Just one moment of weakness
Disclaimer: …. Seriously… do you still want to hear me say it?FINE!!.. They're not mine!!
Rating: PG-13? I don't know.. Maybe for the angst part.. Although PG is fine by me too.. You decide!
Paring: Do you still have to ask that question?
Summary: His lips on yours. Slowly and passionate at first. Your hands lightly come to rest on his shoulders and he pulls you closer.
A/N: Okay, I've never really written a vignette before, this is like my first try at an angsty vignette. And to be honest, I kinda like how it turned out. Since I'm all into angst and yeah if you don't then just do not read it. But angst just makes the whole Jack/Sam ship flow. So that's why I'm torturing the world with fic like this! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this as much as I liked to write it! It's something totally new and I hope you can appreciate it for that!
A shallow feeling settles over you like pure need. You don't want to give in. But you know you're too tired to resist it any longer. That decided you turn to him. His back to you, his figure slouched deep as he sits there in front of the dim light of the crackling camp fire.
You know you're on duty and you're not supposed to behave like this. You're not supposed to behave like this ever. Not with your CO. No matter what you feel you have to fight it. You've always fought it, ever since the first time you knew. Knew he had turned into more than just your CO. But you couldn't let him know that, you couldn't let yourself believe that. But you both knew, you'd always known.
"I'd have rather died myself than lose Carter."
The long ago promise of his words ring in your ears. It has been two years now since he'd said those words. Does he still feel that way for you?
You're not sure. You never talk about it. It's better that way, it doesn't hurt as much that way.
But tonight you feel weak. A feeling you're not used to. And you just have to know.
"Sir!" You softly address him. He turns around as he notices your sudden appearance behind him.
"Carter." He smiles, and turns his head back to the crackling fire in front of him.
You sit beside him on the log. A comfortable silence falls between you. You want to ask him if it's all worth it. If the pain you have to endure will ever go away. You hate that he makes you feel like that. You hate to feel dependent. You hate how it's not his fault but your own. You love him. You hate that you love him, cause it makes you feel weak and it impairs your judgements.
You remain silent, not daring to say what you've been thinking for the past five years.
He surprises you when he speaks. His eyes still fixed on the unwavering flames in front of you.
"I'm sorry."
He apologizes. Confused you turn to look at him, but he remains ignorant of your stare.
"For what?"
"For almost getting us killed today."
Your eyes turn back to the flames in understanding as the memory floods through you like the same icy wind that always sweeps across the surface of Cheyenne mountain.
"Everyday we take a risk going through that gate, sir. You're not to blame for this."
He remains silent. Probably weighing the meaning of your empty words in his head. You know what you said won't matter to him. Because he most definitely blames himself every time one of you gets hurt.
Then he turns and surprises you once again. His eyes shine with reminiscent and suddenly he lightly touches your cheek with the tips of his fingers. tickling the soft skin beneath his touch. You involuntarily shiver. And he softly smiles as he catches the weak moment, a knowing look present in his gaze.
Yes, you call it a weak moment, because that's what this moments means to you. To both of you. But you don't care. Not now. Not tonight. Tonight it's okay. Just for this moment.
He tips your head with his thumb on your chin. And suddenly the world stops as you catch his eye. Shadows of the fire dance across the surface of his face. He looks at you with nothing but controlled desire, hidden behind years worth of denial.
You see yourself in his eyes, reflecting the same longing. But you're both still too controlled. Is it worth breaking down all the barriers for? Won't you regret it when it's done?
His face is so close, his touch so real and his scent clouding your every thoughts.
You close your eyes for a moment. Hoping against all odds this is not a dream, that you're not imagining things, but at the same time you do. Because if these touches are real, it won't matter anymore. You know you're going to cross that forbidden line.
You open you eyes again. He's still there. Understanding your doubts.
A silent tear escapes your eye. And he catches the drop on his finger and brushes it from you cheek before he finally closes the forbidden gap that lies between you.
Your first instinct is to pull away. Retreat back into the safety of your hard armour. Your
impenetrable shield. But when his grip on you tightens all your resistance falls away and you melt into his soft touch.
His lips on yours. Slow and passionate at first. Your hands lightly come to rest on his shoulders and he pulls you closer.
You gasp against his lips and he takes advantage of the opportunity and without a second thought deepens the kiss. His tongue slides across your teeth, devouring you whole. And all you can do is surrender to the bitter sweet feeling. A feeling that lies buried just beneath the surface and has been for so long, finally released for just one moment. This was their moment.
When the need for oxygen grows stronger he slowly retreats, but his lips never fully leave yours as you both pant for air.
His fingers drift across your neck, his touch fuelling another hidden desire. But you're not going to show him that. The moment's over, it has to be over for your own good.
He seems unwilling to let go. You share his feelings but you know there's no other way.
His lips drift from yours and you're about to turn away when suddenly he pulls you to him again.
His eyes bore into yours, his glance telling you more than you want to know. But he does not let go. He wants you to know. He needs you to know.
But it's too much, you have to turn, you have to leave.
And that's exactly what you do. You pull away. No words spoken in the stark silence of the night. But your eyes speak of sorrow as you look at each other again.
He understands
He always does.