Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi in any way, shape, or form.
A/N: This is the work of a few friends having a laugh. Yes, we watch Degrassi, and no, we don't mean this to be taken too seriously, so chill! Review?
"Well, Eli," said the producers of Degrassi, "it seems that a lot of our fan basis now is just tweenaged girls who like Twilight, who probably get off on your appearances on screen So, from now on, we're changing the whole basis of the show; it's going to be all about you!"
If you listen really closely, you can hear the squeals of fangirls all over the world.
Eli arrived at Degrassi, in his amazingly dark and sexy hearse. He pulled up to the front of the school, where KC was standing.
"I'm on valet duty for your hearse today, Eli!" shrilled KC, "Look! I get screen time! Maybe I'll get enough money this time to feed my family!"
Eli laughed, super-sexily, "Oh, KC, you so crazy. You have no real family; your mom is still a crack whore and your ex-girlfriend, who is pregnant with your child, gets sexy with me! In fact, I get sexy with every girl in this school!" He stepped out of the car, revealing his uber-sexy body, covered in sexy black clothes.
KC's eyes lit up with glee. "Everyone! Everyone, look! He talked to me! Eli Goldsworthy really talked to me!" KC promptly fainted into the crowd surrounding the sexy hearse.
"Bummer," Eli said, "Who's going to park my car? I can't do it myself; I'm the star!"
Mr. Simpson ran up, jittery from the butterflies in his stomach. "Mr. Goldsworthy, sir! You can just leave your car there! We're so glad that you came! Come in! We love you, Eli! Sign my penis, please!"
Eli smirked that sideways smile, and a few thousand fangirls fainted. "I'd love to, Simpson, but my penis signing pen is at home. See ya."
"Wait!" called Mr. Simpson, "I have a penis signing pen in my-"
Just then, Riley appeared from behind Simpson, and promptly bitch-slapped him. "Mr. Goldsworthy said 'See ya.' Leave his presence, fool."
Simpson ran off, scared, but still with girlish glee.
Eli slowly, but still very sexily, walked into his only class: English. Clare was sitting in her usual seat, looking eager to speak to Eli. They were love interests, after all. He got to his seat, which he sexily sat in.
"Oh, Eli, I'm so glad we're in a steady relationship!" Clare said, while drawing pictures of their wedding in her special Eli notebook.
"Yeah, me too. It's great that we're going out, and I still get to bone all of the other Degrassi girls." Said Eli, while receiving sexts from Holly J.
"Oh, Eli, you're so super mega foxy awesome HOT!"
"Um, cool. Listen, I gotta go; I'm meeting Anya in the Boiler Room for some awesome radioactive sex. Sav said he'd pay $50 to watch. Later."