[A/N] This isn't a fanfiction by any means, but I had so much fun writing it that I just had to share it with you guys. Hope you enjoy! (INSPIRED BY "THE TWILIGHT CHRONICLES" BY JAMMEKE)
1.
April: What's your favorite month?
Jackson: ...Is that a trick question?
2.
April: What?
Jackson: I'm just thinking about our track record in hotels...
April: What about it?
Jackson: I've spent a fortune on rooms I ended up not sleeping in, how can a 4-dollar latte bother you and not this?
3.
April: You know, Reed had a thing for Charles too.
Jackson: …Too? You mean Charles liked Reed?
April: Jackson, Charles's crush on her was even more evident than your angry face.
Jackson: What angry face?
April: …I guess those eyes are just for show, then.
4.
Arizona: What the hell is Jackson doing?
April: Oh, just ignore him. He's down with the flue.
Jackson (in the background): BAAAAA...
5.
April: Hey, we're still standing right?
Jackson: Hell yeah we are. Me and you.
April: Me and you.
Jackson: …I mean, technically we are sitting but-
April: Jackson.
Jackson: Standing, yep. Got it.
6.
April: Oh, new shoes? Nice. I love Jordans.
Jackson: *GASPS* How dare you speak that word?
7.
April: Jackson loved me but was too scared to say it, when finally at my wedding to Matthew he gathered the courage and stood up to tell me.
Jackson (whispering to Ben): I had to take a piss and everyone was suddenly staring at me. I needed to cover it up somehow.
8.
April: Where's Alex?
Jackson: As soon as I told him there would be no food he took a kite.
April: ...It's 'taking a hike'.
Jackson: No, that's not it.
April: Yes, yes it is.
Jackson: It's something about a kite.
April: You take a hike, you fly a kite. Can you seriously not get a single expression right?
9.
April: Guess what I just bought!
Jackson: If it's another throw pillow I will gag you dead with it I swear.
10.
April: Something that feels this good cannot be bad.
Jackson: That's not what my mom told me about masturbating.
11.
Jackson: You smell like apples.
April: You smell like your mom.
Jackson: What
April: What
12.
Jackson: *opens fortune cookie*
"You have an angry face."
Jackson: ALRIGHT WHO WROTE THIS
13.
April: *opens fortune cookie*
"WILL YOU MARRY ME AGAIN?"
Jackson: *pulls a velvet box out of his pocket, puts it on the table and smirks*
April: Okay, how did you even do that?
Jackson: Do you wanna get into that right now?
April: No.
Jackson: No you don't wanna get into that, or no you don't wanna get married?
April: I feel like we've had this conversation before. Why?
Jackson: ...bears.
14.
Jackson: I still don't understand it. I never wanted any of his money, why did that old grudge I had the misfortune to call a grandfather have to buck me even after he kicked the butler?
April: Jackson, seriously now? It's "kicking the bucket"!
Jackson: What? No way. How can you die from kicking a bucket?
April: How can you die from kicking a butler?
Jackson: The butler might know martial arts and kick you back. Never trust those bastards.
15.
Jackson: Just sign the papers, April.
April: No. We have to push and we have to fight!
Jackson: '"Mint to be" mints' is the stupidest pun I've heard.
April: Do you have a pen
16.
April: Jackson divorced me.
April's sisters: What? No way. But he was such a dreamboat!
April: ...Ever heard of Titanic?
17.
TV: Hurricane Catherine is blasting up the west coast of Seattle with dangerous flooding along long stretches of coast…
April: Jacksoooooooon. Your mom is coming over.
18.
Harriet: Mom, dad… What are you guys doing?
April: Oh, hi ladybug. We're just having a little fight that's all.
Jackson: It happens to all couples don't worry. It's normal.
Harriet: Um... I really don't think this is normal.
Japril (each hiding behind a wall of pillows while mercilessly shooting fortune cookies at each other): What?
19.
April: Jackson, it causes me pain the way that we are doing this. I think I have to move out.
Jackson: Why, what's wrong?
April: We never talk about anything that matters.
Jackson: Like?
April: What happened in Hannah Montana.
Jackson: …I'll help you pack.
20.
April: At least she didn't confuse you with a whole Montana situation and then just linger…
Arizona: What's a Montana situation?
April: Oh, right. Um Arizona, there's something about Montana that I never told you.
Arizona: Oh, come on April. It's only a wig's difference, did you seriously not expect me to realize she was Miley too?
April: Uh, that's not… Okay, this has to stop happening. What kind of idiot found it a good idea to name a person after a state?
Arizona: Do you have something to tell me, April?
April: …
April: Later, then.
21.
Jackson: April, you're getting married.
April: Unless you can give me a reason not to.
Jackson: …Taxes?
April: Good enough.
22.
April: Okay, the shoe painting I hated but accepted. But Jackson, a portrait of Prince right above our bed head… that's just hideous. I know you love him, baby, but please just take it off.
Jackson: Look, I'm sorry but I'm trying to honor the memory of the greatest artist to have ever set foot on the earth here. There is no way the portrait is coming off. That's non-negotiable.
April: Fine. Oh, by the way, did you know that a woman stripping in front of a man's portrait is actually illegal in Ohio? And since I would hate to go against the law of my birthplace…
Jackson: How about an abstract painting instead, it will match the curtains.
23.
Jackson: Sweetheart, I'm hom- Err, what are you doing?
April: Hm? Oh. Nothing, I just run out of clean clothes and didn't have time to do laundry.
Jackson: So you decided to wear the carpet instead?
April: It's fluffy and I was cold okay, quit laughing.
24.
April: Aww, look, a little kitten! What should we name her?
Jackson: Norbert.
25.
Jackson: Put it down. Now.
April: No, come on, I need it.
Jackson: April, it is mine. I use it on my face.
April: What's mine is yours what's yours is mine.
Jackson: That doesn't freaking apply when you wanna use my razor to shave your... April nO
26.
April: What is happening to us?
Jackson: I don't know.
April: How did we get to this?
Jackson: I don't know.
April: How do we make it stop?
Jackson: I don't know.
April: Are you stuck on repeat or something?
Jackson: I don't know.
27.
Harriet: Mama, do you want some of my peanuts?
April: Aw, thank you nugget but I can't eat those. I'm allergic.
Harriet: What does that mean?
April: It means I have to avoid nuts.
Harriet: …Does that include grandma Catherine?
April: Essentially.
28.
Jackson: Stop acting like I don't have any feelings, okay? I have feelings. I have a lot of them.
April: About what?
Jackson: Football.
29.
April: I'm not changing my name.
Jackson: What? Avery is a great name!
April: Fine, I'll do it if you do something for me too.
Jackson: What?
April: You know how I hate last names as first names...
***Two weeks later***
April: We are married, everybody. You shall now call us April and February Avery.
30.
Jackson: Don't worry, kiddo. I'll check under your bed.
April: Jackson, don't fool her like that, come on. Honey, there are no monsters under you bed, okay? I promise. They are not real.
Harriet: But mama, he's not looking for monsters. He's looking for bears.
April: …what the-
Jackson: Shhh! They can hear everything.
31.
Jackson: You were my best friend, April. My favorite person. …Second only to my mother.
April: *snorts* What?
Jackson: Most important relationship in my life.
32.
Jackson: April.
April: Yes?
Jackson: Did you happen to tell Wilson I have a thing for feet?
April: Whaaaaat, who me? Not! Why -why would you think that?
Jackson: That was private, first of all. And she just asked me if I cheat on you, does it mean I got off on the wrong foot.
April: …
April: *bursts out laughing*
Jackson: Don't.
33.
April: Okay, the service is over. Just let me go talk to Reverend Drew for one moment and then we will be free to go get-
Jackson: *Veiny, wide eyes and drool dripping* WAFFLES
34.
April: Ugh, damn it.
Jackson: What's wrong?
April: I got us some extra bamboo to add to the takeout, but the can opener is broken.
Jackson: So it's a can't opener?
April: I can't believe I married you.
35.
April: Owen? Do you know where I can find a shotgun?
Owen: Uh… what? What do you need a shotgun for?
April: Just hunting bridesmates for the wedding.
Owen: …
Jackson: *whispers* It's a farm tradition.
36.
Karen: Alright honey, the veil goes for something old, the dress for something new, the necklace is borrowed, now we only need something blue...
April: Oh don't worry mom, I know a perfect fit. A pair of blue, apparently tiny little thingies belonging to a man I love dearly...
Karen: Oh, your father's cufflinks!
April: ... Yep, that's... That's definitely what I meant. Yeah.
37.
April: You know what I'm thinking about right now? Kissing you. Standing here looking at you and all I wanna do is kiss you.
Jackson: You know what I'm thinking about right now? Tacos.
38.
April: Hey Alex! Could you sign this petition? It's for Jackson to shave his beard. Please and thank you.
39.
April: Goodnight, Jackson!
Jackson: You put the chain on?!
April: I will see you in the morning.
Jackson: Ugh… *Walks away*
April: *Shuts door* *Re-opens door*
Jackson: *Runs back hopeful* Forgot something?
April: Yep. *Grabs the takeout leftovers from his hand and shuts the door on his face*
40.
Jackson: I'm in. All the way.
April: Jackson I can literally feel you hitting my cervix, I don't need an announcement.
41.
Callie: Alright, Avery, you know the drill. Rest and wait for the ankle to heal, don't step on it, and better keep it as high as possible… Do you have any throw pillows?
Jackson: I'm not answering that question.
42.
April: You know, when I was little I wanted to have three kids, two boys and a girl.
Jackson: I don't think 26 counts as 'little', April.
April: I choose to ignore that comment. Also, I wanted to marry every classmate of mine that I felt sorry for.
Jackson: Aww, now that's cute. …wait
43.
Bailey: The hospital is organizing an instrumental concert to raise money for charity. Does anybody here know how to play the bagpipe? ...Kepner put your hand down.
44.
April: Isn't he adorable?
Jackson: He uh… well, for a pig, yes.
April: Wanna know his name?
Jackson: If you named him, sweetheart, it's probably going to suck… I mean Sparkle? Pickles? How did you even come up with those? I bet he's got the lamest name in history.
April: Hm. Maybe so.
Jackson: …It's my name isn't it?
April: Yup.
Jackson: Damn it.
45.
April: Can I have some of your sandwich?
Jackson: No. I want the whole damn thing.
April: That stopped being cute a long time ago.
46.
April: I kissed you remember?
Jackson: Yeah, but I kissed you back.
April: Yeah but then I unbuttoned your shirt.
Jackson: Yeah and then I folded up that skirt.
April: Yeah, but then I kissed your neck.
Jackson: But then I took off your shirt.
April: And then I… I put it back on because it's winter and I might catch a cold. And, you know, with the boards today we shouldn't be taking any risks-
Jackson: Okay. Let's try this again.
47.
Jackson: Wait, was it this turn or the previous one?
April: I think the previous one, we missed it.
Jackson: Shit.
April: Turn around, bright-eyes.
48.
Jackson: What was that sound? Are you okay?
April: Uhh, Jackson? Even if something seems like it cannot be fixed…
Jackson: Is this mY CELTICS MUG?!
April: …it doesn't mean it's broken.
49.
Little boy: Grandma? What was it like, a lifetime in Seattle?
93-year-old-April: Oh, it was very nice. Although I don't know how I feel about the rain yet.
50.
Jackson: Okay, best solution is… to never speak to any of them, ever again.
April: Good idea.
And they lived happily ever after…