AUTHORS NOTE: (IMPORTANT): Hello everyone! I am back and so excited to be here with this new story for you all. This is a sequel to my first fanfiction "Diary of a Mockingjay." However it is not 100% necessary for you to read that one to enjoy this one. Unlike my first story this will NOT be all journal entries I have written multiple dialogue scenes for this story already. However there will still be some of Katniss' journal entries to give you a deeper perspective on her inner thoughts. (Ex this first chapter is a journal entry and the next chapter posted will be an actual dialogue scene). This is the story of Katniss and Peeta's first pregnancy so I really hope you enjoy it. Please feel free to comment or message me any suggestion or comments you may have. I was planning to post this tomorrow but with the Catching Fire trailer coming out, I think I will be to occupied with that! Anyway, I am so thankful for all my readers and hope you guys really enjoy this story. I am pretty proud of it so far! SO without further ado, Guarding Daisies...
Today is the second Thursday of the month, and I was supposed to begin my cycle two days ago. Peeta and I have been trying for a baby for the last three months and now, it seemed to finally be becoming a reality. Every night for the past two days I go to bed preparing for my cycle, but in the morning, wake up to realize that it is still not hear. I am so excited about the possibility of bringing a child into this world, for not only myself but for Peeta. He has been desiring children before we were even married. Just thinking about the possibility of Peeta taking on this role is enough to get me excited about parenthood. I always imagined him as a caring, loving and nurturing father. He treats me with so much care and love that I try to comprehend how he would raise our children.
Yet I would be lying if I said I was completely confident in my ability to parent our children. My past has left deep scars which leaves me feeling that I would be unable to properly give them the care and affection that they need.
My deepest fear in all of this, is losing another person I love; a person who depends on me. I don't think I am mentally able to do that again. Peeta is always reminding me that the horrors and injustices are over now, and that our home is safe; that it is a good place to bring children into the world. I know he is right, he usually is, I just can't seem to escape my own fears of the past.
As I am about to turn 35, the doctors are sure to remind me that my biological clock is ticking. I am no longer in my twenties making it even harder to conceive. I know I can not let my fears control me much longer. As hard as it is, I have to remind myself, that we are ready for a baby.
So hear I am, in my bedroom poring out my feelings into this journal preparing to take my first pregnancy test. I didn't tell Peeta I was doing this because I didn't want to get his hopes up for nothing. He wants children so desperately that it almost didn't seem fair to lead him on only to possibly bring disappointment. Yet I have decided that despite my fears I am ready for children. I am ready to take care of and love a child once again.
I hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter, in case you don't know I like to keep my journal entries short, But have no fear the dialogue seen will be much longer. It will also be posted within the next few days! Also special thanks to my wonderful beta3