Footprints
Disclaimer: All characters herein (not to
mention references to Hogwarts) are very probably the
property of those *delightful* people at Warner Brothers
by way of the inimitable J K Rowling. I am not making a
penny from using them as the backdrop to a story written
for my own amusement and that (hopefully!) of others. So
there.
* * *
For all those years, I knew what
people thought. Sirius Black. Class slut. Swaggering
around Hogwarts like a whore at the dockside. But that
stopped. It stopped with you, Remus.
Do
you remember James laughing when we went to him, hand in
hand and declared our love for one another? How he said
he'd wondered how long it would take us to acknowledge it?
I know I was surprised, but you'd laughed with him. Peter
didn't take it so well though, remember? He muttered
something about 'freakishness', something about our
affection for one another going against all the laws of
nature.
None
of them really understood you, Remus, but I did.
Understood you so well that I almost experienced the same
physical pains every month at the full moon. My heart
almost broke with the agony of our forced separation -
that was why I suggested to James and Peter that we try
to become Animagi.
I
remember that day now, as I lie here next to you, gazing
on your face, so gentle in repose. Nobody would believe
that only an hour ago we were wrapped around one another
in the dying throes of our mutual ardour, our flesh
melded as one, our desperate need for each other driving
us to an unimaginable crescendo of ecstasy...then gently
ebbing away to warm contentment.
Pushing
back your tawny brown hair, I look carefully at your much-beloved
face. You are my heart and soul, Remus, my everything.
When you leave me once a month, all I have are my
memories of you, and the imprint of your footprints in
the ground outside. Footprints that lead you away from me
and into a world I do not understand.
Not
that I love you any the less because of what you are.
Just because you are a werewolf cannot - COULD not
possibly change these feelings I harbour for you in my
heart.
But
with each waxing of the moon, I begin to doubt. I am
afraid, Remus. Afraid that every time you pad out of this
cottage that it will be the last time I see you. That you
will lose yourself to your lupine nature, that you will
heed the call of the wild finally and leave me, leave us.
I
know I have this 'tough guy' exterior, Remus, but that IS
all that it is. An exterior. You are the only person who
has ever cracked the tough nutshell and glimpsed the
kernel of my feelings.
Severus
was furious when I told him that our 'relationship-that-never-was'
was never going to be. This is not in any way boastful,
but Severus held a candle for me for a long time, and I
think he hated you so much when he discovered just who my
heart had gone to. That's why he got so suspicious about
your regular disappearances.
But
you are mine, and selfish as that sounds, I am glad.
We
have three days until the full moon, Remus. I have three
days to make you finally understand what it is I want
from you.
I
want you to lock those werewolf jaws around me. Sink
those teeth into my flesh. Rid me of this humanity. Make
me like you. I love you so much that I can no longer sit
by and witness your pain. I want to be part of it. To
understand you. To...help you.
Then when the moon reaches its zenith,
there will be a second set of footprints leading into the
night.
(c) Sarah Watkins, 2001
|
