A/N I don't own anything.
I'm just having fun… this is a series of short stories under one title Misunderstandings (well those who will read will find out) and there are a prequel to 'Rather Be Me'. There are some stories that just won't leave me alone...
#1
Being hurt is different…
Everything hurts but it's good. It's this kind of pain that Jyn likes and is accustomed to. Physical pain has been her close friend since forever. All her training was mostly pain, blood and bruises and she prefers this kind of pain to that feeling she often has lately in close proximity to a certain captain.
Physical pain is bliss… only when she doesn't have to stand up and walk.
Yesterday training session with Chirrut is having a toll on her. She knew she didn't have to put a good fight, it was purely for educational purposes, but then Cassian happened to be at the training session and Jyn was distracted. That distraction cost her greatly.
Now she can't walk without her mussels screaming at her with hot white pain. She's sure she has bruises in places she forgot that even existed. Chirrut is a good teacher for the young cadets, but very demanding sparring partner. It's true that she volunteered to help, having nothing better to do between missions. But right, now walking down the white tunnel of Echo Base she's having painful second thoughts.
Finally she comes to the mess and grabs some colorful mush for breakfast. Jyn slumps heavily on the chair opposites Bodhi at the far corner.
"What's wrong with you?" He asks, his eyes concerned.
"Everything hurts." She informs him in a painful tone not really looking into his eyes.
"I was told you have sparred with Chirrut." Bodhi is trying to sound lightly but falling miserably his tone more of a pity.
"It was more like being beaten up…" Jyn mumbles to herself, not really interested in the food in front of her. Deep down she knows it's her fault. She shouldn't be so pride and just for once step down when she was challenged.
"It isn't very Chirrut's" Bodhi starts and Jyn just looks at him and the look she is sending him makes him stop talking.
"I know," Jyn speaks her voice stern. She may as well as tell the truth, or half of the truth. "It was more Cassian's fault."
Speaking of the devil, Cassian chooses this very moment to sit down beside Jyn, putting his tray on the table with one hand and his other hand casually brushing Jyn's shoulder like almost every morning at breakfast. It's their way of touching and not touching, a game they've been playing ever since Scarif. But today his touch pains her in all of this word meaning. (Every other day his hand only burns her skin and Jyn is fighting the urge to gasp.)
But not today. Today of all days the physical pain overpowers all other scenes and Jyn groans painfully at his touch.
"What's wrong?" Cassian asks retrieving his hand. The look in his eyes tells Jyn that he's actually concerned, and she finds it oddly sweet and infuriating at same the time.
"It hurts." She mumbles not looking at him but staring down at her bowl. What's wrong with breakfasts here, Jyn is thinking distracting herself from Cassian's eyes. Every day there is another pulp or mush that is served as rich protein breakfast and everyday it tastes the same... as wet paper.
"What happened?" Cassian asks looking intently at Jyn.
"It's all your fault." She finally answers and she sends him a dirty look, but his brown eyes makes her soften her gaze.
"My fault?" Cassian asks dumbfounded.
"Who was at yesterday's training season? Who teased me into, and I quote, even the chances with Chirrut?" Jyn says accusingly pinning him with her eyes. Cassian can see a growing bruise at her left cheek and he just can't stop staring at it.
"It was a joke, you didn't have to..." Cassian starts to explain more to himself that to Jyn. He knew that he acted stupidly yesterday, mocking her in front of the new cadet group. He shouldn't have, he had known better to challenge Jyn. And now she's supporting a massive bruise at her cheek, and there could be more on her body. No, stop! He forces his train of thought to halt. He won't go there...he forbids himself to think about Jyn's body even if it comes to bruises.
"Of course I had to, I need them to listen to me and you weren't helping." Jyn says angrily putting her fork down with too much force and splashing some of the rainbow much on the table.
"Does someone tell me what did happen?" Bodhi finally asks totally confused looking between Cassian and Jyn.
"He blindfolded me" Jyn spats finally.
"I didn't," Cassian defends himself fast. "You did it yourself, I only suggested it wasn't a fair fight and if I remember correctly it was your students who decided to even the chances. I've never suggested that it is you who needed to be even." Cassian explains patiently sounding more like making excuses. Jyn looks at him a mixture of anger and pain in her eyes.
"Great, now you think I can't fight." The hurt in Jyn's voice is clearly heard to both men at the table.
"This conversation is going nowhere." Cassian somehow feels angry and guilty at the same time. Now he knows that he screwed up royal yesterday, but he would never say that at loud. Not now.
"I couldn't agree more" Jyn huffs glaring darkly at him.
"Jyn, you know that I think you're one of the most capable hand to hand combat fighters I have ever met, and it was me who suggested you train new cadets in the first place..." Cassian makes a final attempt at explaining himself. To be honest to himself, he doesn't know what made him say all the things he said yesterday. And he regretted it the moment Jyn hit the training mat the first time. He had good intention, to make her laugh but the plan backfired badly and now he has to pay for that.
"If so, why did you say that?" Jyn asks finally and Cassian doesn't have a good answer to it.
"It supposed to be a joke." He mutters defensively, it's the truth but even Cassian can hear how lame it sounds right now.
"Well, it was a really poor one." Jyn finally says. She storms form her chair trying hard not to wince at her sore muscles. She knows at the back of her head that he meant well. It was partly her fault that she didn't turn it as an actual joke. Maybe she could laugh it all and send Cassian instead herself. She was capable of turning it against him. She didn't have to suggest blindfolds and all the show. It was her kriffing pride and the fact that she still feels insecure around her fellow rebel friends. But thinking it was Cassian's fault it is just easier.
Jyn is almost running at this point and suddenly collides with a solid form of a handsome man.
"Sorry," He speaks quickly but then Jyn smiles.
"Kyle, you are back."
"Oh, my favorite rebel girl is here, what's the rush" Kyle is smiling at her, his absolutely disarming smile, and she just can't believe that he is also an Intelligent officer and one of Cassian's only friend around here. They are so different from each other she wonders briefly.
"Nothing, a lot things to do." She answers but then she sees as Kyle's eyes are narrowing eying her left cheek.
"You know that you have a splendid red bruise down on your cheek, who am I going to kill, unless Cassian's already done it?" Kyle asks his voice concerned. He raises his hand as to touch her cheek but thinks differently and just looks into her eyes.
"You can actually start with him." Jyn answers quickly, too quickly, because she knows that right now Kyle will actively search for Cassian and well, he will talk first with him, but she is afraid what will come next.
"Jyn?" He asks in disbelieve, as much as he likes her, Kyle has known Cassian since they were sixteen.
"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't let him get under my skin" She speaks honestly and only then she understands half the words she just said. For the first time she is grateful she has a red bruise covering half of her cheek because she is almost sure she's blushing furiously.
"If you ask me, it's a bit too late." Kyle answers with a wide smile but his concern still flashing in his eyes.
"I don't know what you are talking about." Jyn says sounding defensive and hating herself for that.
"Sure you don't." Kyle only laughs more. "But to more pressing matters. I will find him and kill him."
"You don't have to." She stops him with her words. She doesn't need Kyle to get involved in the middle of her tangled and complicated relations with Cassian. Because they are tangled and complicated to the enormous size.
"It will be my pleasure." Kyle says lightly and Jyn knows he's joking, but still she isn't very convinced about the reckless Corelian behavior.
"Hey Kyle how was your mission?" Jyn asks just when he is walking away.
"Boring and too long, but mostly boring." He smiles at her his eyes twinkle with mischief and Jyn knows why she likes him. Jyn smiles back and walks away. She likes Kyle, she has liked him ever since they met the first night at the mess, after she was released from the med bay. It was Cassian who introduced Kyle to her and Bodhi, and he might use word friend when he was doing that. She was so surprised that Cassian actually called someone a friend except K2. And Kyle was a nice surprise. He was Corelian with all the easiness and outgoings of this kind. And if you would ask any female members of the Alliance quite handsome one. What was most surprising was the fact that expect Cassian's strong accent those two could be brothers. Same dark unruly hair, same piercing brown eyes but they have totally different characters. Cassian's strict and proper behavior was clearly temper down by Kyle's ability to make fun from everything. Those two could laugh for hours and to be honest Jyn didn't hear more beautiful sound in the galaxy than Cassian's laughter.
Going round the corner Jyn is greeted by Chirrut with his usual double meanings.
"You are hurt and in pain, Jyn." Chirrut informs her without as much as greeting and Jyn is almost sure he is smirking at her as long as Guardians of the Whills could smirk.
"Funny I have always thought it is one and the same condition." Jyn answers him trying not to sound angry.
"I can find a solution for your pain, but with hurt you have to seek solution at its source." Chirrut is still smiling this all knowing smiles of his, and it makes her angry and uncomfortable at the same time.
"Which is?" Jyn doesn't really want to hear the answer but she still asks.
"I think you know." He answers and Jyn is finding this conversation more difficult than the one at breakfast. She's almost sure Chirrut knows all her thoughts concerning certain captain and not all of those thoughts are clouded with anger. There're complex and unresolved feelings deep inside her that she only recently started to discovered and she doesn't know if she likes those thought.
"You are just afraid to admit it to yourself." Then again Chirrut's words stir something inside her, something that she feels only when Cassian is near her, in that space that is neither polite nor close enough to be improper. The times when he stares at her from across the ship as if she was the only person on the deck or the times when their hands brush casually when going through some plans and they both just stop not really wanting to retrieve their hands. This hot and tingling feeling in her stomach whenever he's just a little too close, as she could stand at her tiptoes and just grab him by his shirt…STOP THAT JYN.
"You know Chirrut I may reconsider a rematch." She speaks lightly or she thinks she does.
"Good, choose your partner wisely Jyn Erso." With that sentence Chirrut bows his head and leaves her fuming with anger and confusion.
She's still in a lot of pain when she enters her room to prepare for afternoon training. They aren't scheduled for a mission in the next couple of days so Jyn decided to keep her busy with new training scenarios.
She looks down at her datapad and for once she's happy its strategic analyses. She can't imagine going on the training mate today, it will be long and painful day. She perches at her bed coy, pulling her legs to her chest, and starts reading. She can still feel all her pulled muscles and bruises, she bites her lips not to groan in pain. Maybe she should go to madbay has her back checked. She shakes her head, she has been worse, it's just bruises. She distracts herself with some data and training scenario for the next training season.
She doesn't know how long she's been sitting trying to focus on the schematic of a building they supposed to invade at the training when she hears a soft knock on her door. She knows who is standing there, every nerve in her body tells her that, so she doesn't need to check.
"Just come in." She says not really wanting to get up. Her door slides open and Cassian walks in. He takes only one step inside and Jyn can tell that he's feeling apologetic not really looking at her. She looks at him and for a second she's ready to forgive him everything, so he would come closer forced her to move aside and they would argue about the non-existent mission for the next hour. Cassian makes another tentative step towards her and Jyn makes a room for him on the bed an unspoken invitation which Cassian gladly accepts.
"I would go through the roof from the east side of the wall, it's the safest to climb." He speaks after just looking at the chart and Jyn smiles. She was thinking the same thing. She makes a mental note to put some traps there for the cades in the afternoon session. Cassian is leaning over her shoulder, his breath tickling her neck his shoulder pressed to hers. They've done it thousand times before, the leaning, the hovering in each other personal space when reading and planning. Jyn has always read the entire mission briefing over his shoulder leaning over his pilot seat, it was never a thing between them. Or maybe it was… she has only recently discovered what Cassian's proximity is doing to her. Suddenly she discovered she has shivers down her spine whenever he as much as stand too close to her. And let's be honest the standing in each other personal space is a common thing between them. It's started before Scarif, but ever since the-almost-die-in-your-arm situation it is almost at daily basis.
She shouldn't be so tense; she shouldn't be feeling each nerve in her body. And definitely she needs to take a grip over her raging heart because that stupid organ is trying to escape her ribcage. It's just Cassian, she forces herself to think and I'm still angry at him. Exactly, it is Cassian… and he is kriffingly close…
"You want something? Or did you just come to help me?" Jyn says she is trying to sound angry but it's hurt that is heard in her voice.
Cassian just looks at her and pulls back. He can see that she's still angry at him and he understands her.
"No, I come bearing peace offerings and a retribution." He says a small smile playing at his mouth.
Oh, his mouth another long story for Jyn's imagination. Lately she started dreaming about that mouth of his. Those mouth who he uses to shout at her after some reckless behavior on missions until they both panting with anger. But lately her imagination tells her totally different story of those mouth and their use. Jyn shakes her head trying to gather her thought. What is wrong with me?
"Peace offerings?" She asks her voice little shaken. She hates herself right now; she needs to focus before she will do something extremely stupid.
Cassian pulls a portable med pack he was holding in his hand on his laps and conjures an ice pack from inside. Without as much as warring he puts the bag to her bruised cheek. Jyn inhales deeply, her yes becoming wider more with shock of his touch than from the pain and cold. But Cassian looks frightened. "Sorry, didn't mean to hurt…"Cassian takes the bag from her cheek more on instinct. But Jyn doesn't feel pain, is more like a burning mark on her cheek where his hand was seconds before.
"It's nothing." She mumbles. "Just cold." She lies at him without blinking, and Cassian tentatively puts the bag back to her cheek. Without thinking Jyn reaches and puts her hand on his holding the bag. The time stops. Jyn is staring in Cassian's darkening eyes and she is melting. She feels hot, actually scalding hot, for the first time she's been in this frozen rebel base. They just look at each other neither taking theirs hand. Cassian's hand is warm and callused and just perfect. He smiles a soft smile at her and Jyn thinks she can actually melt the ice pack they are holding. He's watching her as he's trying to say something and Jyn holds her breath… and then her datapad beeps. A short pricing sound makes them startled and come to their senses. Jyn looks at the offending device trying very hard not to feel disappointed.
Jyn lets go of his hand.
"No hold it." Cassian says fast. "I have more." Cassian pulls her hand back at the ice pack and Jyn has to remember how to breathe. But Cassian is busy rummaging through the med pack he brought with him and Jyn has time to compose herself and looks at the datapad.
It is just a massage: Afternoon training season has been postponed at 18 00, additional flying training is planed due to good weather condition on Hoth.
"It looks like there're actually good weather conditions on this planet once on every three months" Jyn comments and Cassian laughs short and sweet. Jyn looks at him and she's thinking hard what is wrong with me? She needs to stop lying to herself that she doesn't know what is this. She perfectly knows that she has developed feelings for that dark haired, smoldering eyes captain but she will definitely not act upon them. Not until she knows there is a chance…of what? Happily ever after in the middle of the war with the Empire? Good luck, Erso she thinks darkly and lowers her gaze form Cassian tucking her feeling deep inside.
"I have a painkiller patch gel on your shoulder." Cassian starts saying "because I know you wouldn't go to the medbay."
"You bet I wouldn't "She answers stubbornly. Cassian only smiles.
"I can fix it if you want?" Cassian offers and Jyn eyes him because she's almost sure she could hear a note of insecurity in his voice. But at the thought of his hands at her back, her back without clothes on, she is practically having a heart attack once again.
"No I can do it myself." She speaks hastily, it is too fast and Cassian sends her a quizzical look. Jyn is almost sure he can hear her heart beating loudly against her chest. But Cassian only hands her the patch.
"Sure you do," he isn't looking at her and it's calming and frustrating her at the same time. Does he notice how nervous she is? But Cassian is searching something in his jacket's pockets. " And since you decided to storm away from breakfast…" Cassian is holding a handful of nutri bars in his hand and Jyn is just overwhelmed by his kindness. She couldn't remember the last time someone was actually kind to her without having any agenda.
"And the retribution?" She only just remembered that he was saying something like that when he walked in.
"I'm to volunteer to have my ass kicked the next training season." Cassian speaks shyly not looking at her but the corners of his mouth are twitching as holding a smile. Jyn is wondering absent-mindly what would be to kiss him just then and there. Would the galaxy come crashing down on her if she had try this?
"Saying who?" She asks him because she knows who is behind all of this.
"Me..." Cassian answers, but then he lower his gaze and fidgets with the empty box "...and a combined effect of Kyle, Bodhi and Baze's harassments."
She laughs at loud, she knew that the moment he said something about 'volunteer'. She can't still believe that she has friends here. Friends who will stand up for her. It's completely new to her and almost as scary as the warm and fuzzy feelings he developed for Cassian.
"One condition." She says still smiling at him.
"Anything you want." Cassian answers and Jyn just can't stop herself thinking how much a double meaning are his words. In a different situation this statement would have such a different answer. But she just shakes her head refusing her thoughts to go that line.
"It will be a fair fight." Jyn informs him.
"You want me blindfolded?" Cassian asks his eyes shining with laughter. It is a beautiful sight.
"No, I want you to not hold back." Cassian is looking at her as he doesn't understand what she just said. As if he's thinking about the words in totally different context, his eyes dark and searching and only that makes Jyn blush furiously. She is so happy that she has the ice pack covering her cheek because the flush would be clearly visible. But moment later Cassian only shakes his head confused, and then the plain face of the intelligence officer is back and his expression composed.
"It will be a fair fight." He states and gets up from the cot.
"Good" Jyn says her voice little out of breath. She has to get a grip over herself soon.
"Good." He answers and heads for the door. "But Jyn, holding back is what I know best." There is something dark and unexpected in his eyes before he leaves her room and Jyn is left to wonder if only just imagine those things in his eyes.
A/N: My first story written in present tense. I don't know if this is my cup of tea. Tell me what you think because it is the best you can do. There will be more…
(Kyle is mine and my only, you can borrow but ask his permission first😊