Summary: It's the Cold War Era! America and Russia are at each other's throats! See how everyone cooped with it, and how Canada found his way to not lose sanity!

Disclaimer: Don't own landmasses, history, or personifications of countries. Moving on…

Thoughts-Italic, Flash Back-Bold-Italic,Regular talking - nothing

"Da! You have reached the home of *Russia. Would you like to become one?"

"Listen you commie bastard, I'd never be 'One' with you if my life depended on it!"

"Ah…America, for what vial things have I done to get a call from the unforsaken likes of you?" Russia said with no hint of tolerance for the capital country named America. It wasn't his fault either. The younger nation could be so obnoxious, loud, and well… a pain in the ass. At the moment, Russia and America were at a Cold War. All other nations knew to back off at the time and just let them release some #%! *$ tension, if you know what I mean.

"For one thing, you've spread your fu***in' commie virus all over the East! It's bad enough Canadia hangs out with one of them!" an irritated America declared throughout Washington, D.C.

" –I …I am?" a soft and barely audible voice said. Of course, America had mispronounced his name yet again, but there was no way to get through that thick, idiotic head of his. Poor Canada was lucky enough to be mentioned in his own three-way phone call. America was getting so paranoid about Russia, he decided it was best to have another person on the line in case the commie bastard tried to rape him on the phone. How? Canada could never understand.

'Then again, America did try to explain it one time. Right?' the invisible nation pondered deep in thought.

"America… mind my asking, but why do you have a vegetable strainer on your head, eh?"

"Dude. Tony gave me the whole info on how people can get into your head through the phone. As long as you were something of metal on your head your completely fine. If you want, I can order one from China for you! Because I'm the hero, and the hero needs to protect the weak and defenseless like you!"

"America why do you have to be a heartless, senseless fu**in' bastard all the da**n time. Do you have to be suck an asshole-"

"What was that Cadna?"

"Oh nothing, eh! I was just saying it's mighty thoughtful of you to even think of me even though we're just good friends, e-ehh!"

'That's America for you, eh,' Canada thought to himself.

Then it hit him. Was America wearing that metal hat right now!

"No duh… Can-Canland! It's Cu-*cough*- a. I'm telling you, he's out to get me! Stop hangin' around him or you'll get infected with that fu***in', dumbass, sickness called Communism! It'd be like France's Morse Code Ai# s all over again!"

"It's Canada. And his name is Cuba Ame-"

"You'll get used to the idea Amerika. You'll willingly bow down one day," Russia interrupted with his innocent, matter of fact voice. That voice would scare anyone sane, but then again this is America…

"Like hell I would! Sh! I'm happy your not coming to the Olympics! Who needs a suckish team like yours to stink up my beautiful stadium!" the enraged Mickey-De lovin' American spat.

"Well America, I'd love to beat your ass but I have actual important things to take care of right now, like furthering my boycott." Russia coolly retorted.

"Oh! And me whipping you across the field isn't on your agenda. How sad!"

"If I do remember correctly, I'd always be 'whipping you across the field', capitalist pig."

"WAIT! Russia, you're not going to the Olympics?" Canada tried to yell but only managed a high-pitched squeak.

"Commie Bastard!"

"Grease loving nationalist."

"Vodka asshole!"

"Fat excuse for a country."

"Sun Flower Hippie!"

"H-He-Hey guys don't you think you're going a little too far with this? Hello! Anyone!" Canada tried interfering in the heated/cold battle of words.

"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol!"

"I can do that too! Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass!

-Click-

-Click-

Umm. Anyone there? Hello? Russia? America?"

"Who are you?" A sweet and curious voice in the background of phone static said.

"Hu…ugh…Canada. The one who feeds you." –Click-

A/N: * To avoid confusion for myself, I'm putting the name Russia instead of Soviet Union.

HISTORY LESSON! - In 1984, the Soviet Union announced it would boycott the next Summer Olympic Games held in Los Angeles. One less opponent for America, though!

-To anyone who reads my stories, SORRY! I might continue Ouran, but most likely not T.T

And, yeah… I suck at writing. More to come since this a joint project I started with friends…