It's a cold October morning at about 3:47. I haven't been sleeping lately. Mainly because there are always a million thoughts running through my brain. Thoughts about my friends screwed up lives and my family's screwed up life and my screwed up love life. Let me just start out by saying, boys suck.
My computer blinks on as I jiggle the mouse. Facebook is, naturally, the page already open on my screen. Two new notifications, hopefully from Peter. Nope, just one of those dumb "find your match!" quizzes and something telling me that Jack Baten has accepted my friend request. I don't even know who Jack is. He's probably one of Peter's friends. Whatever, I'll message him to ask. That is, after all, how I met Peter. Maybe I'll get lucky? Doubt it.
Ugh. One new IM from Leah. She is getting on my nerves lately.
LeahxBaby: heyyy!
GingerSnaps17: Hi
LeahxBaby: wats up? y r u awake so early?
GingerSnaps17: Couldn't sleep. You?
It always bothered me how Leah typed. Couldn't she take two seconds to write out 'are'? I mean, we aren't 10 anymore.
LeahxBaby: same. actually me and geff were talking. bout how things have changed since we got back 2gether. he said we shld spend less time 2gether and i almost committed suicide again ginger! this is gettin bad. I think its all my mom's fault.
And that's different from every other day, how? I swear, maybe the first time I heard that story I was worried. Around the 15th time it started getting boring. Its been about 7 months hearing this story now. This is just ridiculous.
GingerSnaps17: Oh. Sorry hun, but why is it your mom's fault?
LeahxBaby: cuz she f*cks up everythin! with her f*ckd up bf and all that
Ahh I remember the good ol' days when Leah was too scared to call anyone stupid. Why
do things have to change?
LeahxBaby: but anyways did u need 2 tlk bout somethin?
GingerSnaps17: Nah, not really. I was just thinking about Peter. About how I miss him.
LeahxBaby: Ging, forget about him! hes not worth it. this reminds me about the time me and geff fought. it was totally my moms fault see…
There comes a point when Leah is talking where I just have to walk away. I mean, she tries so hard to listen but honestly all her brain can manage to support is her own semi-dramatic life.
GingerSnaps17: Yeah actually Leah, I gotta go. Try to get some sleep and whatnot, you know? Ttyl.
LeahxBaby: k biiii!
Complete lies.
Glad that's over. I put on a fake away message. Some cheesy song quote by Coldplay. When I open Facebook back up, I see the little red flag again. One new notification. I cross my fingers even though I know I'll get let down.
One new wall post from Jack? Who's Jack? Oh yeah I messaged him.
Jack Baten:
Hey yeah, this is Peter's friend. You're his ex girlfriend right?
I heard ALL about you ;]
Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. What did he tell this kid??
My Wall-to-Wall with Jack Baten:
Ginger Benson:
What did he tell you?!?
Jack Baten:
Not much, he just talked about you ALL the time. It got kind of annoying. I'm surprised you guys broke up. I thought he really liked you!
Ginger Benson: Thank God. lol I thought he said… well idk, bad things.
Jack Baten: Ha nope, well I don't think so. I'm pretty sure all he ever said was good stuff. Oh, except more towards the end he told me you kept getting really jealous and clingy. but, I don't blame you. I mean, I've seen that girl he's with lately.
Ginger Benson: Yeah. She's really pretty.
Great, everyone thinks she's gorgeous. Does anyone even realize that what she did was wrong? I thought me and Grace were friends. That's what I get for being friends with the school flirt. Well at least no one's heard about what else happened.
I look at the clock, it's almost 5. I need to be up for school in an hour. God, please let me catch a deadly cold in the next 60 minutes. I don't think I'll be able to face everyone in school. Doubtful that that'll happen, I shuffle into the bathroom. As I wait for the shower to heat up I look at myself in the mirror. I'd say I'm relatively pretty. I mean sure, I'm a little short, and yeah, my face isn't as pretty as Grace's. But I'm really skinny and I finally learned how to do my make up and hair. So what's wrong with me?
The steam feels good on my tense body. I climb into the shower and flinch at the intensity of the heat. For the next 40 minutes it's just me and the water. Whoever said a short, cold shower builds character obviously never really relaxed. For a moment I forget all of my problems and escape into a dream of a perfect life. But that's quickly interrupted by reality. My sister is banging on the door telling me not to waste all the hot water. How can it be a waste if I'm using it? Whatever, I'll figure that out later. I quickly dry off and wrap a towel around my freezing body.
As I hop back into my room, I snuggle into my comforter and check my phone. 3 new texts. Good morning technology!
Inbox (1/51) Tommy Greg: Hey you up yet?? I hope you're feeling better. I saw you in the hall yesterday. You looked sad. Talk to me babe!
Ignore that. Tommy has been my best guy friend for years. He's fun and flirty but not so great with the advice.
Inbox (2/51) Kristen Frolien: OMG GET UP!! there's a new Jonas Brothers concert posted on their MySpace! We NEED to win this one!!
Ignore. I'll talk to her about it at lunch.
Inbox (3/51) Peter Sather: Hey cutie:] you awake yet? I heard our song on the radio and thought of you.
Ugh he makes me sick. I try so hard to ignore it but I really want to pretend I'm over this.
Reply: Hey, yeah sorry I was in the shower. you remembered our song?
New msg: Uh of course! youre always on my mind ;]
Reply: Oh. what about Grace. Is she always on your mind?
New msg: Ging, don't be like that. Look, we had a great time but we're way better as friends! I still wanna hang with you but I can't handle that commitment.
Reply: So what am I to you? I'm the girl on the side. You date Grace and I'll be your whore? Oh, but no one can know right?
New msg: No! Ging, you know I love you, I just couldn't handle the lack of trust you had with me. Listen, why don't you come over after school today. Grace is out of town.
Reply: Idk, I'll think about it.
New msg: Good :] see ya at 3 ish!
The clock says 6:34. About a half an hour till school. Yuck. I pull on some tight jeans and a tee shirt. I let my hair hang down in my natural curls. I like how I look. I'm not an exact copy like most of the girls these days. Curly brown hair, short, with glasses. I don't have that same fake straight hair, dyed the same color. I don't always wear brand name clothes that only fit the big boobed, small waisted girls just right.
I walk down the stairs. My older sister is sitting there with her coffee mug. Talk about original. Ha, my sister is the prime example of an exact copy. Straight reddish brown hair, nose pierced, tight Hollister tee, ripped jeans, Abercrombie flip flops. She glares at me as I grab a bagel and walk out the front door. I'm just in time to catch my bus. Great, it's full of kids. I pull out my cell phone and text Tommy until I get to school. We talked about raisins. He has quite the opinion.
I get to school at quarter to seven. Earlier than usual. My books feel heavier than mast mornings as I walk down the hall. I feel some girls look at me. They can tell I'm different. They can tell what I did. I walk past Grace's locker and feel the glares burning through my back.
Same as always it is surrounded by her normal crew. The ladder climbers, I like to call them. They're the ones who will push anyone out of their way to get to the top. That's where Grace is. The top of everything, really. No matter what she is doing, she is always the best and the best looking while doing it. Even when she's out of town people try to get her to notice them. It sickens me to see what they have planned this time. Decorating her locker with big notes saying how much they miss her. Ha.
I squeeze through the packed halls to my locker. My crap locker. It's shoved in the corner next to emo Ian. He scares the crap out of me. Long straggly hair, died bright red and black. His voice has been in the process of cracking for about 4 years. I quickly unload my books to avoid him and his coffee mug full of God-knows-what. Oh God, here he comes. 50 feet. 20 feet. 5 feet. fuck it.
"HeY" his voice cracked. Ugh he makes me fear for my life. What the hell, I'll talk to him today. It's not like I have anyone else to talk to.
"Hi. What's up?" I reply almost cautiously.
"Whoa, yoU're talking to mE?
"Sure, why wouldn't I?"
"Well, mAybe because we've had lockers nExt to each other for 2 years and yoU've never even looked me in the Eye?" The cracking voice is almost unbearable to ignore.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I'm just starting to realize what a bitch I've been in the past."
"Ehh, dOn't worry about it I guEss. People mAke mistakes..." he says this while walking away. Still holding that coffee mug.
Glad that's over. Now back to my depressing life. As the halls slowly filter out I drift into deep thought. All of a sudden I feel a pair of big hands slip around my hips and pull me in tighter. My brain goes into an immediate panic mode. I whip around ready to kick my attacker.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Babe! Just me!" It was Tommy. Thank god he's gay or I probably would have hurt him.
"Jesus Fuck, you scared the crap out of me!"
"Aw I'm sorry hun! Just thought you could use a hug! I saw you talking to Ian and figured you were in need of a friend." He chuckled at his own joke. Not very funny.
"Nah, Ian's okay."
"Did I just hear correctly?" He jumps back "Ginger! You sick? It's Ian… as in like 'hEy gUys' Ian" He imitates the cracking voice.
"I don't know", I say as we head to first period. "Maybe I've been too judgmental in the past. I think it's time for a change."
"Whatever babe. It's your social life."
The day went by almost too slowly. I swear the clock started ticking backwards at one point. Lucky for me I only see Peter during 9th period. Unfortunately, 9th period started in 3 minutes. It took me the whole day to get used to being the first one in the class room. Normally I'd stop to talk to my friends or to Peter before heading to class but today I avoided contact with anyone possible. I sat there, waiting for everyone to come in and take their usual seats. With every girl that entered I looked as nice as possible hoping one of them would sit next to me instead of next to there normal lab partner. But, of course, none of them did. I was forced to sit next to Peter.
My stomach lurched as he walked in through the door way, yelling something crude to his buddies as they walked away towards their classes. He took his normal seat next to mine without even thinking about it. We always chose the back row, right corner. As Mr. Chreg started the lesson Peter turned to me.
"Hey cutie" He flashes that charming smile at me and puts his hand on my upper thigh. "I must've missed you in the halls today, where'd you go?"
"I don't know, maybe our paths just didn't cross." I say quickly, pretending I'm tuned into the lesson. I'm not,
"That's weird. I missed you. You're still coming to my house after school right? I can give you a ride if you need." He knows how to get me. He wraps his arm around my waist and makes tiny circles with his fingers onto my thigh. I can tell that he sees my goose bumps. "Come on, you know you want to."
I choke a little as I try to breathe in. After what seems like forever, the bell rings. I quickly grab up all my things and walk towards my locker. I can tell Peter's right behind me. My hands start to shake, although I'm not too sure why. I fumble with some things as they spill to the floor. I see Peter look me up and down as I crawl on the dirt coated ground searching for my various papers.
"Are you gunna help me or not?" I yell at Peter. Curse me for wearing these tight jeans. They're the worst when you need to bend.
"Oh, erm, yeah sorry." He slowly makes his way over and reluctantly picks up my things. "So you are coming right? Or did I misread your choking?" He chuckles and hands me my papers.
"I don't think I can, I have a lot of homework today." I lie.
"Oh… um okay…." He always does this. Tries to make me feel guilty. It works.
"Well, maybe you can just give me a ride home." Peter smiles and shuts my locker.
The truth is, I secretly wanted to go to Peter's house. I mean, I don't really want to be his girlfriend anymore, but I want things to go back to how they used to be. I climb into his old Toyota. He turns on the car and it shakes and purrs for a minute. We pull out of the school parking lot and head down the busy road. The radio is blaring and I sit there in silence, eyes closed, deep in thought. Peter puts his hand on my knee and rubs it back and forth as he drives.
I feel the car slow down and I look out the window. "Peter, I said I wanted to go home. Why are we at your house?"
"Oh, babe. I'm so sorry! I completely forgot! It must just be an old habit."
"Well can you take me home then?"
"Sweetie come on, I'm so tired from school. It seemed never ending. Let me just go inside and grab something to eat and after that I promise I'll drive you anywhere you want. Is that okay?" He asks as he takes my hand.
"Fine." I say, already halfway up his front walk.
Still holding my hand, Peter fumbles with his keys. "Why is your door locked? Aren't your parents home?" I ask suspiciously.
"Uh no, I think they had to work late. Don't worry about it Ging, we'll be here for like 10 minutes tops." What could happen in 10 minutes? I feel so stupid for even worrying about it in the first place. Peter heads into the kitchen as I stand awkwardly in the doorway.
"What are you doing?" laughs Peter. "Come on in, you don't need to feel shy here, you know that." And I did know that, but things felt different since the last time I was here. I sat down on the big couch and held my bag on my lap. Peter came and sat down next to me with a couple sodas and a bag of pretzels. "So what movie are we watching?" He grins at me.
"Peter, come on! You said ten minutes!"
"Love, really? What's gunna happen? We're friends watching a movie." He leaned in and said "Now pick a movie."
I picked 'The Lion King'. I'm a sucker for the classics. As the first song started Peter wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in. He started up the small circles on my leg again. I shiver and try to pull away but his grip is tight and he pulls me in closer. Soon after, I here him start breathing heavier. He turns to me and whispers in my ear "Did you want something?" I shake my head and he starts to kiss my shoulder "No? That's weird, I'm pretty sure you started to say something." I shake my head again and close my eyes. God his kisses feel so good. Ugh! Snap out of it!
"Peter no, I- I have to go home."
"Relax Ginger, we're allowed to hang out once in a while. We're not doing anything bad." He whispers again and starts to kiss my neck.
"Peter, I-"
"Shh…" He says as he lays me down, making his way to my mouth. His kisses are incredible, I can't help myself. No wait, Grace is my friend!
What am I saying? She took him from me first. I deserve to do this. I kiss him back and he climbs on top of me. I play with his thick black hair and he holds me tighter. All of a sudden I feel my phone buzz and I come back to my senses.
Inbox (1/74) Tommy Greg: Hey Gingersnaps! Whatcha up to?
"It's Tommy" I explain and start to text back.
"Text him later" Peter whispers as he closes my phone and throws it to the other end of the couch, out of reach. Then he starts up kissing again.
Eventually I feel his giant hand on my small breast. He starts to grab it and I try to pull his hand away. "Relax." He says and he starts grabbing it again. His free hand makes his way to the inside of my thigh. He continues to rub my legs and but then starts rubbing up my jeans.
"Peter. Stop. This isn't right, it's cheating." I struggle to say between kisses.
"You know you want me back, Ging. You proved that the other night." I feel him smirk "Besides, I was yours first, remember?" I feel him start to unbutton my jeans and slowly slide the zipper down.
"Peter! No, please. Stop!" I was crying now.
"Come on baby, just this once. Show me how much you want me."
I wake up in a cold sweat. The clock reads 2:56. God, what happened? I am in my own bed with all of the past day's clothes on. My phone is no where to be found. Then it hits me. It's still at Peter's house. I can't go back there. I can't even think about going back there. Oh my God I think I'm gunna be sick. Did Peter rape me?
I pull on some sweat pants and a clean tee shirt and open my bathroom door. God, I looked awful. My makeup had been smeared down my face and all of my eyelashes were stuck together. My hair was a mess too. I need a shower. I turn on the water and wait for it to heat up. As I reach for the draw string that is tied so tightly around my thin waist, I slowly crumble into a small ball on the floor. Crying is all I can manage. My sobs turn into breathless pants. I slowly brace myself with my elbow and crawl into the corner of the room. I can't breath. I can't feel my legs. I make my way to my bed and hide my face in my pillow and pull my comforter around my shaking body and I start to calm down.
Okay, breathe. This can't be as bad as I'm making it. Maybe I'm overreacting. I mean, I did let Peter lead me into his house. Maybe what he did wasn't really wrong. I was his girlfriend once. Maybe he thought I wanted to. It's my fault for not saying 'no'. But I did say no. Didn't I?
I decide not to take a shower. I can't bear to be that exposed right now. I just rinse my face off a little and turn on my computer. Facebook is still open. 14 new notifications. Thirteen of those from Tommy. One telling me that Frank Hopter is an 85% match for our favorite movies. Good to know. I check all the wall posts from Tommy. They are all asking where I am and if I'm okay. He knows its not like me to not answer my phone. Seeing this makes me tear up again. I feel my whole body tense up and I cross my legs and squeeze them together so tightly that it makes me cry harder.
Images of Peter on top of me keep flashing across my mind. His black shaggy hair falling across his glaring face. I can even feel his hot breath on my neck every time I close my eyes. My wrists and hips are a little sore. I bet if I checked them they'd be bruised but I can't convince myself to roll up my sleeves or even change my pants. I feel like my body and my brain are in two different places right now. I don't know what to do. I walk over to my dresser and notice a small ripped piece of paper. On it there was something scratched quickly in blue pen. The handwriting was recognizable. It was Peter's.
"Ging-
Sorry to just drop you off like that. You seemed really out of it so I snuck you in through your window. Hope you aren't too confused. I had a great time tonight ;]
See you in science,
Peter"
I seemed really out of it?! He doesn't even know the half of it. I think about this and start to cry again. The tears feel hot against my pale face. I run to my window and make sure it's locked. As if any minute, Peter will climb in and… ugh I can't even stand to think of what he would do. I crawl back in my bed and stay there, hidden from the world. I can't move. All I can do is lie there and wait.
After what seemed like 15 minutes of sleep I am woken up to the rants of my sister from down the hall. "DAAAAD! GINGER ISN"T EVEN UP YET!" She pokes her head in my room and whispers to me "Don't even think for a second that I won't tell him what time you got in last night. Yeah, I heard you up at 3 in the morning. You know, some of us need our sleep. And judging by your appearance, you probably could have used a few extra hours." She cackles slightly and walks heavy-footed down the stairs. My clock says 6:23. fuck it. I have ten minutes to get ready for school.
"Ging?" There's a small knock on my door and my dad's balding head pokes through cautiously. "If you need I can drive you into school this morning. I heard you crying last night, is everything okay honey?"
"Yeah Dad. I'm fine I just-"my voice breaks and my eyes fill up with tears. I turn my head to hide my crying.
"You sure?" He sits down on my bed next to me and puts his hand on my knee. My brain goes into panic mode and I jump away almost falling off the bed in the process. Another image of Peter flashes in my mind. What's wrong with me? This is my DAD. All he wants to do is help me! I glance at his face. His big blue eyes look confused and unsure of what's wrong.
"A ride to school would be great, Dad. Thanks."
"It's no trouble sweetie. I'll be downstairs when you're ready."
I'll never be ready for this. How can I walk through those halls? What if Peter tells people? Oh God, oh God. What if he tells Grace?! My breathing gets tight and my legs get weak, but I have to do this. I get up and pull out a big sweatshirt and some jeans from my dresser, trying my hardest not to notice the small note that is still resting next to my lamp. My hair looks so bad. That's what happens when I don't shower. Someone's going to notice I look awful. They're going to figure out what happened.
I turn on my iPod on the way to school to avoid a talk with my dad. "Dark Blue" by Jack's Mannequin is the first song to play. Before I know it my dad's 96 Camry pulls into the bus loop. First period is already almost over with which isn't exactly a bad thing considering I have Euro first. My locker is jammed and it takes me an extra five minutes to open it. When the end bell finally rings, the halls rapidly fill up with kids. No one noticed me yet. Thank God. Of course right when I think that I see Tommy making his way down the hallway towards my locker. Kristen is with him. They look angry.
"Ginger Samantha Benson! Where have you been?" Tommy's loud voice booms above the rest and a notice a few confused looks from random freshmen. As if they'd never seen a gay guy.
"Shut up, Tom. Can't you tell she's sick? Look at her! Hair up, baggy clothes?" Kristen's soft voice cuts in over Tommy's. No matter how much he hates to admit it, Kristen will always hold the power over him.
"Oh, sorry babe. I didn't notice. So why didn't you answer your phone last night? I called you like 5 times!"
"Oh, erm, yeah I think I lost it or something." I lied.
"Well whatevs hun, just try and find it soon!" He said back as the warning bell began to ring. "Okay come on Ging, Gym awaits!"
"Actually I uh" need to use the office phone. I'll meet up with you guys later."
The truth was that I just couldn't pull myself to go to Gym. P.E means locker rooms and locker rooms mean changing. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at myself again. I shudder just thinking about being that exposed and another flash of Peter's savage expression races through my mind. This makes me start to sob. But breathless sobs, the type when all you want to do is take a deep breath but it feels like all of a sudden there's no air left to breathe. My legs give out once again and I find myself lying on the checkered floor.
"Are you okay?" I jump up and push myself into the corner. I didn't hear any footsteps. "Hello? Are you okay?"
I study the figure now standing in front of me. "Jack?" I ask cautiously.
"Ha, yeah. You're Ginger right?" He says as he sits down next to me.
"Yeah sorry I was just um… I just slipped and that's why I was on the ground. I should probably just um… I have to get to gym."
"Ha, I didn't know we had the same gym class! I've been skipping since day one. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the girls in their shorts but there's just something about a bunch of sweaty guys playing tackle football that grosses me out." He grins at his own joke and waits for me to smile. When I don't he starts up again "Huh, tough crowd. You know, that one usually works on the ladies. You sick or something?"
"Uh yeah I guess. I'm just a little-" My voice breaks again and I feel my face drain of all color.
"Whoa, is there anything I can help with?" Jack starts to fumble with his words. He pulls a pen out of his pocket and starts to flip it over in between his fingers. When he notices me staring he says "Nervous habit ha. We all have them."
"Mine's nail biting." I say as I sit on my hands so he can't see.
"Ha, nice one. But anyways, are you sure you're okay? You just look… different compared to the other times I've seen you."
He'd seen me before? Hell, I didn't even know who this kid was two days ago. Then again he is kind of shy. He even looks shy. Short red hair, millions of freckles, tall but skinny. He looks like he could weigh 100 pounds! But looking at him now, I realize that he's actually relatively strong. "I just feel a little out of it today. Boy problems and whatnot. You wouldn't be interested." I say, avoiding eye contact.
"Oh okay, well if you really think so. Just know that I'm always here for anyone that needs to talk." He replies and starts to get up. "Just remember that not all guys are douches. There are just a few that ruin the reputation for all of us."
As the day goes on all I can think about is last night. I clench my whole body every ten minutes. It might not make me feel any better but it makes me feel safe. Safe that nothing like that is ever going to happen again. I reassure myself that everything is going to be alright until 9th period comes. I don't know if I can go through with this. I'll just tell Mr. Chreg that I needed to go to the nurse. I'll tell him my stomach hurts, which wouldn't actually be a lie, right? The classroom is already full as I walk up to the round man and begin to open my mouth. "Uh excuse me, Sir?"
"Ms. Benson. You're late. Please take your seat so I can start my lesson." He notices me getting ready to protest "I don't want any of your excuses. Please join Peter in the back."
My mouth gets dry and I can feel the numerous stares as I walk down the aisle, but all I can see is Peter's grinning face looking straight back at my expressionless one. He doesn't notice anything wrong. After several minutes of an uncomfortable silence Peter turns to look at me. "Babe, you're looking… tired. Too much fun last night?" He smirks.
"I didn't have fun." I almost spit at him.
"What do you mean you didn't have fun?" He says, anger rising.
"I didn't want- You made me- I can't-"My voice breaks as my dry lips struggle to form words. "Peter, you raped me" I whisper, still avoiding eye contact.
"Hey, hey, hey. Look at me" He grabs my face and forcefully turns it to look at his. His eyes are now burning and his lips twitch as they curl up at the edges. "What we did wasn't rape. You wanted it just as badly as I did."
"I didn't want THAT. I… I think I'm gunna be sick." I say as I quickly grab my things and run out of the room.
"Ms. Benson!" I hear Mr. Chreg call from inside the class room.
But I'm already gone; I run to the bathroom and brace myself against the mirror. My breathing gets tight but I'm used to it. I put my hands on my knees and take deep, slow breaths until I'm mostly calmed down. Just as I'm about to turn the corner and head back to class, two big hands push me back against the wall. "You didn't tell anyone did you?"
My eyes tear up and I reply "No, Peter please let me go. I promise I didn't tell anyone!"
"You better not have, you little slut. If Grace finds out about this you better watch your back." He says sharply as he moves in closer. "Besides, we both know who's really to blame here. You were sending mixed signals. Why else would you have kissed me back if you didn't want this? I thought we were just friends, Ginger, but boy did you prove me wrong." He smirks and starts to push his hips into mine.
"Peter stop it! Please!" I begin to cry harder as he pushes me toward the open bathroom, still grinding into me. I try to fight back but his grip on my wrists is too strong.
"Peter NO!" I try to scream but the sounds never leave my mouth. He pushes me into a stall and my knees give out once again. I am thrust into the wall so my feet are no longer touching the floor. I let out a small whimper of pain and that leads into more breathless sobs.
"Shh… Baby, it's alright. You want this, remember?" I cry as Peter takes off my sweatshirt and unbuttons my jeans. Oh God, not in school. Anything but this. Please.
"Hey, is everything okay in here?" I hear a voice yell in through the always-opened door. Peter covers my mouth and gives me a look that warns against saying anything. "Hello? Is someone in here?" I can't help myself; I let out a loud cry and struggle to get free of the strong grip holding me up.
"You little bitch!" Peter quietly yells as he slams me once again into the wall.
"Pete? Is that you?" The familiar voice takes a few steps into the tiled room and knocks on the stall door. "Peter, I heard you. What are you doing? Can you just come out of there?" He chuckles nervously, jiggles the handle and the door swings open. "Oh my God! Pete, Let go of her!"
"That whore? She's not worth it. Don't listen to a word she tells you. It's all lies." Peter struggles to explain himself as he backs out the bathroom door.
With my head buried in my hands, feel my body melt into a mess on the dirty tiles. The red haired boy reaches down and picks up my crumpled shirt. "Uh, I… I'm not really sure what to say. What can I…"
"Don't." I cut him off, "Just please, leave me alone." I just barely manage to spit out these words as I grab my shirt from him.
"No, Ginger. Let me help you." He attempts to reach for my arm but I lean away.
"Jack, really. I'm fine. It's no big deal, it's just- Peter, he-" My voice breaks and jack cuts in.
"He was trying to rape you, Ginger."
"No! He didn't know I didn't want to! I was sending mixed signals… That's why he did it again!" I try to convince not only Jack, but myself too.
"Again? Ginger! You mean he's done this before?!"
"No, no. It wasn't like that; he didn't know that I didn't want to!"
"Did you say 'no'?"
"Yeah, but-"
"Then he knew you didn't want to. I can't believe I thought that bastard was my friend." Jack puts his hands over his head and paces slightly before saying, "Is this what you were crying about in the hall this morning?" I nod as his face slowly attains a horrified expression. "Why didn't you tell me!?"
"I barely know you! I haven't told anyone." Then I yell accusingly, "And you can't either!"
"Ginger, you have to tell someone! What he did isn't right! You can't let him get away with this!"
"Oh yeah? Well I'm sorry but I think I have a little more say in when I tell. Peter is going out with my best friend! What am I supposed to tell her?!" I yell.
"Tell her he raped you. Tell her you had nothing to do with it!"
"No. I can't. Please Jack, promise me you won't tell." I plead.
"Ginger, I'll let you figure out how to handle this. But if you don't tell anyone and things keep getting worse, then I'm taking matters into my own hands."
The next few days were rough. I saw Jack in the halls regularly and I avoided eye contact. All he would do is give me a sympathetic look that I couldn't stand. Why did he care so bad? I'm fine. This is my life! I also found myself avoiding Tommy and Kristen. They would call my new phone every so often, asking what has been up with me lately. The truth is, I just don't feel like being with people anymore. I'd much rather be alone. But I figure that'll be hard to do since Grace is coming home tonight. Lord, how am I going to avoid this?
I walk into my bedroom and see that my window is open. My heart starts to pound. I never leave my window open. Not when it's this cold out. Then I notice a folded piece of paper on my bed. As I reach to open it, my mouth gets dry.
"Grace is coming home tonight. Remember what I told you. She'll hate you forever if you tell her your side of the story. She'll never believe you."
Peter's handwriting. I could've guessed. Who else would break into my house just to threaten me? I lie down on my bed and stare at my ceiling. This has been my normal routine for about a week now. Life just doesn't interest me anymore. I can't hold my attention on anything in school and my motivation is lacking horribly. I can't explain it. It's like no matter what I do, I just can't put my all into it. Just as I begin to drift off, I feel my phone buzz.
"Hello...?" I say, sleepily.
"Hey Ging, guess who's back from her long trip in Kansas!!"
"Grace? Oh hey! Uhh I didn't expect to hear your call..."
"Oh yeah? Why wouldn't I call? You aren't still mad about umm the whole Peter thing are you? Look, I'm sorry I just thought maybe you wouldn't mind..." Grace lets out a cautious reply.
"You're dating my ex, Grace. We'd been broken up for, what? A week? But no, you're right... I'm over it."
"Hey Hun, don't sweat it. We should hang out! Are you busy tonight?"
"Uhmm well I don't think-" I struggle to find an excuse.
"Great, I'll be over in a few! See ya soon!"