A/N: Insomnia provokes fic. Short bit of a fic in response to the latest prompt in the KAAS comm in the BSN. I may have taken some liberties with it.
Setting: anytime during Mass Effect 1. Prompt: Kaidan and some guy friends (yes, all males, bwahahahah) - preferably from the Normandy, but any Alliance or Shepard-affiliated person will do - go out for some drinks. As usual, Shepard is not there, so the guys can talk about Shepard behind his/her back.
.
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"...Shepard... that armor... N7, can you believe it? ...Never struck me as the type. No, really... yeah. Cute!"
Kaidan was standing at the bar, browsing Flux's selection of liquors. He was looking for a bottle of something to take back to the rooms Shepard had booked for them for the night, when he heard it. His ears perked and he surreptitiously glanced around. There, in the corner. A rowdy table of Normandy crew members, just starting their night's drinking by the look of the modest stack of glasses in front of them. He squinted, peering through the gloom of the club. Ah yes, the private from engineering, what was his name? Chase? And the corporal who backed up the rec officer, Grieco. A couple of the female ensigns as well. He didn't know the rest of their names, but their faces looked vaguely familiar.
He sidled a little closer, trying to overhear without being intrusive. The music was loud and he knew he was risking a migraine the longer he stayed, but he persevered. At the least, he'd have something to laugh about with Shepard when he got back.
Chase leant forward conspiratorially, whispering just loud enough for the table to hear him over the music. "I hear that the asari we picked up on Therum has her eye on Shepard too."
Grieco looked disgusted. "No way man, Shepard gets them all. And the asari is hot! I'd do her." How he managed to swagger while sitting Kaidan would never know.
A chorus of catcalls pierced the air and Kaidan winced.
"Give it over Grieco... Yeah, you wouldn't know what to do with an asari if one landed in your lap right now! ... You wouldn't even know what to do with a human in your lap right now!" Grieco scowled and folded his arms, clearly huffing.
"Well," a dark haired private waved her drink around the table at her comrades, making them duck out of the way of its splashing contents, "I heard that Shepard is already sweet on someone."
Kaidan stiffened. Did they know? About him and Shepard? No… surely not…
"Ooooohhh!"
She nodded like she'd just imparted some form of profound wisdom.
"Who is it, do you know?"
She shook her head. "Nope, that's all I got. But I know who does know more." She paused dramatically. "Chakwas."
Groans ensued. "You're shitting us Lowe... Yeah give over... You don't know what you're talking about..."
She laughed and swigged her drink, waving down the waitress for another round.
Chase sighed. "I know I'd jump at the chance to do Shepard."
Grieco leered at him. "Hey man, I'd do you too... no wait, I'm pretty sure you have a date with Mrs Palmer there first. She's all lonely like."
Chase threw the dregs of his drink at him and they mock tussled over their beers, the rest of the table laughing and laying bets. The waitress appeared with a full tray and as if by magic they were on their best behavior again.
A blond ensign raised her glass in a toast. "To Shepard, the best damn commander we've had. Also the hottest, with the best ass."
Kaidan stifled a snort and picked up his bottle from the bartender. They didn't know the half of it, he thought, smirking. John was going to laugh his ass off at this.