In the dark of the night when everything around here is quiet and I lay wide awake drench in sweat from another and yet the same nightmare then and only then I feel brave enough to think of you, of the things I wish were true but am painfully aware might never happen in the light of the day.
As soon as the first rays of the sun hit my face through the magnificent window, all those strangely amazing thoughts of you will vanish from my overactive mind and I know I will carry on with my life the same way I do each and every morning after the night spent wishing upon the stars, wishing for you.
Once again I will chat, smile and laugh with all of my friends pretending not to give a damn about you, although secretly, I will sneak a glance at you because I am so in too deep to go a couple of hours without looking at you.
Sometimes I think my friends know what is going on through my head but they are too scared to voice their fears. Other times I am afraid you already know I long for your smile, your touch, your love. When thoughts as terrifying as these penetrate my consciousness I fight hard to breathe, to act as the normal person I am supposed to be, the collected, serious one. Thankfully, relief always comes sooner rather than later because my friends continue on with another topic and you, you pass right along me without any backward glance thrown my way.
But it all doesn't really matter, so long as I can get up in the morning and I see you. The question is what would I do when we are no longer here at Hogwarts and I don't get to be in your presence even from afar? This frightens me to no end and I am not a coward not to admit it to myself. It´s not only that, the most frightening things are all those dark, wicked plans I come up with while trying to project you and me together in not so distant future during this kinds of restless nights.
And I wonder if you are peacefully sleeping while I toss around in my bed thinking of you, of what I would have to do to call you mine? What would you say if you knew what I plan for us deep in my heart?
I bet you would not believe a word, think me sad, pathetic, crazy person needed to be admitted to St. Mungo. I can vividly imagine you staring at me thinking what a fool I am before shaking your head, calling me a few carefully chosen names and telling me without any trace of hesitation what you think of my confession.
But I am not afraid of this anymore, well, not as much as before anyway. I have thought about it all very carefully, thought of every option, made up my mind and created a detailed scheme covering all possible outcomes to achieve my goal–for you to be mine and I, in return, to be yours, forever.
In the dark of the night I dreamt, I sweated, I tossed around, I screamed, I wished but no more.