Okay, a bit of background info as to why I'm writing this one, instead of continuing the others.
First off, I'M NOT DEAD! I'm still around, and still wanting to write. Still having troubles, but I'm actually able to type more than a few paragraphs at a time now. That's something, at least.
Anyway, I got the idea to do this from another story on here. It's called:
Which world is the dream
By tf2sniper326
So, if you read his stories, then let him know I'm thanking him for this one.
Anyway, if you know the story, and read his A/Ns, then you'd know his was originally meant to help him deal with his issues. The idea behind this one is similar. At first, I wasn't even planning on posting this one at all.
A friend of mine asked me to. Just to get back into the swing of things, and to get my edge back. Updates will be sparse, at best. If I update others, don't take it as a continuous update for that story. Things are going to be sporadic, at best, even if I do manage to update the others.
Also, with this story, I'm adding a few others I feel should be added now, instead of when they were written. Some of them are just out there, others I have no intention on continuing. I'll make a note of them in the AN or a summary. If it says "PROMPT" in the summary, let me know if you want to expand on it, and go for it.
Basically, at this point, this is more or less my main focus for now, not even RoaH gets that one. I'm trying to do this without pressure, and my work has been suffering otherwise.
Okay, to explain, this one is an SIOC. An actual one, not a Mirror SI, like in the Dimensional Guardian Series, or Uzumaki Heritage (the latter of which is crap anyway). Jared Shadowwind has my mind, but different skills and a different life. Jared Uzumaki, however, was a bust from the get go. Looking over things like that, I just fucked things up with Uzumaki Heritage. The only reason I don't take it down, is as a reminder.
Also, to those in the know, REAPER IS BACK! If you don't know what that means, or who I'm talking about, then you're not close enough to me personally.
I swear, I'd marry her if I could. Anyway, here's the Disclaimer.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything! Shadow Blaze is mine, though. Namely, because he is me.
And now, LET US BEGIN!
Chapter 1
Sometimes, people wonder "Why is it always me?" or "What did I do to deserve this?", and it's usually after a break-up, the death of a loved one, or something to that effect.
Well, for once, you might actually get an answer. See, it wasn't actually something I did, in my case. No, this time, it was something I didn't do, but I'll get to that later. For now, I think I should explain why I'm thinking this.
Well, it started about 8 years ago, when I was 24, and human. See, I was always a loner. Preferred to be alone at all times. At parties, even those thrown for me, I liked to stay on the wall and just watch. Back then, I felt like I didn't deserve to have any friends. That I would just bring them down with my own depression, and the Darkness within me.
Something happened when I was give or take 10, and I honestly don't remember what it was. There's only one memory before I was 13 that I can remember with absolute clarity, and I was 2 at the time. The only memory I have that shows I was once human. That I had Innocence at some point. Something that I can't claim I have felt since, and not have a chance of lying.
Even now, after being regressed over a decade, back to about 8 years old and aging another 8 years, I can't claim to have felt that innocence since. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself again.
Anyway, about 8 years ago, I just fell asleep on the couch I called a bed. When I woke, not only was I not on a bed, I wasn't even human. See, I like to think I know my body well. I consider myself a freaking swordsman, for crying out loud!
Sorry, got carried away. Anyway, I knew the moment I woke up something was wrong. Going over my usual mental checklist when I wake up, eyes still closed, the first thing I noticed was, I had no hands, no fingers, and no toes. Call me crazy, insane, or whatever, I really can't find it in myself to care. Some of the things I say actually are crazy, and I have close to 2,000 voices in my head constantly. The number actually shifts, honestly, but it's always close to that number. Has been for years by that point.
Actually, let me just run down the checklist as I normally do, and then tell you what was wrong.
Is my Head awake? Yes, but it seemed off.
My breathing? Normal, almost no exhaustion.
My hands? See, this is where the problem first reared its ugly head. My hands were missing.
At this point, I tried to figure out what was wrong, and check my legs. My body was registering four legs. Most people would be freaking out at this point. Me, picture perfect of calm on the outside.
My inner thoughts at the time? They were more along the lines of "What the bloody fucking hell happened to me?!"
Yes, even the ones that don't react outwardly actually do. They hide it well, but the reaction is still there.
At this point, I decided that figuring out exactly what I was, was more important than the how. I decided to continue the checklist, adding whatever I could feel. Okay, continuing from the legs, onto the feet. What's on them?
Something vaguely resembling horseshoes. That narrows things down considerably. Okay, four legs, Horseshoes, and... were those wings on my back?
I open my eyes at this point in time, and quickly look. Yes, apparently, I do. Well, this settles it. The wings alone would give me the answer.
I turned into a pegasus. Well, at least I wasn't an Alicorn, like some bronies would want eventually. I could do without living for thousands of years, thank you very much. Looking around, I notice this seems to be more backwater country than anything else. And there's a forest... that looks mostly dead.
At least it's still morning and... Wait, a forest that looks dead? Examining the forest again, I find that it looks familiar.
Shaking that thought away. I mean, there's no way I could have gone there of all places. I mean, that only happens in Fanfiction.
I should know, I've written a few of them, two of them were decent, but still, I think they kinda sucked. Plus, they were with Naruto, and Legend of Dragoon.
Back to seeing where I am. I ended up seeing a suspiciously shaped cloud in the distance... and it hasn't moved in over 10 minutes. At all.
That theory is making more sense than before, and honestly, is scaring me quite a bit. If I were open with my emotions, then I'd be torn between jumping for joy like Fluttershy when Rainbow Dash performed a Sonic Rainboom in that competition.
The other part of me, on the other hand is more inclined to kill myself before I meet Pinkie Pie. She is too damn random for my tastes.
Because if my memory serves me correctly, then I just landed in Equestria. Something that, by all accounts, should be impossible. Then again, I'm currently a Pegasus. For some reason, though, I feel younger. Shorter is a definite, I'm on all fours, after all. But no, I actually feel younger. Almost as if I haven't hit puberty yet.
I swear, if I was de-aged I am liable to punch someone.
And if I did get sent to Equestria for some reason, what reason is it? Who would gain from it? Discord? Not likely. I'm not random enough for him.
Then again, my mind is more chaotic than I let on. Finding a connection to a Computer Motherboard to forging a sword with a hammer and anvil should be enough proof of that. So, possible, but not likely.
Sombra? Also possible, as the Darkness has always been my shield. Never did like the way the Jedi Order developed in Episodes 1-3. When they were mostly eradicated, the only things I didn't like about it was that they killed the younglings. That I had a problem with. The masters, bar Yoda, I really didn't care for.
Yoda, I liked. I think it was the accent, combined with the way he talked.
Problem with that was, I wouldn't follow him. I know most of what he did in the Crystal Empire. He also hurt Luna. If he knew this, that would exclude him immediately. If he didn't, then possible.
Hmm... Nightmare Moon? That's an instant no. It's daylight. Either she's sealed in the Moon with Luna, hasn't shown up yet, or was already blasted with the Elements of Harmony.
By the way, as I'm thinking on this, I've been trying to get control over my body. Swordsman's pride, I'm afraid. Gotta be able to act without thinking on it.
Walking, Running, a few kicks, even the wings.
Anyway, if it wasn't any of them, then it was probably Celestia. Major problem with that?
If she knew half the things I think about her, then she wouldn't even dare.
If it was an unknown party, I have no idea who it would be.
I decided to try walking while thinking about it, and I think it's been about half an hour since I opened my eyes.
Either way, I just start walking, much more comfortable with my legs now. Finding a path was easy, and then I started following it. Finding a small town was easy from there, though by then it was closing in on nightfall. Deciding to call it a night, I head to the side of the mostly unmarked dirt road. With no one in sight, I decided to just sleep out here. Spending so many hours thinking, and trying to get a hold of myself in my new form, I just try to get some sleep.
And that was my first day in Equestria. Seems simple, and more than a little lonely, but I digress. This kind of stuff is just another thing in my mind that is mostly tame. It should've sunk in sooner. I kind of wish it did.
Within a week, I had realized that I was pretty much screwed. I really was stuck in Equestria, in the form of a Pegasus. That feeling of being Younger I mentioned earlier? Yeah, apparently, that wasn't just a feeling. I really was de-aged. Upon realizing that it was the case, I walked up to a tree, and donkey kicked it.
I should probably call that "Bucking", though. That's the pony term. Doing that in the forest, not the dead one, attracted attention.
Seeing as this was 3 days after I showed up in this world, I was hungry. I was tired. And it should be no surprise that more than a few apples fell onto my head almost immediately after the kick. Actually, it kind of was. I didn't know I was on an Apple farm.
Apparently, though, my buck caught someone's attention. It looked to be a colt. Red coat, that mane... well, that was when it sunk it fully. I took a good long look that probably lasted a few seconds, before falling over on my side and passing out, apples around me.
And that's the gist of it.
I didn't describe my actual form, did I? Well, you know I'm basically a Pegasus pony. My coat is a Navy blue, almost purple. Feathers are the same color. My mane and tail were black, and when I passed that river, I was pretty sure I saw a streak of silver in the mane. Not the tail, though.
I had no Cutie mark at that point, so my flank didn't really matter. I think it would rank about a 6, though.
Waking up on a bale of hay was a new thing for me, but I was hungry at this point, so I didn't really care much.
Looking around, the first thing I noticed was a few apples on a plate. Seeing as it was about two feet away from me, I ate them. Not eating for a few days, they tasted so good, and all five of them were eaten to the core. Looking around afterwards, I find myself in a barn.
I'm pretty sure it was Big Macintosh that I saw before passing out. Meaning, I'm definitely in Equestria, most likely just showed up as Applejack left, or while she was gone.
Anyway, my time with the Apple family was kind of long. About a month, really. Applejack left about two days before I bucked that tree. I decided to help out in thanks. I do have a sense of honor, after all. Big Mac taught me how to properly Buck, and I managed to pull it off after a few tries. My body may be younger, and thus weaker, but my mind is just as strong. And a lot more clear, now that I think about it. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.
Anyway, I'd been helping out for a month, usually working alongside Big Mac, when I notice something. Something distinctly familiar. My mind working through things and memories, apparently that was Applejack. "Hey, Mac? Is that your sister coming down the road?" I ask him.
He turned his head and looked. His eyes widened, dunno how, and he ran up to the visitor. Following him, we stop right next to her. "Who's this fella, big bro?" The filly asked.
"This is Shadow Blaze." Mac replied. "He's been helping out for a place to stay."
About the name. I mentioned bronies, earlier. Bronies, according to the Urban Dictionary, are guys who like shows made for little girls. I should know, I looked it up when I was called a Brony for watching MLP. Apparently, that one would also include Sailor Moon, Tokyo Mew Mew, and several others that I liked.
Honestly, though, people only really use it with MLP fans. Male ones, at least. Yes, I am one. Have been for a while, as a human. Male MLP fans are Bronies, while Female MLP fans are Pegasisters. I'm not a diehard fan, but I am a bit of one. I blame one of my exes. It was her fault. My first actual girlfriend, and the only chance I've ever given love outside of family, and I blew it.
Because of that, I do have a name I use around Bronies, myself. Being a Pegasus pony, I decided to use my Brony name. Honestly, I usually find myself being in the Night Guard, the Royal Guard under Princess Luna, or a separate sect that serves to protect Princess Luna, even from Nightmare Moon. I tend to jokingly call the sect the Nightingales.
The sect usually has 3 or 6 ponies, equal amounts of Earth Ponies, Unicorns, and Pegasi.
Getting off track again. My Brony name is actually Shadow Blaze. Namely, because I sneak up on others without realizing it, and have a really fierce temper. My ex gave it to me, actually. And he's usually one of the voices I mentioned earlier. Confusing? I'll probably explain it later.
"Pleasure to meet you." I held out my hoof for her to take, causing her more than a bit of shock, before she took it.
"Didn't think any city folk would be working fields like this." Applejack replied.
"Never have been, never will be." I told her, with confidence. "I'm more from a small town a long way from here. While I wasn't bucking trees until I got here, I was kind of in the middle. Not backwoods country, or Big time city."
"Well, thanks for picking up the slack for me, while I was gone. Now, I know where I belong." Applejack said, showing off her cutie mark. The 3 apples in a delta formation, or triangle, if you prefer.
"Nice to see your calling is all about apples." I told her. "Better than me at least." Showing off my flank, she looked surprised. "I'm decent, but apparently, working on an Apple Farm isn't my thing."
Big Mac snorted. "He's better than most. Never expected a Pegasus to work this hard."
"Hey, you guys set me up with a place here, and happen to be paying me. The least I can do is help out. At the rate I've been going, I could probably look for a house of my own in a few weeks." I retorted. "I repay my debts, which is more than most city folk can say."
"Tell me about it." Applejack sighed. "Did ya'll see the Rainbow heading this way?"
"Rainbow, Explosion that caused the rainbow, and it all followed what looked like a Pegasus that broke the sound barrier, I saw another one falling just before though. I hope the second caught the first one. That would've been painful." I explained.
"Say what?" Big Mac looked surprised.
"You saw the explosion yesterday?"
"Eeyup."
"That was the second pony breaking the sound barrier." I explained. "Whoever it was started moving faster than the speed of sound at that very moment."
"Where was this?" Applejack nearly demanded, mostly out of surprise.
"Happened around Cloudsdale, actually." I pointed at the cloud city in the distance. "I have extremely good eye sight, and if I saw them again, I might be able to recognize them, but I couldn't pick out many details at this distance. Couldn't really tell you, and, from what I could see, I don't think I know either of them."
"Well, you are a colt. Where are your parents, come to think of it?"
"Far as I know? They could be dead. Last I saw them..." I trailed off. "I guess you could say I'm running from something, just don't know what. Not my parents. Our home was pretty much destroyed." That was lie, but I managed to make it convincing. Applejack, however, wasn't too sure. "I was on my own for a while, until I got here, and took some frustration out on a tree. The falling Apples kinda surprised me." Rubbing my hoof on my nose, mostly in embarrassment, took the suspicion out of Applejack's face. "Saw someone else, turned out to be this big lug," I knocked Big Mac on his foreleg, a smile on my face. "And pretty much passed out. Been helping out ever since."
"Huh. Well, thanks for helping mah family. Just felt like I needed to come home, follow the Rainbow, ya know?" Applejack said, sounding wistful.
I just nod in her direction. "Yeah, home is where the Heart is." Looking up, I sigh. "Some ponies have to find theirs, first, though." I was almost quiet enough to not be heard.
Almost. "Alright, what's wrong?" Applejack questioned.
I shake my head. "Nothing of importance. Don't worry about it. Just... Memories." I turn, walk off, and start bucking a few more trees. I stopped a few trees away, and looked at them. "Oh, and Welcome back. I can still do what a lot of City folk can, and can probably help you keep both sides, if you want. After all, you can take the mare of out the country, but you can't take the country out of the mare." I started walking off.
Those two needed to catch up, and Granny Smith needed a few things from town. You know, as Shadow Blaze, I'm a lot calmer than I used to be, and my senses are quite a bit sharper. With the enhanced senses, I don't really need glasses anymore. Turns out, it wasn't genetic, like my family was thinking. Also, my near constant headache was gone.
I swear to Soa, if the reason for my headache was the fact that I wasn't in the right physical form, I swear I am going to hurt something.
Also, becoming a pony didn't make me any less violent. Who would've thought it?
Then again, the fact that I haven't had a total mental breakdown yet would probably concern a lot of people back home. If you're reading this, and this was some kind of fanfic, then I'll reassure you.
I did break down. Eventually. Anyway, about 4 months into my stay I had my own place. It was on the outskirts, near the Everfree Forest, actually. That forest was like a slice of home. The few animals that attack me from there are usually beaten to a pulp, and sent back in.
I think they got the message after the Timberwolf was practically thrown back in. By me.
Anyway, I've been helping out at Sweet Apple Acres since my arrival in Ponyville. I'm no longer much of the silent pony at this point, but I don't usually start conversations. Applejack has been a little suspicious of me, though.
Although, when Pinkie Pie showed up about a year after AJ got back, Tartarus nearly broke loose. I mean that literally. I noticed a ripple in the air, and told everyone to back away, with more Authority than anyone had ever heard from me. They did so very quickly, though from me. Walking up to the ripple, I stared at it, which is probably when they realized exactly why I said what I did. Unicorns especially, who actually gulped in fear.
Staring at it for a moment, I called out, "Mayor Mare, do you think we can section this area off? Unless I'm mistaken, this thing is a portal to Tartarus in the making. Considering the fact that it's in the Middle of Town Square is not a good thing."
"And if it's not?" Mayor Mare asked, apparently getting her bearings.
"Then it's a rip in the Space-Time Continuum, making a portal to, possibly, another dimension. A dimension that, and this is entirely possible, ponies do not exist. Either way, I don't think we want to risk finding out what's on the other side."
"You seem to know what this is yourself. Can you do something about it?" She questioned. I totally wish I did. Too bad the answer was a no. Shaking my head gave her that very answer. "I see. Then we'll warn the rest of the townsponies. I'll also send in a request to the Princess to see if she has anyone that can do anything about this. They might want to meet with you, as well. In fact, until you pointed it out, even I didn't notice."
"I doubt the unicorns even noticed it until I called out. I barely noticed it, and I was looking right at it." I admitted. Hey! It was true!
It's just too bad I didn't know what was going on. Was it here because of me? Was I in Equestria illegally? Why? Was it just bad timing? Wrong place at the wrong time?
I honestly don't have a clue.
Apparently, Princess Celestia came along with a contingent of Royal Guards. A full Platoon, it looked like. Sixteen in the Golden Armor, and a Unicorn I recognized almost immediately, who looked scared out of her wits. Mayor Mare walked up to them, and bowed to the pale Alicorn. "Princess." Everypony but me bowed. It was probably a bad idea where I was, anyway.
Namely, because I was flying upside down.
Looking at her, I saw a sparkle of amusement in her eyes. Strange. Then she spoke. "Miss Mare, when I received the request, I decided to personally come and deal with it, alongside my apprentice." When Celestia looked at the filly, who I dropped in front of.
I guess it was time to mess with a few heads. I just stared at her, straight in the eyes. She looked back in mine, fear behind them. I frowned. "No offense, but she doesn't seem like much." Celestia, and practically everyone else stared at me. "Sure, her Magical Reserves are almost half of yours, and far higher than anypony else here, but she has no confidence in herself, and, on top of that, she seems to fear being around others."
That got rid of the fear, mostly. The fear that left was replaced with Curiosity. "But... You're a pegasus. Pegasi can do that?" She asked, honestly curious.
I chuckled. Kids. "Most don't bother to, but yeah. I can. It's the only reason I found what was going on."
"I had heard it was a colt that found it, though even I expected it to be a Unicorn." Celestia sounded intrigued. Damn it. I was hoping to avoid that.
"Yeah... About that..."
Celestia walked up to the ripple, looking at me, silently asking me to follow. Doing so, the filly, who I knew was Twilight Sparkle, looked at it directly. Celestia hummed a bit. "Twilight, what do you think?"
The filly answered in a small voice. "It... does look a a ripple, but it doesn't even seem like it's there at all. Like it hasn't even formed yet."
"That is because it hasn't connected to another." Celestia replied. "The easiest way to deal with these is actually to, for lack of a better word, scramble the magic within it. Another, is to overpower it. Why don't you try the first?"
"You think I can do it?" Twilight asked.
"You won't know until you try." I told her. Celestia looked at me in confusion, as did Twilight. "What? A lot of the best are looked at as crazy. It's because they had thought of something that, to others, was impossible. I find that ponies saying something is impossible is usually interrupted by the ones doing it." Okay, I totally ripped that from a High School Banner. Hey, it was in the Cafeteria and I saw it every day! It stuck with me, okay?
"Quite right... I apologize, I don't recall your name." Celestia stated. Well, she phrased it as one. It sounded more like a subtle order to give it to her, if you ask me.
Still just as paranoid as when I was human. One of the reasons I do so well at the Edge of the Everfree, I suppose. "My name is Shadow Blaze, your highness." I turned to Twilight. "You gonna try it or what? I do have other things I planned on doing today."
"I... Sorry." Twilight shrunk in on herself. I sighed. Clearly, this filly has a long way to go. Celestia looked between me and her.
"Look, Twilight." She started. "I heard her call you that earlier." She nodded slightly. "I can tell you're smart. Just looking at you tells me that much. Your mind is your strongest asset, but you have little to no experience with other ponies." She was shocked, and Celestia stared at me. Neither spoke, though it almost seemed as if Celestia was giving me a subtle Stink eye. Huh. If I didn't know what to look for I wouldn't have noticed that. "Feel free to stop me if I'm wrong." I told them. "When your mind goes off on random tangents, you try to figure out what it's coming to. You're a scholar. A Researcher. You seek knowledge, but not much else."
"And how would you know this?" Celestia interrupted.
And this is the reason I think of her as "Sunbutt." I can almost hear the accusation in her voice. I turn to the Sunbutt's face. "Look in my eyes. What do you see?" I can't believe I just asked her to do that. Two guards bristled in the corner of my eye. Celestia just stared, unblinkingly. "I'm not asking you to read my mind, if that's what you're thinking." A single eyebrow raised. "Have you ever heard the saying 'The Eyes are windows to the Soul?' It's more or less true. Tell me, what do you see in mine?"
"We're getting off the main subject here." Celestia just deflected my question. "About the rift..."
"Oh! Right..." Twilight refocused. I decided to leave it at that, and fly off. I'm positive at least two of the guards noticed me do so.
And to think, the first of the Mane Six I meet is Applejack, while the second is Twilight Sparkle. Come to think of it, I'm wondering why Rarity isn't here yet. Either way, I might as well find a cloud and take a nap.
So I did.
Anyway, they took care of it, and, while the Princess definitely asked about me, very few actually knew all that much about me. Big Mac knows the most, but says the least. He's probably the only one that I can actually consider a friend in Ponyville. Either way, it was two weeks after that I got a visit from someone, at my cottage.
Hello, Rarity. I was wondering when I'd meet you. "Shadow Blaze, at your service." I slightly bow my head. She looked gobsmacked at this. Her silence, however, though possibly due to shock, could also be the result of confusion. "You know, it is customary to exchange names when one gives the other theirs."
That shook her out of it. "I'm sorry. It's just... I was not expecting that." I shrug. Not many ways to plan for me. "My name is Rarity Belle. Pleasure to meet you. May I come in?"
I nodded, and let her inside. My cottage is actually a three story cottage. The main floor was sparsely Decorated, though some of the wooden furniture would look like a rare wood. "Dear me, is this Birch?" She asked, staring at the table.
"Not really." I shrug. "I work Sweet Apple Acres during the week, usually in the morning. Afternoons, I either fly, or help organize the Library. Every few weeks, I head into the Everfree, and just explore for a weekend. Most of the wooden furniture on this floor is made from trees in the Everfree." What surprises me is that no one ever actually asks where I get the wood. "I find that it costs less to get the materials and bring them to the artisans, and then ask them to make something out of it. More often than not, they don't ask where I get it. Just if it's stolen or not. From what I can tell, most of the Everfree is fair game." I put on a pot of Tea, and then turn to Rarity, who is sitting at the table, still surprised. "I don't get paid much from working the farm, so I make due with what I've got. Since I'm right on the Edge of the Everfree, I can just walk in, and get what I need. Really simple, actually."
"From what I heard, the Everfree is unnatural. And the rumors about it..." She trailed off, shivering.
I just shrug. "One of the reasons I like staying here, I suppose. It's out of the way, near a place that is truly run by Nature itself, and not Ponies, and actually is kind of fun to fly through. It's a challenge to keep up speed while flying in there." I look at it. "Honestly, the fact that the weather works itself out is actually a boon for the Ecosystem. Everything lives on its own, and in their own way. I hear you're trying to become a fashion Artist. Is that true?"
Rarity looked bashful. "Well, yes. I... don't think you can help, though. I'm sorry."
I shrug. "No worries there. I'm good with general advice, but not really specifics. I can give you some advice, however." Seeing as I finally had her attention, I elaborated. "Fashion is something that changes all the time. Often times, with no one realizing it until it's too late. To run the show, so to speak, you have to either bring the change up, or adapt. The Everfree forest is much the same. The weather works on its own, often times without caring about those around it. Many High Society ponies don't care who they step on to get ahead. Not all, but many of them do." I look her in the eye. Well, she's shell shocked. "Rarity, I'll be straight with you. If you're going into Fashion, always stay True to your Heart. Many who step on others to get ahead, especially their friends, end up stamping their Hearts into the ground, and leave them behind. Never do that. Find your Heart, and put it into everything you make. You do that, and you'll never regret a single thing you make."
Rarity gulped. "I- I see... That is very deep."
Well, at least I had the decency to look sheepish. "Sorry, I go off on random tangents sometimes. Many in my family have the tendency to rant. We start talking and just can't stop until we're done." I know it annoyed so many back there, but still... "I'm sorry if I went too far."
"Oh no, dear. That was insightful." She looked aghast, it seems. "I just wasn't expecting that. Many say you're sociable, but stay private. I had a pretty hard time finding you at first. I actually had to ask the Apple family where you lived. Nopony else seemed to know."
I blinked in surprise. "I've been here for a little over a year now, and no one seems to know where I live? Huh. Imagine that."
"It's more than that. It appears that only the Apple family seems to know much about you." Rarity clarified. "Everyone knows you exist, but no one seems to really know you. I find myself curious about that."
I chuckled. "Well, despite my original greeting when I answered the door, I'm not exactly the formal type of person. I stay out of High Society Politics for several reasons, that being one of them."
"You certainly pull it off well, though." She noted.
I just chuckled in response. "I'm just a good actor." I sighed. "Honestly, I guess you can say I'm really socially detached." Seeing her disbelieving face, I figured I better explain. "I know how to act in society, don't get me wrong, but I don't actually prefer to do so. I just don't... connect, with other ponies. One of the reasons why I'm on the edge of the Everfree is because of the fact that I'm somewhat paranoid. I was before I got here, in fact. I also have a bit of a violence streak." That definitely surprised her. "The Everfree Forest has more than enough for me to get it out of my system, though, so it's actually a benefit. It may seem barbaric, but in all honesty? Fighting makes me feel alive, so to speak."
She looks scared, so I hold up a hoof. "I can try to explain it, if you'd like?" She calmed down a bit, but was no less scared. "Well, the thing is, it's not the fact that I'm hurting someone, or something. It's not that someone gets hurt in the process. It's the process of fighting itself." I look out the window nearby. "For many Pegasi, flying is something that almost every one of us enjoys. The reason varies, but there's one reason in particular that comes up somewhat often that's similar. Speed." I'm pretty sure I look detached.
"Speed. Going fast. Faster than any living being should. Fast enough to flee from anything chasing you." I don't know why I'm bringing this up now. That's something from the past. "Fast enough to escape your past..." That part was whispered.
I felt a hoof on my front right shoulder. I look at Rarity, in surprise. "I... I am willing to listen, if you want to talk." I feel a tear on my face, so I looked away.
"Sorry Rarity, but this is... That's something that I don't talk to others about. My past isn't pretty, so I try to ignore it. Still... Old Habits die hard." I explained. She simply nodded. "My urge to fight, is much like some Pegasi enjoy speed. It's not what's at the end of the line, but everything we feel during the action. Adrenaline. The blood pumping, the Hyper Sensitive state... Your senses open up to a point that is far higher than they should. You see everything around you. In a split second, you know what you're after, and go for it. You know what you need to do, and you do it. This feeling, the one that you just know what to do, what you need to do to keep going. To keep moving. It's like flight for a Pegasus." I flap my wings a few times. "Pegasi fly, or at least hover, practically by instinct when they're still foals. They know what they need to do, and simply do it. They don't even think about doing it, they just do. When I fight something, usually in the Everfree, it's... kind of like that, I guess. I don't have to think about it, I just know what needs to be done, and I do it."
Rarity sat down at the table, as the tea finished cooking. I decided to pour a cup for us both, surprising her with my Dexterity. I held the pot with my wings, and poured the Tea almost perfectly. "My, that's impressive."
I chuckle. "It's something, alright." Putting the Tea pot on the table, I take a seat myself. "Have you ever felt like that? Knowing exactly what you need to do, without ever once thinking on it, and just set out to do it, regardless of what others think about it?"
Rarity paused, and, using her magic, put the Teacup down. "The first time I felt anything similar, the end result led to my Cutie Mark." I froze. You have got to be kidding me. "Do you think that, maybe, yours has something to do with fighting? From what you say, it would make sense." Apparently, she noticed how tense I was. "Is something the matter?"
I took a few deep breaths, and looked her in the eye. "Rarity, if fighting is my Cutie Mark, I probably wouldn't be surprised, but the thing is, I don't know why I fight. I know I can fight, but I don't have a reason to fight right now." I sigh, noticing her confusion. "Rarity, fighting without a reason isn't a way to live. It's only a way to die. An idiot once told me that, and honestly? It makes a lot more sense than what some geniuses say."
"Ah. I see." She responded, somewhat detached. "Have you ever had a reason to fight?"
I stayed silent at that, and took a sip of the tea. I'm pretty sure she saw something. What, I don't know, but she got up. "Please, let me know when you do." She stated. "I enjoy fashion, and creating things. As a dressmaker, I can do something I love, and make my own life. It is my life, after all. From the way you spoke, it seems to me that, once you find your reason to fight, it will show. Not just in your Cutie Mark, but in your Heart. However, it appears to be getting late, and as such, I should be going."
"Sorry if I scared you." I told her. That conversation was a little painful.
"I will admit I was, at first." She admitted. "However, the way you spoke reminded me of what I truly wanted. Also, I will take your advice to heart, and try my hardest not to lose mine to my Art."
I nod, a lot calmer. "It's not the Art you want to keep a lid on, Rarity. It's Business. Business has this way of sucking the fun out of everything. It'll slowly destroy your Heart if you're not careful. Please, be careful when it comes to business, but don't get so cynical that it ends up overriding your Heart. It'll only make your work suffer."
She nods, and opens the door. "Thank you. Please, do expect me to visit again. Regardless of my reaction to you fighting, I actually believe I enjoyed our chat. It was... Informative. I also wish you luck in your endeavors."
I chuckled in response. "You mind keeping that tear of mine secret, I don't think I could handle it if someone that I was nothing but a big softie."
"Oh, I don't know about that..." She trailed off with what had to be a teasing grin. "I won't bring it up, but if someone asks..." She giggled a bit.
I shake my head in response. "Just get going." There's no heat in my voice, or even an edge. In fact... Was I amused? Certainly seems like it.
She chuckled in response, and walked out the door. "Good luck, Shadow Blaze. I wish you the best."
She closed the door behind her, and I sigh. "That... was not how I expected it." I shake my head, wondering why I talked about that. The past is the past, the future is now.
Considering my trips into Ponyville haven't changed at all, I believe Rarity didn't say much for three weeks. Rarity visited once a week after that first one, even if only to check on me. Since my forays into the Everfree Forest saved me money on materials, a bit of food, and then some, I was able to save up quite a bit. It's been a month since Rarity's first visit, and I found that two other Pegasi moved into town. The moment I heard their names, I realized who they were. The moment I saw them, though, Big Mac and Applejack were right next to me.
I simply stared at Rainbow Dash, who looked at me in confusion. "Do I got something on my face?" The Rainbow haired Filly asked. Applejack who was right next to me, shoulder checked me. "I don't see nothing. Blaze, what's up?"
"Applejack, remember what I said when you got back to the farm and got your cutie mark?" I asked, my voice showing shock.
"Eeyup." That was Big Mac.
"This Pegasus was the Second one." This surprised the Pegasus.
"Second one what?" She asked, almost accused.
"You broke the sound barrier about a year and a half ago." I explained. "I was on the ground at the time, but I saw a Sonic boom in the colors of the Rainbow. I didn't get a good enough look then to figure it out, but what I did see makes it pretty clear. Unless there's another Pegasus that has your coat and mane colors, then it was you."
Her suspicion immediately left, and was replaced by shock. "You... You saw that? You believe it actually happened?" Well, that was... Oddly expected. My nod had her go quiet.
"Did you also catch the other Pony that was falling?" I ended up asking. "I ask because I saw them both at the same time, and a fall like that, regardless of species would hurt. Were they okay?"
Rainbow Dash nodded. "Yeah, she's okay. She moved into town, and, being her only friend, I came with."
"Shy? Timid? Scared of her own shadow?" Rainbow Dash nodded. "Huh. Wonder where she's going to live? There's not many places that are open to housing, and the ones that are are either in crowded areas, busy areas, need a roommate, or on the Edge of the Everfree forest. There are two areas near the Everfree that are secluded enough for some privacy, have a cottage, while still within the City Limits of Ponyville, but so many think the Everfree is dangerous and not natural."
"Uh..." Rainbow Dash pulled out a note. "The Mayor said her address is 1950 All Hooves Lane. You know where it is?"
I sighed. "Yeah, and I can take you there. It's one of the areas between Ponyville and the Everfree. Decent place, though a little run down last I checked. I could probably help her get it in shape, since I did much of the remodeling in my own mostly on my own." I turned to the Apples, and continued. "I'll talk to you guys later. Also, I might have to schedule another trip soon. Depends on how bad the place is, and what needs to be done."
"I hear ya, Blaze." Applejack replied. "Don't worry so much, we can handle it."
I nodded, and flew up. "So, if you want to fly, then follow me." I flew off immediately, not looking behind me, knowing she was following pretty close behind me and to the right. Without looking at her, I spoke. "I'm surprised you're using a Military position to follow me." That stunned her, as she shook a bit, before steadying herself.
"What the hay do you mean?"
"Rainbow Dash, you're following me in a way not unlike some Pegasus Royal Guards follow their leaders." I visited Canterlot a few times, though not often. How I ended up at the base of Mount Canter from that cave in the Everfree, I have no idea. "I've seen some of their drills, and, to be honest, you're following me like some of the newer recruits tried to follow their Sergeants."
"You're not even looking at me! How can you tell?" She questioned, still surprised.
"Tell you later. We're coming up to the place." I told her, which we were. Fluttershy's Cottage in the show. Huh. Last time I saw it here, well, it was near derelict. How they hay she managed to get it up and running from this... I don't know, but like hell am I letting her live here with this place in such a poor state. Landing in front of the cottage, Rainbow Dash was shocked, and landed right next to me.
"This is it?" She questioned. "I thought it'd at least be liveable in."
"I'm afraid so. How long have you two been in town, though?" I questioned.
"Two days, but we've been staying in the Library for now. I've got a Cloud house, but she didn't want one. Fluttershy!" Dash called out.
"Rainbow Dash?" A meek voice called out. It was soft, barely noticeable even. If not for my time in the Everfree, I probably wouldn't have heard it myself.
"Fluttershy, this is the place we got you? I thought it'd be better than this." Rainbow Dash said, clearly shocked.
"It just needs a little help." She smiled slightly, apparently not even noticing my presence.
"If you want this place off the ground, then you'll need some help." I offered. This startled her. "Relax, I live a few miles out that way." Pointing into the distance, I continued. "My place was a little worse off, but you seem to have gotten this place a bit better in the two days you guys have been here. Took me a full month to get it up, and a few more weeks to get it off the ground, so to speak. I can get you some materials and help you out, if you'd like?" I walk up to her, and hold out my hoof. "My name is Shadow Blaze. The Ever present Flame that everypony ignores."
"Kind of hard to ignore you." Rainbow Dash pointed out. "I mean, you're kind of..."
"Strange? Insane? All over the place?" I offered. Hey! At least two of those are true.
"I was gonna say friendly..." Dash muttered.
"Rainbow Dash, the most ponies know about me is my skills in flight, and my name. Not counting the rumors, only three ponies know more than that, and none of them have said a word." I pointed out. "And over half of those Rumors have no basis in actual fact." Seeing their looks, I sighed. "They have no reason to be true." Seeing them nod, I continue. "Anyway, as I was saying, I'm willing to help you out, Fluttershy. At the very least, I'll be able to make sure no one tries to overcharge you."
"That's alright. You don't have to..."
"I want to." And I really did. I swear, she is just so cute. "Someone as timid as you can be taken advantage of easily." Noticing Rainbow Dash bristle, I continued. "I gained the respect from the crafters by gathering the materials myself. Some of them don't actually like Pegasi, but they at least respect me. I think it's because I at least respect their arts, but I'm not entirely sure."
"Well, if you're sure..." Fluttershy replied softly.
And so, that ended up with me helping her out daily. I had let Big Mac know that I was helping some new arrivals, and he understood. Applejack was a little worried, though I'd say Jealous, but let me do it. Every other week, I went into the Everfree on the weekend, allowing me to gather the materials. Some, I could shape myself, others I had to go elsewhere. This project took the two of us a good month to fix up, and I got to know Fluttershy.
She really is a good filly. And to think she's only 2 years younger than I am now. She's not exactly a fan of others sneaking up on her, so when Pinkie decided to pop in, Fluttershy curled into a ball. Me?
I turned and decked her in the foreleg. It sent her flying back a bit, but she hadn't been that hurt. I blinked, and scratched the back of my neck. "Sorry Pinkie. I just got out of the Everfree this morning. Sneaking up on me is a bad idea, and will remain so until tomorrow at the earliest. I'm still wired and my Paranoia is still out in full force."
"Sorry..." She looked almost depressed. Hair flat. "Why do you go in there, anyway?" The voice shifted. Pinkamena then.
"Where else do you think I got the materials to fix up my house? Fluttershy's too." I answered. "Seriously, a lot of the trees in there are pretty rare elsewhere. They're also far more sturdy, and less likely to snap under pressure. It's a practicality thing." I shrugged. "My Paranoia helps me survive in there. Though where I come from is arguably more dangerous, my past, which I will not say," I'm pretty sure I'm glaring at Pinkamena right now. "Actually helps me in there. At the very least, I know how to fight and how to survive. Most ponies don't."
"Okay..." Definitely Pinkamena. "I should let you know that there's an Off duty Guard in the Town proper looking for you. He's not in armor, but we can tell." Pinkamena flinched slightly.
"Did they say why, Pinkamena?" I asked, glare and edge gone. For the moment. "I mean, I can think of many things, but I'd like to know what I'm getting into."
Pinkie came back out, fluffy hair and all. "He said something about a vacation in a peaceful countryside area. Somepony said that you would be a good idea to ask for a place, but he didn't say who."
I swear, how I manage to keep my calm around Pinkie Pie, I have no idea. "Good to know." I turned to Fluttershy. "I get the feeling that this is important."
"It's alright Shadow. I can manage." She smiled slightly. "Thank you for the help. We're almost done, anyway."
I nodded. "Once things are actually finished I can help you with the other project." I swear, you can't hate Fluttershy. It's literally impossible. She's just too cute.
"I'd like that, Shadow. See you, later." She waved, as I took to the skies. Before actually flying off I looked at Pinkie Pie. "Pinkie, you really need to get a hold on that. The split personality can be dangerous if no one knows about it." I flew off then.
Still, despite the fact that I get along with Pinkamena better than I do Pinkie might explain a lot.
It only took me a few minutes to fly into town, and finding the Guard was easy. Way too easy. Pinkie was right about the "No armor" bit, but this? This is bad.
"Excuse me." I call out to the obvious guard, who turned, ready to strike. I was ready for anything, even a fight, and he noticed. "I heard you were looking for me, sir?"
He relaxed slightly, but not entirely. "You are Shadow Blaze?" At my nod, he continued, though still tense. "Look, can we talk elsewhere? This is..." He trailed off.
"Personal? Or is Paranoia acting up?" That sent him into a shocked stupor. Still tense, but otherwise shocked out of his wits. "Follow me. There's a few places here to work on that." I landed, and we walked along the street, I said hi to several others, who greeted me back. I was still tense, and I had a feeling he knew it, so when we finally got out of the City Limits and into the nearby plains, about an hour later, I turned to him.
"So, who sent you my way and why?" My tone was all business, though there was an edge there. He tensed up again.
"What does it matter? I'm supposed to be sent on Vacation, but, as you so crudely put it, Paranoia acts up." He sniped. I didn't take offense. I was expect it.
"It matters, because I was expecting the Princess to send a few guards here to keep an eye on me." That zapped the power from his wings. "She visited a while ago to deal with something, and half of what I said could be taken as rude, or outright offensive. On top of that, you were tense long before you saw me. Either you're supposed to be undercover, or you're suffering from PTSD, or something similar."
That confused him. "PTSD?"
"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Something from my old home." I shake my head. Not the time for that. "It's usually found in soldiers that go through extremely stressing times on top of the location being a literal War zone. Sometimes abused foals get it as well, though for different reasons."
He blinked. "I think I just figured out why my Captain sent me your way." I blinked. That was... unexpected.
"Captain?"
"He went into Ponyville a few months ago and said you gave some good advice. Said I should talk to you while I'm here. He thinks that you can help me with my problem, but isn't sure."
I looked at him flatly. "Why would he say that? And come to think of it, I never got your name." It may have been said as a statement, but the question was obvious.
"Corporal Firewing. Second Battalion, Third Squad. Captain Flare Blitz is my CO. She noticed you leaving when you did, though no one else realized it."
It seems only one managed to spot me leaving. Huh. "Well, I am Shadow Blaze for a reason. I'm the Flame that everypony ignores."
"And that is quite dangerous, from what I'm seeing." He pointed out, now tense. "You're ready for a fight, but otherwise happen to be calm."
"I got out of the Everfree Forest last night. My own Paranoia is still out in full force." I pointed out. "I go in every now and then to keep myself in shape. The Paranoia lasts a good 15-24 hours, usually."
"And how do you deal with it? I've got 3 weeks to burn while I'm here." Firewing questioned.
"I'll show you to my place. I'm probably the only one in town that can handle what you have, and not take it personally." I took to the skies, and told him to follow me.
He did, and those weeks were a little exhausting. Fluttershy managed to finish things on her own in three days. Rainbow Dash nodded in approval at the place. I took Firewing to the Apples and taught him how to buck Apple Trees. We did that every morning, and went about our day otherwise. In the morning, I put him through physical exercise, usually at the Apples, while the afternoons were usually spent in town, often at the Library or Sugar Cube Corner. I warned Pinkie Pie that the visitor has Paranoia issues far worse than my own.
It was partially true. He's worse than I used to be, but my trips into the Everfree refined it. We spent an hour talking about things that happened while he was on duty. At the end of the second week, though, I hit pay dirt.
He was forced to watch as four of his Squad mates were killed. He took out the one that did it, but only afterwards. He was suffering for it, and it was making him paranoid. Thinking there was more out there that could do the same.
I just stayed silent for a while, as he talked. It was strange. My silence usually meant I was ignored until I spoke. It seemed like the same was true here. Firewing was just unloading everything, like he wasn't even talking to me anymore.
When he finally stopped talking, he blinked, noticed he was crying, and then turned to me. "Seems like I figured out what actually happened to give you a mild form of PTSD. It's often called Survivors Guilt." I pointed out. "You blame yourself for their deaths, don't you?" I questioned, completely calm. He turned his head, but nodded. "What could you have done? You were pinned to the ground. You couldn't move, you could barely breathe."
"I could have struggled harder, or...!"
"That would have made them squeeze harder, and quite possibly kill you in the process." I countered. "The only thing you could've done is not in any manual that I know of. Back home, there was something called a Chinese Finger Trap. You put one hoof in one side, and another in the opposite end. The more you pull, the more it resists. Do you know why it's so effective?" He shook his head. "Because your first thought is to pull your fingers out, and you get frustrated when you realize no matter how hard you pull, you won't get out of it. 8 times out of 10, first timers end up having to be told the answer. You have to push it in, to get your hooves out. Very few can think clearly through frustration and rage. The Chinese Finger Trap uses that bit of knowledge to its advantage. The more you fail to get out, the more frustrated you get. Sound familiar?"
His eyes widened. "You mean..."
"You were trapped, and struggling. Not the best idea, but the first that came to your mind. You were more focused on your squad's plight at the time, and didn't think of the best way to get out. Just that you had to help. Am I right?" At his nod, I continued. "You kept trying to get out, causing him to hold tighter." Another nod. "The only thing you could've done is stopped struggling."
"But my squad..."
I held up a hoof and said three words. "Chinese Finger Trap." He stopped cold, as if doused in water. "That very situation is what you were in. The only thing you could've done didn't even cross your mind, and would never cross your mind until it was pointed out to you. When a soldier is pinned, the first thing they think to do is struggle. Often times, it's the only thing to do. When it doesn't work, they struggle harder. What they should do is stop struggling, and get the one pinning them to loosen their grip. Then you let it all out, allowing you to break out fairly easily, if done fast enough."
The rest of that session went by somewhat normally, but he was more open, and a LOT less tense. In fact, after that, he was far more sociable. He actually smiled.
When it came time for him to leave, I was the only one he actually said Goodbye to. Willingly, at least. Pinkie Pie got it out of him either way.
Over the next few months, things went back to normal. I helped at the farm in the morning, Afternoons, I did my own thing, or helped with the weather. Weekends I usually had to myself, or I helped Fluttershy. Applejack got switching from Country Mare to Socialite down to an art. Pinkie Pie, however, was more... hesitant. She blanked out during this time, but couldn't figure out what happened. She asked me about what happened, even though I wasn't there.
I told her straight up. "You have a separate personality, Pinkie. When I call you Pinkie, it's the Fun loving one. When I call you Pinkamena, it's the other one. From what I can tell, whatever happened was Pinkamena's doing." My knowledge on Personality disorders, or Mental Disorders was sparse, no where near detailed enough to be considered a Psychologist, or even a Psychiatrist. I have no degree in Mental or Physical health.
Pinkie still asked me for help. I did wonders on the guard, after all. Pinkie ended up better off within two weeks, a session every other day. And things went on as normal. Pinkie got into parties far more often, and figured out how to set them. And then it came.
The Pinkie Sense. The one thing that was bothering me, and was likely to send any Scientist or Theoretician into a Spazz-out Seizure, as I like to call it.
Pinkie Pie had it, but Pinkamena didn't. Pinkie eventually got around to be able to switching between both sides at will, thanks to me.
Although when another Guard came down for Vacation, I had an advance warning. Pinkie Pie told me I'd have a visitor soon. She didn't know why her Pinkie Sense told her that, but said it was probably important.
It was. Apparently, another guard came down here for some kind of Therapy. On the request of Firewing. It was a standard thing, though. He talked, I listened. Gave some advice, and asked some probing questions. Two weeks later, the Guard left Ponyville better than ever. Apparently, word got around that I was a damn good therapist. Guards came to me every now and then, and I helped them. Many were surprised that I was a Blank Flank, or that I was still young.
The results spoke for themselves. I was recommended by Guards, and got the occasional visitor. Mostly guards, but sometimes the family of one. I ended up getting paid for it through the mail. The first one surprised me. The letter of thanks that came with it, even more.
Four years in Equestria, and I never figured that I would be this helpful. I've been helping the Guards through Therapy for an entire year, and the pay for it doesn't really surprise me anymore. Considering my methods for eating, I had quite a large Money pouch. I guess even in Paradise, people need mental help sometimes. Maybe that's why I'm here.
As soon as that thought hit my mind, there was a tingle on my left flank. I turned slightly, ready for anything, only to see nothing. Or rather, no one living. What I did see, was on the flank itself. There was a Blue Shield with the image of a Human Brain as the Sigil on it. Behind it, was two swords crossed. One red, the other green. It was a Cutie Mark.
I had a Cutie Mark. I had a motherbucking Cutie Mark!
It took me what seemed like an eternity to process that thought, but was probably only about a minute. When it finally settled in, I tipped over, out cold.
Apparently, I woke up thanks to Rarity. Seems like I missed out on the usual meeting. "Why were you passed out on the floor?" She asked, surprised.
"Shock, I guess." I answered. "Remember when I told you about me and fighting?"
"Yes. I still don't really see the appeal, but I do realize that it was something that you enjoyed at heart. I take it you found your reason to fight?" She asked. I shook my head, surprising her. "Well, it looks like we were both wrong, then. Tell me, what does it mean?"
I racked my brain for a moment, trying to remember what I was thinking at the time. "You know how I've been helping the occasional guard that comes through town, and even the families? How I help them with their mental and emotional problems?" At her nod, I continued. "I remember thinking, and I quote, 'I guess some ponies need Mental help sometimes. Maybe that's why I'm here.' End quote. At that very moment, I got my Cutie Mark. For a second there, though, I thought that someone had managed to sneak up on me and touch my flank. When it finally sunk in, well... You saw the result."
She hummed. "Well, I think you'll need some help, dear. I am, of course, willing to help out where I can."
"Thanks Rarity. I'll keep that in mind." And I probably will for a while. I was doing what I could to help the Metaphorical Soldiers, and, instead of fighting, I get a Cutie Mark that has elements of Offense, Defense, and Mental states.
I was a Military Therapist, and a fighter. The latter I saw coming. The former? Not so much.
It's been four years since I ended up in Equestria. Two years since I helped Firewing. Sixteen months that I've been acting as an Unofficial Military Therapist. And today: I got a Cutie Mark for Warrior's Therapy.
I found my place in this world. And to be in Ponyville, I will probably be able to help the Mane Six when they get together.
Soa help this world, for I have been truly unleashed.
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The cutie mark was a shock to me as well. That was NOT was I wanted it to be, but it came out that way anyway.