Author's Note: This is yet another random drabble I wrote while procrastinating. As you can probably tell, I am rather obsessed with the ShinoxHinata pairing. In my oh-so-biased opinion, there aren't enough stories of this pairing on this site. So I figured I might as well post mine. Hopefully people like it.
Whenever Team 8 comes back to Konoha after a long mission, it's tradition for them to go to their old training grounds and have one last meal before separating. It's tradition that Shino collects the wood, Hinata starts the campfire, and Kiba cooks the last of their rations. It's tradition that Kiba and Akamaru sit on one side and that Shino and Hinata sit on the other. It is tradition, but Shino wishes he had the nerve to break it, because he is very tired today and Hinata's close proximity is playing tricks with his brain.
Shino doesn't love Hinata. He has an infatuation with her, sure. When she's so close that he can smell her shampoo, of course his body reacts a little bit: accelerated pulse, increased awareness, et. cetera. Any man who's near a girl as beautiful as Hinata would react like that. Though he doesn't express his emotions often, Shino does possess all of them - including the more vulgar ones. He's only human after all.
But that's only hormones. Physical attraction alone doesn't make love. As long as Shino keeps control of himself, this will go away on it's own.
Still, sometimes after a long day of training, when he is very tired and not thinking too clearly, Shino wonders about how he looks. Besides his parents, no one has ever seen Shino's full face. He's tried examining himself in the mirror a few times, but he couldn't tell whether his nose was too large or his eyes were too small or if everything was just right. Most outsiders are too scared to look at him even when his face is completely covered, so he's never been able to get any outside input either.
Hinata's hand brushes against his as she reaches for more salad. Shino's breath catches, and he wonders what would happen if he took off his coat and glasses right now. The sun's low enough that it wouldn't hurt his eyes, so he could do it if he wanted to. If he showed Hinata his whole face, would he be able to affect her like she does him? Or would she and Kiba have trouble looking at him without showing disgust?
This is foolish. Shino pulls up his hood and focuses on Kiba and Hinata's conversation. They're talking about whether or not Hinata's latest technique is impressive enough to show her father. Impressive enough. Shino makes a mental effort not to scowl.
Any sane parent would be thrilled to learn their child had invented a new jutsu. Shino knows for a fact that his clan would welcome such ingenuity with open arms. Then again, after hearing stories from Shikamaru and Kiba, Shino has a feeling that his clan members are much more supportive of each other than most. In a world where most outsiders despise them, the Aburames know how precious acceptance and cooperation really are. They can't afford to tear each other apart over petty politics or individual ambition.
That's another reason Shino can't love Hinata. He could never betray his clan to move in with another. They're counting on him to become the next heir. And even if he had his parents' full permission to become a Hyuuga, Shino knows he wouldn't be happy there. Every time he's been to the Hyuuga compound, he can't wait to leave. It's a cold, dry place with an overpowering smell of incense. He rarely sees other people there, but when he does, they always have this hunted look in their eyes, like they're waiting for someone to run around the corner and stab them in the back. Being there makes him feel like a bug in a glass jar – claustrophobic and lonely.
The Aburame compound is quiet too, of course, but in a different way. The Aburames rarely speak to each other, but they always acknowledge each other as they pass on the street. Family members sit together for meals, and neighbors enjoy each others' company in peaceful silence. The houses are impeccably neat, but they also have a warm, earthy quality to them. Even when Shino is by himself, the soft hum of the kikkai make sure that Shino never feels alone. He could never live anywhere else.
Hinata asks Shino a question. His attention snaps back to the conversation. He apologizes and asks her to repeat the question, then focuses hard on paying attention. His team is talking about Hanabi now and how her father recently began teaching Hanabi some advanced techniques. Techniques Hinata had been forced to learn from Neji.
It's times like these when Shino half-seriously considers asking Hinata to join the Aburame clan. It wouldn't even have to be marriage – he knows a few branches of his clan who need children and who would love to adopt someone as skilled as Hinata. Even if she was taken in by a lower family, she would at least be in a happy place where people appreciated her.
Except she would say no. Not because she dislikes the Aburames – Hinata is one of the most accepting people in the village when it comes to the kikkai. But as much as Shino loves his family's compound, he knows that his teammates find the place eerie and overbearing. There's only so much his friends can understand about his clan without experiencing symbiosis for themselves. It's not a place Hinata could thrive, any more than Shino could thrive at her compound.
Furthermore, Hinata would never give up on her goals so easily. She would be a good heiress, no matter what her father may believe. It would be cruel to ask Hinata to give up her dream now, especially after all the tireless work she's done to achieve it.
Hinata interrupts Shino's thoughts again and asks him if he's feeling all right. He's barely touched his dinner. Shino looks up and sees that Kiba and Hinata are almost finished. He says he's not terribly hungry and offers his plate to Akamaru, who finishes it in three bites. The four of them clean up the camp site and head into town.
As they walk along the streets, Shino actually manages to focus on the conversation this time. Hinata asks him whether the garden in the Aburame compound is finished. He says it is, then starts describing the butterfly species his family's introduced. Kiba looks bored to tears, and by the time they drop him off at the Inuzuka compound, he looks ready to fall asleep. Hinata, however, has always liked butterflies. She hangs on Shino's every word. As she and Shino walk towards the Hyuuga compound, Shino considers offering Hinata a personal tour of the garden. Only because she's interested in the butterflies, of course. Thankfully Naruto comes around the corner and interrupts Shino before he has a chance to do anything foolish.
Of course Hinata immediately focuses all her attention on Naruto. Shino tries not to take it personally. Naruto is, and always will be, the most important person in Hinata's life. With good reason. When her family situation was at its worst, he was there to support and encourage her. He inspired her to have dreams and work hard for them. As she's told Shino time and time again, Naruto was her first role model. Her first love. Her first friend.
Except…was that really true? Besides the bullying incident and the chuunin exam, Naruto's never paid much attention to Hinata. Never seemed to care one way or the other about her until recently. Shino's the one who's always been by her side, who helped her see that she was strong. Were those two hours of Naruto's attention really more important than the days and weeks Shino's spent-
Shino's doing it again. Getting irrationally angry over something that doesn't even concern him. If he truly loved Hinata, his jealousy would be understandable. But the only reason Shino's so infatuated with Hinata is because he knows he can't have her. Because Naruto can have her but doesn't want her. It's a simple, infantile anger of having come in second. No more, no less.
If Shino truly loved Hinata, he would tell her that he loved her. Even though rejection would be guaranteed, he'd take off his glasses, look her straight in the eye, and tell her. And tell her again. And again and again, until she finally saw that Shino was a much better man for her than Naruto ever would be. Shino would give up his inheritance and his family and go live with her. To do anything less would be cowardly on his part.
But Shino doesn't love her. Not really. And so when Naruto offers to walk Hinata home in Shino's place, he has no reason to refuse. Instead he simply wishes them good night, then watches them stroll together into the darkness.
Then, as is tradition, Shino walks home alone.
Author's Note: As is my tradition, I am submitting this while sleep deprived, so I apologize if I misspelled any terms or whatnot. I hope the story wasn't too confusing to read. I tried to get a feel for the claustrophobic, almost manic brooding that Aburames seem to be prone to, but I'm not sure if I got it. Oh well. As always, I love reviews, the longer and more rant-y, the better. But even if you don't review, thanks for reading.