A/N: *sighs* Last night was troubling for me. It was good b/c everything worked out with CB, but it was my most confusing GG episode, for real. I mean, I didn't blame Chuck for uninviting Blair. It really irritated me throughout the episode how bitchy she was being. *grumbles* I mean, I think most people (who knew about the spoilers at least) were expecting to be Chuck-biased in 3x06 and Blair-biased in 3x07, but it was just the opposite for me. I mean…going behind his back? And calling Jack?! Of all people…seriously, I wasn't going to surprised if the whole Jack/Blair scandal was brought up again. Thank-fully it wasn't. Oh, and CB's official reunion? Made no sense whatsoever. Chuck can never really trust Blair completely (not to mention the possibility of her not being able to trust him) and they're not a team (great or otherwise) because they're too selfish? *did not really understand his words in explaining this* But, it's okay *mocking voice* b/c it's part of what makes them interesting?? *sighs* And then they kiss and everything's all better. *rolls eyes* I SO liked my version better. Usually I'm upset if my spoilery pre-episode episode isn't even close, but I'm glad mine wasn't this time. *sighs and shakes head* Chuck/Blair…*grumbles* well, whatever. I will have to accept this by next week. *sigh* SB doesn't really worry me actually. Lol. They always come back together in a couple episodes. Eric/Jenny is tragic since they've never really full on fought before, but something about it makes me see that she may become the new Blair in high school, and ironically I'm okay with it. Lol. But I would love for her to abandon it and make it up to Eric to, so…*shrug* whatever. Lol. Everything seriously dramatic just never worries me (not really anyways) these days unless it's angst with Chuck & Blair. Lol. *is hopeless*
But I did not intend for this to be an episode response, since I really only put those at the top of my profile *encourages you to read it XD*…this little one-shot is an idea I had a few weeks ago (I think). But as you well know, I'm sure (if you've got me on author alert), 3-shots…one shots…multi-chaptered updates…they got in the way. Lol. *has too many ideas it's insane* The idea of this one-shot though is that it's going to be Chuck's bachelor party (the night before the wedding?) and he's thinking about getting a stripper…Blair agrees to it. *smirk*
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"Chuck wants to have a stripper for his bachelor party."
"Strippers," Nate muttered under his breath, mock-coughing to cover up his very obvious blurt out of words. Serena and Eric's eyes zoomed in on their friend, the horrible actor. Serena glared.
" 'Scuse you," her eyebrows narrowed.
He coughed a little more. "Thank-you," he said.
Blair's eyes had widened initially but then her face calm over, and they knew…all hell was about to break loose. She stood to her feet from her spot on the couch, and all of their eyes followed her as she walked across the room.
Four of them had come. Eric, Nate, Serena and Dan. They knew how disrespected Dan was in Blair Waldorf's (soon-to-be Bass) eyes, and if insults, objects or any other type of fury were the end result of their secret information, they knew it would be invoked on him.
They didn't tell him this of course, but he could gather the purpose of his presence once the plan was explained on the way over in the limo.
Blair stopped at the window and focused her attention on the distant skyscrapers across the city. "So," she began, smiling wide as she turned towards them.
Gulp.
"Whose bright idea was it to come and tell me this?" she raised her eyebrows. All of their eyes zeroed in on Serena. The blonde stood to her feet, and walked towards her best friend.
"I just thought you should know, B. I know how jealous you get, and—"
"It's his bachelor party, S. If he's going to have to stay faithful to me the rest of our lives…" she trailed off. Eric looked to the other two, completely unconvinced, Nate appeared to be forgetting why they were there in the first place, and Dan was starting to sweat at the despairingly cheery voice of Blair Waldorf (soon-to-be Bass)
The brunette cleared her throat, noticing their unsettling facial expression and glared past Serena to the males taking over her couch and chair beside it. "Then the least I can do is let him cheat on me for one night." She smiled brightly and Serena gaped, not even stopping her best friend when she moved past her towards the kitchen. The three boys turned to watch her, their eyes widening with shock at her words and terror as to what was going to come next.
Serena followed after her slowly. "B, he's not—"
Her eyes snapped up. "Oh, I know…he's not cheating, per say," she looked up to a distant blank spot on the far wall, "he's just having a bachelor party," she shrugged. "He's living out that last little smidgen of a single male's life he can. I mean, let's face it," she chuckled, and it made them particularly nervous, "If he does anything near to what I'm sure he's capable of doing with a stripper after we're married…I'll kill him."
And she was so cheery and confident in her answer, they actually thought she would.
"It's not as if he's actually going to have sex with her," Dan stated, leaning back in the plush chair. Eric and Nate's eyes zoomed in on him, and he had the thought that he had not said something right, or…completely. "Err—them?" he questioned, unsure. Eric rolled his eyes, throwing his face firm into his hand.
"Humphrey," Blair stated, seeming to register for the first time he was actually there. "What are you doing here?" she was confused and angry and Dan realized in that instance he should have kept his mouth shut. When he agreed on coming…he should have tried his very best not to actually think about the situation, and instead keep his mouth shut.
He cleared his throat, and began pointing his finger towards the two still on the couch. Eric's head had snapped up by now and he mouthed No! while shaking his head to him. Nate gaped on the realization that Dan's finger was pointed at them.
"Uh…" his mouth opened, thoughts suddenly leaving him. Perfect timing, idiot.
Blair stalked over to the three of them, hand on hip, and eyes narrowing. Serena gulped and forced herself to walk over to them, whatever wrath may be released by Blair Waldorf (soon-to-be Bass).
"Who," she demanded.
"Now, B, Dan's right—"
Blair's eyes flashed to those hopeful blue ones and the boys were grateful to have the fiery orbs off of them for the time being.
"You would be supporting your brother/ex-boyfriend, wouldn't you?"
Serena's jaw dropped a little, but Blair so clearly just considered it as an annoyance, rolling her eyes and heading back towards the kitchen. She finally recalled her reason for going there in the first place and reached into the fridge for some fruit. Eric's eyes widened on sight, half his face ducked in the couch as he watched her.
Uh oh, things to throw.
She brought out a cutting board and a couple long, sharp knives from the drawer to her right.
…and stab with.
Dan's breath caught in his throat. Nate's eyes darted to the other two boys and then looked to Serena in a sign of help. The standing blonde bit her lip and tentatively headed towards her friend. Eric gulping, fearing this whole transaction. Maybe they shouldn't have told her. Then Chuck would just have to deal with the aftermath, not them. Unless she found out they knew about it beforehand of course…then they would all be on the schedule for private executions.
"What does the word stripper remind you of, S?" she asked, before Serena had even gotten close to her.
She cleared her throat. "Is that a…rhetorical question?"
Blair sighed, going back to cutting the fruit. "It reminds me of a tramp that strips."
Nate pondered the fact of the two words—tramp and stripper—quite possibly meaning the same thing, but for once in his life he did not say anything. Dan sunk into the chair and just watched the two girls attempting to deal with the situation. Eric's eyes were zoned in on that humungous knife in Blair's hand…and how easily it could be thrown. Like a dagger. Or a dart.
Serena pursed her lips, searching for the right words to say or if she should endanger her life any further by speaking. "B…" she sighed.
Blair looked up at her, pausing in cutting up her fruit, gripping tightly to the handle of the silver sharp knife.
"What's the worst that could happen?" she offered, and Blair gaped. So did the three boys sitting on the couch and chair behind her. She could feel the heat of their gaze and decided it was best if she did not look at all four of them at once…to avoid being thrown out the window.
The brunette dropped her knife on the counter—Eric breathed a sigh of relief—and walked over to her. "What the worst that could happen?!" she shrieked.
The boys ducked their heads beneath the head of their sitting devices.
Serena nodded slowly. "Yes…"
Blair scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest. "He could get a lap dance. He could see a woman in basically nothing, wanting to do anything with him for what could be…hours."
The blonde blinked, her eyes widening simultaneously, but she stood her ground. Blair's eyes narrowed.
"He has not cheated on me throughout our entire relationship, and this is the most extreme way to tempt infidelity." She turned back for the kitchen and began cutting her fruit again, even if quite honestly they were cut up as much as one could possibly manage. "So no, I don't care what Chuck wants. He's not getting a stripper. I'm not going to tease him with his old life," she looked back up to Serena, hardly noticing that the dormant speakers on the couch had raised their heads just above the top of the couch and chair. "I had enough trouble trying to get him to tell me he loved me."
She cleared her throat softly, swiftly tossing the juice-covered knife into the dish washer. Serena took it as their cue to leave and inclined her head to the three petrified—though now slightly eased—boys in the living room. They stood to their feet and followed Serena towards the door, just a few paces behind her.
"See ya later, B," Serena muttered, and Blair nodded to her.
The three in the lead didn't even notice when Nate abruptly stopped and turned to Blair. "Why are you cutting fruit anyways?" he asked, confused. "Isn't that what the maid service is for? Where's Dorota?" he looked around, after directly his genuinely perplexed face towards the fiery brunette. Her eyes blazed fire at him, but he was oblivious. Eric and Dan turned back to him and Serena looked at Blair, fearing for what would happen next.
Maybe Dan wasn't going to be the target.
"What, Nate?" her voice was low as she placed the cut fruit into three separate bowls, one for each kind. He looked back to her and gulped.
"I—I…"
"You nothing," she walked up to him, determined. Eric and Dan prepared themselves to lunge at him and protect him from the vixen's wrath. "Dorota has the day off," she spat, heading back to her spot behind the corner.
Nate released a breath and turned to the others. They nodded and made for the door again.
"You know what?" her eyes looked up to them cheerily. "I think I was being a little too strict," she chuckled. "You guys were right," she beamed, placing her bowls very distinctly across the front of the counter.
They all turned to her.
"B, are you sure?" Serena asked.
Eric moved a pace ahead of them all. "Yeah, we can tell him if you don't want him to. I know how you feel about—"
"Guys, no—Eric, Serena," she sighed. "It's his bachelor party. Of course he can have a stripper."
The door opened.
"Chuck!" they all said the moment he walked through, his head poking in first. His eyebrows narrowed in confusion.
"What are you all—?"
"Chuck, darling," Blair beamed, immediately drying her hands on a fluffy towel by the sink and walking towards him. She wrapped her arms around him as the four stood stalk still in their place. When Chuck went to kiss her, she turned her face and instead placed a single, quick peck on his cheek. "I heard about the number one thing on your check list." He made to look confused at her, but an instant later directed an angry glare at the four who were trying to avoid his gaze behind them.
"You want a stripper for your bachelor party?" she batted her eyelashes innocently. He looked back at her.
"Blair, I never said—"
"Aww, you didn't have to, sweetie…" she patted the side of his face and stroked the collar on his jacket.
He cringed. She never called him sweetie. And her touch felt painful tagged along with it.
"…your little messengers came over and told me for you," her voice squeaked, and her smile widened across her face.
Chuck's lips parted and he sucked in his breath. "You know I'm not going to—"
"Don't be silly," her smile lessened to a devious smirk. "I'll call Victrola right away. I know that's where your favorites are," she winked, heading out of the adjoining rooms to her bedroom. "By the way, there's some fruit on the counter!" she called out, moments before she disappeared from view.
Once she was gone he turned his head to the four still standing petrified before him, less than five feet away. Pure evil glazed across his eyes.
Gulp.
Maybe she wouldn't be the executioner either.
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Well, the night had come, and as much as he had tried to prevent it and fix up a romantic evening for the two of them instead, she insisted on a bachelor party—one with numerous strippers.
She said they would have all their lives to have romantic nights together. She said he had told her once upon a time that he was a romantic…and only with her. This was the one night he could be unromantic and perverted and raunchy to an unlimited, disgusting degree—it would be the last one—and he shouldn't want to pass this 'once in a lifetime' opportunity up.
Chuck shook his head, remembering to a few hours earlier when he had been sitting on the chair Dan had sat on over a week ago. It was his chair, but he dare not expect an apology out of his fiancé for letting Humphrey sit there. From what he gathered, it was most likely that she hadn't been aware of his presence until half way through the delivery/interrogation.
Blair was cheery, and happy, and pretending like nothing had happened. Like no vicious exchanges had taken place between her and the stupid bearers of bad news. He didn't even know why he had suggested the idea of a stripper (or…strippers). It was just a passing thought, because even though he'd love for Blair to act the part the night before their wedding—he'd be in Heaven if that was the case—he didn't want all his friends and random guys he had 'bonded with' over the years being present around her near naked body.
What was a bachelor party without strippers anyway?
Blair was at her bridal shower anyways. She wouldn't see what he was doing. Though, now that he thought about it…he wished she would be there. Then, he could see her expressions, what she would think of what he would do…or wouldn't do. Not that he needed her there to determine that. He knew her pretty much 100%.
And what she wouldn't approve of.
And she wouldn't approve of anything.
"Hey Chuck!"
He nodded to Nate as he came in, and stupidly he allowed the entry of Dan Humphrey waddling behind him. Eric came along after them, which was surprising to Chuck for the simple fact that it would be a completely heterosexual experience. But when Jonathan came trailing behind the smiling boy, he understood.
More guys came trailing in and he nodded to them, smiling a greeting to each one that passed through those elevator doors.
Blair had set up the classiest, most Chuck Bass speakeasy for his bachelor party. Nate was extremely upset that he couldn't help at all in the planning process, since he was Chuck's best friend and so technically should have been given the duty of setting up this unforgettable experience. But Blair knew him best and Nate wasn't going to turn over dirtied stones regarding the last time they spoke in order to get some say about this party. He was lucky enough to get out alive with bringing a gift for his best friend. When Blair suggested a porno film and magazines…he decided to leave.
Finally everyone was there…or everyone that was going to come in the first half hour or so. The men started cheering for strippers about two hours later, when the music and alcohol had grown somewhat tiresome. At least there appeared to be a haze around Chuck's head.
Then the cheering got louder, and it sounded happier than before. Instead of almost demanding, it was hopeful—it was ecstatic, and downright horny.
And then there was silence.
Chuck turned around and stood where all the men were staring.
He gaped.
"No…" he was almost gasping.
There.
On the stage.
Dressed in the sexiest lingerie he had seen.
Was his fiancé—Blair Waldorf.
She began to dance, the music grew louder, but the men said nothing—certainly didn't cheer—until several other dancers joined her on the stage. They tried their very best not to look at her either. None of them wanted to be at the sore end of Chuck Bass's punch (or any other punishment) by being accused of leering over his soon-to-be wife. The woman was giggling, and so certainly enjoying herself and the way it was tormenting her Chuck Bass.
He climbed onto the stage and pulled her down moments later, dragging her into a back room, away from the eyes of the nearly 50-100 men who had come to his bachelor party. He had had enough when she started fawning after all the men in the front row by the stage, blowing them kisses, moving seductively along. The cheering got sufficiently louder after they left the giant hall though, and he decided that would be enough to prevent any extreme measures on his end towards the guests.
"What the hell are you doing, Blair?" he scowled at her, closing the door behind him.
She scoffed. "You want a stripper, you got a stripper!" Her eyebrows narrowed. He should have known better than to assume she'd be okay with it. He shook his head.
"I didn't say—"
"You didn't have to! I got four little messengers coming over to the suite to tell me themselves! To warn me more likely," she rolled her eyes.
He huffed. "I didn't tell them to come over," he took a few steps towards her, "and I certainly wasn't overly enthusiastic about the idea."
She blinked at him, almost glaring, finding every word that was slipping out of his mouth to be complete lies. "Please, what guy doesn't want a stripper at his bachelor party?"
He took more steps closer to her. "This guy."
Her lips parted.
"This guy wants his fiancé, and only his fiancé, stripping for him. This guy doesn't care if he never sleeps with anyone else ever again, because this guy is in love with you. He doesn't need one more night to go back to old Chuck Bass; new Chuck Bass is here to stay."
Her lips slipped into a quiet, soft smile. She closed the distance between the two of them and placed her hands on his shoulders. "So, you really didn't like my little appearance here tonight?"
He smirked. "If only," he shook his head.
Her eyebrows narrowed slightly in confusion. His gaze met hers head on.
"If those men hadn't been in the room…"
She smiled wide and seductive, and leaned forward—a breath away. "What?" she whispered.
He kissed her hard on the mouth and then pulled back in an instant. "Lock the door."
Her eyes glimmered, and she went to click the lock on the handle. There was no other way to get into the exquisitely furnished room, and when she turned back to look at him…nothing but pure love and lust rested in his darkened his eyes now raking over her body. He did not wait for her to come back to him. He strode towards her and lifted her onto himself, growling as she wrapped her legs around his waist. They were kissing and they weren't stopping and though he had made to ask her what became of her bridal shower or to comment on how incredibly hot she looked in the soft satiny lingerie…it left him. All he could think was she's beautiful, and…she's mine. And all she could think was…mine, mine, mine.
And they hardly made it to the bed, and hardly made it to the condom wrapper at that. He figured it wouldn't matter though…since they were getting married the next day. And she figured it might be a repulsive thing to tell their children and maybe even their grand-children, but she dismissed it. It was past midnight anyways.
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A/N: So….I definitely had fun with this! *happy noddage* Especially that first part. *loved it* Oh, and…like some of you might contemplate, do not try to soothe me over 3x07. Lol. I have had a lovely GG buddy *cough* MasochistandNarcissist/Heather *cough* clear everything up and I really believe CB's reconciliation was pretty much AWESOME! *squeal* *lols at self* So yeah….clearly I am just partially stupid and confused easily. Lol. XD I hope you enjoyed this one-shot! I know it seems kinda similar to Slip'n Strip & Seduction Gone Wrong…with the whole "stripping theme"…but I hope that didn't bug you too much. ;p PLEASE REVIEW! =D