Oh. My. God. I didn't want to write something else; at least, not right now. But hey, when have I ever been able to control that stuff? Never. This is probably the weirdest thing I have EVER written, you know. (Note: I actually thought of this when I heard a crack, and then more cracks, screaming, and a siren - it woke me up, and I was like HOLY COW, SOMEONE GOT SHOT! And then I realized it was just a firework malfunction and I felt stupid.)
Pairings have a lot to do with this story, but they're not really the focus...at least, that's how it's supposed to be. They're also strange. I had it cross the line - and yes, most of the relationships are straight. AkuRoku is the only slash pairing in this one, so if you hate straight pairings (though I'm not sure why you would, but whatever), you should probably leave.
Also, if you don't like thinking, don't read this. It's not a mess-with-your-head story; I'm no good at those. But I don't give all the answers here, because the reader is an outsider looking in. It's supposed to inspire questions. (I don't mean to be presumptuous; I just pose a question here I'd rather like the answer to. I'd love to hear what other people think.)
On another, random note, I went to visit an old friend with one of my other friends, and he bought us tickets to the opening night of The Dark Knight. The Joker was always my favorite villain (besides Yzma), but this just made me remember why and made it so I can never go back. And god...how are they supposed to replace Heath Ledger? Even if the new actor ends up being fantastic, it won't be as good. It was breathtaking, I'm not even kidding. This may sound cold, and I don't endorse drug abuse (or suicide, if that was really the case), but I really can't think of a better final role...he'll be remembered, and revered. Let's have another moment of silence, shall we?
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Kingdom Hearts. I own copies of the games, but since when does that count? I'll tell you. Never. But I'm not complaining, because now I can use my imagination to create insanity, for your (but mostly my) enjoyment.
Mr. Weiss,
I've just received your letter. It's been two years, you know. I think I'd be offended, if I didn't understand why you waited this long. Any sane person would be offended, anyway…but apparently, I'm a little crazier than I thought. I'm sorry about your loss, by the way…I know you thought of him as a son.
You want to know the story, after all this time?
I think I can give it to you without breaking, now.
We found him at the scene of the fire – eight minutes after the first shot sounded. We had only known that he was missing, and since he hadn't been around much, his absence didn't mean much to us…but we hadn't expected him to be there.
As soon as he saw us, he attacked Sora. I'm still not sure why…but I think Naminé did, and perhaps Riku.
I don't think Sora knew…maybe he did, but I have no idea if he'll ever be able to tell me. Nothing is certain, any more.
But I'm getting off track, here. I have a story to write for you.
I didn't know about Roxas until he showed up at the door in late Autumn three years ago, looking shaken and lost, refusing to say anything but "Where is Sora?"
Sora and I were on holiday in Twilight Town, so I'm not sure how he found us…and I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't let him in that night. Sora was asleep, and I wanted to give him a chance to sleep, since he'd flown the Gummi ship all the way from Destiny Islands without stopping. Roxas looked desperate, and…I didn't realize that he'd be huddled outside the door the next morning, shivering in the black coat he always wore.
When Sora opened the door, he accidentally smacked Roxas in the head; and he felt so bad that he rescheduled our tour of the Old Mansion so he could make sure Roxas was all right. I apologized, but Roxas just waved if off – said something about always being cold, these days, even during summer. I'm not sure if it was supposed to make me feel better, but honestly, it didn't. I only felt worse.
After Sora had come back from the kitchen with an ice pack (which he refused, because it was cold), he asked Roxas what he was doing in front of the door. He looked at Sora blankly, for a moment, before shrugging and replying that he was Sora's twin.
"You're my WHAT," Sora shouted, because he often shouted when he was surprised. It wasn't a mean shout, you know. Sora wasn't ever a mean person. I mean…he isn't a mean person.
"I'm your twin," Roxas said. He sounded very irritated, as if Sora should've known this by now. "I thought you knew. I was kidnapped from Radiant Garden when we were fourteen; I thought you would remember."
We waited for a few moments; Sora looked utterly shocked. Then, he just looked sad. "I don't remember. Why don't I remember? How could I forget?"
"I don't know. But I forgot about you, too, for a while. I thought I was all alone in this world. If it hadn't been for Lar-" he stopped there, and shook his head. "Anyway, I started remembering things two years ago. It took a year to find you, but…here I am. You look…old."
I remember; that was the beginning of their bond. Roxas made Sora laugh; and when Sora cried, "But I'm your age," Roxas smiled and despite the dark circles around his eyes and his malnourished look, I could see the resemblance to Sora.
I wish I could say it was always like that; Roxas had a beautiful smile, and I wished I could see it all the time…if only to keep the sadness off his face. But I suppose it wouldn't have mattered, because it was nearly always in his eyes.
Even when he smiled.
Later that day, he left again. Sora and I were puzzled; the door was locked from the inside, and the key was on the table, but Roxas was nowhere to be found. I finally found a note; it was in the refrigerator, tacked onto a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies. The note said he would be gone for a few days, and thanked us for our kindness…we weren't sure how to react to it, but Sora suggested that perhaps Roxas felt uncomfortable, knowing Sora didn't remember.
I told him he was being silly, but truthfully, I couldn't think of a better explanation; so we let it go. We didn't see Roxas again until the end of our trip; he met us at Sunset Plaza, and asked Sora if he could visit sometime.
Sora frowned at him, and told him he should come home with us. Roxas looked shocked, and I remember his next words perfectly…because they tore at my heart.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea. Don't you think Mom and Dad will be mad at me, for not coming home?"
"Of course not," Sora said. "Why would they be mad at you? I mean…"
"They obviously never talked about me. The only feasible explanation is that they're angry. Or at least…I think that's what it is. Angry is when people hate you, right? I always get them mixed up."
It occurred to me, then, that Roxas was different…messed up, in a way that made me feel awful. I didn't know how deep it was, or what had happened, but I decided then and there that I wanted to help him.
That decision was the beginning of our troubles, I think. Sora tried to convince Roxas to come back with us, but in the end, he listened to me. I told him that he'd always have a place with me, even if his family was angry; it was obvious he really thought they would be, and I knew it was useless to try to convince him otherwise. I told him my sister, Naminé, had just gotten married, and I would love some company in my house.
When we got home, things were worse than he'd imagined. His parents didn't hate him; they didn't remember him. Sora's father actually shouted at him.
"I think I'd know if I had another son," he yelled. Roxas hadn't even been allowed to step into the house.
Roxas only sent Sora a knowing look, and then he followed me to my house.
Sora and I were still just best friends, back then; and I became good friends with his twin. I know Roxas was his twin; he may have lied about a lot of things, but he'd never lie about something like that. There was no point, really. He only lied to protect himself.
The first time we had a serious conversation was the morning after he crawled into bed with me for the first time. I woke up, completely surprised. It woke him – he was a light sleeper – and he panicked. At first, I could only get him to say one thing:
"But you have red hair."
After we both calmed down, I asked him what all that had been about. He was quiet for a long time; I actually had time to boil water and steep our tea before he even spoke. We sat at the kitchen table and drank my mother's special, and he finally told me one of his secrets.
"I had a best friend," he said. "He has red hair…but his is lighter than yours. It looks like tomato salad, while yours looks like wine."
He smiled, and with his eyes closed the way they were, he looked truly happy to speak about his friend. "He's quite tall; the second tallest person I've ever met, actually. Of course, that doesn't mean much, because for some reason I meet a lot of short people." He opened his eyes then, and laughed. "Not that I have any right to make fun of anyone about height. Anyway…he isn't very, um, nice-looking. I mean, he's all right, I suppose, if you un-focus your eyes, and the color of his eyes is absolutely amazing. He's got these awful birthmarks on his cheeks – they make him look like a stupid clown – and his personality is kind of obnoxious. Damn. It sounds as if I'm telling describing an enemy, doesn't it? But he's not an enemy at all. He's…"
His smile disappeared. "I was more than a best friend to him. He was more than a best friend to me, as well, but I don't know what else to call him. We weren't dating, and we definitely weren't lovers. That kind of phrasing implies that you love each other, and I don't think either of us really knew how. To love, I mean. We did everything together…we ate together, we slept together, we f – worked together."
"Why did you come with us, then, if you had to leave him behind?"
He sighed. He looked very guilty, and when he shrugged I knew it wasn't because he felt nothing. "I left him behind before I found you and Sora. The, um, place I worked didn't want to let me go. They said I was a valuable asset. He was my partner, and he tried to stop me from going; but once I remembered Sora, I needed to meet him. I wanted to find out what my life was like before – who my family was. I didn't think they'd forget about me. When I left, I said some pretty nasty things to him. I thought it would make it easier if he hated me. I was wrong, but maybe it made it easier for him. That would be okay, too, I think."
"I'm sorry."
He shrugged. "You had nothing to do with it. You're wondering what this has to do with you, aren't you? Last night, I woke up when you came out of the bathroom, but…I wasn't really awake. I saw you, and your mascara was smeared – it still is, by the way, sorry for not mentioning it earlier – and I just followed the red. I was dreaming about him, and…I suppose I thought I was still in N – with him."
I laughed, and wiped my eyes with a napkin. "Well, you didn't do anything strange last night, so I guess I don't mind. It was a mistake, after all. Just don't make a habit of it, or I might get suspicious."
His eyes widened, like he was actually surprised. "Of course I didn't do anything strange! I…it was rare that Axel and I even kissed. It was just enough that we were together. Don't worry…I'll probably not do it again. I didn't mean to bother you."
"Axel? That was your friend's name?"
"Yeah," he said, and for almost ten seconds, the sadness left his eyes. But it came back, of course. It always came back.
At the time, I didn't realize what was happening. I only knew that every time he smiled at me, I felt happy…and I thought it was because I was making good on my promise to myself.
We talked more, after that. I think that because I accepted his story the first time, he started to trust me, even if it was only a little. I learned a lot about him; he loved to cook, because Axel taught him, and we'd often bond over the stove.
It was a Friday when he told me another secret – I remember the day specifically, since Riku and Naminé had just come back from their honeymoon and we made them dinner. When we took it to them, Roxas looked surprised and he nearly shouted, "Naminé?"
"Roxas?"
I looked between them, as did Riku; he looked a bit jealous, since Naminé had dropped his hand to give Roxas a hug. Sora, darling that he was, distracted Riku so he wouldn't jump down Roxas' throat.
Later that night, Roxas and I sat down at my kitchen table and drank my mother's tea. It was tradition; he'd lived with me for nearly a month, by then. I didn't even have to ask him to tell me about Naminé.
"Naminé's like a sister to me," he said with a strange smile. Later, I knew that it was the smile he wore when he wanted to be real, but couldn't be. He wasn't lying about Naminé…but the fond feelings just weren't there, like he wanted so badly for them to be.
"I met her in Twilight Town nearly three years ago. She said she was 'looking for inspiration,' and she told me I reminded her of someone she'd met long ago, but couldn't quite remember. I'm wondering now if it really was me. She's the one who helped me remember Sora."
I just watched him talk. He always spoke…elegantly, when he bothered to speak at all; and I think it must've been common to the people he used to live with, because he didn't know much slang. When he did know what it meant, he'd say something like, "Oh, Axel used to say that often," or, "Axel told me what that means."
But that's not really the point. I loved to hear him talk; I think that's why he talked to me. He just needed someone to listen. So I listened that night.
"Naminé met Axel, you know. He wasn't very nice to her at first, but he really wasn't nice to anyone so I'm not surprised. He made nice eventually, because of me, but I could tell he didn't like her. I don't think it's because he didn't like her; I think it was just that I spent a lot of time with her, and he wasn't sure how to handle that."
He laughed, but it sounded bitter to me and made me sad for him. "I didn't realize he would react like that at the time; but that's my own fault. I only wanted them to meet; I didn't think he would misunderstand, and I didn't think she'd be so frightened of him."
I don't know why I did it, but I took his hand over the table and said, "It's not your fault."
That was the first time he walked out on me; it wasn't the last time, but it certainly hurt the most. I didn't know it at the time, but he didn't really understand things like 'comfort' and 'fault.' He wasn't used to sincerity, and when I said that, he thought I was trying to make him feel bad about hurting my sister.
That was the first time I took a look at the relationship I had with Roxas. It shouldn't have hurt that much, when he dropped my hand like a hot stone and stormed into his room; so I had to question myself honestly.
I wasn't sure if I liked the answer.
I had only known Roxas for a month, but I realized that I had started to like him in a way I'd only liked one other person; his brother, Sora. It scared me to think that he'd already made a deep pocket for himself in my heart, but I think it was inevitable. Roxas was hardly like Sora, at all; Sora was like sunlight, but Roxas was like moonlight. But they were still both light, and though I still liked Sora, I couldn't help but like Roxas, too.
I knocked on his door that night, and I apologized for upsetting him. I also asked him what, exactly, had upset him; and when he told me, I explained that it really wasn't his fault, and I was trying to reassure him…not blame him.
He looked at me as if I were an alien.
"Why would you do something like that? Aren't you angry with me?"
"Why would I be angry with you?"
He shrugged. "I can't be sure, but I think I'd hate you if you hurt Axel."
"Even if it was an accident?"
"I don't know. Can things like that be accidental? I was conscious when I introduced Naminé to Axel, and I was completely in control of myself. I didn't think he'd react like that, but it was still my decision to let them meet."
I wasn't sure what to say to that. He had a point…but I couldn't hate him. It was an accident; he was just looking at the situation objectively, without feeling.
I took a breath, and without thinking, I blurted, "That was an accident. You didn't know. That's the whole point; it's only mean if you meant to hurt her, and you didn't."
"That was…an accident? And you don't hate me?"
"Of course not!"
Again, he smiled, but it still didn't reach his eyes. "That's a good thing, I think."
I had a conversation with Sora the next day. I told him that Roxas was struggling – and I asked Sora to spend a few days with him, and teach him how to…function. I could've done it, but I wanted Roxas to be able to get to know the only family he had that would acknowledge him.
I don't know everything that happened while Roxas was out with Sora that day, but when he came back, his eyes were different and he couldn't stop smiling. He told me something I will never, ever forget.
"I didn't know friends were supposed to be so fun. Kairi, will you be my friend?"
"Of course, silly," I replied. "We're friends already."
"We are? But I hadn't asked yet."
"You don't have to say anything, for your friendship to be official. Did you ask Axel if he would be your friend?"
He nodded. "Demyx once told me I should 'make it official' between us. So I asked Axel to be my friend. He seemed confused at first, but he agreed."
I'm pretty sure I sighed. "Roxas…I don't think this Demyx meant-"
"Demyx was strange," he interrupted. "I don't think you want to conjecture, when it comes to his thought process."
I let it go, because I didn't understand; and I didn't think he would understand what I meant. I knew, somehow, that when Roxas said 'strange,' he really meant to tell me that Demyx was more like me than like Roxas himself.
"Okay, then. Tea?"
"Please."
Something about that day changed us. I'm not sure why, or how, but I'm glad it did; he opened up more, and I got to see his smile regularly. It wasn't always a real smile, but it was stunning anyway.
One day in early spring, Sora disappeared. Roxas and I went by his new apartment to ask him if he wanted to meet up at the cinema later, but he wasn't there. Roxas smelled the air, and he completely freaked out.
When I use that term, I'm not exaggerating. One moment, my roommate Roxas was sitting there. The next, it was a complete stranger, who'd stolen Roxas' body – the eyes were different.
"We have to find him," he said to me, and I have to say – I was frightened.
"Why? I'm sure he's just out somewhere," I said. I thought it was a reasonable explanation.
"No, someone from the Organization has been here." He looked, for just a moment, very ashamed; and I didn't know why he would.
"The Organization…? Roxas, what's going on?"
He sighed, and took my hand. As he led me out of the house, he explained. "Organization XIII is the job I quit," he said quietly. "When I made the decision to quit, I'd overheard the Superior talking about me. He said that Sora was the one they'd wanted to recruit…but I had lied, and said I was Sora. He was always the one everyone adored; when I was taken, I saw my father's eyes and they looked relieved, I think. I could be wrong; most of my memories are fuzzy, and I don't know how to describe emotion very well."
"Wait…I don't understand."
"I've gotten off track. They tried to get to Sora, but they got me instead. I was obviously a good substitute, because they didn't go after Sora again; and I honestly didn't think they'd come after him now, after everything that's happened. I thought I made it clear they would pay…"
I watched his face as he nearly shut down, and it scared me even more than the earlier change. I didn't know what this Organization was, but I knew that they were dangerous. So I squeezed his hand and said, "We'll find Sora. Just tell me what you need me to do."
"Call Riku. Tell him the Key says the Knight is missing; he'll know what to do."
I frowned at him. "Riku?"
"You deserve the story, I suppose, but there's no time for it. If I come back, I'll tell you."
"If?"
"Nothing is certain any more," he said, and pushed me toward our house. "Call Riku. Please."
He sped off; I still don't know where he went, and I guess it doesn't matter. When I phoned Riku, he only said, "Shit…thanks, Kairi."
He hung up on me, and the only thing I could do was sit and worry about my boys. I decided it would be better to worry with Naminé than to worry alone, so I walked to the apartment she shared with Riku.
"Kairi, you look so scared," she told me as soon as she opened the door. "Come in."
She acted very calm, and I knew she knew something I didn't. "Naminé? What's going on?"
She sighed. "Sora is…not in danger. Not really; he's very strong, and capable of defending himself. But Roxas knows what Organization XIII is capable of…how they can change a person. He doesn't want Sora to become the new Key of Destiny. Riku doesn't either; it's no secret that they don't get along, but if it's for Sora, they'll work together."
I sat next to her on the sofa and I asked, "How did they meet?"
"Do you remember when Sora and Riku disappeared?"
"Yes…I thought they did an exchange program with Radiant Garden."
"No, they…Sora got mixed up with an agency, Disney Kingdom. They were working against Organization XIII and Maleficent, who weren't actually working together but were both causing trouble. Maleficent took Riku as an apprentice, but after he realized what he was truly doing, he left her and Sora defeated her. Riku searched for Sora, and while he was searching, he met Roxas. He didn't like Roxas at all, because he looked too much like Sora but they didn't have many similarities."
"I can see that," I said with a small smile. I was sad to hear that all of this had happened behind my back. "Where do you come into all of this?"
"I'm Riku's wife," she said, holding out her left hand. "And I'm Roxas' friend. That's all, really."
"Why…why didn't anyone tell me?"
She sighed. "It was supposed to be a secret. Disney Kingdom doesn't exist publicly – and Roxas doesn't want anything to do with Organization XIII."
"And now Sora's in danger?"
"He's in less danger than Roxas is."
"…Roxas?"
"I'm guessing they'll kidnap Sora to get Roxas back. He doesn't believe he's the one they want, and that used to be true. But…he's the one they trained. From an objective standpoint, it would be stupid to take Sora, when they could have Roxas."
"How can you do that? How can you just look at this in such a way, when Roxas and Sora and Riku are…Roxas does the same thing. How can you…"
"They took me, too, and started the same process they put Roxas through…but when Riku helped me escape, they let me go."
"Why…why don't I remember that? And why did everyone forget Roxas, even though no one forgot you?"
She gave me a sad smile, and my heart dropped to my shoes. "Because I wasn't useful."
"What did they do to him," I asked, although I was afraid to hear the answer.
"They made him forget he was human," she answered. "No memories…no emotions. They washed all that away. That everyone else forgot him was a side effect they didn't count on, but it worked in their favor anyway. You only forgot that I was taken, because I didn't lose my memories of you."
I hugged her and cried; I didn't know what else to do. We sat there for a good while, before Riku and Sora burst through the door. Sora looked almost angry, and Riku looked slightly hurt.
"Is everything okay," Naminé asked.
"Where's Roxas," I blurted.
"Everything's fine," Sora said. "Roxas is okay. He's at your house, but-"
I didn't stay to hear the rest of Sora's sentence; I felt as though I needed to see Roxas, just to make sure that he was truly all right. It would've been a better idea to stay and listen to Sora, though.
When I walked through my kitchen door, I heard something strange. I thought it was coming from the bathroom at the end of the hall, so I headed toward it; but the noise was actually coming from Roxas' room.
I thought he was hurt, at first, so I didn't bother to knock; instead, I threw the door open.
He didn't notice.
He was solely focused on the other person in the room; it was a redhead, and from the markings on his face I assumed it was Axel. I knew I shouldn't be there; I didn't want to be there, at that moment. It was intimate and heart-breaking, because I was jealous. Jealousy has no place in a setting like that.
But I couldn't move. I could barely breathe. I tried to force myself to speak when they moved on from kissing each other…but I couldn't get the words out. I think they would've gone much farther, if I hadn't fallen.
"Oh, Kairi," Roxas said. He sounded breathless, and I noticed – with sadness – that the other redhead seemed to complete him in a way I'd never seen before. "This is Axel. Axel, this is Kairi."
"Hello, Axel," I said, and I tried not to cry. I didn't know why I felt the need to cry; I'd known for months that Axel was Roxas' redhead, and that I didn't really have a chance. It still hurt, though I knew he hadn't meant to hurt me.
When Axel spoke, his voice was loud – almost obnoxiously – and strangely toneless. He mispronounced my name slightly. I found out later it was because he was deaf and didn't know how to pronounce my name, but at the time, I was slightly offended. "Hello, Kari. You must be the lovely woman who let this idiot stay."
I turned, and I pretended it didn't affect me. I could see that, though they were sitting up and speaking to me, they were still wrapped up in each other; I could tell from the way they were sitting, and the way Roxas had a hard time looking away from Axel.
I met Axel's eyes, and I knew he was challenging me. Just try it, he seemed to say. Just try to take him away from me. But why would I want to do that? The sadness hadn't been in Roxas' eyes for the entire time I'd been standing there, and when it came down to it, that was what I wanted most.
I wanted to be the one to take it away…but I wasn't Axel, and at least when Roxas smiled, it was real.
"Yes, I'm his…roommate. I'm…going back to Naminé's. Um, sorry for disturbing you."
I didn't wait for a response; I'm not sure if I would've gotten one, though. Roxas always said they weren't lovers, and perhaps Roxas didn't think he loved Axel but I could see from Axel's eyes that he loved Roxas very much.
A little too much, maybe, but the end of this is just speculation on my part.
But before I get to that, I need to tie a few things up.
Roxas started disappearing a lot, after that. He always came back, and we'd have tea in the evenings when he was around, but everything was different. It started to go back to the way things used to be; Sora and I hung out more often, and after two months I remembered why I'd fallen in love with Sora in the first place.
I didn't say yes the first time Sora asked me to date him. I felt guilty; I hadn't stopped loving him, but I'd fallen in love with Roxas and somehow it made me feel as if I were using Sora. I should make it clear – it wasn't like that. I've always loved Sora. The heart is so unpredictable; I never expected to fall in love with someone else, much less someone who couldn't feel the same about me.
So when Sora asked me again, I told him my reasons. I didn't want to lie to him; it would be cruel and immensely unfair. So I told him how I'd fallen in love with Roxas, and how I didn't want to hurt Sora. I told him what I knew about Axel and Organization XIII, and I chastised him for keeping secrets from me about his time away.
"I know you love him, Kairi," he said, squeezing my hand. We were sitting in the Paopu tree by the pier, watching the sun set, and it was the perfect place for me and Sora. "That's why I waited this long. It's no secret, how I feel about you…how I've always felt about you. You don't have to date me, if you don't like me…but if you do, I'd be the happiest guy in Destiny Islands if you'd give me a shot."
That night, we had our first kiss, and I agreed to meet him at the cinema the next day. A few months after we started dating, he asked me to marry him – and I agreed. No, I hadn't stopped loving Roxas. I don't think I ever will. But I love Sora and he loved me. That's the point, isn't it?
Roxas came to our wedding, and I saw Axel for the second time. Roxas' eyes were happy, and I smiled genuinely at Axel; he nodded to me, and something lifted between us. I don't know what it was, but I didn't feel threatened by his stare and he obviously didn't feel threatened by my presence.
I would've thought my wedding dress would've given the biggest clue, but I never knew him very well and I think he just needed it spelled out for him in language he could understand. He was better at reading body language than reading lips, though if you didn't recognize the toneless quality of his voice, you wouldn't be able to tell he couldn't hear a word you said.
After Sora and I came back from our honeymoon, Roxas took Sora's old apartment and Sora moved in with me. It was the same thing we'd done when Riku had married Naminé; Sora had moved out of the apartment he'd shared with Riku, opting to live with his parents…until Roxas showed up.
After his father yelled, Sora left. And after our wedding, it was Roxas' apartment. He was nearly always alone there; Axel came twice in the six month period he owned that apartment, but usually he left for at least three days and came back alone.
Sora and I worried about him, of course. We didn't know what he was doing, and he refused to tell anyone. I never had a chance to ask Axel about it, but I don't think he would've told me, even if I'd been able to track him down. He was fiercely loyal to Roxas like that. I never wondered how he could still be that way, even though Roxas abandoned him; it was Roxas. He did strange things to people, without even trying.
I did wonder, but I never asked, what it was that made Roxas change his mind. It wasn't my place.
This is the part where I have to guess at things. After six months, Roxas moved out of the apartment. He'd always had money; I'm assuming it was from the work he did with Organization XIII, but again, I'm just guessing. He sometimes stayed a night or two with us, or with Riku and Naminé, but he was usually missing from the islands altogether. It was strange; after he'd come back with us, it seemed as if he'd been there all along.
I think he was probably with Axel, for most of that time. He obviously wasn't with Axel all of that time; because one night, Axel barged in on me when I was sleeping. Sora was still at work, and I'd fallen asleep on the couch…but it was dark and at first, I thought he was a burglar. As soon as I recognized the hair, though, I knew it was him.
"Come on," he said.
"What?"
He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, and made a huffing noise – he was impatient. Even if I hadn't been able to hear, his body language told me so. "Come on. You're not safe here."
"I'm not leaving without Sora," I said stubbornly. I should've gone with him.
"Sora will follow you, and Roxas will follow Sora. Come on; I have to find Roxas and you're not safe here."
He was about to force me to go with him anyway; I could tell. He leaned back a little, and he adjusted the gloves he always wore. But then, randomly, he said, "Uh-oh," and left me confused in my living room.
Sora came home later, exhausted. "Axel came by earlier," I said. "He was looking for Roxas."
"I haven't seen Roxas in two months…Axel was looking for him? I think that's bad, if they've lost contact."
"Well, he's always gone these days." I helped him out of his tie, since his fingers were tired. "Maybe he really wasn't with Axel. But…he said we're not safe here."
Sora met my eyes. "We're safer here than anywhere else, except maybe Disney Castle, and we're not going there. Did Axel say why?"
"No, but-"
Suddenly, there was a crack, and Sora straightened. His eyes were wider than I'd ever seen them.
"No…"
"Sora?"
"Kairi…are you sure that's all Axel said?"
"He said that if I came with him, you would follow me and Roxas would follow you. Sora, what's going on?"
"Shit," he said quietly, and ran out the door.
I followed. "Sora! At least tell me what that sound was!"
"It was a gunshot," he said furiously. "I recognize that sound; there's only one gun that can sound like that, and it's the one Xigbar carries. Number II, from the Organization. It's his assassination gun."
I wanted to freeze, but I was moving on autopilot, following Sora toward the noise. Suddenly, several more cracks sounded and a fire rose up in the distance. Sora said something I couldn't hear, and sped up; I followed close behind.
When we reached the scene of the fire, I saw Roxas pressed against the wall of a nearby building. When he saw us, he attacked Sora.
"Why," he cried, and in his voice I could hear all the emotions he didn't know he had. Sadness, hurt, fear…but all he knew how to express was anger. "Why did he pick you? He didn't even know you!"
Sora was having a hard time defending himself; but I could see that Roxas had no intention of winning. "You're just my brother. Why would he pick you?"
"Stop it," I shouted. Roxas didn't hear me, but Sora did. Sora paused for a split second, and Roxas knocked him out with a heavy blow to the head.
But then, he fell over in a puddle of his own blood and I saw Riku, who'd apparently just stabbed him.
"Riku…? What are you…"
"Shh…it's okay, Kairi," he whispered. "No one's going to hurt you."
"I don't care! Why did you just…kill him? He's a good person! Oh, god…help me! Sora needs to get home. Roxas needs the hospital! Why were they fighting? Riku…"
He hugged me, and refused to let me go until I'd calmed down. "I knew Roxas would lose it someday," he murmured. "He did well, but people like him are not supposed to know emotion. It breaks them down until they become insane."
"Don't talk about him that way."
"It's only the truth. They call people like him 'Nobodies.'"
"That's sick."
"It's also true. It makes me sick, too…Naminé could've become just like that. Roxas probably didn't deserve it. But it was kinder to kill him, Kai. Axel is dead."
I froze. "What?"
"The first gunshot you heard was the one that started the fire. Axel must've somehow gotten Xigbar's gun…and started the fire around them. I saw Roxas heading here, and he looked scared – so I followed, and I saw everything go up in flames. I wasn't close enough to hear what Axel said…but Roxas was."
I swallowed. "You killed him, Riku."
"He would've killed himself. After killing Sora…and maybe even you. You and I know how to deal with loss…but all Roxas knew for years was the hatred he was taught. He didn't even know what it was called. And-"
"How do you know all this?"
He looked away. "I knew the guy who started the whole Organization. His name was-"
Riku fell over. I don't know why, but he fell over. He was dead. I don't even know how to describe the fear I felt; I kept thinking to myself, "I'm next."
But I needed to help Sora; I called Tidus, Sora's old friend, and asked him to pick us up. After I got Sora to the hospital, I called Naminé, and asked her to meet me.
When I told Naminé, she didn't cry. She just went…blank, like a robot with a malfunction. It scared me. I shook her, and I said, "Didn't you hear me? Everything's going crazy!"
She slumped onto me, and I dropped her. When the nurse came to check on Sora, she scolded me for not alerting the staff – she completely ignored the fact that I was huddled on the seat by the bed, afraid Naminé was dead too.
She wasn't dead; she was just in shock.
I'm not really sure what happened between then and now; a lot of it is fuzzy, and I have blank spots in my memory. I think I might've shut down at one point, but I'm still alive, obviously. Sora hasn't woken up yet.
They told me you helped Roxas learn about Sora and get away from Organization XIII; they told me you thought of him as a surrogate son. I was angry, for a while, because you waited two years before you contacted me. But I know…loss is hard to deal with. I sometimes wake up in the morning and turn over, reaching for Sora, thinking that the last two years have just been a bad dream. He's not dead. Roxas is at his apartment, and Axel will come by soon. But then I open my eyes.
I can forgive you, for not contacting me; but I don't think I can ever forgive you for telling Roxas about Sora. It didn't just destroy the bond he had with Axel; it destroyed him. It destroyed Axel. It destroyed Riku. It destroyed Naminé – she hasn't spoken since Riku died. I don't know if it completely destroyed Sora, but comas aren't supposed to last this long. They keep telling me I should let them pull the plug, you know.
I didn't know everything, and I don't know everything…but I hope this letter gives you some closure, since you lost track of your son after he found Sora. But please, don't contact me again.
Kairi Keystone
Ansem Weiss frowned, and put the letter aside. With a sigh, he buried his face in his hand. "That went completely wrong," he muttered. "We'll have to run another simulation. I don't understand it at all."
"Master Ansem?"
He looked toward the door. "Yes, my apprentice?"
Xehanort bowed. "Pardon the interruption, but…you mentioned another simulation?"
"Yes. All we've learned is that the heart is completely unpredictable. The subject died yesterday, just an hour after the hospital cut the life support on her husband; there was no reason for her to die."
"But Master Ansem…this wasn't a simulation."
He stiffened, and caught the eyes of his apprentice. "What do you mean, Xehanort?"
"This was completely real. You gave me the go-ahead years ago."
"I did no such thing!"
Xehanort only sighed, shook his head, and closed the door. Ansem glanced at the letter again with wide eyes, skimming over the end. All those deaths…his apprentice had caused all those deaths…and what had he done to stop it?
Had he actually endorsed this project? He knew he hadn't…but that didn't mean Xehanort hadn't taken liberties and done it anyway. Had he really been such a bad mentor?
He felt sick.
"And the only thing we know for certain," someone said behind him, "is that the heart is completely unpredictable."
There was pain, and there was darkness, and then there was nothing but a fading whisper.
"We were always better off without them."
END