Shadowed Past: Visions of Affliction

Chapter One: The End Was Only the Beginning

Hey y'all! Welcome to the Shadowed Past sequel! (Part 2/3)

**The introduction to this story is at the end of "Shadowed Past" posted as Chapter 11. It's a short read, and it helps set up the timeline for the rest of this story!**

ALSO: "Shadowed Past" was all in the third person. I'm keeping this installment a mix between Alex's point of view and third person because of the flashbacks, and a lot of the things that happen in this story are better explained from Alex's point of view.

I had strings, but now I'm free.

I've got no strings

To hold me down

To make me fret

Or make me frown

I had strings, but now I'm free.

There are no strings on me.

My eyes shot open as I flew up in bed, sweat beading across my forehead and my heart racing.

"Alex? Are you alright?" Steve asked, his voice still groggy but filled with concern.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I panted.

Steve sat up in bed next to me, rubbing his hand across my back to calm me down. "That's the tenth nightmare this week, and it's only Wednesday."

"I know, I know, just post traumatic stress. I'll be fine." My lungs were still gasping for air and the blankets felt like lava against my clammy legs.

"Are you sure you don't need to see a doctor?" Steve asked as I stood and made my way to the bathroom linked to our current bedroom.

"I'll shake it off." I said, flicking on the light and turning the sink on.

After splashing my face with bitterly cold water and drying, I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

The battle against Ultron had really taken a toll on me. Black bags still remained under my eyes which I had to cover up with foundation everyday now, my skin seemed paler than normal too. I looked like a zombie.

My hair fell in a messy braid down the front of my left arm, and small wisps of loose hair fell around my neck and ears. The color was dark brown now, the black dye fading out over time. My natural color was dirty blonde, but it just didn't suit me. So I was able to keep up with practically staining in dark brown, it was just that the black always faded too quickly to keep up with. Although, I did cut my hair. About half of it, gone. It now ended at halfway down my back instead of the ends resting around my hips. I missed my goth look, but it was hard to juggle that and being an avenger at the same time. My purple eyes still had the appearance as if they were glowing, but that was never going to change.

But the nightmares were new.

Ever since after the battle with Ultron ended, I'd been having them. Being stationed at the new, hopefully temporary, Avengers Base didn't help either. Avengers Tower was home. And ever since we re-stationed, I'd been having trouble sleeping. The nightmares had been happening ever since the first time I got some shut eye after defeating Ultron, and that was in the quinjet on the way here.

The nightmares weren't as bad as the ones I got from wearing the cursed ring, but they were still horrifying.

It was constant replays of what happened with Ultron. His glowing red eyes, the screams of citizens echoing throughout the city, Pietro, everything.

"Hey, you gonna be okay?" Steve asked, now standing in the doorway.

"Yeah, yeah. Just, thinking. That's all." I said, my voice soft.

Later that morning, Piper finally met up with me at breakfast. She'd stayed at Avengers Tower while we were all off at a practical war, but she moved to the new base with us afterwards since it wasn't safe to stay at the tower for now.

Piper had been living in the apartment in the tower on her own for a couple of years now, ever since Steve and I got married.

It was lonely around this new base. Clint had gone back to stay with his wife and kids (which none of us expected), Tony left to go do whatever it is that he does, Bruce was still MIA at the moment, leaving Natasha a mess staying up all night trying to track him down. Thor went back to Asgard, only popping in every now and then to say hello and usually steal some Midgardian food. Steve and I had plenty of time to ourselves, but it just didn't feel right when the whole team wasn't there. It was like the family was split up. The family had been split up.

Piper was actually a huge help around campus whenever we needed her. She was slowly turning into Maria's little minion, helping her with simple paperwork or taking care of small secretary jobs when all of the SHIELD agents that still remained on the team were busy. We'd lost about half the team when the entire Hydra vs. SHIELD war arose. It was actually kind of peaceful not having as many people around.

"Alex, you don't look so good," Piper said, pulling me into a hug.

"Just a rough night, that's all." I said, returning it.

"You've been saying that almost everyday for a couple of weeks now. Something's bothering you."

"I'm just having trouble sleeping because of what happened. I mean, that was a new level of war for me."

"Me too, and everybody's shaken up about it. I mean, they just found Bruce yesterday and he was still a mess."

"Wait, they found him?"

"Yeah, Natasha got one of those GPS alert thingies, and he wasn't that far from here. Apparently he stayed with Clint for a week or so before venturing out on his own again."

"I feel bad for him." I began. "He's just so hard on himself, and I can relate to that."

"Maybe you should talk to him, then. Natasha's having a hard time getting through to him, and you saw those two. They were flirting with each other like two horny teenagers at Tony's party before it got crashed."

"Yeah, there's no denying that one." I chuckled.

After eating a small breakfast of a bagel and some chopped fruit, Piper and I split up for the day. She went off to do her duties with Maria, and I went with Steve to the training room with the others. I helped Wanda control her powers since I had to teach myself to do the same thing. Her powers were more magical while mine were more scientific, but the ability of control was universal.

I myself still wasn't fully trained, but Steve could train me later on our time. The others came first.

I worked with Wanda for about an hour. She didn't need much teaching since she was familiar with her powers already.

Natasha called me aside not long after I was done with Wanda.

"I need you to talk to Bruce." She said flatly, more of a command than a question.

"Why? Is something wrong?"

"He's just, he's having a lot of trouble believing in himself. You know how he is. But no matter what I say, or do, he still won't change. He's been acting more upset about it than normal ever since he got back and I can't figure out why."

I knew she had to be desperate. Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, asking me for help?

"Yeah, sure, I'll go talk to him." I replied.

"Bruce?" I muttered, knocking on the doorway outside of his room.

He looked up, "Alex, it's good to see you again." He said, a very small smile present on his lips. We shared a quick hug before sitting down on the end of the bed.

"So, how have you been?" He asked.

"Fine, you?"

"Well, that's a whole other subject."

"Bruce, you were gone for almost a month without any contact. I'm not trying to invade privacy or anything, but, what happened?"

"I honestly don't know. I just, I couldn't bring myself to come back because it reminded me of the horrible things the other guy did."

"Well, the other guy is a hero."

"Alex, please don't say that. He's...I'm just a rage monster that kills."

"That saves..."

He shot me a look.

"Look, you have to believe me. I'm not just saying these things to say them, nor is Nat or Steve or anybody. You're an avenger. And if we didn't have you, we wouldn't have a team." I said.

"Thank you, Alex, really. But I know why Natasha sent you."

I exhaled before continuing. "Bruce. I know what it's like. To want to die, to hate yourself. My life was nothing but suicidal thoughts and self-hated for almost eight years." I rolled up my sleeve. "See these? It was my way of coping. Every scar represents something else I thought was wrong with me, or another day I stayed and I shouldn't have." Dozens scattered both of my arms combined. "And I tried, I tried to kill myself. Twice. But each time, somebody...Piper, saved me. And after that, I began to realize that it was a sign. I was supposed to stay. It wasn't my time to go."

"But you could still kill yourself. I physically can't, Alex."

"And that's your sign. Don't look at the radiation accident as a mistake that ruined your life, look it as an accident that changed your life." I said, before giving him one last pat on the shoulder and leaving. I wanted to leave the conversation at something he could think about.

Later that afternoon, I was in Steve and I's room, writing down what I could recall from my most recent nightmare in my journal. I liked to keep tabs on these things, so if they ever did get too bad I could have some evidence to reference back to.

Nightmare #10

Similarities:

-the red eyes

-the song

-flashbacks of "the dark ages" when I self-harmed

-the song links to my own shadowed past

-flashbacks from battling Ultron's drones

New Parts:

-a new "scene" (about 30-40 secs. long) of finding Steve, Tony, Bruce, Thor, Natasha, Piper, Clint, and every other person I've ever loved or cared about dead; and it was somehow my fault

-I was tied up with strings while the song was playing

-I was being chocked by Ultron, staring into his red eyes, and then I woke up gasping for air

I held my pen to my chin trying to remember anything else important to write down, and that's when a flashback hit me.

Chills ran through my body as I felt the steady inhales of freezing air fill my lungs. Yet I still exhaled small puffs of steam, signaling warm air leaving my body. My skin was pale, practically as white as the snow beneath my feet, except for the redness of my cheeks and nose from exposure to the low temperatures.

For a second, I heard nothing but silence. No bombs had been launched, there was no screaming of the wounded falling to the ground...nothing.

My eyes scanned the snow-dusted forest. There was no movement. No sign of life.

Until all of a sudden, the sound of a bullet leaving the barrel of its gun echoed off the trees. I looked up just in time to catch the bullet inside of a small purple sphere of force fields, only inches from my face. The bullet was aimed for the dead center of my skull between my eyes. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding before letting the bullet fall to the ground.

And then the battle seemed to magically reappear.

Bullets hit and tore at the bark of trees, the ground rumbled from Bruce rampaging around and bombs ripping apart the ground, and the cries of the wounded filled the air again.

"Alex! Heads up!" Steve shouted.

I spun around just in time to catch his shield, using it to wipe out many of the enemy's men beginning to surround me.

Steve fought his way to my side, literally, and I handed him his shield back. "Thanks for letting my borrow it." I panted.

We began jogging through the forest to catch up with the others as our conversation carried on.

"No problem. You know, that suit really works for you. It looks nice." Steve said.

"Was that a compliment, captain?" I teased.

"That's up to you to decide, Mrs. Rogers."

"This is why superheroes don't date." Natasha muttered over the speaker.

"Seriously, save it for the bed, lovebirds." Tony scoffed.

I smiled, actually enjoying their bickering for once. My new suit did look better than the old one. The old suit: black, leather, had the tears patched with red cloth to look like scars? That's the one. I liked it, but, I felt...vulnerable with it on. The new one was still black and leather, much like Natasha's and every other SHIELD agent's ever. But, this one didn't have the rips and tears like the old one. It didn't have the scars like I used to. A new suit for a new me. It had multiple belts, and a couple of different holsters for guns. I wore my combat boots with the suit to complete it.

My thoughts were scrambled when I saw the enemy lines rapidly approaching.

"Go get 'em, cap!" I called as Steve ran to the right, and I ran to the left.

I began taking out enemy soldiers with my force fields as quick as possible.

The cold air continued to burn in my lungs with every breath, every pant.

My mind continued to wander, and slowly my physical acts separated from my thoughts. I continued to punch, kick, throw fields, but my mind was completely somewhere else. The fight was implanted into the commander center of my brain, like how a robot's commands are programmed into it's system. I fought strong, but my mind took a break. My thoughts were filled with the memories from my life before I met Steve. The self harm, the fear, the loneliness. I felt the scars burn on my arms, forever etched into my delicate skin.

And then, I was hit.

A huge blow to the head, flinging my body backwards until it met harshly with the bark of a tree. One of many in the cold winters forest.

They all surrounded me, attacking my body in every which way. Blood began to surface, and yet I was still caught in such a daze, I couldn't fight back. I was motionless in the white, and I felt the pain surging through every nerve, spiking and flailing to unspeakable levels of agony. My voice was numb and I was unable to scream for help. I felt the fear wash over the pain, only contributing to the pure panic taking over my being.

And then I woke up.

"Alex!"

"Huh?!" I gasped, looking up to see Steve standing by my side.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just, just another flashback."

Steve sighed before sitting down next to me on the bed. "Alex, these are getting out of control. You need to see a medical specialist or something."

"No, I'm fine...I promise." I said, still panting softly from the vision.

"Als..."

"Wait, at least tell me this...did I actually get hurt in the battle in the forest?"

"What do you mean?"

"When we were all battling in the forest before getting into the enemy base, back before Tony made Ultron, did I get beaten up by soldiers?"

"No, you fought them all off, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing, I just couldn't remember."

Later that night, I was having trouble sleeping. Again. It was a daily thing for me now.

Steve refused to sleep until I was asleep, and I knew that was going to be a long time.

Our backs were leaned against the headboard, and my head was nestled against his shoulder. Steve rested his cheek against the top of my head. His arm was wrapped around me, holding me close. I couldn't be any more comfortable. He was holding my left hand in his right, his thumb gently caressing my wedding band.

"You tired yet?"

"No, I wish I was. But then again I don't because then that means I'd just be having another nightmare."

"I'm gonna get you through this, I promise."

"Steve, it's just PTSD, it's nothing uncommon."

"You don't know that..."

"I think I do, Steve. That was my first big fight. My head's in shock."

"Alex, I've had PTSD before. I still suffer from it sometimes. This seems like something way more serious and I don't want it to escalate into something worse than that."

"I know. And I guess I am a little worried. But I'm just going to put up a fight. It's all I can do, right?"

"Right." Steve replied softly. He wanted to comfort Alex, so agreed with her to maker her feel better. But deep down Steve knew that there was something more than PTSD going on, and he was worried to death.

"Where's Capsicle and Mrs. Incredible?" Tony blurted out.

Natasha, Bruce, Wanda, Sam, and Rhodey were all relaxing in the main lounge when Tony walked in.

"Steve took her to bed." Nat responded flatly.

"Again? Steve better calm down." Tony smirked.

"Not like that, pervert. Alex was having more visions, he called it a night early to try and help her get some sleep." She responded.

"I think we need to talk about Alex's visions. They're not something we can just ignore and push off until they go away. I don't think they're just going to end because we want them to." Bruce said.

"Have they gotten worse?" Wanda asked.

"Yes, Steve said that now she's getting them during the day. She'll just randomly collapse, it's like she just passes out." Nat said.

"I'll have to get some readings from her brainwaves. Maybe I can match the data to something that will lead us to what's wrong or give us some ideas." Bruce said.

"Steve's been worrying his head off about her. I think it would help him sleep at night knowing some possible reason as to why she's having so many problems." Sam chimed in.

"Alright. I'll say something to him in the morning, then." Bruce replied.

The train of the white dress trailed behind me as I walked slowly down the isle, step by step. White lace sleeves covered my arms, and thin veil shaded my face the slightest bit, and a bundle of burgundy red roses were gripped tightly in my hands.

Piper had done my make-up, which consisted of a natural tinted smokey eye, eyeliner wings, red lipstick that matched the roses, and all the basics that made me look actually really nice. I wasn't excited about her dolling me up, but I knew it's what mom would've wanted. Her daughter all done up like a princess on her wedding day.

Only the first few pews had people sitting in them, considering the only people there were The Avengers, Piper, and Piper's mom. But that was our family, and that was all that mattered.

Steve was grinning and I could see the tears in his eyes when I was only halfway down the isle.

He was crying.

And now I was crying.

Once I reached the altar, I looked up at Steve with tears in my eyes. I wiped a tear off my cheek.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hi," I chuckled.

"You look amazing." We jinxed.

I only smiled and let a soft laugh escape my lips before the pastor began.

"Do you, Alexis Dawn Cooper, take Steven Grant Rogers, as your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do."

"And do you, Steve Grant Rogers, take Alexis Dawn Cooper, as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

"You may now kiss the bride."

Steve lifted my veil, and held my head with his hands as he looked me straight in the eyes. A single tear fell from his eye; he whispered 'I love you', and then he placed his lips on mine.

My eyes opened slowly, the sight of Steve and I's current bedroom at the new HQ flooding my sight.

I awoke to the sun pouring in through the window. It reminded me of home, the old apartment, and how I'd woken up to that morning after morning for what felt like forever. Even for the couple of years we lived at Avengers Tower, the wall facing the outside world was pure glass and Steve and I could almost see the entire city from our room. I was homesick. I'd always miss the apartment to some degree, but I missed Avengers Tower even more now than ever.

I felt strangely well rested, and then it dawned on me that I didn't have a nightmare last night. I certainly wasn't going to question that. Just bless it and release it, as Mrs. Williamson always said.

Steve was still asleep next to me, and I turned onto my side to watch him sleep. He slept with his arms and legs extended straight, his arms lying at his sides. That's the position he was frozen in for 70 years. Whenever we fell asleep together, he would have an arm around me or something, but if I woke up before him, I always found him sleeping in that same position.

It upset me. I felt bad for him. Even his facial expression was just blank. He didn't express any emotion. He just slept.

I watched how his chest rose slightly with every inhale, and then how it sank with every exhale. His hair was all tangled, which made me smile. I slowly reached over and laced my fingers between his. He slowly began to melt into my touch, and I saw his muscles relax. After holding his hand for a few minutes, I decided to get up and get ready for the day and let him get his needed rest.

I flicked the bathroom light on; turned the sink faucet on.

My reflection stared back at me in the mirror, my violet eyes piercing themselves.

The cold water blissfully stung the sensitive skin of my face. Keeping my eyes closed, I shook some of the water off my hands, turned the faucet off and reached for a towel.

I patted my face dry, and looked back into the mirror; red irises staring back at me.