The sound of crickets chirping and footsteps making their way towards the presidential palace were the only signs of life in Esthar. The city was asleep on this weeknight and seemed almost dead if it wasn't for the bright lights that lit up a young woman's path.
Ellone walked up to the presidential palace with her hands in the pockets of the thick wool jacket that she was wearing. It was December and she hated the cold. She also hated bugs so the sound of the crickets chirping added to her anxiety. But what she hated the most was being here by herself just looking at this building and not feeling anything except loneliness.
Ever since she'd moved out of the palace just a few months ago, she'd been tempted to return every so often just so she could feel a little better. Since Laguna's death she found that she couldn't stand being by herself in her house. It was far too quiet and she missed the sound of Laguna's energetic voice and emanating warmth.
It was as though the weather was mimicking what she felt in her heart. Coldness and despair.
Ellone walked over to a bench that was in front of the palace and sat on it, feeling grateful for and also hating the fact that she was alone right now. But even though she felt some comfort because she was near the building that most reminded her of him, it somehow made the gaping hole in her heart burn even more intensely.
She thought of the night that she'd discovered he'd died. She remembered how she'd felt nothing at first because she'd grown used to loss at a young age. It was just another dead person among many. And then she remembered when it had truly hit her that he was dead and gone. She remembered the denial. There was no way that something so terrible could be true. There was no way in hell she could live without him. She knew this because he was so amazing and to lose him would be a tragic loss indeed. Not just to her but to the world. Because he was so kind and sweet and just special.
And then she thought back to when she saw his lifeless body in that casket. He lay there, pale and with a face that was much too calm and serene to look like it belonged to Laguna. Even when Laguna slept, he was prone to snoring loudly and talking in his sleep. He even laughed in his sleep at times. Laguna's face always held some sign of life, so it was like she was looking at a stranger instead of the man she loved. Whether he was smiling or he was gazing into her eyes soulfully, he was always so expressive and passionate. So...alive.
A heart attack.
That was the cause of death. And it didn't surprise Ellone one bit. Laguna was prone to extreme bouts of anxiety and panic attacks. He wasn't one to handle stress very well. Which was why Kiros often had to help him with anything that had to do with his job. And why he tried so hard to be positive and upbeat despite the fact that he was under constant pressure.
Ellone shivered as she remembered Laguna.
She remembered his tickle attacks that he'd "punish" her with ever since she was a small child. "Ellone's been a very bad girl," he'd say ominously as he held his hands out, wiggling his fingers at her. "Here comes the cuchi cuchi treatment!" he'd cry out before pouncing on her giggling child self and tickling her sides, where she was most sensitive. Then she'd try tickling Laguna in return, but since he was so much bigger than her he was always able to hold her down or dodge her attacks.
These tickling "treatments" hadn't stopped when she was a child, though. She remembered the last time it had happened, just a few months ago. She was lying on Laguna's bed as he was on top of her, caressing the side of her face and smiling at her warmly. They'd spent the last few minutes kissing one another and simply enjoying each other's company. She remembered how she'd bit her lip in excitement just before she began tickling Laguna's sides. Laguna had cried out, and toppled off of the bed in his surprise, knocking over a tall lamp and smashing the bulb as it hit the floor. Ellone had covered her mouth guiltily and began apologizing profusely. But then Laguna had jumped back on the bed and began tickling her stomach. "Cuchi cuchi time!" he said, laughing as he tickled her to the point that she began screaming and begging him to stop.
Ellone felt a cool breeze brush against her face as she rocked back and forth on the bench. She felt her eyes water as she wished with all of her heart that Laguna was sitting next to her on the bench. She felt so alone without him. She dreaded returning to her house and lying on her cold hard bed without the warmth of his touch to comfort her. He didn't even need to be with her. Just knowing that he was available to talk to over the phone would be enough. But even that wasn't possible. Because he was dead.
Soon to be a skeleton in a coffin, just like Raine.
Ellone began to sob as she remembered Laguna's outburst that night in his office. It was when she'd confessed her feelings for him. She still remembered how shaken he'd been in response to her confession. How he still harbored feelings of guilt in relation to Raine. It wasn't long before he told Ellone that he felt the same way about her, though. But how was she to know that their relationship would be cut short by his unexpected death?
It just seemed so cruel. First her parents were ripped away from her, then Raine, and now Laguna who she'd been in love with for so long. And just when she'd told him how she felt, he had to go ahead and die on her. Even in death he seemed so annoying, she thought bitterly.
Sometimes she sat in her room and held her hand out as she spoke to Laguna, as though he could hear her. She always told him that she missed him and that she felt as though a part of her was missing ever since he'd died. She'd hold her hand out, hoping that she could somehow feel his physical presence. And maybe it was just her imagination, but she always felt as though something cool was caressing the palm of her hand as she did this. Almost as though he was holding her hand from beyond the grave.
The reason she did this was because of something he'd said to her once. They'd been walking around a park hand in hand when he'd told her that no matter what he'd always be there for her during tough times. That he'd hold her hand every step of the way.
"Please come back..." Ellone whispered as she bent over and felt tears slide down her face. "I feel so alone. I can't believe you're dead. I just can't believe you and Raine both left me like this. I feel dead, too, Laguna…" Ellone paused. "I wish I was dead," she whispered to no one in particular. And she sobbed quietly, uninterrupted in the quiet darkness.
Once Ellone's sobbing had abated, she pulled her shaking hands out of her pockets and held them palms upward in front of her. She stared intensely at them and said, "Laguna..." She didn't bother saying anything else. She knew somehow that he must be able to read her mind from wherever he was. And then she felt it. The faint coolness massaging the palms of her hands despite the fact that there was no wind.
Ellone smiled shakily as she felt an immense weight lift off of her chest. "Thank you," she said as hot tears once again began sliding down her cheeks. She looked up at the sky and saw stars shining brightly illuminating the sky. Somehow she imagined that one of those stars was Laguna looking down on her, watching after her. Ellone slowly rose from the bench and began making her way down the path that she had come from, back towards her house. It wasn't much, but what Laguna had given her was something and she didn't feel as alone as she did just minutes ago. She just hoped that she'd be able to sleep tonight. Even if he couldn't exactly shoot her a text, she'd like to think that Laguna was wishing her "sweet dreams" from up above at least.