A Face in the Water

Chapter One: Time to come home, so to speak

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My childhood was strange and full of unimaginable things. Most of the time I had hoped it was a nightmare and once I awoke, I'd be curled under the covers in a bed somewhere with a family in the rooms down the hall. Of course, you can't always get what you wished for.

When I was old enough to comprehend words, the nuns that ran the orphanage I was staying in told me my mother was in heaven. Being five years old at the time, I thought heaven was in a state way up north where all the people who couldn't stay at home went. Rarely did they bring up my father.

They told me I look exactly like my mother. Thick black hair that brushed beneath my shoulder blades. Eyes the color of topaz and long eyelashes. My oval face was lightly tanned and my body was slender and graceful.

Anytime I looked at my reflection, whether it be in the window or the lake down the street; I felt guilty. Now I'm old enough to know that heaven isn't in a state way up north for people who couldn't stay at home; it was a presumably imaginary place the deceased's spirit went. The reason I felt guilty was because I was the reason my mother had to die. The way I looked at it; I was a murderer before I even knew what that word meant. Maybe it's just because I'm selfish and miss her and the only blame I can place is on myself, but I wish they never told me I looked like the woman I killed.

The orphanage was really the Catholic church my mother use to attend every Sunday. When the nuns had heard the news of her death, they graciously took me in and raised me until I was sent off to my first foster home. The other girls that I lived with weren't all that bad. The younger ones mostly played with each other and the older ones looked after the younger ones or braided hair whilst gossiping about the boys across the way.

My only good friend was girl who went by the name Mika. It was short for something, but I forgot to ask. She was about two years older than my eight year old self. Mika had blonde hair that was always in a braided crown and had a contagious smile. Every morning when I finished getting ready, I sat on her bed and she would braid my hair. We'd talk about the dreams we had that night and about what hidden messages they held. Mika had told me one morning while we sat on her bed that a family was coming to take her home. It was the first time I had seen her smile fade from her face as she cried. She told me that everyone at the orphanage was her family and that she didn't need another one. I don't think I ever hugged someone so tight in my life besides Mika. I haven't seen her and I haven't braided my hair since that morning.

I fasted for Mika. I didn't eat anything the entire day and only had a glass of water when I felt a headache pushing its way against my skull. I grieved for Mika. It was as if she had died and went to heaven. Expect heaven, this time, was a state way up north where Mika, who couldn't stay at home, went. It was later that day, about two o'clock, when the nuns called for her. She hugged everyone once more, squeezing me tight, before she slipped from my grasp forever. I watched as she walked away, blonde hair like a halo atop her head. I wished for a happy life for her because that's what she truly deserved. But I wouldn't know, years later and I had settled down with a foster family, that she had passed away. She had breast cancer and she wasn't actually going to a family, but the hospital so we couldn't see her die a painful death. I fasted and grieved all over again.

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I'm twelve years old now. Breakfast had just been finished and I was tasked with cleaning up. As I wiped the last plate dry, Sister Opal came into the kitchen. She didn't say anything, just stood there with her wide brown eyes and plump peach-colored lips. I put the dish away and turned towards her.

"Yes, Sister Opal?" I asked in a polite tone.

"I apologize for staring. I'm trying to find the words..." There was a waver in her voice.

"Your apology is accepted. And I'm sure whatever you're trying to say is easier put bluntly." I bit the insides of my cheeks, worried that I already knew the news.

"A couple is here. Looking for a young girl with manners and a quiet attitude. Sister Daphne has asked me to gather you so they can meet you. They hope to adopt straight away." Her smile was forced and a bit sad. It was always emotional when someone was taken away.

"Let me put this apron away and I'll be ready."

Sister Opal nodded her head before turning and exiting the kitchen. I gripped the counter, trying to hold my emotions together. I didn't want to leave my family. I couldn't leave them. But I had to be strong for them. Tell them everything will be alright if I am the girl this couple is looking for. With a deep, shaky breath, I tugged the apron off and hung it on the brass hooks by the stove. Smoothing down my dress and tucking any loose hairs behind my ears, I made my way to the dining area where Sister Opal would be waiting for me.

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The nervous butterflies in my stomach wouldn't settle down. They insisted on finding a way out into the world. I swallowed thickly, smoothing down my dress for the fifth time. The couple was speaking with Sister Daphne in her office. Sister Opal and I were sat on the bench outside. I could hear bits and pieces of their conversation.

'She lost her mother in childbirth.'

'Poor thing.'

'Dad is obviously not in the picture.'

'Good with everyone.'

'Lovely attitude and a pretty face.'

I chewed on my bottom lip. Would they want a child who killed their mother? Would they want a child... like me? I mean sure I was a pretty face and my attitude was better than some. But I had my faults. I was picky with what I ate. I rolled my eyes often and scoffed. My stubbornness wasn't too bad, but it was there.

The sound of the door clicking open made me jump and I took my eyes away from my hands. A young woman, not older than thirty-five, exited the office with an air of gentleness and comfort. Her red hair, almost the color of blood, was swept up in a french braid, hanging limply over her left shoulder. The man following after her walked with a straight back and pridefulness. His brown hair fell in soft curls around a youthful face, green eyes fiery with passion.

"Oh my..." The woman brought a hand to her mouth. "She's just as I imagined." I've never been more confused in my entire life.

"Is it her?" The man asked, hand on his wife's shoulder.

"It has to be." What on God's Holy Earth are they talking about?

I casted a glance towards the Sisters. They wore sad smiles and held each other's hands, a cream rosary hanging from their intertwined fingers.

"Lorelei?" My eyes snapped back to the couple. "I'm sure you don't remember me, but... I'm Adalina. A very good cousin of your mother. And this is Rucker, my husband. We had been looking all over for you since we got the news of your mother's death. I'm sorry it took us so long." She had stepped closer and held out a pale hand. I swallowed and gently took it, feeling obliged to. Her sharp smile unnerved me, coming from a woman that might as well be the embodiment of calmness.

"I guess it's time for you to come home, so to speak." Rucker's voice was deep and smooth. And he had soft Southern accent.

"Uh. I would like to say goodbye to my-" ...family... "-friends before I leave." I couldn't bring my voice higher than a whisper, but they both nodded.

"Of course!" Adalina squeezed my hand lightly. "We'll wait here for you once we finish signing papers." She let go of my hand and I let it drop to my side.

"Thank you."

They smiled at me. Both didn't seem genuine, but I hurried off to the green. Everyone was either sitting around talking in the shade or laying into sunlight. A girl I sat with during mass noticed me and waved me over.

"Hey, Lorelei! What's with the long face?" She grinned, her teeth crooked and lips cracked.

"I'm leaving." I didn't sugarcoat it. There was no point to.

Her grinned slowly faded as she let this sink in, brown eyes widening. "W-What? You're... leaving?"

"Yes."

"When? Today?" She sat up straighter and some others had gathered.

"Yes. After I'm done here and pack my things."

"Oh, Lorelei!" She surprised me when her arms wrapped around my neck and I was pulled into a suffocating hug. "I'm going to miss you so much!" Some other girls standing around nodded along and murmured agreements.

"I-It'll be okay, Mill." I said it more to reassure myself than the girl before me.

"No it won't!" She whined. "Who will I sit with at mass? Who will I crack dumb jokes to? Who will put up with me?" I could feel something wet against my neck and I assumed she was crying. I never knew I left this impression on her.

"I'm sure Fern will take my place nicely. Right, Fern?" My topaz eyes met jade as I tried to comfort Mill. Fern nodded her head, brown hair swinging. "See there. She said she would."

Mill finally let me go and she wiped at her pale eyes. Another sad smile. The other girls pulled me into a group hug and I've never felt more loved in my life. I waved and blinked away tears as I headed to my room. My shoes clicked along the floor. I took in the orphanage, trying to burn it into my brain. I caressed the golden door handle and pushed open the oak door. I brushed my fingers along the cotton sheets and pillows. I smelled the air; faint smoke from burning candles and the lavender from the flower box in the window. I gazed at my clothes; a red dress; a black dress; white button ups with frilly collars; pastel pleated skirts; a worn pair of loafers, before I tucked them away in a stiff suitcase from under my bed. I held a plush quail in my hands, some stuffing peeking out of the seams around the neck. I've always had this and I've never been told a backstory, but I have my own, whether it's true or not, I don't care.

"Lorelei?" I placed the quail atop my skirts and closed my suitcase, zipping it up.

"Yes?" I found Adalina and Rucker standing in the doorway. They didn't wait.

"Are you ready to go?" I grasped the pleather handle.

"Yes." Another sharp smile.

"Good. Come along now." She held out her hand and I took it, hoping for some comfort.

They led me down the hall and outside towards the green. They led me down the steps and into their car. I watched through the window; my old home and family getting smaller every minute. I watched through the window; my old town and life getting smaller every minute. I looked away from the window.