I don't own Tenchi, Ghost in the Shell cyber brains, or any of the song lyrics that appear in these fictions.
New Kain
"Oh, the humanity!" It was a statement made famous by Herbert Morrison's account of the Hindenburg disaster. The same phrase repeated again and again across the known universe as GP Headquarters burnt in the sky over Planet Vestra. Broadcasted all over the known universe, a surprise strike on Galaxy Police Headquarters had dealt the lethal blow. Live. It was a terrorist proclamation meant to shock the universe. Pirate ships of all makes, builds, and flags had descended upon the once mighty station like thousands of hyenas upon a great lion. The attack had been of a scale not seen since the formation of the Galactic Union, which had put an end to most interplanetary conflicts and wars.
Littered amongst the far corners of the universe, the broadcasting stations - which had been simultaneously hacked into and subverted to show the gruesome display - remained clueless as to how the hack had been achieved. It was like black magic had committed it. Technicians and even talk show hosts were busy scrambling to sever the transmission. But even when the cops arrived to shut off the awful digital stream, no one could do anything to stop Galactic Union citizens from witnessing severed arms and legs riding atop billowing clouds of red mist. Nor could they block the visage of the silent flames pouring out of the ruined GP Headquarters.
It'd been a slaughter.
Even untrained civilian eyes could see it.
Now every single eye across the universe watched pirate ships scurry over the horrifying devastation like cockroaches, uncaring for their fallen comrades, only interested in ransacking as much high-tech weapons and loot from the fallen GP Headquarters as possible. Predictably, any survivors were executed on the spot wherever they were found. The occasional plea for mercy and subsequent silencing gunshot rang clear as a bell when viewing an appropriate channel…
But why? What was the point?
Oh the humanity! It's burst into flames! It burst into flames, and it's falling, it's crashing! Watch it! Watch it!
To the planner behind the attack, the point was obvious. There hadn't even been much of a choice in the matter even – it was either inflict misery and death upon the relatively innocent GP or undergo watching his homeworld and countless others like it be relegated to the same suffering.
'I'm sorry…' he prayed into the fires surrounding him – even though he could never afford to let the Universe know of his remorse. On Jurai, especially, the blue-blooded bastards had to be convinced that harassing Earth, Gilben, Harrofax, or any other so-called "backwater" planet would be punished. Even if it meant he had to make alliances with evil men like the pirate guilds and lead them to ultimate victory over defenders of justice. The defense of primitive worlds was his overriding concern…
Incredibly, he himself - a mere "knuckle dragging" earthling - had alone been the one to possess the resources, connections and personality required in order to unite the pirate clans. He alone possessed the correct blend of charisma, knowledge, desperation, cunning, patience, lack of self preservation, and yes… even altruism. And it'd worked… so far.
On channel 666, watched closely by trillions of citizens across the universe, he, the hated mastermind behind the uprising from earth, stepped cautiously through the blasted, burning corridors of GP Headquarters on his way to his final, long-schemed for destination. There he would meet his fate… or at least what he thought would be his fate. But what else could possibly happen to him? Washu had sworn that the process would effectively kill him. Rip his soul from his body. Blend it together with an unimaginable evil and reform him into something so much worse… so, surely, his fate was a near certainty.
Excellent! It had never been his plan to survive the conflict, anyway… so whatever might occur, it really didn't matter to him in the end. He took solace that his "death" would be for a noble cause at least, right? Darn, he hoped so - he couldn't imagine so much death failing to be justified in the end. But, of course, his Galactic Union spectators didn't regard his cause in such a positive light! It wasn't noble! It came from the pits of Hell! Indeed, the wail of billions across the Universe rose up in disgust as they watched horror after horror slither across their TV screens like a multifaceted nightmare.
"For Goddess sake!" the voices of billions cried, "Turn it off! Turn it off!" Newest on the screens, a butchered family - ill-timed visitors to GP Headquarters - lay amongst the ruins in front of the hated mastermind. The corpses' eyes remained open in silent accusation as the man passed over them. The youngest child, a girl perhaps five years old, cried bitterly even in death, reaching out for the decapitated remains of her mother. The flames hadn't reached them yet.
Unseen in the massive clanking suit he wore, the evil mastermind shed a tear for the little girl. It hurt so much to see her corpse. Shit, how could it not? To think… he'd once been a kindergarten teacher…
Casting the tiny victim out from his mind, he proceeded to wade through the carnage of wrecked bulkheads, shattered hard-crete, battle zones, and remains of officers' heroic last stands. All the butchery rolled past horrified TV screens throughout the universe as untold spectators followed the man's steady, metal-stomping progress through the burning remains of GP Headquarters.
Gruesomely, at one point he was even forced to gun down a survivor - some poor kid, a new recruit - who tried to ambush him. A Gatling cannon mounted under the suit's oversized arm sawed the poor recruit literally in half. Trillions of tears flowed for the victim. But zillions of tears poured out in hatred against the fiendish man in the metal suit who'd just killed him: The renegade Prince of Pirates from Earth. The one who couldn't let things remain the way they had for millennia: Non Intervention.
The Prince of Pirates regarded the policy like an abolitionist would regard slavery. It was unacceptable. He often recalled that slavery was once considered upper-class, widely accepted, and challenged only by "fools" on Earth. Correspondingly, the policy of Non Intervention was law in the universe challenged by no one except the occasional looney. NI had been instituted at the behest of the GU's current puppet master: Planet Jurai. Supposedly, the policy was meant to help defend primitive cultures against suffering from the shock of advanced societies "tampering or usurping" control of society and "debasing" the natural evolution of such worlds.
That included withholding medical aid – and denying others the right to give it.
Truly, Non Intervention was only about maintaining the status quo of power. And it was such a ridiculous farce, too – given that Jurai had been founded in its genesis by roving bands of murderous pirates that'd decided to settle down and grow roots. But now, of course, universal institutions – like the GP – had been utilized to enforce NI since the dawn of recorded history…
…well, or at least since the dawn of "important" history, or the official recorded history of Planet Jurai.
Still pretentious as ever, Jurai would finally be humbled, and then the man could finally rest – or at least whatever remained of him after today could finally rest. The destruction of GP Headquarters was merely a stepping stone on his path to taming Jurai – or at least convincing its monarchy, including Princess Ayeka and Princess Sasami – that Non Intervention was to be a foible of the past. Like slavery. A hideous practice that'd resulted in the suffering and deaths of untold trillions. Truly, such a policy was unforgivable.
But it should still have never come to this…
Despite himself, the man swiveled his battle suit around to glance at the skewered little girl. Such evil… all done at his command. He fired an incendiary round to cremate her – there were some nasty cults who paid for such corpses and he didn't want her to wind up in some sicko's collection before the burning station could claim the body. Like plenty of the deceased GP officers' bodies probably would. Oh well…
God… it should have never come to this…
After the first decade of war, after the first million or so casualties he'd wrought against the enforcers of Non Intervention, it'd seemed like he'd achieved victory for his people. Planet Earth and its more "backward" counterparts across the universe had been granted advanced medical technology to cure disease and even agricultural technology to eliminate hunger. Of course, he'd had to bestow that technology upon them himself, but that was okay as long as the GU didn't stop him. As a result, deaths due to disease had dried up – and wars as a result of starving belies had largely disappeared as well.
Success! Or so he'd thought.
But, of course, it simply wasn't to be. Rather, Jurai and its puppet, the Galactic Union, had shown the depths of Non Intervention's inherent ruthlessness. An initiative to seize back every bit of technology won for the 'Neanderthals' was being worked quickly through the courts. And that was something he hadn't counted on…
How could he have suspected it? It was food and medicine! Honestly, who could steal medicine from the dying? Or take food away from the hungry? Just to obey a flawed ideal?
Oh, but they were trying… So, Galaxy Police Headquarters now burnt silently in its orbit over the planet Vestra. Pirate ships late to arrive were already beginning to turn away from the looter saturated husk of the space station to instead savage the planet below. After all – there was loot to be had down there, too… and women to rape, slaves to take, children to sell on the black markets, etc.
The mastermind puked. Catching the vomit – a whitish cream that was the futuristic equivalent of a half-digested MRE - the suit's life support systems administered relaxants and mood softeners to calm the pilot. But it didn't help much. He was surprised anything was left in his stomach at all given the operation he'd just undergone… he didn't even have a digestive tract now. He'd fully committed to today's mission.
Nauseating. That term could best describe how he felt working with the pirates – knowing what his minions were doing to innocent people. But soon he could be rid of them, if his theory panned out. And it should work! Washu promised him so… though such an achievement would come at enormous cost. Also, it was possible that Washu was only trying to get him killed; his bloody and ruthless crusade across the stars had finally begun to earn her ire. Especially since he'd used some pretty advanced truth serums on her. His heart broke every time he thought about it – but what in God's name could he have done different? How could he have just sat back and let "primitive" people and their children die? Suffer? Wither from disease? Starve to death as ape-like warlords horded food supplies? He couldn't have!
I used to be a kindergarten teacher, after all…
Reaching his final destination, the big metal suit's footsteps at last fell silent. There in front, a gigantic steel portal, guarded by a micro-singularity, crackled with impossible energy. Zeus, at the height of his power on Mount Olympus would've withered with jealousy at the sight in front of him now. The man cringed… what evil could possibly be caged behind that kind of a barrier? Honestly, how could anything really be so dangerous as to warrant such an extreme measure as a singularity lock? And how could he possibly tame it?
Images of Ryoko fluttered into his mind's eyes – as they often did – and he was reminded that such a dangerous creature could very well exist… Ryoko could butcher an army single handedly if so inclined. Furthermore, Washu had promised him beyond doubt that this so-called arch criminal "Kain" who was imprisoned behind the singularity really was some sort of ultimate, living super weapon. He'd never doubted the diminutive scientist before… and he certainly wasn't going to now. Not if a darned singularity was being used to imprison this "Kain."
Once more, the man swiveled the suit backward to glare at the burning wreckage of GP Headquarters - it was price for his arrival here, at this prison cell. The lives destroyed couldn't be wasted in vain… so it had to work! And… it would work, surely! This wasn't going to be a suicide mission, darn it! It didn't make sense: even if Washu really wanted to kill him, she would have never sent him out to slaughter innocent GP officers or release a catastrophic fiend like Kain upon the universe in the process. She'd have found a way to stop him…
So, it was going to work…
The suit turned back to face the singularity. Servo motors squealed and pressurized seals popped loose as the suit's cockpit depressurized. The atmosphere was still stable outside of the suit - but already the man could feel the cold of space begin creeping into the ruined station, despite the flames, as the suit peeled away from his body. It unfolded briskly and efficiently - leaving him in nothing but a skin-tight pilot's suit. Summoning his holographic laptop - a piece of technology "borrowed" from Washu - he gave the suit commands to close itself back up and engage the autopilot program. Obediently, the suit sealed itself back up at once - and then armed its most potent weapon: A subspace disrupter mounted on its back, which was perhaps the most potent device he'd ever stolen from Washu's lab.
I'm so sorry, Washu. Typing in the final series of commands, he sent his battle armor marching straight into the terrifying singularity barrier - and then turned his back on ensuing apocalypse to come: Soon, white hot light filled the chamber as the disrupter on the suit's back activated and dissolved in the great flow of energy, which drowned out every other detail to be seen. The God-like display was totally silent, strangely… but the man felt as though hundreds of electrified ants were busy scurrying all over his skin. Until it finally ended.
The singularity collapsed. Now he awaited the emergence of this so-called arch fiend "Kain." Scared, but determined more than anything else, he turned back around to face the outcome of his scheme bravely, raising up his chin and glaring straight into the blackness where the micro-singularity had once been. No retreat. No regret. This was how it had to be!
Inside his body, complex machinery that he'd replaced his internal organs with activated silently. Stealthily. Not to be made known to the beast in the prison cell. Soon, he would starve to death. Truly, there was no going back for him – his own digestive tract and most all else were gone in favor of hiding this secret machinery he'd need to tame the beast. It'd already been ten hours since the operation – and he guessed he only had a few more left to live now. Only victory could save him.
But victory could be elusive. The first sign of the presence of evil - and the struggle to come - was a black mist seeping into existence where the singularity had once been. The fog lingered in the air for a time, hushed and silent. Then, suddenly, the impression of a man appeared like a caricature painted in smoke. Words spilled from the darkness: "What foolish little pirate…" issued forth a deep, creepy voice from the abyss, "…would dare to release me?"
Without hesitation: "A prince of pirates. That's who. I am one who seeks to make an alliance with you… of sorts," the man responded bravely; his feet were planted apart in a standard military posture, arms behind his back. Face neutral.
Cynical and horrific, "What makes you think that I'd ever ally myself with the likes of you, mortal? Huh? Hah! What can you offer me! You're little more than a flea! I'd be foolish to even listen to what you have to say!" mocked the voice. The shadows coalesced together to form a more distinct image of a man. Eerily, a white mask formed over the head. "Why don't I just kill you instead?" the evil god inquired.
Time to gamble. The man smirked. "Hah! Well, doesn't it seem strange how you needed this little 'flea' to break you out of the clink, then, oh powerful one!" the man jested. "And you're not very thankful, either. I broke you free and now you threaten to kill me! You also misunderstand why I've come all the way here to GP Headquarters… I desire your submission more than I do an alliance! From this time on you will obey me!"
Riotous laughter shook the corridor.
Shadows crashed forward at him like a wave, swirling around his body and hoisting him several feet off the blasted ground. But to Kain's annoyance, the puny creature didn't wriggle or kick like the typical victim; it just kept still and glared at him with a defiant smirk on its face.
What a horror! What a show! None of the spectators throughout the universe could believe the events transpiring on their TV screens. And all the folks agree that this is terrible; this is one of the worst catastrophes in the world. Oh, the humanity! This is the worst thing I've ever witnessed.
Truly, the man was terrified, too - not of death, but of failure. But he didn't show it. He couldn't afford to. He had only one desperate gambit to win… and it would require baiting this creature perfectly. Otherwise, a lot of people were going to die for absolutely nothing… or worse, even less than nothing! Trillions of viewers watched the duel unblinkingly. For many, their own fates were being decided with the Prince of Pirates.
"Tell me, beast! What makes you think that you have any power over me whatsoever?" the man declared.
Intrigued, the white mask shifted into an expression of bemused condescension. "Such confidence!" the voice growled at the puny creature, releasing a powerful spike of energy into its flesh, which did… absolutely nothing? Now the white mask distorted into a frown.
Curious, Kain pulled the Prince of Pirates in for a closer inspection; he fired a second shot of energy into its flesh… which had absolutely no effect on him again. Frustrated, the god even squeezed down with awesome physical force, but nothing could damage the victim in his grasp.
"Gah!" the evil god roared – flinging the man hard into a wall which dented under the impact. But, impossibly, the man stood right back up and approached his would-be killer. The man smiled. Though alarmed - reading that his internal shield generator and kinetic dampeners were at 50% power - he still resumed his militaristic pose in front of the dark god and smirked. He even dared to *tsk* at the monster. "It's only a matter of time before you recognize the inevitable, Kain! The universe has moved on since your time! A hundred years in the freezer has made you obsolete! Whatever technology brought you to life has become outdated and improved upon! You're nothing of the terror you once were! Nothing!" An utter lie…
But, incredibly, the dark god was shaken. Sensing that it would be now or never, the man activated the next device sown into his desecrated belly – a psychic lash. It was another device stolen from the intergalactic genius, Washu. With incredible force, the device smacked the god like a fist from Heaven, filling it with a world of pain – filling the chamber with horrifying sound. Truly, the sound of a god screaming was a terrifying event.
…and so was reading 0% power in the equipment.
Bringing online the final device - one of his own, modified inventions which he dubbed a "Soul Catcher" - he planted a smirk firmly on his face and locked hard into his military stance. Pure poker faced, he hoped and prayed that his gamble would pay off. If not, well, there was nothing more he could do to help now. Failure would mean a very slow and painful death – provided that Kain could restrain himself from just smiting him on the spot. At least it'd been a very good, well thought out attempt… and he'd committed to it for the right intentions.
But fate was kind; the plan worked.
Kain lurched forward, eye-to-eye with the puny mortal standing in front of him and glowered. Hate and frustration oozed out of the mask, adding thickness to the black fog. Then, monstrous glee spread across the mask as Kain shook his head in slow remonstration…
…The puny creature could never own HIM!
Trillions watched - horrified - as the Great Enemy thought slain a hundred years ago now spread his arms wide open again for his next kill. It didn't matter that the next victim was to be the universally hated Prince of Pirates - for soon millions of good and innocent souls would find themselves trapped in the evil god's horrible grasp, too! Wails rose up across the universe – what horror! But what happened next terrified them even more…
Making a sound that could've either been a chuckle or a growl, Kain whispered his final threat: "If I can't destroy you, little pirate… then I'll absorb you instead!"
The man was sucked forward… and Kain laughed at him, claws spread wide open to embrace his victim. The brave man finally showed a trace of fear – convincing the monster to reel him in even faster. But at the very last second the victim barked out in victorious laughter instead. Kain ignored the creature's sudden levity - he'd heard others laugh while dying in the past - but did feel a bit strange once the earthling's flesh made contact with his shadows. It felt… it felt like he'd gone numb?
"What!" the beast roared. The mask squeezed together forming a grimace of rage. What was happening! Fascinated, the hijacked, terrorist cameras watched the dark god thrash in the corridor - ripping giant shards of titanium and hard-crete out of the walls. A blue halo formed around the monster's body as it tore reality itself asunder in its wrath.
Gradually, the mask lost its anger… and confusion took its place. The god stopped moving, and finally fear registered on its bone-white mask. "No…" it whispered - actually staring into the cameras, and then dissolved down upon itself.
On the floor, the shadows and smoke contorted, bubbling like the noxious stew from a witch's cauldron. The awesome being known as Kain appeared to be dead… and viewers from all four corners of the Universe rejoiced…until the shadows rose back up. Slowly, the blob of darkness stood; the mask hovering in the mass's center now sported a deep crack. Purple blood spilled out of the wound. But unseen, deep within, two souls warred for dominance over the deity's body.
The fabricated, god-like intelligence known only as Kain - a being molded by an almost mythological weapons lab untold millennia ago - fought desperately to slay the foreign consciousness that it'd underestimated and taken into its body. At the center of the struggle lay the Soul Catcher device - an invention specifically designed to reel in Kain's consciousness and leave his body vulnerable to possession. It'd been a mistake to try and absorb the Prince of Pirates!
It was like tug-of-war: either consciousness struggled to drag its counterpart into the device, where it could be trapped and ultimately destroyed. Pure willpower was the ammunition of this battle - no energy strikes, bullets, or bombs could help either opponent to win. It simply boiled down to who was the tougher soul… and, of course, the Prince of Pirates won.
Kain had languished far too long in his god-like body and had forgotten how to fight and defeat an equal opponent. His soul was weak. His loss at the hands of the GP and the King of Jurai had all but proven that already in the past… and so now Kain screamed - a sound that grew high pitched as he disappeared into the soul catcher. He vanished, and so the device was then ejected from the billowing mass of shadows. It'd been a success…
An instant later, the mask recovered; the cracks that oozed purple blood onto the ground dried up. Gradually - testing its limits - the immense blob of darkness condensed down upon itself, solidifying into a naked human shape: it was the Prince of Pirates! But now every feature upon him was obsidian black - even his eyes, which regarded the world coldly. The white mask had since formed into a perfect replica of his face…
Into the camera, the mask smiled - and spoke in a rich, baritone voice that was a blend of Kain's voice and the Prince of Pirate's original timbre. It issued one final statement to the viewers watching around the universe before activating a holographic laptop to terminate the terrorist broadcast: "Planet Jurai!" he declared magnanimously. "Cease and desist your persecutions of the lower class worlds! For this is the one and only warning that I, Tenchi Masaki, will grant you to live-and-let-live! Further action in your courts will lead to unimaginable destruction…"
Then the transmission ended. Abruptly. Whatever black magic had held the broadcasting stations captive was gone. New Kain vaporized the Soul Catcher - obliterating the mind of the entity that'd once been the soul of the deity's body. Now Tenchi owned the power - so he had the capability to, at last, put an end to this disgusting conflict over NI once and for all.
Jurai wouldn't back down from his threat…
Ah! And everybody can hardly breathe and talk and the screaming! Lady, I… I… I'm sorry. Honest. I… I can hardly breathe. I've lost my voice. This is the worst thing I've ever witnessed. Oh, the humanity!