Summary: Claude is attracted to everyone and everything.
Inspired by: Ciel in a Box, Like a Butler, and all the other parody geniuses! Plus, the fact that everything I say here is backed by proof in the anime.
Notes:
-Spoilers for season II events.
-1st verse deals with Sebastian, 2nd talks about Ciel. After that, it's a mix
XxX
Jizz in My (well, Claude's) Pants
Lock eyes from across the room
We ignore the people dying from Hannah's tunes
Give you a curt nod and skip the threats
No need here for our stupid demon pacts
Make our way through the dancing crowd
Your eyes seem to smile and you swiftly bow
Move in close, trade some words, and then
Alois says I've got to solve this in ten
Leave here and go to the lake outside
Argument heats up and I hurt your pride
We start to fight and then you're sopping wet
The next thing I know, I've got you 'round the chest—
And I jizz. In. My. Pants.
.
I swear this never happens, well, only once, with Master
And it was only because he wasn't wearing a shirt
This is mainly your fault, with your sexy smirk
And now I jizz in my pants
Don't tell Alois or I'll say you lie
Plus your groping hands are not exactly shy
I'm very sensitive, some would say that's dandy
And more than once, it has come in handy.
xXx
Next day at my pad, our masters were gone
We ditched our fight; we knew that something was wrong
Found my master on Ciel in the library
Well, at least I can say that he takes after me.
The blood was flying, would've watched and laughed
But my contract says I've got to save Master's ass
When I pulled them apart Ciel slapped my face
His bloody fingerprints made my heart start to race
The smell was so good I couldn't let it go to waste
I stuck out my tongue just to get a taste and I
Jizzed. In. My. Pants.
.
It's perfectly normal, any demon would
Only difference is that I'm the demon that could
Now I'm standing here in this awkward mess
Because I jizzed in my pants
To be fair, that blood's worth dying for
Edward Cullen would ditch Twilight just to taste some more
Screw Bella, if people say her blood is "good"
Then let's just say Ciel's gives me instant wood.
xXx
Last week, I saw a box
As I recall, it was a large box
I imagined Ciel curled up inside
His butler couldn't find a better place to hide
And I Jizzed. In. My. Pants.
.
The other day, I was polishing some glasses
Reminded me of the party where you kicked our asses
I remember the way you went side to side
Caressing those glasses like a kitten's hide
Made me jizz in my pants.
.
Crocheted a spider web to catch Ciel's soul
And I jizzed in my pants
.
Made an origami ring and it reminded me of him
And I jizzed in my pants
.
For no apparent reason, I danced on the banister
And I jizzed in my pants
.
Ciel kicked me in the face
And I jizzed in my pants
.
I set the table. . .
Ok seriously Rennes, can I. . . . ok?
.
I really don't know why
I can't fall for less than three guys at a time
I swear I had chosen Ciel as my lord
When Sebastian showed up in his true form
Made me Jizz. In. My. Pants
.
Sebastian and I, no one's worse or better
He's got a trunk, but I've got a dresser
In his, there's a bocchan all limp and bare
In mine, there's 50 extra boxer pairs
'Cause I Jizz. In. My. Pants.
.
Jizz in my pants
Yes I jizz in my pants…
Jizz in my pants
Yes I jizz in my pants…
(And so on and so forth)
XxX
A/N
If anything here seems off-mark, I invite you: go watch Kuroshitsuji II episodes 6 and 7. In a span of about 30 minutes, Claude gropes just about every single main character. And at 20:50-21:10 of episode 7, Claude jizzes his pants. Seriously. The evidence is irrefutable.
PS I tested this song, and it goes to the original music astonishingly well! I wish I could make a music video, but I'm not that good with that kind of stuff :(