet poop cola, and opened it.
None other than the DIB is behind that door. He barges right in. This causes GIR to go into Defensive Mode, during which he uses the most advanced in SIR technology...except he forgets the most advanced SIR technology and falls asleep.
Dib, the weird, trenchcoated paranormal-investigating odd kid, runs into the kitchen and stuck his oversized head into the toilet. "Iiiiiiiiiii knoooooooooooow ybooooor dooown theeere...". Now he jumps into the water. Upon realizing he can't reach the flusher-thingy, Dib glances up and sees the SIR sipping his diet poop.
"I'M ON A DIET!" GIR exclaims. Then he starts to walk away, singing his favorite song. "DDOOOMY DOOMY DOOM DIET DOOM COLA POOP DOOOOM..."
"Wait!" the Dib drowns. Yes, he drowned. DROWNED THE WORDS! (laughs ominously)
GIR spins around. "Could you give me a hand?" Dib asks him frankly, pointing to the flusher-thingy.
GIR ponders this. His data confirms that this is Dib. Who is this Dib?! He can't remember. Is it his master? Is it that crazy kid named Dib? He takes a long sip of the Poop Cola before announcing his descision of toilety fates.
"OKAY!!"
GIR flushes Dib down the toilet.
Down in the lab, the human lands on his freakishly large head. He gets up and glares.
Zim, seeing that he's out of costume and all, starts screaming. "AH!! AH!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH-oh, whatever you've seen me out of costume lots of times."
"So you admit it?!" is Dib's query. "You ADMIT that you're an alien?!"
Zim pauses. "...well...yeah. Yeah, I do. What, do you have like a tape recorder or something?"
The Dib's eyes widen. He slowly backs away. "I'll be right back."
Green-boy laughs at this. First quietly, then loudly, then CRAZILY! And then, just because he feels like it, he talks to himself about every detail of his evil plan, the armada, Irk, and chicken.
And Dib is hiding in the bushes outside the house with his tape recorder.
And that's it.
The Zim ended up having to leave Earth. If the humans found out about him at least he wouldn't be there anymore.
And he left Earth...the tallest found about this little slip and it was back to foodcourtia...
Zim snapped out of it. "Was I...talking out loud just now?"
"Yeah," answered Purple.
"You would have thought it would have been more elaborate than that," Red commented.
"Or even remotely ironic," added Purple, and got zapped again.
Zim was all remembery now...what's that word I'm looking for...nostalgic! Zim was all nostalgic now and he'd made up his mind. (Oh yeah, did I mention his height nor mind had evolved much at all in the twenty years?) "My tallest, I should go back to Earth."
Purple recovered again, and now he was eating snacks. Purple liked snacks. So instead Red spoke. "You're just attached to that planet, Zim!"
But he was already in his voot cruiser thingy and off toward the ball of dirt. "Fools!!" he exclaimed. "No invader starts a mission he can't finish!"
END CHAPTER.
That was the best thing I've ever written. So if that sucked, then boy do I suck.
Disclaimer: Me no owny Zimmy. Or the Boys of Summer, the Ataris, Send Me on My Way, or for that matter the Bible.
Summary: The title sounds angsty (my word) but the story's actually really CRAZY. Jesus says that in the Baptist bible at this church with crazy people I went to once (no offense to Baptists. not all of these crazy people were Baptists) and I thought it sounded cool so I named my insane fic after the quote...anywho...20 years later, and Zim's NOT married to Gaz. DUM DUM DUUUUUUMMM
Chapter 1: Operation Impending Doom III
"Galactic conquest is...near...galactic conquest is...near..."
The crowd bustled with excitement as the announcer dude did his stuff and announced Operation Impending Doom III. The Tallest Almighty Irk floated down and once again lazers shot across the room over the other Irkens' heads.
"And now..." Red said again as he finished the same speech he'd recited 20 years ago. "Gorge yourselves--on the curly fries Invader Skoodge finally got the Horrible Rat People to serve us."
But there was something strange going on in the crowd. Aliens were scattering, looking freaked out, and a voice could be heard crying faintly "Get out of the way! Move!" and ect.
"Oh, no..." Purple mouthed right before being shot in the eye by one of the lazers...again.
The alien climbed onto the stage thing. He lowered his head, and then got to his feet with a menacing glare.
"ZIM."
"Let me guess," said a recovering Purple. "You quit being banished again."
Zim saluted, "Yes sir, Had I not found out about this "Operation Impending Doom III" I would still being frying burgers, I assure you."
'Eyebrows' raised, Red asked, in a most exasperated tone of voice, "What do you want, Zim?"
"I want a planet besides Foodcortia!!" he quickly proclaimed.
"We can't do that, Zim."
The alien sighed. Feeling defeated, he lasped into the memory of that fateful...DAY...
"Good EVENING Children of the Dirt. Are you THIRSTY for chicken? Because the Dirty Chicken of DIRT has a seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecret!"
Zim rolls his eyes as GIR, for the 17 billionth time(and I mean literally!), explains that he "loves this shoooooooooooow..."
The alien is about to severely harm the robot, but of course before he can there is a knock at the door.
The Zim gets up and promptly flushes himself down the toilet, as he is not wearing his disguise. "GIR," he commands the SIR in dog dress. "Answer the door."
GIR salutes with a metallic "Yes SIR!". Then he walked over to the door, took a sip of his diet poop cola, and opened it.
None other than the DIB is behind that door. He barges right in. This causes GIR to go into Defensive Mode, during which he uses the most advanced in SIR technology...except he forgets the most advanced SIR technology and falls asleep.
Dib, the weird, trenchcoated paranormal-investigating odd kid, runs into the kitchen and stuck his oversized head into the toilet. "Iiiiiiiiiii knoooooooooooow ybooooor dooown theeere...". Now he jumps into the water. Upon realizing he can't reach the flusher-thingy, Dib glances up and sees the SIR sipping his diet poop.
"I'M ON A DIET!" GIR exclaims. Then he starts to walk away, singing his favorite song. "DDOOOMY DOOMY DOOM DIET DOOM COLA POOP DOOOOM..."
"Wait!" the Dib drowns. Yes, he drowned. DROWNED THE WORDS! (laughs ominously)
GIR spins around. "Could you give me a hand?" Dib asks him frankly, pointing to the flusher-thingy.
GIR ponders this. His data confirms that this is Dib. Who is this Dib?! He can't remember. Is it his master? Is it that crazy kid named Dib? He takes a long sip of the Poop Cola before announcing his descision of toilety fates.
"OKAY!!"
GIR flushes Dib down the toilet.
Down in the lab, the human lands on his freakishly large head. He gets up and glares.
Zim, seeing that he's out of costume and all, starts screaming. "AH!! AH!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH-oh, whatever you've seen me out of costume lots of times."
"So you admit it?!" is Dib's query. "You ADMIT that you're an alien?!"
Zim pauses. "...well...yeah. Yeah, I do. What, do you have like a tape recorder or something?"
The Dib's eyes widen. He slowly backs away. "I'll be right back."
Green-boy laughs at this. First quietly, then loudly, then CRAZILY! And then, just because he feels like it, he talks to himself about every detail of his evil plan, the armada, Irk, and chicken.
And Dib is hiding in the bushes outside the house with his tape recorder.
And that's it.
The Zim ended up having to leave Earth. If the humans found out about him at least he wouldn't be there anymore.
And he left Earth...the tallest found about this little slip and it was back to foodcourtia...
Zim snapped out of it. "Was I...talking out loud just now?"
"Yeah," answered Purple.
"You would have thought it would have been more elaborate than that," Red commented.
"Or even remotely ironic," added Purple, and got zapped again.
Zim was all remembery now...what's that word I'm looking for...nostalgic! Zim was all nostalgic now and he'd made up his mind. (Oh yeah, did I mention his height nor mind had evolved much at all in the twenty years?) "My tallest, I should go back to Earth."
Purple recovered again, and now he was eating snacks. Purple liked snacks. So instead Red spoke. "You're just attached to that planet, Zim!"
But he was already in his voot cruiser thingy and off toward the ball of dirt. "Fools!!" he exclaimed. "No invader starts a mission he can't finish!"
END CHAPTER.
That was the best thing I've ever written. So if that sucked, then boy do I suck.