[Author's Note - the italicised lyrics are from "Letting The Cables Sleep" by Bush - a gorgeous song that I highly recommend!]
You in the dark
You in the pain
You on the run
Living a hell
Living your ghost
Living your end
I move silently from the bed to the chair; pulling clothes on as I go. You sleep so rarely that I could never wake you to say goodbye. I sit down to pull my shoes on and lean back, resting a moment and watching your chest rise and fall. You look so peaceful. A lie you don't even know you're telling.
Never seem to get in the place
That I belong
Don't wanna lose the time
Lose the time to come
Part of me aches to climb back into bed with you. I want you to lazily open those perfect blue eyes and smile at the sight of me. It won't happen. This isn't how we work. I get it; I really do. Things have to be like this. I have to understand that. This is how you want things and I want you. The math is simple.
Whatever you say, it's alright
Whatever you do, it's all good
Whatever you say, it's alright
"You leaving?"
I'm surprised to see you open your eyes. I thought you were sleeping soundly but obviously not. You don't look as if you've been asleep at all and I realise that you probably haven't.
"It's late," I glance at my watch. "Or early. Whatever,"
"Come back to bed,"
I must be staring because you smile and shift beneath the sheets, deliberately making space for me so I don't have to ask if you're sure. I reach down and pull my shoes off; taking time to remove the clothes I had only just replaced.
Silence is not the way
We need to talk about it
If heaven is on the way
"What's going on?" I ask as I slide in next to you. You ignore the question and wrap an arm around me, pulling me close to your hard chest and breathing deep. "I thought…"
"Don't," you say softly and press your lips to mine.
Don't ask questions. Don't speak. Don't ruin this. Don't act like your girlfriend.
You in the sea
On a decline
Breaking the waves
Watching the lights go down
Letting the cables sleep
Your lips find mine over and over again. Your body moves against mine. Your skin slides over my skin; your lips follow suit. My nerve endings are tingling and my breath is shallow in my throat. You enter me without a word and I cling to you, fingertips pressed into your back and my mouth against your shoulder.
Neither of us make a sound. Our bodies speak for us. Every stretched sinew of your back beneath my fingers, my back arching in response, your hands finding pliable flesh and stroking accordingly.
It isn't always like this. Sometimes there's screaming and shouting and rage and tears and pain and rough kisses and angry fucking on the hard wooden floor. I prefer it like this; silent and soft and beautiful in the haze of the early morning.
Your body tenses against mine and I wish it wasn't over. I want to feel you inside me for hours, days. I don't want to go home. You feel like home to me.
Silence is not the way
We need to talk about it
If heaven is on the way
We'll wrap the world around it
If heaven is on the way
"Do you have to go home?" you ask as you move to my side, lifting your arm so my head can fit in the crook, resting against your chest. I can hear your heartbeat. It's soothing.
"It's your call,"
I would have stayed every single night from the very first time if he'd asked but he never did.
"Stay,"
I'm a stranger in this town
I hold tight as if aboard a sinking ship. This part is new to me. I'm not sure whether its safe to fall asleep in your arms or whether you're going to change your mind in an hour.
I close my eyes.
An hour is better than nothing.