Scattered Dreams

" Because, when there's no place for you in reality the only thing you can do is dream, but even after that, your back in reality."

-Unknown

What if. What if we just lived like normal civilians, with no nine-tailed fox sealed in us, or having your clan murdered by your own brother.

Normal feelings.

Normal friends.

Normal life.

Sometimes, if I can, I dream off to somewhere like a parallel universe. A world where no lives would be shed, no lies could be told, and love would surround us. I dream of a place where I can joke around with the genin teams, as if there was no war, no revenge, and no lies. No fleeting burden of whose life is on the line.

Is there a world like that?

I look up to the bloody skies, the bags under my eyes not helping the look of fatigue. My eyes hurt after the days I've spent healing a bunch of civilians that have no hope in surviving, but I cannot give up because they have friends and family that love them, that would welcome them into open arms. I don't have one anymore, a life, my fellow ninja's blood have been scattered along the field but I can do nothing but watch. I feel like I'm living a dead life, in which my chakra reserves are low and my hands ache because of my battles to protect the people of this village. My hair looks dull in the sound of moonlight where I am in constant watch for any enemies lurking, my body full of sores that are almost bleeding and I cannot help but watch, watch for them. I look at the horizon in sorrow that hopefully that idiot would come victorious as always.

Why do I hope, for there is no cause?

My boys. My sweet, strong, indestructible and dependable boys. I wonder for their sake if they live, if they fight and they go. I love all of them, each and every one of their attributes. I miss the days where we were able to run free, without any worries.

I miss the brightness shine of Naruto's smile, the way his golden hair would sway in the breeze; his worry-free face brightens up my day. The way his marks on his face would look so natural you don't need a back-story, his personality would make you dive in head first and stay there, a pool of mad-happiness.

I miss Sai's insults at my face, the kinds that brought me back to reality when I was daydreaming. The way his face would turn into a creepy little fake smile I knew, and eventually loved.

I miss Sasuke. He would be that weight of support that made me sane. The one I know had a reason to go on, he's an idiot. A stupid one, but if not for him, Naruto and I wouldn't be this strong. I miss his suave smirks, his discreet touches and the sound of his voice.

I miss Kakashi, my other-father. The one that had been there with me that whole 3 years Naruto and Sasuke left. He was there when I started having mood swings or needed a tub of ice-cream. My leaning tower I can depend on.

I look at the mess of the village and the destroyed training grounds and remember the memories. Through thick and thin, I suppose.

No one is indestructible.

I'm in pain, and everybody can feel it too. The nurses are constantly looking out for me to see if I am fine. My chakra reserves are dangerously low; I cannot help to think if this is the end. I cannot give up, although my body refuses, I will stand tall and help the injured and sick. I remember the first people announced dead at the start of the war. It was this petite girl and her twin brother, their hands were intertwined and their eyes full of tears. I remember their final words of goodbye, which haunted me for days. I remember there cute tiny voices when I found them that night, all confused, hurt and angry. How many children will suffer this mad-house reality, this nightmare of all sorts? The nightmare where the children lost their mother and the mother lose their children.

"Onee-chan…"

"Nani?"

"Will we be okay?"

"…it'll be okay, I promise-"

"Don't keep promises you can't keep!"

"Daisuke…"

"Don't forget how to dream, okay?"

"What?"

"If you forget how to dream… you lose meaning to your life."

I don't know where I am. My head hurts and my body aches. I look only to see a machine attached to my body. I can't help but take shallow breathes and feel alive once again. I haven't thought about those kids since forever and can't help but feel disgusted about me, how I couldn't even keep a promise like that. I swallow of what little saliva I can muster and smile. I was and still am stupid to even consider myself to have a successful life.

I look onto the sky and see the horizon I've seen all the time yet never fully understood. This is goodbye I understand, and I can't help but feel sorrow. The people I've told on to keep going will think of me as a hypocrite as I have no choice in words, for I myself can't even hang on to my own stupid, worthless life. I pray to the sun that Naruto will forgive me for my witty actions that only a coward will choose this disgusting end. I smile one last time, as to show the world, that you were once a fairy tale but now an ugly ending. I close my eyes and feel the chakra in my veins, I understood the mechanics of blood controlling so this time I will experiment. I flow my chakra to block my heart from pumping, and then I wait until I breathe my last final breath.

Sorry, I forgot how to dream.

I know there is a world out there, it's out there I know. I can feel it in my heart, that there is a world where children can roam freely and people can laugh like there's no tomorrow. I dream a dream, it's an amazing dream. Where you and I can be together, we can hold hands, kiss, and hug and make love. If only, because in this reality, this world.

This is a shattered dream.

And then, the pieces start aligning again.

A/N; What the hell was this? R&R.