A/N: Hey all. I'm feeling pretty guilty at the moment that I'm writing this instead of updating my other stories that I have neglected for way too long. But, this story idea has been haunting me for a while. Thanks to Netflix, I'm really into The Vampire Diaries as of late and this has been like a dripping faucet in the back of my mind, saying write me, write me, write me. So, I'm giving in, in the hope that I'll be able to crank out a bunch of updates this coming week (fingers crossed). I'm really not sure if this is a one-shot or the beginning of a multi-chapter. For the time being I'm going to label it as a chapter. As with all of my previous stories, it really depends on your guys' responses. Enjoy and please review. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Chapter One: Rekindling of an Old Flame
I sat in the increasingly unfamiliar house in which I used to call my home. I decided it would best if I didn't spend most of my time there. Jenna and Jeremy had graciously allowed me to stay in their house indefinitely in the light of recent events. It would be maddening and excruciatingly painful to do otherwise. There was no possible way I was going to sit and that house to hear my Elena and my damned brother (no pun intended) doing whatever with her at all hours of the night. That's the definition of torture.
On the other hand, it was really my fault that Elena was in Damon's arms to begin with. I never felt that I deserved her. I desperately loved her, but that never seemed like enough. I believed that she somehow needed more than I could give her. I desperately wanted for her to be able to live a normal life. In effect, by leaving her I made her life even more abnormal. I allowed her to be involved with Damon. You really couldn't get any farther away from normal than Damon. I basically put Elena into his arms. That simple fact was pushing me towards insanity.
"Ahh, Stefan. You actually came," Damon called as he sauntered into the massive living room with his usually irritating attitude.
"Yeah, I'm trying to be the bigger person here, Damon," I retorted, crossing my arms defiantly.
"For Elena's sake, I really hope you are. I have no option but to leave at the moment. I don't want to leave Elena alone without protection. And if I'm being honest, you're going to be the best person to do that," my brother admitted.
"I am. Look, Damon, there's always going to be a part of me that loves her. You know that I'd do anything to keep her safe even if that meant that I'd die in the process. And sometimes, as much as I'd love just to run up to her and take her in my arms and never let her leave my room, I won't. And that's not really for your benefit. I won't do it, because it would hurt her. I can't say as to if she really does love you. And I can't say if she still loves me. But I won't force her to do anything, compulsion or otherwise to change her feelings now. But you have to know that if she were to wake up tomorrow and come to me saying she loves me and nothing has changed I can't guarantee that I wouldn't reciprocate. But, that's the risk you have to take if you want to keep her safe," I pontificated, not giving two shits on what Damon thought.
"I guess I'm going to have to. As much as I don't like it, I'm gonna deal with it for her. Know one thing: I love her. You might not believe that I'm capable of that, but she brought out the good in me. I'm gonna go now," Damon said, leaving the house with inhuman speed.
I didn't want to confront Elena head-on. I wasn't ready for that. Instead, feeling a little nostalgic, I went back into my room. It was exactly as I had left it. Not one thing was out of place. I sat at the glossy, dark mahogany desk that I used numerous times. I began reading one of the journals that I had left on the desk. As I began skimming the pages, I realized during what time I had written most of the entries.
The journal gave a detailed account of the early days of my relationship with Elena. I began reliving it all through my writing. I began feeling the overwhelming rush of every emotion on the spectrum. It all faded into one emotion: frustration.
I couldn't believe that I let the best thing that had ever happened to me slip away so easily. After a while, I didn't even fight for her. I couldn't understand why I would ever let her go.
Against my better judgment, I went to find Elena. Surprisingly, she wasn't in Damon's room. I found her in the library, curled up in the leather wingback in front of the fireplace reading a book.
"Elena," I called quietly across the room so that I wouldn't scare her.
"Stefan?" she replied in surprise, her voice mangled with hurt. Just hearing the anguish in her voice shattered my heart into millions of pieces. I wanted to go to her and wrap her in my arms and keep all the dangers and evils of the outside world away from her. That's when it dawned on me. I was one of the very things that I wanted to protect her from. Yet, I couldn't stop myself from wanting to be with her again.
"Hey. Long time no see," I replied, my idiot self unable to concoct anything better to say.
"That was you're doing, remember?" she spat, crossing her arms defiantly.
"Elena….." I called out, pain contorting my voice.
"Don't 'Elena' me. You did this to us, Stefan. You're the one that called it quits. You gave up on us, but mostly, you gave up on me," she shot back with anger.
"Elena, you have to know that what I did was for you. I wanted you to try to have a normal life. That's what you deserve, Elena. It wasn't because I didn't love you, or you weren't enough for me. Because that's completely and utterly wrong," I explained adamantly.
She laughed humorlessly, shaking her head. "Stefan, you can't make that call for me. You can't just do something and take the decision away from me. You might as well have ripped of my vervain locket and compelled me to leave you. It wasn't fair. And then, I know I look like a bitch for being with Damon, but he picked up the pieces of what was left of me and put me back together. So what did you expect to happen? I had to hold onto something so that I'd at least be able to function. That something, by chance, happened to be Damon," she rebutted, her eyes glassy, fresh tears threatening to spill.
I couldn't bear to see her in pain any longer. I had to comfort her, take the pain away. I didn't care about all the shitty reasons why I ended it in the first place. Everything in my body was pushing me closer and closer to her. It was a ridiculously strong attraction, like magnets with opposite polarities.
Before she could have any time to say anything, I was two inches from her face, demanding her attention. I took her face in my hands, and maintained eye contact with her.
"Elena, I realized that I was wrong. So wrong. You have to know that I was always in love with you, and that I still am. I never stopped loving you this entire time. A little piece of me died inside when I left you. I felt like one hundred stakes were driven through my heart. I was a complete idiot to leave you. I thought I was doing the best thing for you. But, it wasn't because all I did was hurt you. So, I effectively made just about everybody upset with my ill-conceived plan. I'm stupid. Please, forgive me, Elena," I begged, silently praying that she felt forgiving in that moment.
Before I could repeat my plea for forgiveness, Elena had taken my face into her hands and moved my face just mere inches from her own.
"Please, Elena. Forgive me," I repeated. I could hear her heart beat frantically and I felt her breath quicken as it fanned on my face.
I didn't have to say anymore. She seized my face with aggression and kissed me fervently, unwilling to lose contact between our lips. Without a single thought, I reciprocated, pulling her into my arms in one fluid motion. For an immeasurable amount of time, we remained like that, unwilling to let go of each other. That's when I realized how much I missed her and how much I really did love her.
For so long I forced myself to deny that I had missed her and that I wanted to be with her again. After all the denial faded, I had to use every single ounce of self-control I possessed to keep myself from going to her house and going down onto my knees and groveling for hours for her to forgive me and take me back. There had been several occasions where I had been so close, but something in the back of my mind convinced me to do otherwise. In that moment, I both regretted and was thankful for the previous decisions that I had made.
In the long run, I had caused the both of us unnecessary and excruciating pain and hurt. I tortured myself to only go back to the very thing I was trying to cut myself off from. All of those lonely nights with a cold and empty bed were for what? A clear conscience? Selfishness? Self-loathing? A list of answers to that question could easily go on indefinitely.
However, something good managed to rise from the ashes of our previous relationship. I realized that there was no possible way that I would or even could leave her again. The separation allowed me to appreciate Elena in a much greater and deeper way. I actually realized the true value of our relationship: priceless.
I couldn't take away the past. I couldn't unsay all the ridiculously idiotic things that I had said. Couldn't take back the things that I had done. I desperately wished for a reset button, because that was just about the only thing that would ever fix this situation one hundred percent. Regardless, I'd be damned (no pun intended) before I would give up us another time. I was determined to fix the relationship to the best of my ability.
Eventually, I swept Elena up into my arms and carried her to the large leather couch that sat against the west-facing wall, close to the fireplace. I could tell that she was starting to get sleepy and I wasn't going to let her sleep in that chair. But I also did not want to carry her up to my room and make her feel uncomfortable or send the wrong message. Being honest with myself, I knew that once she fell asleep I would carry her up to my room so that she could sleep on a proper bed.
It was truly endearing to watch Elena fight sleep with such tenacity. Several times she dozed off just to wake back up and at least try to stay that way. Due to her due diligence, Elena even got up, went to the kitchen, and made herself a pot of extremely strong Columbian coffee made by her favorite coffee brand: Starbucks. I rolled my eyes conspicuously on account of my knowledge of Elena's extremely low tolerance for caffeine. Before the whole my-brother-is-dating-my-ex-girlfriend thing, all of the coffee was decaf for Elena's benefit. Apparently, Damon didn't see the need to continue that trend.
Elena skipped back to the couch with her coffee. The coffee itself was listing vicariously to either side of the mug, threatening to spill onto the priceless, hand-woven Persian rug below. It had hardly been ten minutes and the caffeine had already caused her energy level to skyrocket.
"Elena, you need to get some sleep and drinking all this coffee isn't going to help you whatsoever," I scolded gently, giving her the classic please-don't-argue-with-me-just-do-what-I'm-telling-you look.
"That's the thing, Stefan. I don't want to sleep. What I want is to spend every possible second with you that I can. I've spent far, far too long away from you. I've realized that there's no guarantees, Stefan. I can always get some sleep, but I can't always spend time with you," she replied, her right hand moving to stroke my cheek.
Upon deciding that I couldn't successfully argue with her logic, I pulled her back into my arms and kissed her again, somehow more passionately than the last time. In attempt to make up for lost time, (and partially because of Elena's gluttonous caffeine intake) we continued on into the early morning hours in our own little world.