Lost and found
Have you ever felt lost? Completely confused, angry and empty, but at the same time excited, happy and feeling like you belong right where you are? And all that caused by just one person.
Scorpius Malfoy and I go a long way. The day we've met, something exploded in my chest. Not in a romantic sense, it was more like pure excitement. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, but there was an everlasting feeling of restlessness around him. It was not only the actual things he has done to me, but more the feeling his existence brought in me. Our screaming matches began early on, followed with duels, quidditch rumbles, even an occasional fist fight. Everything was justified when it came to the two of us.
Our friends said it was love, fiery love that was too strong to cope with the regular way, but I knew better, it was a collision. A collision of two polar opposites that both requested the other to step back, and neither was backing down. It was an endless dance that left our feet bleeding, but it was worth it, just for the thrill.
He entered out shared common room glistening in sweat, covered in rain and mud. He still held his broomstick and his hair was windswept. His glare was murderous as he removed his quidditch gear and muttered to himself about killing Albus Potter for making them have a practice at eleven o'clock in the evening and even asking a special permission to do it, and making him dodge bludgers at this weather. I angrily huffed at his presence and turned a page in my book, pretending I was reading. We weren't on good terms since he had dyed my cat's hair electric blue two days prior and I covered him in strawberry pudding during breakfast today.
''Laugh all you want red'' he all but spat '' at least I still have my dignity.'' he said that and looked me straight in the eye. I felt tears form in my eyes already, remembering that, just after I had covered Malfoy in pudding during breakfast, my boyfriend of six months, Stephen Smith decided that I was way too obsessed with Malfoy and publicly dumped me, 'officially giving me permission to go shag him just like I desperately want to' I stared in disbelief but as I met his cold glare I got up and left the great hall quickly, only hearing Malfoy say: ''Well, who can blame her for wanting me?'' I caved in and sobbed just as I passed the staircase, extremely mad at Malfoy, not Stephen, for ruining yet another relationship for me. It seems as his personal goal in life is to chase off all my boyfriends, not because he's jealous but rather wants me to be single and miserable all the time. Lily later told me that Malfoy actually got up and socked Stephen square on the jaw, way before Al and Hugo got a hold of him, but it didn't mean anything. I was still furious with him and spent the entire day hiding in the dormitory, too humiliated to show my face to the world. So I got up, ready to clear things up a bit. I closed my book and tossed it at the table.
''Malfoy'' I started ''I don't need your help with my love life. I don't need you to test my boyfriends, to dye my cat fucking blue just to ruin my relationship. To let out rumours about me, and whatever you find your sick pleasure from. I'm begging you to stop before you chase off somebody who actually matters to me!'' my chest was heaving from all the unspoken insults and screams I withheld. He stared at me with an annoyed expression. ''Weasley, try and not be stupid just this time, please, and listen. I am a slytherin, a quidditch player and Head boy. Meaning I have a lot of people wanting to be my friends. Oh don't give me that look…and with such a position, one hears and sees a lot of things. Now as much as I hate you ,weasel, I don't want the whole school to laugh at you behind your back, because that's my job, all while you are being so blissfully oblivious to the situation.'' he said it in a stone cold voice and I've had tears already rolling down my cheeks. ''W-What do you mean?'' I all but sobbed. ''Honestly, do you want me to draw a picture? He cheated on you, and not just once. So I messed with you a bit, making sure he notices it, because I know he's too jealous of me and couldn't bear you even mentioning me. So he threw a little tantrum and embarrassed you, but trust me, you'd be way more embarrassed if you stayed with him. You just don't want to have anything with him anymore.'' his gaze might have softened a bit when I started crying harder, but I've never caught it through my tears. ''S -Stop lying, Malfoy!'' I spat ''It's all you ever do! It's all your family ever does! Stay away from me, pureblood!''
''This has nothing to do with me, Weasley! And keep my family out of this!'' he growled in a low, dangerous voice, but my tears have dried and as I wiped them off, blind anger took over. He has already turned to walk into his dorm and turned off the light in the common room with his wand. I hiccupped and said in a cold and menacing voice, standing alone in the dark: ''It's all you Malfoys have ever done, isn't it? Dirty liars and pureblood maniacs, all you want is for you grandpa to be let out of Azkaban, so you can pick it up, right where you've left off, don't you? I bet they taught you some dark magic? Hmm? Why don't you crucio me Malfoy? I know your family would be proud.'' I've crossed the line. The line was so far behind me, I could never go back. I trembled and almost gasped at myself for saying something like that, since I, off all people, knew about his abusive grandfather and his hatred for the dark arts.
The common room was lit only by the moonlight and an occasional lightning and even in such dim light I caught his shaking arms. Chills ran down my spine as he turned around with a livid expression and crossed the room in two long strides. He was just inches away from me and I thought he was going to hit me. I knew I pushed him too far to be responsible for his actions. ''Take it back, you bitch.'' he leaned to my shoulder and said the words in a trembling drawl. It was borderline murderous and I swallowed hard, vaguely aware that nobody will hear me scream up here. I stepped back from him, but he grabbed my shoulders and shook me violently. ''Take. It. BACK!'' he yelled in my face. ''I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, God, I swear, I-I'm sorry, I take it back, I wasn't thinking'' I was too scared to cry but was truly sorry and meant it. I looked him in the eye and a dark shadow flew over them.
There was a strange change in the air, and I became aware of our position. I was a pace far from the wall and he was just breaths away, holding my shoulders. I heard a loud crack on the outside, as a thunder crashed on the whopping willow. The noise filled our room and a change happened in seconds. The air was electric, I was covered in goose bumps and the tension was cracking all around us. He was breathing heavily and looked at me with heavy lidded eyes. I gasped and arched my back as he pushed me against the wall, taking my hands and lifting them above my head. His lips crashed against my neck as his free hand ran down my side. I arched and gasped, even moaned for him to let my hands free, so I could react, and lifting my head to give him better access to my neck. His breath was hot on my skin as he left a trail of bites and sucks along my collar bone. I let my eyes flutter closed as I felt no words buzzing through my head. I couldn't form words in my head and just had a buzzing feeling fill my brain, I trembled and felt so blissfully empty. I could feel his kisses and caresses set fire on my insides and everything went pitch black. The worries and cares, the depression, the tears, our fears, our arguments, out last names, they were all gone, scared away by the fire of his lips. I hissed in pleasure when he bit hard on my shoulder, and had finally let go of my hands. I ran a hand through his hair, and felt so happy I could die. I explored every curve of his back, every sharp edge in his rippled arms, and my hand found the hem of his T-shirt, but he was quicker. He grabbed my shirt and ripped the buttons away, exposing much more of my skin. I hastily shrugged the tattered garment away and his hands were clutching at my sides. Pinching my skin and definitely leaving marks behind. I almost screamed and trew my head back, hitting the hard stone wall. I ignored the sharp pain as his hands roughly traced the curves of my breasts. I tugged at his shirt and finally managed to get it off of him, showing his still wet torso. I let my hands slide from his shoulders to the hem of his pants and I leaned in to kiss and suck his salty skin. We were fierce, fast and desperate, just like we always were in our fights. Battling for dominance, grabbing and tugging and desperately clinging to everything we could touch, kiss and bite.
I was floating in a sea of frantic movements, and my mind wasn't aware of anything rather than odd waves of pleasure and pain that were washing over me. At that moment, I felt so connected to this boy in front of me. Of the only man I've ever let touch me like this, the only one I let come this close. I could almost feel his pleasure mix and collide with mine and we were infinite in our emptiness. I couldn't remember his name, it wasn't important, my name wasn't important either, because, I could know him better than anyone, I could see him like nobody can and I don't need a name for that. I will always recognize his smell, of burnt tobacco and musk, and sweat and something so...him. I could never miss the low swagger in his walk and the way his eyes flashed when he saw me. I could recognize his mere existence in complete darkness as his physical closeness always left me burning, with either pain of pleasure. I feel our souls mould together in the moonlit room, as we both panted and scratched and grabbed, desperately trying to fight off the suffocation, to fend of the heavy burden threatening to crush us, and only relief we have found in each other.
He rolled our hips together and I felt a strong sensation pulsate inside of me, shaking me violently. We were almost naked now, only in our undergarments and he has pushed me against the wall, guiding my hips to meet his, his other hand puling on my hair, my chin lifted, exposing my neck for him. I screamed and moaned, as our thin garments only made me more pleading for release. His hands were now roughly tugging on my bra, kneading and squeezing my breasts. He ripped it off, and let his mouth rush to meet my tender flesh. Our hips kept grinding faster and I felt his arousal was as strong as mine. The dark room was filled with loud moans and grunts as he sucked, pinched and rolled my nipples with his fingers. I was practically screaming and he pushed my knickers downwards, groaning at the sight. I stepped out of them as his hands ghostly slid down. He cupped my womanhood with force and almost lifted me from my feet, while I was screaming at the sudden contact. He wasted no time and pushed his fingers into the hot, wet pathway to my centre. He touched the flame that was burning an inferno in me and I let my eyes roll back. His palm was deliciously moving against the sensitive nub and I let myself go under the surface. All that existed was his moving body and his ragged breath. He was demanding and strong, never letting me win the battle. His kisses were fierce and almost always turned into bites. His touch wasn't gentle as he pushed and pulled, tossing me like a rag doll, he explored and memorized everything, leaning in to feel my each reaction to him. He never asked permission, he just did what he wanted. And I wouldn't have him any other way.
Just as the pleasure became almost unbearable I felt him remove his hand. I tugged at his boxers, pulling them down and revealed his hard member. I instinctively reached and grasped him, stroking the silky skin. He groaned and stepped closer, and I guided him closer to my core. He never stopped to ask if it was ok, he never went slow and wasn't worried about me, he just pushed himself deep and my sharp intake of breath as he hit and passed my barrier brought us back to reality.
I never regretted losing my virginity to him. He was the one man who knew how to handle me and understood what I wanted better than anyone. When he entered me for the first time and I winced, we both froze. The storm outside stopped, the crackling sound of the tension and haze stopped and we were left in a complete silence. Our minds suddenly sobered and I realized what I was doing. I became painfully aware of his name, and our history, and it all overwhelmed me. Just as I wanted to move away I met his eyes. His clear pale blue eyes were telling me who he was. The clear sea they held behind the icy gate he usually kept in there told me something I could never fully explain. I just knew that I would never regret it, and that was it, I felt safe. I closed my eyes and slid down on him fully, releasing a throaty moan. He seemed to feel the same mix of safe and desperate as I did and responded more passionately. But after a few trusts he said: ''No'' and pushed me harder against the wall, lifting my legs to wrap around his waist. ''Let's do this right'' he breathed and carried me, while still inside me, to the door of his dorm room. My hands were wrapped around his shoulders and clutching for dear life, as he muttered the password to the doorknob.
His room was better lit than the common room, while it was adorned with much more windows. His pale body was reflecting the moonlight as he threw me to the bed and entered me again. It was far more enjoyable being in the cold silk sheets, and we were a bit less desperate and frantic than before. I felt the pain slowly transfigure to pleasure and the room was again filled with sighs and moans. We didn't speak anything because our bodies were speaking much more than words. His arms were tense and his thrusts were controlled and steady. His lips occasionally trembled as he bit back a moan. I couldn't make myself to look him in the eye; since I knew I would burn down completely by the power of his gaze and of all it would tell me. Instead I concentrated on everything I felt and let my eyes roll back each time his pelvis rubbed my nub of nerves. It lasted long and was exhausting, as neither of us wanted to give in too fast. We both wanted to remember the moment of complete surrender to each other, as it was the most glorious feeling. Finally, after almost an hour of slow and passionate love making, all the pain from the beginning long gone, I felt my buttons being pushed too far and I became louder, encouraging him to pick up the pace. He obliged and I felt myself reach the top of the cliff. I opened my eyes and met his and as I met the cold blue he pushed me right into the abyss. He never stopped thrusting as I rid out my climax and only when I was completely done he leaned closer and began pushing even faster, while I was clenching him with my walls. He was almost there when a faint:'' Scorpius'' escaped me. It was all it took. His lips crashed against mine for the first time and as he clenched my hips, I felt complete like I never had before. Our first kiss was harsh, with tongues fighting for dominance, but as we continued and he rolled off me and pulled me in his arms, it became more tender and I poured down everything I felt into it. When we pulled apart he reached for his wand somewhere on the floor and cast a contraceptive charm on me. I felt and odd, warm feeling down there, as it completely cleaned me and left me spent and satisfied. He hugged me from behind and we fell asleep curled together, but not before I murmured a faint ''Don't think this changes anything, Malfoy'' on which he just chuckled.
Author's note: So this is my first work in a few years, I honestly can't tell if it's good or bad, so please tell me your opinion if you have the time. I apologize for the mistakes (I don't have a beta). I know the storyline is far from original, but I just wanted to try and write something like this. Also I don't know if I should continue? Thank you for reading.