Wild is The Wind

by Simone

Riley Finn thinks about his life and deals with his new future. He has a new woman but suddently is obliged to come back to the Hellmouth. How things are going to be?

1. Prologue

Wild Is The Wind

Disclaimer - None of them are mine all Joss.
Distribution - Please ask me first I will probably say yes.
SPOILERS: In The Woods
Rating: Read the books? Saw the series? So, you can read this.
Lyrics by Bon Jovi - Song Wild is the Wind
Teaser: A man dealing with the pain and his future.
Dedication: This one goes to Lisa, whom I met through Angel_Unchained List. She is the one who gave me the first feedback on this and said that I should keep on writting Riley Finn. So, this goes to you Lisa. Thank you for being always there!
Feedback: pls send to claddagh@angel.vg

PROLOGUE

He rested his head against the pillow and closed his tired eyes. During all day he had been training and working hard enough trying to focus his mind in some other thing than the tiny blonde girl that he left in another country. This was what Riley Finn had been trying to do in the last fifteen months since he got into an helicopter and left Sunnydale without looking back.

Unable to sleep, he tossed around trying to find a comfortable position in bed, but he was attracted to the view he had from his window. Throwing the sheets aside, he left the bed and walked to the terrace to be greeted by the warm wind that blew in Rio de Janeiro. He stood there, shirtless, watching the sea and listening to the waves. It was supposed to cheer him up, but he only wanted to lay down and die.
Riley caressed the scars in his left arm and once again wondered what he was expecting to get with all that vampire stuff. He had lost his golden girl, he had lost his pride and joy. And at that moment the only thing he could think about was that he had to run away, and if she really loved him she would stop him. His heart still ached with those memories and although the aching was almost unbearable at the beginning, now he lived day to day the ache was one of his closest friends.

I tried to make you happy
You know I tried so hard to be
What you hoped that I would be

Slowly, he sat down on the floor, crossed his legs and bowed his head. He could feel the hot tears coming down his face. Shame, anger and loss all mixed up inside his heart. He had tried so hard to be the perfect man to her, he had tried to be more perfect than her precious Angel, but every time he tried to do something right, it ended up wrongly. No matter what he did he always felt inferior. Maybe if he had talked to her things could have ended in a different way, but he could not face Buffy with his questions at that moment. Her mother was in hospital for brain surgery and he knew it was not fair to press his girlfriend in that situation. So he changed his behavior, he wanted to be her safe harbor, the one she would turn to seeking for love and tenderness. Seeking for comprehension and strength. But things never seemed to work this way. No matter if he was always at hand, she seemed to keep searching for all those things in other people. And never wondered that he was there for her and her only. He did not wanted her to give attention to him, but he wanted to give his all to her. He wanted her to need him. Was it so difficult to understand?

I gave you what wanted
God couldn't give you what you need

The moon was shinning in the dark blue velvet sky of his new city, and Riley thought that he had never seen stars as brighter as the ones he was now seeing. He wished she were here with him, cherishing this moment. But he knew that right now Buffy would be thinking about any other thing than her former weak boyfriend. He sighed and wished he would stop thinking about himself as a weak man. He was just a man that had tried to be the best man in a young woman's life, and yet had failed. The competition was not fair. He could not compete with a 247 year old Master vampire who had died for her and came back from Hell, a creature who had lost his soul because she made him the happiest man ever. No doubt, he could not compete with an immortal creature. Riley Finn was an ordinary man that did not fit into the Slayer's universe. No mortal man would ever fit. As Spike had said once, she needed a little darkness in her men. That was the reason why he let the vampires fed upon him. He tried to be darker for her, wanted to feel the thrill, the hunger. He wanted to understand the reasons that made Buffy so bounded to Angel. He tried to accomplish this knowledge, but he failed.

You wanted more from me
Than I could ever be
You wanted heart and soul
But you didn't know, baby

He would have given it all to her. He had already gave up his career to stay with her. He believed in her like he had never believed in anyone before, nor will again. He lost his best friend to evil and killed him to protect her. And he did not regret none of these things. He loved her. And he had the feeling that he always will.
And she was very confident in his love, she took him for grant. That was the main reason why she left him aside when she decided to discover her dark self, her inner powers. She knew that no matter where she'd go he would be two steps behind. That was when their relationship started to die. That was when Riley started to have the weirdest ideas. And somehow he knew that he would end up leaving her.

Wild, wild is the wind
That takes me away from you
Cold is the night without your love
To see me through
Wild, wild is the wind
That blows through my heart

He could still remember the shock in her eyes when she found him in that dank hotel room, eyes closed as the female vampire fed on his blood. At that point he was almost an addict, and somehow he did not seem to care. Until she came along again with all her cold anger and fury nothing seemed to matter to him. Not even Graham's eyes following him around now mattered as much as Buffy's attitude. He wished she had cared for him the way his friend does. He wished she had run to stop him from leaving Sunnydale at that odd night. He wished. But it is not everyday that wishes do come true. And as he felt the wind blowing in his face he got the feeling that he had done the right thing.

Wild is the wind, wild is the wind
You got to understand, baby
Wild is the wind

He glanced at the sea one more time before turning back to the room. As he left the veranda he heard the waves cracking on the shore and for one moment he thought that it could be possible to find happiness in this warm city. Riley closed the door carefully, trying not to make any sound so the woman in his bed could keep sleeping. Slowly he moved towards the bed and sat by it, looking at the young lady that was asleep there. Her curly dark blond hair spread all over the pillow, almost covering her face, giving her the looks of a fallen angel. He touched her lips, and she kissed his finger in her sleep. Riley though that he was allowed to have his own angel, a human angel that would love him in a normal way.

"This one needs me. I can protect her from all the darkness and maybe she can bring some light to my life."

He kept caressing her hair, admiring the way she nested her hand under the pillow and how her breasts moved softly as she breathed. He smiled tenderly and bent down kissing her lips. The woman opened her eyes and looked calmly at him. Her big brown eyes still dazed and sleepy as she spoke:

"Ry dear nightmares again? Or just your old insomnia friend?"

She raised her body sensuously and sat beside him, pushing his head against her warm body. Riley closed his eyes and breathed deeply, her scent driving him nuts. He rested there on her lap, as if it was the only safe place he had ever known.

"Yeah both of them. Those goddamned memories that will not leave me in peace." He raised his head and looking straight in her eyes said sincerely:

"Thanks God I have you here with me. Thank you for needing me and let me need you."

She gave him her saddest smile and whispered:

" I am no slayer, Captain. I am a simple girl who owns a restaurant near home. And this simple girl don't want you to get hurt. Or to get any more hurt than you already are."

His eyes were full of tears and he knew that she was the one for him. He only needed to forget his past, to forget the Slayer.

You need someone to hold you
Somebody to be there night and day
Someone to kiss your fears away

He could be the perfect guy to this woman if he gave himself a little chance to be happy. He closed his eyes and as the tears went down his face, her lips were kissing the tears away. Riley held her close to him and his sobs shook violently their bodies. He felt her tears too, and it amused him, for he had never seen her crying before. Once again he had chosen a strong woman, but she was strong in a different way. While Buffy was all physics and muscles, she was heart and soul. She understood about feelings and broken hearts, cause her own heart was too hard to mend.

He pushed her away from him. She had reddish eyes and her face was all wet. Riley took a kleenex from the drawer and dried her face. She smiled bitterly and he asked:

"You're crying. Why?"

I just went on pretending
Too weak, too proud, too tough to say
I couldn't be the one
To make your dreams come true

"Because I think I am in love with you."

Her words hit him straight in the heart. He tightened the grip on her arm, fighting to control himself and not throw her in bed and make love to her right away. He knew it was a delicate moment and she needed words, not acts. But before he was able to say something, she surprised him even more:

"And I am leaving you tomorrow. I am not the woman you dream every night and I can't compete with a ghost. A living legend that will always be your chosen one." She took a deep breath trying to hold the tears, but failing shamelessly. " I can not bare to wake up in the middle of the night and not find you laying by my side because you dreamt about her and need to be alone. We've been down this road before, Riley. We've been down this road since the day I set my eyes on you."

She raised from the bed and walked to the window. The moonlight made strange shadows in her silken nightgown and again the only thing Riley was thinking was how lovely she looked under the moonlight. She stood still looking outside. No words, no movement, nothing. He walked to her and held her, pressing her back into his chest. She laid her head on him and whispered:

"I never thought this would happen. I expected that you left a month after we met, but then you decided to live here and assumed a position in the Brasilian army."

She made a pause, trying to find the courage to continue, felling his warm body pressed against her.

"I never asked why you decided to stay cause I was afraid to listen the truth. I was afraid you had chose to stay here because you'd be far away from Buffy and from the memories. I wanted to believe that I had a chance with you." She managed to get free from his arms and turned around facing him. " But I knew it was not true. And even knowing this I accepted your invitation to dinner and things moved on so easily that one night I ended up in your bed." He could see a hint of a smile playing behind her tears. "And that was the best night I ever had, until I woke up in the middle of the night and did not find you by my side. This thing kept happening and I never talked about it cause I did not want to upset you or make you chose between her and me. I knew I had no chances against her."

She bent her head and looked at his face as if she was a child mesmerized by a brand new toy. Riley put his finger on her lips and said:

"Say no more."

But she shook violently her head:

"No! I have to tell you all. You must know that I felt in love with you because despite having another woman in your heart you were always loving and tender to me. You sent me flowers and made me laugh. You were perfect Riley." She looked at his arm and traced the scars with her fingers. "And not even your previous mistakes were enough to take the goodness of your heart. I am the guilty one here. I am the one who does not fits in your dreams. And I am going to leave you to be happy with your slayer."

She sobbed again and added:

"I hope she loves you as much as I do. And be sure that I am leaving you because I love you more than I could ever dream about. I can not bare to see you miserable, Captain. And I am pretty sure that you know exactly what I am going through."

That's why I had to run
Though I needed you, baby
Wild, wild is the wind
That takes me away from you
Cold is the night without your love
To see me through, baby
Wild, wild is the wind
That blows through my heart tonight
That tears us apart

He was astonished. Never in those months together she had given him a hint of her feelings. He always thought that they were together cause they both had been hurt before and because she liked the way he made love to her. But he never imagined that this wonderful woman could have feelings for him. Deep sweet feelings . And for the first time in the last fifteen months he found himself thinking only about her, cause suddenly there was no space left for anyone else inside his soul. Not even for Buffy. This woman standing proudless in front of him had showed him her most secret fears and feelings, she was giving him a real chance to stop her from go away. This was the only thing he never gave Buffy. He left without giving her any time to analyze the situation, he was selfish and ended up alone and bitter. This time he had the chance to fix his life and he could not let this passionate woman walk away from his life like this.
His eyes followed her around the room as she started packing her things. Her movements were slow and he knew she was tired. Tired of trying to be happy, of trying to be the perfect woman, of trying to behave properly. Tired of hiding her feelings. And he knew all about it because he was tired too.

Maybe a better man
Would live and die for you
Baby, a better man would
Never say goodbye to you

Back in Sunnydale he had the chance to be happy with Buffy, but he was not the man she wanted. So he left her and she would keep on looking for her perfect mate. After all, Angel left her too, and it made him not better than Riley. Maybe the problem was in herself and not in her men. Riley could not stop his mind from wandering as he watched his girlfriend packing. As she closed the suitcase and looked at him, the Captain was smiling openly and she felt rather uncomfortable with this.

"You're not going anywhere, woman."

She trembled inside. He only called her that way when they were making love, and she felt as if the floor was opening under her feet. She looked to the floor, trying to find something she could just stare and pretend to be calm. His black boots were beside the bed, and so she kept looking fixedly at them, trying to ignore the sudden heat that was all over her body.

Riley walked to her and threw her suitcase on the floor. He cradled her face into his hands and looking into her eyes he reminded her.

"I am the Captain here. I tell you when you're supposed to leave. Specially when it comes that you're leaving me." He kissed her softly and added, "I am the leaving guy and you were the one that taught me that we do not have to leave to be happy. So, please, stay with me. Let me love you like you deserve, let me show you that tonight was the last night you wake up and did not find me."

Wild, wild is the wind
That takes me away from you
Cold is the night without your love
To see me through, baby
Wild, wild is the wind
That blows through my heart tonight
That tears us apart

Silence was the only thing heard in the room. Riley held her close to him, waiting anxiously for her final decision. He could feel the tension leaving her body as she spoke:

"And if the wind blows, Riley? And if you hear her voice in the wind? Won't you come back rushing to her?"
"The last time I followed the wind, I ended up here. Since then it blew countless nights and I am still here, because you are my anchor, and I need nothing more. No one else could make me feel this safe and happy."

Taking his hand into hers, she whispered:

"I'll stay."

Wild is the wind, wild is the wind

He drawn her closer and whispered in her ear:

"I promise you, whenever the wind blows me again, I will take you with me. Believe me I don't want to lose you."

In the sky, the moon shone brightly illuminating the two lovers that finally found their way home. No wind would ever blow away the flame of their love.

You got to understand, baby
Wild is the wind

+To be continued+