Stella turned the dial in the shower, her body flinching slightly as the water heated up. Her eyes were closed, but she knew her hands were shaking, knew that every inch of her was shaking. But still she turned the dial up, letting the water scorch her skin and brand it red. Still she stood there, arms wrapped around herself as she struggled to breathe.
It had been a day like any other, but then again, that was the problem, wasn't it? She seemed to have an endless supply of those spreading out before her, and yet she wasn't sure just how many more she could take.
It hurt. Every bone in her body, every muscle, every joint, felt as though someone were cutting through her slowly and methodically. But there were no wounds, no blood flowing, no bruises forming. It all came from the inside, a demon she couldn't run from.
She knew that she should go home. That her own shower was at least bigger than this tiny stall she had trapped herself inside of. In her mind, she walked through her apartment door, dropping her keys on the counter and moving through the rooms one by one. It was all so empty, so lifeless…Even her own possessions looked as though they belonged to someone else, to someone she knew nothing about.
Turning around slowly, she realized that it was all for show. Like someone was playing at living, and this was the elaborate stage they had set. But everything was pretend, masking an empty stage bathed in darkness.
Her knees failed her, and she sank to the floor, her legs pulled up to her chest. Her shoulders shook violently as her body tried to purge the pain; tears coursed down her cheeks and mournful cries escaped her lips, as though she could empty it all into that small space and leave it there.
But it just echoed all around her, bearing down on her, crushing her beneath its weight. It rang in her ears, and she breathed it in with every breath, and it refilled her, reaching to every corner and crevice of her soul. It settled itself back in, somehow seeming more permanent than it was before.
Eventually it was all back inside, and the shower was empty except for her and the water. Stella shakily pushed herself to her feet and fumbled for the dial, shutting it off, her skin red and raw. She stepped out, wrapping herself in a towel that once upon a time might have given her some semblance of comfort.
She would never escape. She was a fool to think otherwise.