My Famous Return

Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure.
-Jane Austen

Finally. Finally after all these years. I'm back...and for good. It's funny once you think about it...how I was always the one afraid of her running from me. But I ended up being the one running. And for what? A very exciting life. Oh...an exciting life indeed...but is it really what I wanted? No. Because all I really wanted was her. But I was to dumb to know that. To brainless and foolish. So instead I chose a life full of drunken idiots and meaningless sex. Yet I was somewhat amused by it. But it wasn't really the sex that amused me...it was the fact that knowing I COULD do that. No strings attached. You would think it would be the perfect life right? Basically getting paid for doing what you please. Whatever you want. And it was...at first. I was sickingly thrilled knowing I could do all of this behind her back. Without out her knowing a thing. And I was great at covering it up. That is until it became boring. At first there was some sort of thrill doing this without her knowing but then it got boring. Knowing she could never find out. So I took on a different challenge. Practically doing it in her face, sending out all the signs, and seeing if she would figure it out. She did. Unfortunatly...she did. And right when she did find out, when I saw her walking out of my life for good, I understood that it was the biggest mistake I had ever made in my entire life.

So as I reach her house I'm looking at everything that I could have shared with her. A big house, nice garden out in front, a huge backyard with a pool probrably in the back. She always told me this was how she wanted it. This is how she wanted to settle down, with kids running around everywhere, with a few family pets, with family dinners every night...with me. But I screwed it all up.

I've been standing here for a while now. 22 minutes to be exact. I guess I don't really know what to say once I see her. How to explain all the erased years. To answer every urging question she might have. I really don't think I'm ready. But there's no turning back now...right? My trembling hand slowly reaches the awaiting doorbell. And I stand there, listening to the chime it makes. And a woman comes to the door holding a small girl. An exact replica of the person I came to see. "May I help you?" she asks politely. "Um yes...I'm looking for Spencer Carlin." I say studying the young girl's face. She looks sick, maybe a fever or something. "Oh she's out, are you a friend of hers." she says with that same polite smile on her face. "Um an old friend...yes I guess you can call me that."

"Okay well she'll be back soon. Would you like to come inside and wait?"

"Yeah, sure." I agree. She steps back a little, letting me come into the house, and the aroma of freshley backed cookies fills the air.

"Momma, momma, momma!" a little blonde boy screams running up to the woman. "A.J made me dwop my cookie!"

"I did not!" another boy screams. I think its coming from the kitchen. She walks into the kitchen still holding the little girl and with the boy by her side while I follow. "C.J did you drop your brother's cookie?" she asks camly to the small boy sitting at the counter. He seems older than the other two. "No I did not. He dropped it on his own." he states. "Nuh uh. He make me dwop it."

"Both of you go play out back." she says. The two young boys nod and run out of the house into what I presume is the back yard. We walk into the living room. "So um I never got your name." she says delecately laying the young girl on the sofa. "Ashley Davies."

"The Ashley Davies...Spencer would talk about you all the time. And aren't you like famous." she replies. Wait did I hear her right? Talks about me all the time?

"Sort of."

"Oh well I am Carmen."

"Nice to meet you Carmen."

"You too."

I take a moment to look around the house. It is big, but it feels so cozy. There tons of pictures, enough to cover the walls. But there is one picture that catches my eye. Its one of Spencer. Just at the beach...laying in the sand. She looks so vulnerable and she's still as beautiful as ever. "I took that last summer. She always hates taking pictures so I love it when I catch her off guard." Carmen says eyeing the picture gently stoking the little girl's hair.

"You're kids seem wonderful." I say. She slightly chukles. "They are when they want to be. This is Taylor," she says refering to the little girl "She and Tyler are twins. That's the other little one. They're both 2. And the oldest is A.J. He's 5."

Then I hear the door open then close. Footsteps slowly tapping the ground.

"Caaaar," I hear her whine "Did you give the kids cookies before dinner again?"

"Soerry Spence...Your friend is here."

"What? Who?" she asks. She steps into the living room and her eyes fall on me. Shock written all over her face.

"Hi Spencer."