A/N: Written for the NFA WWC #24. We had to include the line: "What are earth are you doing?" Proving that I can write more than one story with no Tim in it, here is a oneshot that is light and fluffy, but not crack. Just my explanation of how some things mentioned during Kate's tenure came about.
Disclaimer: I do not now, nor have I ever owned NCIS. DPB owns NCIS and makes lots of money off it, more than likely. I am poor. I am not making any money off my fics.
Crochet Pillows
by Enthusiastic Fish
Kate walked into her apartment. That was an interesting new rule they'd had today...although...she wasn't quite sure...
She walked into her bedroom.
"A-ha!" she said triumphantly, picking up a pillow. "I knew it! I knew he'd already said a rule one!"
There were about thirty pillows now scattered around her room. She would never be able to tell anyone about them. Currently, there were two rule threes and now she was going to be getting a second rule one. Oh, well. Since she had no plans for tonight, a date with her television and her crochet hooks seemed to be in order.
Fifty rules. She didn't have fifty as yet...and if Gibbs kept telling her duplicate rules, then she'd be in trouble. She already had more pillows in her room than would fit on her bed. She grinned to herself as she turned on Turner Classic Movies and began to crochet the new rule one: Never screw over your partner.
It had been annoyance that had made her ask Gibbs if he wanted her to crochet the rules onto pillows, but she had to admit that she remembered them a whole lot better when she did.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
A pounding on her door startled her about an hour later.
"Kate! Kate, come on, open up!"
Kate looked down at her crochet hooks. Abby would not get this. She jammed them, along with the crocheted word Never between the cushions of her couch and got up.
"Hey, Kate, I've been sooooo bored," Abby said, bouncing inside. "What are you doing?"
"Just watching a movie, Abby."
"Okay. What movie?"
Abby was about to plop down on the couch.
"Uh...just an oldie on TCM. Abby, I'm not really doing anything exciting tonight."
"I don't care. It's better than sitting around in my coffin." Abby bounced onto the couch, disturbing one of the hooks.
Kate covered her eyes as Abby looked down and then pulled it out.
"What's this?"
"Nothing, Abbs. Nothing." She made to grab for it, but Abby had already put her hands down into the cavity between the cushions and was pulling out the other hooks...and the Rule #1 Never that Kate had already crocheted.
"Kate...what on earth are you doing?" Abby asked.
"Nothing!"
"Come on, Kate. Rule number one?"
"It's just some..." Kate blushed bright red and sat down on the couch, snatching the fabric from Abby's hands. "I crochet, all right? I like to crochet. My grandma taught me when I was little and I do it to relax."
Abby's face split into a wide grin. "You crochet?"
"Yes." Her face was burning.
"Really? Like...like...you crochet?"
"Yes, and if you tell DiNozzo or Gibbs or anyone, I will kill you! I may not be as good at forensics as you, but if you're dead, you can't find the evidence of your murder!" Kate tried to look fearsome...but it was hard with her face blazing as red as a stop sign.
Abby only grinned more widely. "So...how many of these things have you done?"
Kate felt as though her face could only get hotter if she burst into flames.
"How many, Kate?"
"Um..." Kate finally gave in to the inevitable and led Abby back to her bedroom. She opened the door and gestured.
Abby's face went from a grin to surprise.
"'Never go anywhere without your knife?' 'Always be specific when you lie?'" Her eyes tracked in on a large, particularly ornate pillow. "'Never date a coworker.' Kate, these are Gibbs' rules."
"Yes, I know, Abby. I made them."
"All of them?"
"Yes. It...It helps me remember them. I think I know them better than Gibbs does. He gave me another rule one today."
Abby stared at Kate for about ten seconds before she started laughing.
"You...you..." She could barely talk she was laughing so hard. "You crocheted Gibbs' rules...on p-p-pillows! With...flowers...and... and curly-cues!"
Kate walked over to the bed, picked up Never take anything for granted and threw it in Abby's face.
...even after the furious pillow fight that resulted from the first throw, it took Abby about ten minutes to stop chuckling. She sank onto the bed, wiping tears from her eyes.
"These...they're really good, Kate. Honest, they are."
"You think so?"
"Yeah. They are...but you know what?"
"What?"
"If you're going to do something so geriatric..."
"Geriatric? Do you know how much focus it takes to do some of these?"
"...geriatric, Kate. This is what old women do."
"Knitting is quite popular, you know, Abby. A lot of younger people do it...maybe not in the Goth area...everything would have to be black."
"I don't only wear black...but don't change the subject. If you're going to do this, then you have to do something wild and crazy to counteract it."
Kate was now wary. Wild and crazy with Abby could range from going to a new club to sacrificing chickens.
"What?"
"Nope. I'm not going to tell you. You have to trust me."
"Trust you?"
"Come on! We'll get some drinks, first!"
"Abby..." Kate began.
"Do you know what Tony would say if I happened to mention that you took the time to crochet Gibbs' rules onto pillows?"
"Do you know what I would do to you if you told him?"
Abby just grinned. "Come with me and no murdering has to be done."
Kate rolled her eyes and nodded. "Okay. Fine. Let's go."
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Eight hours later...
"Abby, I am going to kill you," Kate mumbled.
"I told you, Kate. Wild and crazy," Abby said as they reentered Kate's apartment.
Kate sat down, yelped and rolled over on her face.
"You didn't mention pain as part of the deal."
Abby laughed and leaned over. "It doesn't hurt very long. By Monday, you'll be totally normal...and just think, you have something sexy that Tony will never get to see."
Kate smiled a little. "Yeah...that's not bad...but you didn't tell me it would hurt so much!"
Abby laughed again. "I have another rule for your collection, Kate."
Kate lifted up her head. She was a little drunk, but not enough that she'd forget all this when she woke up.
"Rule number eighteen."
"What's that?"
"It's better to ask forgiveness than to get permission. You can crochet that one next."
Kate dropped her head and moaned.
"You'll thank me in the morning, Kate! Good night!"
Abby left...mainly because Kate couldn't get up the energy to kill her as she wanted to. Instead, she let herself fall asleep on the couch, thinking that she'd kill Abby in the morning.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
The artist had recommended that she keep it covered for about twelve hours. It was twelve hours later. Kate was standing in her bathroom swathed in a towel, trying to get up the courage to look in the mirror. She didn't quite remember what she had chosen to do, but it wasn't large. She had the instructions and they were a lot more detailed than she had thought they would be. Still...this wasn't going away. Ever. She might as well look at it and get it over with.
Kate dropped the towel and turned around.
"I have a tattoo on my bum."
She blushed...but it didn't look as bad as she thought it would.
"Okay...so I have a tattoo. On my bum."
She nodded...
...and walked back to her bedroom to get dressed...
...and start crocheting another pillow.
Rule #18 It's better to ask forgiveness than to get permission.
FINIS!