"Spence, I..."
She didn't continue, tearing up.
He looked at the woman that stood in front of him, memorizing everything that was her- the precise shade of her impossibly blue eyes, the shape of her mouth, dark pink lips trembling, the way her blonde hair brushed her shoulders- and willing himself not to give in to her desires. When he averted his eyes it was to look around him, New York was a beautiful city, there was no doubt, but the memory of these past days had made it's beauty bittersweet.
Because, he thought, because how could something so beautiful hold so many bad memories?
He had hoped she wouldn't try to discuss it but Jennifer Jareau wasn't one to leave things left unsaid. Not with him anyway.
'I'm pregnant.'
He shut his eyes tightly as pain washed over him like a wave, it left him breathless.
"What do you want me to say, JJ?" He asked when it was possible for him to breathe again.
When she didn't answer he smiled sadly and shook his head, brown curls falling messily around his face.
"Congratulations."
It cut through her with such force that she pulled back as if he had slapped her and briefly wondered if she'd been stabbed.
The pain, she thought, the pain was about the same.
"So this is it? You're just going to walk away?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
He laughed. His eyes were hard and cold as ice but she could see through his mask- the one he'd put together who knows how long ago because hiding his feelings was much better than showing just how messed up his life truly was- and she could see his pain clearly.
The blonde swallowed, suddenly regretting her words but unable to take them back. Because it was supposed to be a beginning but it turned out to be the end and it hurt her and him in equal measure- always together, Jennifer and Spencer, even when it was best not to be.
"Tell me to stay." He said "Tell me to stay. Tell me to go in there, now, and say the truth to them. Tell me you'll leave him without a second thought for me, for us. Tell me, Jenny, that you love me more."
And she wanted to scream and laugh and cry because it was easy- so unbelievably easy. She wanted to say yes, to kiss him hard and show him just how much more she loved him but she was frozen. Stuck in that part of her mind that was born the precise moment she saw the test results. That part that was saying no over and over- not because she didn't love him, no, she loved him with all of herself- because she wasn't the only one whose future she had to think about.
Because, she thought, because I'm a mother.
And what she wanted to do- so badly, God, how could she live if he really left? If she never saw him again?- wasn't the best option for the thing- baby. Her baby. Her baby that deserved to live with his biological father even thought she'd rather raise him with another man.
So she said nothing, letting the moment pass by and trying- failing- to convince herself that she wouldn't regret her silence.
He walked away, then, his shoulders slumped and his hands in his pockets and she felt her heart break with the knowledge that he wouldn't look back.
"Every word has consequences.
Every silence, too."
- Jean-Paul Sartre