Blame my artist-friend snozzjam for this one. Totally a random little fun conversation we were having that somehow turned into "Hey, wouldn't it be funny to turn Orias into a Lynx, and then have Hermione not know it's him, but there's this big friggin' cat following her around, who—on the occasion when he gets close enough—gives her head boops and generally fwoomps on her as a giant cat would?" But, to save on running the risk of a whole new story that would only seem like a rewrite of The Wayward Familiar, this will only be a one-shot.

Ignore the sloppy, probably broken and wildly incorrect Latin of the spell.

* Orias Mulciber is my take on the canon character of Mulciber.

Fancast: Brock O'Hurn as Orias Mulciber.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any affiliated characters, and make no profit, in any form, from this work.

HERMIONE GRANGER AND THE BIG BLOODY LYNX

Hermione frowned, looking about the deserted passage that had once been Knockturn Alley. Well, to be fair, it was still Knockturn Alley, but no one came here anymore since Voldemort had been ousted from power. No one except reformed Death Eaters in a moment of melancholic nostalgia.

Reformed Death Eaters like her fiancé, Orias Mulciber.

Typically, when he wasn't where he was supposed to be, she could find him milling forlornly about in front of the broken down shops. Oh, she was well aware his Dark magic days were behind him, but she was equally aware that not all of the memories of the time before they'd met had been unhappy ones.

But he was nowhere to be seen—and a man of his stature had to really try in order to not be seen.

Despite evidence to the contrary, she wasn't willing to give up on him being here, somewhere, quite yet before moving onto another location in search of him. Honestly, he was often late to meet her—as he was late pretty much everywhere—but now his tardiness was going on three hours.

And misplacing a mountain-sized wizard simply did not seem possible.

Sighing, she cast a look around as she started along the alley. This place had always been dark, twisted, and looming, and disuse had only warped those aspects. With a shake of her head, she peeked in the windows of the abandoned shops as she passed them.

No one, nothing. It seemed the only person lurking about Knockturn Alley this particular afternoon was her.

After she'd traversed half the street, she paused. There was something . . . watching her, she could feel it.

Swallowing hard, Hermione pivoted slow, turning to scan the area. Still nothing. No one peered at her from around a bend, or watched from some shattered window pane. But then, movement caught her attention from the corner of her eye.

As she saw the massive feline staring back at her, she just barely kept herself from letting out a scream. Oh, dragons? Sure. Giant spiders? Okay. A lynx bigger than her? A perfectly normal-seeming creature like a lynx—stranger for how out of place it was here—of that size? Nope, that was not working for her, at all.

It started toward her and her reflexives kicked in. Nearly before she even realized she'd moved, she had her wand drawn on it.

Though instinct told her how stupid that was—the sudden movement could've provoked the beast into attacking—the observation that followed seemed even stupider. The cat stopped at the sight of her wand. No, didn't just stop, it seemed to backpedal half a step. Like it knew what the piece of wood was capable of.

Could it be that this was someone's familiar?

Forcing a gulp down her throat, she nodded. "Okay, maybe you escaped from the Magical Menagerie?"

Even untrained familiars understood witches and wizards when they spoke, so perhaps it wasn't unreasonable that the beast appeared to comprehend her. Yet, to her surprise, its response was to give a shake of its almost too-large head.

Sitting on its hunches, the creature let loose a snuffling breath. As though it was mildly disgruntled about something.

Her shoulders slumped as she lowered her wand. "Wha' have you got to be pissy about? I'm the one got the shit scared out of me."

Again, it snuffled.

"All right, nearly scared out of me, better?"

Just as the lynx nodded—it nodded at her—she held up her hands in disbelief. "I'm not having this conversation with a cat."

Said cat blew a puff of air out of one side of its mouth and stood, coming closer to her.

Still uncertain what to expect, Hermione held herself immobilized. Dear God, it was as tall as her. Though it didn't seem dangerous, she jumped when the animal made a sudden movement. That movement was to bump its head against hers . . . . An adorable sign of affection from any normal-sized cat, but from this massive beast, the gesture knocked her off balance and she hit the ground hard on her bum.

She didn't have time to feel dazed as she suddenly found the lynx on top of her, its huge paws hugging her shoulders as it nuzzled her face and neck.

This close—its fur right in front of her eyes—she couldn't help noting that its coat was darker than the lynxes she'd seen at the zoo. It was a deep, dark golden-blond. Just like . . . .

Gripping the creatures cheeks with her hands, she pulled his head back enough to meet its gaze. "No . . ." she whispered, before asking in a louder voice, "Orias?"

As though in confirmation, he barreled into her, knocking her full onto the ground. "What are you doing? Are you an Animagus and you never told me?"

Orias backed off of her and shook his head.

Sitting up, she propped her hands on her hips. "Okay, I'm going to need you to stop knocking me over for a moment."

With another exasperated breath, he sat on his hunches once more.

"What happ—?" Remembering as she started to ask the question that he couldn't very well answer normally, she shook her head. "Did someone do this to you?"

He shook his head.

"Was it a charm or some sort of enchantment you tripped or something?"

The feline features actually twisted in what she guessed was a bashful expression as he glanced away.

Understanding that he wasn't embarrassed because he'd tripped anything, but because he was still responsible for his state, she groaned. "Oh my God. You did this to yourself didn't you? You were messing with something in one of these shops, and you cast a spell wrong. That's it, isn't it."

Orias whipped his head forward to give her an irritated glare.

"Don't give me that look. How well I know you is the reason you want to marry me."

At that, she could swear the lynx arched a brow.

"Oh, shut up." Climbing to her feet, she dusted herself off. "Now, take me to where you left that spell. I'll see if we can't reverse it."

Though a doubtful expression flickered in his eyes, Orias stood and turned, trotting off down the alleyway.

Clearing her throat, Hermione held up her wand, once more reading the incantation from the book open before her to herself before she spoke it aloud. "Animum vertere terga bestia agitare lyncas."

Orias jumped back from the puff of smoke that engulfed Hermione. As it faded, his shoulder blades shifted downward. He was still a bloody lynx.

And sitting in the midst of the smoke as it cleared . . . .

Oh, dear Lord. What's this now? The comparatively tiny lynx staring back at him let out an unhappy mewling sound. Why didn't it work?

He tipped his head to one side as he exhaled. I suspect for the same reason it didn't work for me. Always liked lynxes, was trying to lure one as a familiar, and somehow—

Somehow became your own familiar. Well, magic does have a sense of humor, doesn't it? She made another mewling-whine sound. How is it we can understand each other?

Orias let out a snuffling breath that sounded strangely like a chuckle. Fucked if I know. Don't cats give off pheromones and use body language, shit like that?

Yeah.

He strolled up to her, nuzzling his cheek against hers before he answered. Then that's probably it, right? We're picking up on each other's signals, and our minds are translating it something we understand.

Letting out a snickering breath, she butted her head against his. You've been spending too much time around me.

His mouth pulled to one side. I'll pretend you didn't just insinuate I wasn't always this smart. There's obviously something wrong with this spell. Could it be cursed?

Possibly. I know how to handle this. Pinching the book between her teeth, she started out the broken down shop's open door. C'mon.

Where are we going?

Hogwarts. If anyone can set this to rights, it's Professor McGonagall. She didn't even have to glance back at him to know where his attention was—even stuck in a bloody animal form! But then his utter shamelessness and irreverence were two of the things she loved about him. And quit watching my hind quarters!

Orias once more let out one of those snuffling breaths that sounded like a chuckle as he trotted along behind her. What I do with your hind quarters is one of the reasons you want to marry me.

Halting, she looked back at him, the book clenched firmly between her teeth. After a moment, she sighed around the spine. Well, if you're going to tell the truth so blatantly, I can't exactly argue, now can I?

Again, he chuckled, falling quiet as he followed his fiancé. Finding their way back to Hogwarts like this might take a while. Who knew what they'd have to do to pass the time?

THE END