Yay.. my third fanfic. About MASH this time. This fic is a look in the dairy of a very young major. Warning: the ending isn't a happy end.. but.. then again.. the end is still a few chapters away. Enjoy: Oh..by the way, I already made a few changes.. thanks to Kat2004. I tried to find all the spelling mistakes.. but if you see those which I don't.. please tell me.

Disclaimer: I don't own MASH.. Damn.. but.. if I did own it.. I'd be over 70 by now..so..not so damn I guess

Chapter 1: My arrival

Dear Diary,

Arrived in the MASH 4077th yesterday. I can't really say that I'm thrilled to be here, but as dad always said: A man has got to do, what a man's got to do. The only flaw in that is that I'm no man.

They brought me here in a chopper, and as we were flying above the country it occurred to me what a terrible waste this war is. The areas that aren't destroyed yet by grenades and soldiers look absolutely beautiful. What a big contrast with the villages.. Almost all of them are destroyed, burned down. I can only imagine what the people down there must've gone through.. and the worst part is that the war probably isn't over for a long period of time.

I made a few friends already, even though I've only been here for a few hours yet. Unfortunately I also seem to have made some enemies.

Not wearing my uniform I bumped into this weird man, Major Burns. A short, skinny guy. He must be about mid 30's, but he won't have any hair left when he's 40. Something in his eyes predicts problems, and he looks a bit like a ferret.. strangely enough. He insisted I'd salute him, not believing my statement that I'm also a Major.

"I'm your superior. You're supposed to salute when your superior walks by. Unless you're a Colonel .. or a General even.. but since you're not.. you've got to salute me". He giggled after he said this. I'm convinced some screws in his head are scrambled.

He thought I was trying to fool him or something and didn't trust me at all.. Not exactly a warm welcome. Can you imagine how I felt? Standing there in the middle of the compound, being scolded by this guy?

Luckily two other men came to my rescue, well.. not a true rescue of course, I can manage myself quite well. But nonetheless I was very grateful when they stepped in. "Hello Frank, playing boogieman again? Harassing poor little young girls? Won't Hotlips get jealous?"

Never have I seen somebody getting so angry as Frank did. He literally stamped his foot on the ground and pouted. A grown man, acting like a child.

"I am not harassing her! She is supposed to salute her superior. And you can clearly see that she didn't and still doesn't."

"Frank. Just face it. You're not even a superior to a toddler, let alone a nurse." The black haired guy winked at me when he said this.

Franks' mouth dropped open and his eyes bulged.

"That was an insult! I'm reporting you at Colonel Blake!" Turning on his heel, Frank stormed away.

"You do that Frank. Oh.. and tell Henry we're dropping by in half an hour. We noticed he received a new whiskey bottle". Trapper called after him.

These two guys might prove to be interesting. They introduced themselves as Hawkeye Pierce and Trapper John. Both surgeons and Captains. Trapper is a tall, slim man with brown curls. His eyes are about the same color as his eyes. The wedding band around his finger suggests he's married, but somehow I don't think that he has let that stop him from having his own kind of fun around here.

"Don't pay too much attention to Ferret Face, his mother dropped him on the head when he was little. So, what's a sweet little nurse doing in a war like this?" Trapper looked me up and down, I now know how life stock must feel when they're being sold.

"I wouldn't know. She's probably looking out for the patients. As for me, a not so sweet, non little Major. I'm looking for Colonel Henry Blake. I'm here to help out with his administration. You could think of me like a substitute secretary".

You know diary? Men are specialized in looking surprised. Especially these two.

"You're a Major? Like.. a Major Major? And Henry gets to have you? That's no fair! Why don't you come with us? We're more fun than a bunch of papers." Hawkeye even put his arm around my shoulders at this point!

"More fun than a stack of papers even!" And at this point Trapper slid his arm around my waist, both of them steering me towards some place that I didn't want to go to.

Stopping and ducking underneath their arms I turned the other way, towards Colonels Blake office.

"No one gets to have me Captain. I'll probably be wandering around PostOp frequently enough. So, if you'll excuse me."

But things didn't really get better after that.

My meeting with Henry was just as strange. When I walked in his office I saw a bunk. On that bunk I saw a teddy bear. A boy, who couldn't be a year older than 19, 20 years old looked at me through glasses that appeared to be too big for him.

"Excuse me? I'm looking for.." I began.

"Colonel Blake is expecting you miss Vine, I'm Radar..."
It was uncanny, the way he knew what I was going to say. And it wasn't just this line, he just kept on doing it!

A shout came from behind the big doors that led to the office.

"Radar! Is miss Vi.."

"Miss Vine sir"
Radar opened the doors for me and showed me in.

Henry is a very nice guy. A bit off, but nice. He has a fishing hat, with lures and hooks in it. So I guess he likes fishing very much. Although I get the feeling that around here things might not always be as obvious as they seem.

Henry seemed a bit nervous, fiddling with his pencils and grinning all the time.

"Good morning Major, welcome to the old 4077th. I hope you'll feel at home very soon. Well... I...err... Radar!"

"The forms are on your desk sir, yes sir, I'll show her the compound sir".
Uncanny, just like I said.

Radar first showed me my tent and the mess tent.

"The food looks awful, but after a while it tastes pretty good" Radar whispered to me, pointing at a few things that I couldn't have identified if my life depended on it. All I can say is that it wobbled.

Watching Radar spoon some grey mush and green slime on his plate I felt my stomach rumble. It was either eat that or starve. To be on the safe side I took everything that Radar also took. If it didn't kill him, then it wouldn't kill me. Right?

Radar led me to a table where I saw two familiar faces: Trapper and Hawkeye.

"Well well.. if it isn't our young Major miss. You must have a pretty strong stomach if you can digest all that. You aren't family of Radar by any chance?"

I ignored Hawkeye's remark and introduced myself. "I don't believe I've introduced myself properly. Major Diana Vine. But everybody calls me Dee."
Trapper smirked at me.

"Dee Vine? Devine? Your parents must've thought pretty high about you."

As you can see dear Diary, it has been a busy day, so I'll go to sleep now. Tomorrow will be even busier, and also a whole lot earlier.

Well... first day in MASH.. what do you think? Flaming is allowed and stuff... and I won't stop writing because no one reviews.. I will stop writing if you all think I'm annoying..

Tahtah

Update: well, I tried to rewrite as much as I could without actually altering too much. Let me know what you think. I'll retouch the second chapter as well and then start on a sparkly, brand new, third chapter!