The Pill

Chapter 1:

Any moment now...

Zim's eyes were glued to the static on the computer screen. Every so often, when his vision went blurry, he'd blink.

Any minute now, they'll be calling me back. My Tallest will appear on the screen and tell me that they were just testing my loyalty, or that it was just a joke! Those two have always had an odd sense of humor...

He wasn't sure how long he'd been waiting now. It could have been days or merely hours. Zim had originally contacted his leaders to inform them of his latest invention, a pill that would grant any Irken the immunity to water enjoyed by the wretched humans! He'd come up with the idea during his literature class, when they'd read the story of the Achilles, a Greek boy whose mother held him by the heel of his foot and dipped the rest of his body into an enchanted lake. Every part of his body that the water touched became indestructible! It was only the heel of his foot that could be damaged, and in the end it was his downfall. But Zim was not as foolish as those humans. The pill he'd created worked by his perfected method of gene therapy: One would take the pill, wait for it to circulate throughout his system, and then immerse himself completely in the hateful water. Like a vaccine that contained the very virus it was meant to fight! Everywhere the liquid touched would become totally water resistant! He'd never have to worry about forgetting to bathe in paste again, and that irksome Dib-human would have one less weapon to use against him!

There was, however, one slight drawback. Because of his race's sensitivity to water, the entire immunization process had to take place in exactly one second. This meant that, after that allotted time-frame, any part of his body that hadn't gotten wet would become his 'Achilles Heel' and he wouldn't have another chance to do it over. His immune system's superior responsiveness would make it difficult, if not impossible, for the immunization to be repeated. For this reason the garden hose would not suffice, and neither would jumping into a pool. At least not from the pitiful height of a normal diving board. He'd have to find someplace higher; so that the planet's gravity would speed the immersion and make full use of the precious milliseconds it took to break the skin of the water's surface.

And he'd have to do it naked.

It would take too long for the water to soak through the clothing and get to his skin; this included his wig and contacts, so he'd have to do it at night, when there would be fewer humans about. But the Irkens on the Massive and on his home planet need not take such precautions. He would be praised as a hero, perhaps they might even invite him to come home early and host a banquet in his honor. It would at least show them that his time on Earth (while he had yet to conquer it) had not been wasteful.

Of course, this was all in theory, as he had yet to test it. All other Earth creatures were already water-proof, and there were no local Irkens to use as guinea pigs. Hesitant to risk his own safety, Zim hoped that once he'd convinced his Tallest of the benefits, they would send him one.

Which was why he was sitting there now, waiting for them to call him back. They hadn't given him a chance to tell them of his invention, hadn't even listened to him long enough for him to give the proper greetings before Tallest Red had begun screaming; screaming at Zim, telling him all sorts of horrible things that simply couldn't be true. They just couldn't be!

Although he hadn't told them about it, perhaps his leaders had somehow learned of the Earth holiday 'April Fools' and had decided to adopt their own version of it. This was merely their way of introducing it to him.

Yes, that was it. It was all just a joke!

Zim blinked, Any second now... there!

Suddenly he could see the forms of his Tallests from the black and white static on the screen, like the ones you can make out of a Magic Eye image. Through the white noise of the static he could hear their slightly garbled speech! He'd have to check his visual and audio filters later. For now, he listened closer.

"Bzzzzztgxz-just-a-joke-Zzzzzzzim!"

Yes! They were there! He could see them! They were black and white and their shapes twitched and faded in and out of focus, but they were there! They were laughing, and Red was saying something. It sounded to Zim as if he'd heard this before, that the words he was hearing now were the echo of a recent memory. Zim strained his antennae forward and listened.

"Bzzzzzzzzzzzt-you're-just-joke-Zim!-zzzzzzzzzzzzt "

The Tallest were laughing again. Their laughter buzzed like a swarm of killer death bees, and their forms shook and wavered with the force of their laughter...

Zim's uprooted chair slammed into them, the black and white fuzz solidifying into a dark grey as the liquid crystals in his computer screen oozed out through the broken glass.

But he could still hear their buzzing laughter. It came from everywhere and nowhere, it bounced off the walls and the ceiling and the floor, never fading... in fact, it seemed to only become louder.

Someone screamed. The sound could barely be heard over the laughter. Zim felt his body become too hot and he shuddered, a muscle spasm, like a sharp, oppressing cough racked him. The scream came again and again, until the raw feeling in his throat revealed its source. When the feeling passed, he noticed his hands were bleeding. They were clenched shut and he could see the blood seep out between his claws. The wires and cables that hung and protruded from all around his lab were ripped out and sparking viciously, broken beakers and test tubes littered the floor and crunched under his boots wherever his feet landed. His lab was completely trashed! Ruined! But Zim didn't care. He had to get out of there. His house was being filled with ghost bees, invisible buzzing demons sent from Blorch to take him back to Foodcourtia! NEVER! They'd never take him alive!

Zim fled to his elevator shoot, only to find it was no longer operational. The wires connecting the power to it dangled shredded and useless at its sides. Zim lost no time in jumping inside, tearing out its ceiling and using his spider legs to crawl up the shaft.

He soon reached ground floor and the noise there wasn't so bad... but he could feel himself being followed. The sound of bees buzzed up the shaft behind him and started spreading... started to fill this part of the house as well.

But that would be as far as they got, Zim thought. He'd trap them here, seal up all the windows, the doors, the mouse-beast holes, everything crack and crevice; then later, when he'd built a new base and a new lab, he'd come back and destroy this place, and the evil buzzing creatures with it!

"C... Co..."

Computer! Activate emergency lock-down! Seal the basement entrance and ready the voot for take-off!

Is what Zim WANTED to say, but his voice was still too hoarse. He tried again, "Cohh... cohmph... *cough-cough-hack-wheezzze*"

The noise was getting louder again. The computer might not be able to hear him even if he'd been able to shout properly now. He was running out of time...

He spotted a window, the one that GIR always left open. He sprinted towards it and jumped out, turning to slam it shut as soon as he was clear with such force that any normal human window would have shattered.

Then he ran.

He wasn't sure where he was going BUT, he wasn't running away. NOT ZIM! This was a tactical retreat! Yes! He just had to go somewhere where he could hear himself think then he'd come up with a plan. Maybe Gir could...

It occurred to him to wonder where the little robot was. Was he trapped inside? Had he escaped?

"It doesn't matter," said the spectator outside himself. He looked like Zim in his human disguise. "If he escaped he'll find you sooner or later. If he didn't, there's no helping him right now. You should be more worried about yourself."

Zim looked down and took stock. His fists were bruised and he was bleeding a little from various places. His clothes were torn up, and he'd left his wig and contacts inside the base.

Zim gave the spectator a 'Now, what?' look.

The spectator crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes in thought. "We need a new base of operations until we can disinfest the house," he said. "And we must do it soon! As stupid as the human-pigs are, they might notice a house full of buzzing bees and try to investigate..."

He remained quiet for a while and just when Zim's patience was about to run out he spoke again.

"Dib's house."

Zim's jaw dropped and he gaped at the spectator in disbelief. Perhaps the bees had already gotten to him and he'd gone insane. Or perhaps it was Zim who was insane and the spectator was sane and that's why the plan sounded insane to him.

"He already knows what you are," the spectator explained. "You've worked together to take down a common threat before and if the bees escape they'll be a threat to his beloved rotating ball of filth too. He'll have no choice but to help you."

Zim nodded. The plan made sense now. But that may have been because they were both insane.

The specter stopped running and after noticing his absence, Zim did too. When he looked up, he noticed they'd arrived at their destination. Confronted with this, Zim suddenly felt he really shouldn't be there. This might be a mistake. He couldn't trust the Earth-filthy! But even as these thoughts went through his mind, Zim's bloody, clawed fist was already reached out on its own and knocking on the door.

(End Chapter 1)