CONGRATULATIONS! You have purchased a MARIANNE H. JONES UNIT!
Technical Specifications:
Name: Marianne H. Jones. She will also reply to "Arkansas", "Southern girl", "Mary", "Annie", and "OI, BUMPKIN" (say last two at own rick).
Age: 16
Place of Manufacture: New York City, USA
Height: 5'4'
Weight: N/A (it fluctuates with her exercise)
Size: N/A
Your MARIANNE H. JONES unit comes with the following accessories:
One (1) Scythe
One (1) pair of wire-framed eyeglasses
Three (3) plaid, collared shirts
One (1) pack of cherry blossom seeds
One (1) Jaggers unit
Programming:
Your MARIANNE H. JONES unit is equipped with the following traits:
Maid: If she sees something dirty, she will clean it with or without being told. She can't stand the sight of dust or misplaced items. She also looks very attractive in a french maid outfit. Be careful when you tell her to clean; she might become rebellious or claim to be busy, unless of course there is pay.
Bodyguard: Going to a bad part of town? Need protection when you to a club? Your MARIANNE H. JONES unit is the perfect bodyguard. She is quick on her feet and has amazing reflexes. In a second, she can have any threat eliminated without breaking a sweat. She is also quiet enough to blend into the background for sneak attacks or when you don't want to seem suspension.
Farmer/gardener: She really has a green thumb. She can make almost anything grow with ease and she will always enjoy being surrounded by plants. She can grow things from tulips to cherry blossoms to corn and cotton. If you ever run out of food, she will gladly grow you something delicious.
Tutor: She is a mathematical genius and will make sure you know it. She can help you get an A in all math related classes. She could even pass as a teacher if the students don't piss her off. Simply ask for help with your math and watch as she makes numbers easy to understand.
Computer Expert: Your MARIANNE H. JONES unit is very good with computers. She can unlock any password in less than ten seconds. She can easily gain government classified Information if you ask her to. She can even erase permanent records and make fake I.D.s for you or friends. This unit is also good at adding spy-wear and viruses to any computer within range.(We, the owners of this company, are not responsible for any arrests as a result of this unit.)
Removal of your MARIANNE H. JONES from Packaging:
Your MARIANNE H. JONES unit is a mostly quiet, calculating unit but she has a short temper and can hold a grudge for decades. Her temper my lead to server problem in the future. In order to avoid this, we have provided you with a fail-proof ways to carefully wake her up and reprogram her!
1. Yell "Corn and Cotton" next to the box. She will yell back cheerfully, "fifty cents a pound". You can then open the box and she will look to you for corn and cotton. She will be a little disappointed if there is no corn of cotton but she will happily introduce herself and will allow you to reprogram her. She will also be moderately considerate towards you.
2. Open the bow and place a pumpkin next to the box. She will get out of the box, pick up the pumpkin, and ask if you want cookies. You can reprogram her before or after she makes some pumpkin cookies.
3. Speak Russian or with a Russian accent. The box will begin to shake. When you open it, MARIANNE H. JONES will cautiously come out, expecting to see and IVAN BRAGINSKI unit. Once she finds out there isn't one nearby, you can reprogram her.
4. Turn on her Jaggers unit. He'll bark and your MARIANNE H. JONES unit will get out of the box herself. You can reprogram her while she is petting the Jaggers unit.
5. Open the box and pull her cowlick. Her eyes will snap open and when she sees you, she will growl at you. After she gets out of the box, she is ready to be reprogrammed.
Reprogramming
After successfully waking your MARIANNE H. JONES unit and getting her out of her box, you can reprogram her. Besides being a quiet teenage girl, she can be switched to any of the following modes:
Quiet (default)
Short-tempered (default)
Patient
Mellow
Playful
Southern (locked)
Berserk (locked)
MARIANNE H. JONES comes in her default modes Quiet, which mean she will not bother you unless completely necessary and can blend in with a crowd; her short-tempered mode lintels that she will not hesitate to get vocal or physical to protect her beliefs as well as convert you to her side. She may also come off as blunt and sneaky with her half-hearted comments and ability to appear out of nowhere.
His patient mode can only be unlocked by crying to her about her faults or about how she never listens to you. She will at first be defensive and she will either argue that she does listen or get huffy. In Patient mode, MARIANNE H. JONES is far more serious and icy than normal, and will listen to everything you have to say and only give her opinion when asked for it. She will not show much emotion and she will most likely find a simple solution to any problem you may have. The only way to get her out of this mode is to talk about crops.
MARIANNE H. JONES's Mellow mode is simple to unlock, let her read spiritual books, point out shapes in the clouds, or wake her up at the right time in the morning. She will be warm and not as up tight as usual but she will seem distant or dreamy at times. She will even go so far as to start hugging you. There is no effective way to get her out of this mode so you just have to let her get out of it herself.
Playful mode is very much like mellow mode but instead of MARIANNE H. JONES daydreaming and being warm, she will be mischievous and loud. It can be activated by anything that makes her laugh. She is most likely to go into this mode if near children for a long enough amount of time. She will even enjoy throwing around a Frisbee or having a poke war. She will pull pranks or tease you good-naturedly. She is fun in this mode but it is difficult to keep her in this mode more than a few hours before she goes back to defaults.
This unit's Southern mode is locked and for good reason; It is easy to unlock and a little harder to deactivate. To activate this mode, simply use southern stereotypes casually around her. She will start to cling to her scythe and speak with a southern accent. She will also begin wearing overalls and playing the harmonica. In this mode, MARIANNE H. JONES will be extremely hostile towards anyone that offends her or will offend her. The Jaggers unit will also begin to growl stay close to your MARRIANNE H. JONES unit and will basically become a guard dog. To get her out of this mode, ask her for help with a math problem. She will call you stupid, solve it for you, and explain her answer. Praise her for being smart and she will be dragged into her defaults or mellow mode.
The last mode, Berserk, is extremely dangerous and extremely difficult to unlock. You have to put her through multiple amounts of frustrating tasks. Eventually, she will cling to her scythe and act unpredictably about the smallest things. In this mode, she's sadistic, mentally unstable, prone to enraged screaming or howling, and unlikely to let you get too close to her; if you can manage to have her sit still long enough to remind her that the confederacy lost the civil war, she'll return to normal. She is several times more likely to begin a relationship with an IVAN BRAGINSKI in this mode, especially if the unit in question is in his Out of Character mode. Another fun option is enough time with a Dere-dere mode ARTHUR KIRKLAND or other unit in their happy modes, it'll knock MARIANNE H. JONES right back into defaults!
Relationships with Other Units
ARTHUR KIRKLAND: Your MARIANNE H. JONES and ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit are very close. Even though she calls this unit "Mom", it is a clear brother sister relationship. Your unit will go to this unit for advise or when she has nothing better to do. They act like family but if you can get them over that barrier there might be something more...
IVAN BRAGINSKI: Your unit fears IVAN BRAGINSKI with every fiber of her being. She will most likely use you, the owner, as a shield just to get away from this unit. However, in berserk mode your MARIANNE H. JONES will easily feel romantic for this unit.
LUDWIG: Your unit will most likely enjoy this unit's company. They have a fasination with BDSM and will sometime practice it on other units. If she stayes with a LUDWIG unit for too long, she will come home with light scrapes and marks. Chances of a relationship between these two units are slim but we advise setting up cameras if they are together.
KIKU HONDA: Your MARIANNE H. JONES unit shows great support for Japanese culture. She shows an incredible skill of speaking japanese and will often know random japanese facts. She sometimes teaches this unit about deep traditions or other customs. There might be more of a relationship but it is hard to tell...
Cleaning
MARIANNE H. JONES is perfectly capable of cleaning herself, but she doesn't mind bathing with other people. We don't recommend it because if she is in Playful mode and she may drown you.
Feeding
Your unit likes to cook and will cook for the both of you. Ever so often she will ask you to make something and she is not picky what you feed her. She will absolutely refuse to do the dishes.
Rest
Your MARIANNE H. JONES unit is constantly staying up late to read or working. She is happiest when woken up at 10 a.m. She will not be angry if you wake her up no earlier than 8a.m. and might wake up in Mellow mode if you wake her up at just the right time. She might, however, go into Berserk mode if you let her sleep in later than 11a.m.
FAQ
Q: My unit keeps saying lewd things and giving me sultry looks. She's usually so distant and uninerested so what do I do?
A: She has slipped into Seductive mode and will try to lead you to any bedroom nearby. It is thought that if she stares at someone long enough, this mode is randomly activated. She becomes very persuasive and romantic and very toucy. If you are patient and deny her advances, she will eventually get frustrated and lose interest.
Q: She keeps glaring at me and telling me to get some friends or a girlfriend/boyfriend.
A: MARIANNE H. JONES is actually a sensitive unit and you may have unknowingly offended or annoyed her. She may stop if you do get out of the house more or actually get a girlfriend/boyfriend.
Q: My MARIANNE H. JONES unit has disappeared!
A: She most likely tending to her garden, at a bookstore, visiting a LUDWIG or ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit. Don't worry; she will always be back home before 10 p.m.
Q: My MARRIANNE H. JONES unit just used my life savings to by land.
A: She will use the land for farming. This is actually a good thing because she can refill your life-savings tenfold. Her agricultural skills can be very rewarding at a farmer's market or a vegetable store.
Troubleshooting
Problem: You opened the box and found, instead of your normal serious MARIANNE H. JONES unit, you find a girl who looks about twelve years old or so. She doesn't respond to you and glares off into the corner, staying in her room, and occasionally crying. She also refuses to do anything you ask, and calls you a "union bastard".
Solution: Oops! We've gone and sent you a Civil War! MARIANNE H. JONES. In this mode, She will be sad for hurting her siblings but furious for them fighting against her. She'll only talk to ARTHUR KIRKLAND and will like the presence of FRANCIS BONNEFOIS. If you don't want her moping and glaring at you, just call Customer Services and send her right back!
Problem: Your unit is constantly smiling. She looks like she is enjoying your company even if she says otherwise, playing Tetris, and seems that every time she is near, you get a chill down your spine; she also spends lengthy amounts of time in her garden and has a habit of saying speaking in random Russian.
Solution: Congrats! You've managed to unlock MARIANNE H. JONES's Russian mode! The way she acts was brought on by the Cold War tension; how she gets into this mode is by letting her play Tetris too long, but you can get her out of it by leaving her with a KIKU HONDA unit for a few weeks.
End Notes
With enough care, patience, and pumpkins, you'll find MARIANNE H. JONES to be a reliable friend and a loveable teen. We hope you enjoy your time with her. Good luck!
A/N: I just wanted to do this so badly. All typeos fixed and more stuff added to make it more manual-y (that's a word now.) Let me know how I did in a review or PM. Kei-chan out!