Goodbyes

Spock reached his room just before the emotions he was battling overpowered him.

He slid down the, now closed, door and drew his knees up to his chest, burying his face into his hands and letting the sobs thunder through his whole body.

The Captain was dead.

Jim was dead.

Jim was dead.

An away mission gone so wrong so quickly, too quickly for Spock to react, to save him and it was all over, no going back, no changing what happened because now Spock was the Captain and the crew was counting on him to be strong for them.

But he couldn't.

His face burned with tears, his mind whirling at a million miles a second with no signs of stopping and Spock was falling.

Falling deeper and deeper into oblivion and there was no one to pull him back, to haul him up from the darkness of his own emotions and tell him everything was going to be okay because it wasn't.

It was never going to be okay because Jim was...Jim was gone.

Suddenly something snapped Spock out of his downward spiral. It was his computer on his desk. The slow beep that signified that he had a message resounded around the room.

"Computer, identify the sender of the message." Spock managed to force out, his voice hoarse from his tears.

The computer beeped before a monotone female voice answered.

"Message sender identified as James Tiberius Kirk."

Spock's body jerked up from the floor and he bolted over to the computer, sitting down quickly and accessing the message.

A small gasp escaped Spock's lips as Jim's face appeared on the computer screen, his pale blue eyes sparkling with so much life.

"Hi Spock, you're probably wondering how I sent this. I programmed the computer to send this video message only when a specific event has occurred."

Jim's voice was music to Spock's ears and he would have given anything to be able to reach through the computer and touch the man.

"I guess if you're watching this it means that I'm...dead," Jim paused to chuckle, "I'm guessing it was during an away mission. You and Bones always did warn me that I was way to reckless, took too many risks."

Spock let a half smile tease his lips.

"Now Spock, I have three things that I want you to promise me, and don't think you can get away with breaking these promises because Bones is getting one of these messages too and I'm gonna make him make sure that you keep them, got it?"

Spock nodded slightly; despite the fact that he knew that Jim couldn't see him.

"Promise number one. Don't blame yourself. I know for a fact that right now you'll be beating yourself up about how you 'weren't able to save me' but don't, Spock. I hate to think that after I'm gone you would think it was your fault."

Spock felt more tears rolling down his cheeks, dripping from his face onto the desk.

"Promise number two. Look after everyone. My death means that you're the new Captain and I can't think of anyone I would rather have look after the crew when I'm gone," Jim coughed slightly, his eyes brimming with tears, "take extra care of Bones. He looks tough on the outside but I know he'll be falling apart inside. He always looked out for me. As much as he grumbled about being a doctor and not a babysitter, I know he cared a lot about me."

Spock watched as Jim's tears fell from his eyes, rolling down that perfect skin and leaving sparkling trails behind. Jim chuckled nervously, clearing his throat as he wiped away his tears.

"Promise number three; and this is the most important one," Jim looked away for a moment before looking directly at the camera and almost directly into Spock's entire being, "never forget me."

The air was ripped from Spock's lungs and he felt himself break completely at the sadness in Jim's voice.

"Promise you won't forget me. I don't care if everyone else forgets but I couldn't bear it if you forgot, forgot all those moments of happiness you gave me and I hope I gave you too."

Jim was almost sobbing by now, his voice wavering with held-in tears and Spock was not much better.

"I never told you Spock but, I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before and I can promise you that up until my last breath I will love you."

Spock felt his heart flutter with sorrow at having never heard those words come from the man when he was alive.

"I know I'll never tell you. I'm terrified that you won't return my feelings and our friendship is too precious to me to ruin by scaring you off."

Spock thought his whole body would break as his sobs consumed his once more.

He had returned those feelings, did return those feelings and oh if only one of them had been brave enough to tell the other!

Spock would have gladly paid his life to be able to go back in time right now and tell Jim that he loved him too, loved him more than anything in the whole of space.

"Jim...T'hy'la." Spock whispered, touching his fingers to the computer monitor, trying to somehow imagine that he was actually stroking Jim's face softly, trying to imagine what the warm skin would feel like under his fingertips and what the thoughts that would leak through him would look like.

"So, Captain Spock. Good ring to it huh?" Jim chuckled sadly.

Spock's lips quivered as a small smile graced his lips.

"I was never the type of person that believed in an afterlife or anything like that but...I know we'll meet again."

Spock raised an eyebrow slightly. Jim laughed.

"And I can imagine that right now you've raised an eyebrow and have that look on your face that just says 'what the hell are you on about?' but trust me Spock..." Jim smiled sadly.

"It was too much of a coincidence for me to meet the other you and find out that in his alternative reality that he and the other me were bonded. Too much of a coincidence not to mean anything and I hope...no I know, that it means that we were meant to be together, whether just as friends or more." Jim explained.

Spock felt his heart skip a beat at the mention of bonding with Jim.

"I've always hated goodbyes so I'll make this quick," Jim bought up his right hand, separating his fingers and performing the Vulcan salute, "live long and prosper Spock, I will always love you. Remember that."

That's when the message cut out, a black screen replacing Jim's face.

"Live long and prosper T'hy'la, I will never forget you." Spock whispered.

He sighed, letting all his barriers come down and finally letting himself feel his emotions, letting them course though his veins and cloud his logic thoughts.

He moved slowly towards the window that looked out into the nothingness that surrounded them.

Spock stared out and stood peacefully, taking a moments silence in reverent remembrance as Jim's words spiralled through his head.

/We'll meet again./

Soo...yeah I know it seems rushed. I wrote this in about half an hour while listening to 'Iron and Wine - Such Great Heights' on repeat ^_^ Just something that came into my head and I had to get it out. Sorry it's rather depressing! Review please xx