Crime and Punishment

If ever there was such thing as a spoiled child, Lana Dreyar was definitely the definition.

It wasn't so much that she was spoiled to the point of rottenness. She didn't throw fits constantly, didn't grate on those around her, and, other than usual childish insolence, she was rather well-behaved.

Rather, Lana's lack of discipline showed in another way.

"She did it again, Laxus."

"Well, maybe the other kid-"

"No." Mirajane was pissed too, that day as she came into the house, her crying four year old following along. "The other kid did nothing to her. But I had to pick her up early from the play date because she-"

"You've made her cry, Mira!" And Laxus had been on the couch when they walked up, but jumped right up to go comfort his daughter. "Come here, Lana. You-"

"No, Laxus. She can't keep doing this. She-"

"She doesn't mean to!" He snatched Lana right up, the crocodile tears drying fast as she nuzzled into her father's shoulder. "She can't help herself."

"I don't care." Mira had her serious face on, it seemed. "She can't keep biting people."

"I'm sure," Laxus complained, "that Lana didn't do that for no reason. The other kid was no doubt-"

"Every single child that I make a play date for her with, she ends up biting. Constantly. She drew blood this time, Laxus."

Glancing down at his baby in his arms, he shook his head. "She just plays rough. She's a dragon."

"Laxus-"

"She is!" He snuggled her up real close. "I had trouble too, when I was a kid."

"With biting?"

"And hitting and spitting and scratching and-"

"And when did you grow out of it?"

He only stared. Then he shrugged. "Well, I don't bite anymore, but-"

"Oh, shut up." Mira was that peeved, it seemed. Looking down at Lana then, who refused to lift her head and look at her mother, she only took to wagging her finger. "You're going to stop doing that, Lana. It's bad. Do you hear me? Bad. Bad girls bite people. Would you like if if someone bit you? Huh?"

"They'd only do it once!" Laxus growled. "Lana would unleash on them and-"

"Laxus, if this how you're going to be when she's wrong," Mira complained as she only shook her head and walked off, further into the house, no doubt to go find her pet dogs, "then we're going to have a problem. I didn't say anything when you'd take her out of timeout after constantly going to flush things down the toilet when no one was looking-"

"It was my fault. I took off those child locks because they were too complicated. That's what they were there to prevent."

"-or when she'd throw things at people if she got upset-"

"She was only two! She couldn't throw that hard! How are you going to yell at her for something that's not even truly able to do bodily harm?"

"-and then there was the way you vehemently defended her when she would wipe her boogers on people-"

"It is a natural phase," Laxus growled. "Nothing to yell at her about. Or send her to her room over."

"You never think anything is!"

"Yes, I do." He paused. And paused some more. Then, as Mirajane was practically up the stairs, he said, "That time when...uh...well… Go away, Mira! You don't know how to handle these things."

"Oh, right, the one of us that grew up with siblings and has been around children other than Lana doesn't know how to deal with this. Right. Sure."

"Thank you for agreeing."

But he said that last bit under his breath, so that the demon didn't hear and he didn't get in trouble. It was only once she was off, up the stairs, with her precious mutts, that Laxus addressed Lana.

"Hatchling," he began as he held her out from him a bit, so that they could stare at one another. "I thought we've been over this? A lot? Since you were, like, teething? All those years ago? You can't bite."

"I don't bite." She even shook her head.

"I know. I'm telling you that you don't."

"I don't."

"You won't."

"I won't."

Then he kissed her head. "Alright then. See? Your mother makes a big deal out of every-"

"Down." She tried to shove out of his hands. "Down, Daddy!"

"Lana, I'm trying to- Hey!"

And then she did it. Sunk her teeth right into the flesh of his wrist.

"What the crap, Lana?" he bellowed as he only dropped her to the floor. She only stared up at him with a frown.

She had, after all, requested to be put down. It was his fault that he was too hard headed to understand that.

"What is wrong with you?" Laxus complained, glaring right back down at her. "That wasn't nice. We just went over how we don't bite. Did we not?"

"I don't bite." Then she did the unthinkable.

The little bugger stuck her tongue out at him.

"Mira!" And Laxus was off. "You had better come get your daughter! Now!"

And Lana knew that tone. The man only used it with her sparingly. Usually in just such situations.

Whether he wanted to admit it or not, Lana legitimately had a biting problem. It was the flat out truth. She had since she first grew teeth. For awhile there, just telling her no seemed to do the trick...for a week. But then she'd start biting again and needed another telling of the word no.

Recently, however, as her little tiny dragon brain grew, she seemed to realize that hey; him saying no literally meant nothing. Maybe she wouldn't get a hug or a snuggle here or there, but he didn't do a dang thing to her. At all.

So why listen to him? Huh? What was the point? If she could do whatever she wanted with only the word no being yelled at her, what good did it do her to do what he wanted?

Which in lied the problem. Laxus, fearful of ever making Lana not love him, broke the cardinal rule that Mirajane had warned him about; he'd lost the parent status and just become, at best, a friend.

To a four year old.

And starting that young only spelled disaster.

"She," Laxus heard Mirajane call back, "is your daughter. Remember? I just make her cry."

"Well, come do it again! I can't!"

And he couldn't. Poor little tiny baby demon/dragon just didn't understand biting and it's consequences. That was all.

"You better learn." And he heard a bedroom door close, as well as the muffled barking of one of the dogs.

Ugh.

Taking in a deep breath, Laxus shut his eyes for a moment before looking down at his daughter. Only, she wasn't there anymore. Spinning in a circle, he found her over by the couch, where she'd left one of her stuffed animals.

"Lana. Come here," he beckoned. She only glanced back at him before giggling. To her, the whole thing was over already.

Why dwell on the extremely recent past?

"Wanna play tea party?" She was far more interested in that. "Daddy?"

"No." Maybe. Later. Not right then. "You come here."

He was still using that tone. Ugh. Definitely didn't wanna deal with that.

Taking her stuffed toy with her, the little girl set off running, getting as far away from him as possible. This annoyed Laxus, extremely, and with a slight growl, he set off after her.

"Lana! You come here! Now!"

"No!"

"Look, we just need to have a discussion about- Lana!"

She only threw her stuffed animal at him. "No!"

More growling.

"You're not a little baby anymore. You can't act like this. If I tell you to come here-"

"No!"

What was he supposed to do? Huh? What?

As he chased her up the stairs, Laxus only yelled out, "If I have to catch you, Lana, you're gonna be in big trouble!"

Yeah, right, sure.

She headed right into her bedroom without a second thought, her door closing behind her.

And no one shut door in Laxus Dreyar's face.

No one.

Other than his wife.

When they were fighting.

Or she was yelling at him.

Or he was yelling at her.

Or…

The point was, for all the leeway that Laxus gave his daughter, she'd finally crossed a line.

And when he got to that door and swung it open himself, he was done. So done. And Lana only stared up at him in shock, as if not expecting him to still have such an angered expression.

How long was he planning on being mad? Huh?

"I told you that if you didn't come, you were gonna be in big trouble," he said simply. "And you chose to ignore me. So I'll give you one more chance, Lana, to apologize for biting and-"

"No! I don't bite."

"But you do bite! You do it all the time! You're not supposed to, but you do. Constantly. And pretending like you don't isn't going to be beneficial for anyone! Just fess up, apologize, and-"

"No!"

"Stop telling me-"

"No!"

"Lana!"

"No!"

And then she was worked up and he was worked up and, hell, Ivan was an ass of a father, but even four year old Laxus wouldn't have been that disrespectful and he just had to punish her. Really punish her.

There was no other way.

Letting on a breath, he said, "Fine. Then until you learn to apologize, I'm going to be taking all of your toys and stuffed animals and-"

"No!" And her pitches were only getting higher and higher.

Why was he being so mean?

"Yes!" And he went to do so then, going to grab her giant stuffed dragon first. Not liking this idea, Lana rushed over and, of course, sunk her teeth right into his arm.

And it all happened so fast. First she was biting him and then he was yelling and, finally, for the first time ever, he spanked her.

Lana was in too much shock to do anything at first. Then the crying started.

Falling down onto her butt, Lana had a good cry, right then and there. He hadn't hurt her, really, but the shock of what had taken place was enough to send her into a complete and utter meltdown.

"You don't bite," was all Laxus huffed before turning to walk out of the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

He saw, then, across the hall that Mirajane had opened their bedroom door and was peeking out, as well as Raijin and Tenjin, their mutts.

"Wow, Lax," she complimented. "You sure showed-"

"Shut up, Mira."

"Laxus-"

"No." And he pushed right passed her, into the bedroom. "It's not funny."

"Oh, Laxus, calm down. What'd you do, huh?"

"I spanked her."

"Good." Mirajane watched as he went to go sit down on the bed and hang his head. Tenjin jumped right up there, to stare at him, while Raijin only came to sit at his father's feet and await petting (or for the man to yell at them to get away from him). Daddy was a tricky one. "Maybe that will-"

"Not good, Mira." Laxus threw his hands over his eyes. "It was horrible."

"Oh, please. You were literally in there for, like, less than a minute. You couldn't have spanked her that much." Mirajane gestured to him. "And you aren't even wearing a belt today, so you didn't use it."

"Belt?" Laxus spoke the word like it was foreign. Glaring up at her then, he said, "She's a four year old little girl, Mira! What kinda monster are you?"

Rolling her eyes, she took a step closer and moved to run her fingers through his blond hair. "Lax, you were spanked, weren't you?"

"Well, sure. I was a little asshole though. And a boy." He didn't take comfort from her head strokes. "Lana's a little, baby girl. You can't spank her. I'm a monster too!"

"Oh, hush. You are not. And I got spanked, growing up. Everyone does. It's part of life."

"Not Lana." He hung his head again. Raijin, who was at his feet, only leaned up to lick at his cheek. Laxus was too downtrodden to shove him away. "She's just a baby."

"No, Laxus, she's not. And she hasn't been for awhile now." She ruffled his hair that time. "And I'm not saying that you have to, like, beat her or something, but swatting her butt every once in awhile won't hurt anything. It's better to start it now than worry about it later."

"She's gonna hate me."

"Oh, Laxus-"

"She is. I'm not like you, Mira. I can't have our child hate me!"

"She doesn't- Wait, are you saying that she does me?"

He lifted his head then, just to shrug. "I mean, if it was between me and you, come on; I win hands down-"

Ticked at him then and feeling less up for comforting, Mira removed her hand from his head before saying, "Yeah, well, I'm no the one who spanked her, so-"

"Ugh!" He threw his head back into his hands. "Stop talking about it."

Mira only frowned down at him, going back to comforting mode. "Lax, one of us had to do it."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Oh, no, I couldn't have. I'm not a giver of physical punishment." She even tossed a hand over her chest and shook her head. "I deal mostly in scoldings and timeouts."

"But you were just-"

"I mean, sure, I'm a proponent of physical punishment," she assured him. "I just don't hand it out. Like with the death penalty or something. I could never be an executioner, but I do agree that sometimes, such a thing is necessary, in certain cases. And Lana deserved physical punishment. Just not from me."

"How does that work?"

"It works by me marrying a guy who's more than capable of that side of discipline." Then she looked off. "Or, well, I always assumed you were. I think, looking back on it, this is one of those things that we should have discussed before getting married, but at the time, we both just assumed we were on the same page. Like that anal thing-"

He made a face at her. "If you would just try it-"

"No."

Sigh.

"Laxus," Mirajane went on as he fell back on the bed, staring aimlessly up at the ceiling. "Lana has to see you as an authority figure. If she doesn't now, when she gets older, she'll probably start calling you by your first name, using her magic against us, and just running wild in general. Do you want that?"

He thought. "Well, if she's calling me by my first name, we're probably super close, so-"

"Laxus."

"And what kinda magic? Because if I'm the one teaching it to her-"

"Knock it off."

"And running wild is sometimes okay because-"

"You can't be excusing things that she hasn't even begun doing yet. You just can't."

"I just think," he complained, "that I can see the benefits for such a relationship. I'm sure that Lana won't become that way-"

"What would give you that idea? If you're leading her down that path?"

"-but me and this other kid you're talking about sound super close. And probably love one another a lot, so-"

"She probably would talk about you behind your back as well," Mira added, figuring that was the only way to get him to snap out of it. "And tell other people how you're not a real slayer-"

He growled, sitting bolt right up. "That imaginary kid is getting on my last nerve."

"I figured."

"But," he went on, "Lana's not gonna be like that."

"Right. Because you're going to start actually disciplining her when she-"

"No," he complained. "She won't because she just won't. You can raise two kids the exact same way and get different outcomes. Lana's not a brat and she'll never be one. She loves me. Nothing would change that."

"Right," Mira agreed, staring him dead in the eyes. "Just like spanking her hasn't changed a thing."

He blinked. Then he frowned. "You tricked me."

"No. I just made you realize what you already knew."

"That still sounds extremely close to tricking someone."

Mirajane shrugged. "Either way, we've both come to an understanding, right? Things will go a lot better for us if you handle that side of discipline and I keep doing what I've been doing."

"A whole lotta nothin'."

"Who is it that got her to realize that wiping those nasty boogers on people wasn't funny, Lax? Huh? All without spanking?"

"I told you that she was going through a phase," he complained. "You didn't have to-"

"But I did and it worked out and that's the entire point." Done with that then, Mirajane came closer to the bed, just so that she could lean down and press a kiss gently to his lips. Then, against them, she mumbled, "Sometimes, dragon, the man of the house has to be just that; the man of the house. I mean, you spank Tenjin and Raijin."

Both dogs barked at their names. He hardly glanced at them though.

"That's different," he complained. "They're boys. I can spank boys. If we had boys, I'd spank 'em all the time! And they'd respect me for it. Because they're boys. That's the difference."

"There is no difference and you're going to have to get over whatever one it is that you built up in your own mind." Then she thumped him in the head. "Now, I'm going to catch a shower and then head down to the hall."

"I thought you were off today?"

She nodded. "I am, but sometimes I can just get out of the house too, can't I?"

"I guess, but I feel like you'll just end up working if you go there."

"Maybe," she sang as she pranced right off into the bathroom. "Or maybe it's just a cover for me to go see my big, strong boyfriend I have on the side."

He was too worried about he and Lana's relationship to play into Mirajane's taunting and follower her into that shower and fuck the hell out of her just for joking about that.

"Maybe," he muttered in response. Mira glanced after him, slightly disappointed, before just scurrying right off.

The real reason was that she wanted to get the heck out of there before Lana and Laxus made up. They'd probably be super annoying that night, with him feeling so remorseful, and build forts and play games, and ugh.

As much as Mirajane loved Lana, sometimes that imagined daughter that wasn't so friendly with Laxus didn't sound so bad…

Laxus gave it another five minutes before he went to go check in on Lana. When he opened the door, she was laying on her bed, face buried in the pillow, but no longer crying.

"Lana?" he called softly. He wanted to rush to her side and make sure he hadn't hurt her and just tell her how sorry he was, but Mira seemed to have brought something out in him. 'Are you...ready to apologize?"

She lifted her head then and, white hair falling over her tear stained face, Lana nodded before shoving up to go rush over to him.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, tossing her arms around him and burying her face in his hip. "Daddy."

He had to stay strong. "Sorry for what?"

"Biting. I bite you and that was bad."

Hmmm. Laxus just blinked down at her for a moment. So the demon was right. Bleh. She was gonna probably be super annoying about it.

"You bit me," he corrected, reaching down to gently pat her on her head. "But I accept your apology."

Sniffling, she moved her head back a bit to stare up at him. "Now can we have a tea party?"

Laxus only grinned before nodding. "Yeah, Now we definitely can."

This is, obviously, a complete flop of some of my other depictions of Mirajane, like in Parenthood, where she's stark against Laxus spanking the kids or Remember Me, where she's more the one the kids respect and think of as the disciplinarian, but I figured that in this setting, if Mira didn't expressly force Laxus into punishing Lana a few times, he never would. They just have a different dynamic in Last Month, Mira and Laxus do, than most my other versions of them.