THIS IS THE POINT I TOOK OVER THE STORY. I'LL STILL GET EDWARD'ME'S OKAY WITH EACH CHAPTER. SINCE IT WAS HER STORY TO BEGIN WITH AND ALOT OF PEOPLE SEEM TO LIKE IT (AS DID I) THEN IT ONLY SEEMS RIGHT THAT SHE APPROVE OF ANYTHING WRITTEN. I HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY THE STORY EVEN IF IT IS A DIFFERENT AUTHOR. ABOVE ALL ELSE AT LEAST GIVE IT A CHANCE BEFORE TOTALLY DISMISSING IT.
12. DISCOVERY
As I stepped in the front door I steel myself for what was about to come. I knew from the car in the driveway that Carlisle was home. I also knew that the only reason he was home was to talk about the trouble I was in at school. I'm not sure why or how the school called him instead of my mother, but I was almost grateful they had. My mother would have been beside herself with worry. She would without a doubt wonder what was going on with me that I would be associated with such people that would fight and cause trouble, and on school property no less. She would cry, worry and ultimately talk about sending me to a private school where academics are a student's number one priority. She would try to convince me that I would enjoy it so much better than public school. Not likely.
With Carlisle there would be much less talk. He would be upset with what had happened, but for very different reasons. He lives a life of solitude and is not happy when something draws attention to us. This would definitely draw attention to us, his son fighting with a local thug and the police being involved would definitely not go unnoticed by the town's gossip mill. And if there was one thing Carlisle hated it was being included in the town's gossip mill. He liked to fly under the radar.
Standing in the foyer I was nervous about his reaction. I didn't know if he would yell at me or give me the silent treatment. With Carlisle it could go either way. What if he decided he didn't want trouble like me working for him? Would he do that? Would he rescind his offer of a job? I hoped not because that was one of the few things I was looking forward to in life. Working for him was all I could see myself doing in the future. If he took that chance away because of this one incident, I don't know what I would do?
Now my nerves were rattled even more like I wasn't already scared enough to face him, I had to go and make it worse with my thoughts. My thoughts were always getting away with me. Somehow I had to force them away and face Carlisle like the man I should be. The man he was always trying to help me become.
I heard movement in the kitchen and decided to man up. Walking with confidence –as much as I could gather anyway –I walked into the room and sat done on the stool at the breakfast bar. I hung my head refusing to make eye contact with him. He cleared his throat trying to get my attention, but I couldn't seem to look at him.
"Edward," he called.
I raised my head and was surprised to see the expression on his face. He didn't look pissed at all.
"Your Vice Principal seems like… a very interesting person," he said smirking.
I couldn't help but laugh at that and that helped ease some of my tension.
"Yes, she is," I replied.
"What's going on Edward?" he asked.
"Nothing," I quickly respond.
"A fight with a local thug is not nothing. So what's going on?" he asked again.
"Jeez, Carlisle. It's really nothing. Just an ex-girlfriend that won't let go," I explained hoping that would be enough to appease him.
But, of course, Carlisle always wanted more information. In his line of work he had to be thorough and for the most part I understood that, but when it came to me being the one interrogated I didn't like it. There were things in my life I wanted kept private, which was almost impossible when dealing with him.
"What do you mean by 'won't let go' exactly?" he held his hands and did air quotes.
It looked so stupid when people did that and I really hated it. I guess you could say it was one of my pet peeves and I couldn't understand why he was doing it now. Didn't he realize that only 12-year-old girls did that shit? To see a man of Carlisle's calibre, knowing what he did for a living and what he was capable of, making air quotes like we lived some normal existence made me want to burst out laughing. Of course, I couldn't do that because he was taking this shit seriously and waiting on a serious response from me.
"She's been hounding me since I broke up with her…" I dropped my head in my hands not wanting to explain everything, but knew I couldn't leave it at that. "She's been getting her new boyfriends to pick fights with me hoping they'll kick my ass. So far it hasn't worked, but I don't know what to do about her. If she were a guy I'd knock her out no problem, but she a girl so I can't do that. Any suggestions?" I asked him.
Carlisle got quiet for a moment clearly putting his thinking cap on. I knew the moment I told him I was having trouble with a girl he would have to thing about. If it were a guy he would tell me to beat some sense into him, but just like I was raise to respect women, so was Carlisle, and I knew this through him for a loop. He tilted his head up and glared at me before he spoke.
"Do you want me to take care of her?" he asked with the most serious voice I'd ever heard him use, not one hint of humor was present.
'Take care of her,' did I really just hear him right? Did he just ask me if I wanted him to kill her for me? As pleasant as the idea was, and it definitely was, the thought of her no longer being a burden to me, I couldn't do that, could I? No, that wouldn't be right. After all, she had a legitimate reason to hate me, so I couldn't allow him to hurt her, as much as the idea was appealing to me. Perhaps he could just break something small, like a finger or a…
Oh forget, I could never live with myself if she got hurt even more than she already was because of me. No, I would have to man up and deal with Amanda on my own. I could do that. I wasn't certain how at this moment, but I would have to figure out a way.
"No, no, Carlisle, I'll take care of Amanda. Not to worry, this won't happen again," I reassured him.
"Okay Edward, but my offer still stands. Anytime," he added.
"Thanks, but I can handle it," I repeated.
"So…" he began but hesitated. "How's everything else around here?" he asked with a weird tone that I couldn't decipher.
"Good, everything's been good," I said.
"How's your friend… what's his name… Jason?" he asked.
"Jasper," I corrected.
"Yeah… Jasper, how's he?" he asked with that cryptic tone again.
"Fine I guess," I replied vaguely not offering too much information.
Carlisle was fishing for information, I could tell. What kind of information he wanted I wasn't sure, yet, but I was going to find out.
"He seems like a nice guy, I mean from what little I saw of him," he said as he moved away from the centre island he was leaning against and made his way to the fridge. He opened the door and pulled out a beer, pulling of the cap and taking a long pull. He turned back around to face me.
"Yeah, I guess," I answered.
"You guess, am I wrong in my assumption, is he not nice?" he asked still fishing for something.
"No, he's fine, I just don't know him that well," I responded.
That should appease him, I hoped. There was no way I wanted to get into a whole discussion on Jasper and what was wrong with him. Really, there was nothing wrong with him, other than him may or may not being psychotic, but I was really referring to him being gay. There's nothing wrong with being gay in my eyes, except for the fact that he wouldn't believe me when I told him I wasn't. His constant remarks, whether they are actually jokes or not, were playing on my nerves, but there was no way I wanted to get into that with Carlisle.
"Well, you two seem to get along alright," he stated.
He seemed to have a curiosity about Jasper and I really wanted to know why. He had never been that interested in my friends before.
"I wouldn't go that far, we've only been working on a project for school. Nothing more," I stated clearly.
"Is there something wrong with him, other than his schizophrenia, that you don't like?" he asked.
"Carlisle, what's with the twenty questions?" I asked getting frustrated.
"Nothing… I was just curious," he stated.
Know I felt like a dick head. Here he was just wondering about my life, about how I was doing and all I was doing in return was giving him grieve. What an asshole. Shit! I really have become a loner and an introvert.
"I'm sorry. Jasper… well, he's kind of hard to describe," I offered.
"What do you mean? Because of his illness? Has he done something or have you witness one of his… episodes?" he asked genuinely curious.
"No, nothing like that. He's just… I don't know… forward, I guess," I told him.
"Forward, like how?" he asked pointedly.
"He hit on me, O.K. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?" I yelled at him.
"Edward… it's alright. It's no big deal," he said as his lifted his beer taking a long pull from it.
No big deal! No big deal! Is he joking? I just told him that some dude hit on me and he thought it was not big deal! Great! What the hell was I suppose to make of that statement. Did other guys often hit him on? That thought made me snap my eyes to him, quickly. My eyebrows furrowed and I glared at him intently.
"What?" he questioned after a moment as I continued to glare at him.
"Do guys hit on you a lot?" I huffed out my question obviously offended.
"No, but…" he paused and stared at me for a moment but didn't finish his statement.
"But what?" I asked.
"It's just… Edward, I thought that you… well, I was sure…" he halted his remarks again.
"You were sure what?" I asked almost yelled because it was very unlike Carlisle to stumble over his words. I was missing something here and I couldn't figure out what it was.
"Look, when I saw the two of you together the other day, I thought your feelings were obvious," he responded while waving his hand at me.
What the hell was that suppose to mean? What feelings were obvious? I couldn't figure out what the hell he was talking about. I was pretty damn sure I was annoyed as hell when Jasper met Carlisle. In fact, I know I was annoyed as hell because he was putting on his I'm a perfect little child, love me, love me act and I was nauseated by it. The fact that Carlisle fell for his little act surprised me the most. Carlisle could usually smell bullshit a mile away. Maybe he was off his game. Maybe he was just getting too old. But that didn't change what he just said to me and I was absolutely stunned by his revelation.
"What is that suppose to mean?" I asked anger clear in my tone. "What feelings were obvious?"
"Look Edward, I didn't know for sure, but I've had… thoughts for a while now that you were… well, you know," he said embarrassment laced in his voice.
"GAY!" I yelled. "You thought I was gay?" I asked, suddenly feeling like I was drowning.
How could he think that? Why would he think that? I've never given any indication that I was gay. Hell, I've even dated girls. Okay, so not a lot of girls, but still they were girls, not boys. I even have a poster on my goddamn bedroom wall of… oh hell what is her name, oh it doesn't matter, it's of a girl not a boy. Where the hell had this come from all of sudden? I peeked up from behind my hands that were covering my face and looked at Carlisle hoping to God that he would burst out laughing and tell me he was joking. I really needed to hear him say that, but as I looked at the seriousness of his face I knew he was joking. He was goddamn serious. He thought I was gay.
I was stunned, speechless. I couldn't figure out why he would think that. Had I acted gay? I didn't think so, but then again, I only knew of one person who was gay and Jasper wasn't the best example for me to follow. I was still questioning whether he was truly gay or not. But for Carlisle to assume that I liked him, Christ where had that come from? Was I acting like I had a thing for Jasper? I didn't think so.
Carlisle's voice broke me from my mental ranting.
"Your mother and I thought that maybe you were gay. And it's all right if you are Edward. We won't think any different of you if you are," Carlisle stated.
Wait! What?
"My mother and you… my mother thinks I'm gay too. Do you two discuss this? Since when did my sex life become a source of topic around here?" I hollered, absolutely shaking with anger as I stood up causing my stool fall back to the ground with a loud thud.
"Calm down, Edward," he said.
"Calm down," I yelled as I started out of the room. "Calm down," I turned around once I hit the door to the hallway. "I can't calm down, Carlisle. My mother discusses my sex life with you, there's no calming down about that," I whispered-yelled hoping Alice wouldn't hear me.
I turned and headed up the stairs to my room. Opening the door I heard my mother yelling asking if everything was all right. I had no response because frankly no, everything was far from all right. How could everything be all right when the people I loved the most, the people I thought knew me the best, didn't know me at all. So no, everything was definitely not all right. Nothing would ever be all right again. Okay, so I was exaggerating a bit, but that was how I felt. I felt that they didn't know me at all and that was quite disturbing. First it was my best friend and now my own parents. What the hell was going on around here?
Maybe Jasper wasn't the crazy one after all. Perhaps it was me that was crazy. I sure felt like I was loosing my mind, like everything I once knew was crumbling before me. That had only happened to me twice before, once when my father was killed and the second time was when I was kidnapped. But this couldn't be as bad as those situations. This was just a bump in the road and once I calmed down a bit I would just explain to my parents that they were wrong and that I am, in fact, straight. Easy.
But what if they don't believe me? What if they were just like Jasper and refuse to hear the truth? I would just have to prove to them I was straight. But, how do you go about proving to some that you are straight? I had heard about people coming out of the closet and explaining to their parents that they are gay, but I've never heard of someone having to come out of the closet to explain that they are straight. Could my life get any weirder?
My mental rambling was interrupted by a knock on my door.
"WHAT?" I yelled out.
The door to my room slowly opened and Carlisle walked in.
"Damn," I mumbled under my breath.
"Edward, do you mind if I come in," he asked in a soft tone.
"Sure, why not," I said back sarcastically.
Carlisle ignored my tone and entered anyway. He walked across the room and sat beside me on the bed. He stared at my carpet for a moment before speaking.
"I just wanted to say sorry for my misinterpretation of the events the other evening," he stated.
"It's okay, Carlisle, I was just… shocked that you thought that," I answered.
"I gathered that much, but I just wanted to say sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. It doesn't really matter what your mother and I think, it only matters what you think. I just wanted you to know that we would stand by you no matter what you do. So, that's it, that's all I wanted to say," he said as he stood from the bed.
"Carlisle, why did you think that?" I asked in barely a whisper almost afraid of his answer, but needing to know.
"Well, I didn't at first, but the other night when you were with Jasper, I don't know…" he said as he sat back down next to me. "You seemed different," he added.
"Different how?" I squeaked out.
"Don't take this the wrong way, Edward, but you seemed like your old self," he said softly and smiled.
I gawked at him wondering what the hell that meant.
"You brought a friend home. It's been quite a while since you've done that," he stated.
I knew that. I had already figured that out myself, but that didn't mean I was gay. So I looked at Carlisle pointedly waiting for him to continue.
"And you seemed to like Jasper," he also stated.
"What gave you that impression? The fact that we didn't speak when you were in the room with us, or was it that I was fawning all over him," I said my voice dripping sarcasm.
"No, it's nothing specific. It's just a vibe I got," he said looking away from me.
A vibe. Is he kidding me? He put me through all of this for a vibe he got. This whole argument and the turmoil it caused where due to him getting a vibe. Really? How do I deal with that? Here I am, doubting myself because he had a vibe. Wait… doubting myself… I hadn't doubted myself… had I? No, I hadn't ever doubted myself, I don't think. If I had doubt in myself then I would have to admit that Jasper may have been right and I would never agree with that. Would I?
"Look Edward, I believe you. If you say your not gay fine, if you are fine, whatever you want it's fine. Just know that we support you no matter what, okay?" Carlisle stated.
"Yeah, I know, and thank you for that. I guess it's nice to know you won't disown me for my life choices, no matter what they are," I said with a smile.
"That's all I'm trying to say. Now I better get back down stairs before your mother comes up here to find out what we were arguing about," he said as he rose from the bed once again. "I'm guessing you don't want to discuss any of this with her," he said with a smirk.
"You'd be guessing right," I said back also smirking.
"All right, I'll see you later," he said as he walked toward the door, but paused before he went through it. "And hey, you can talk to me anytime, you know that right?" he asked.
"Yeah, I know that, but thanks anyway," I replied.
"Your welcome, Edward," with that he turned and shut the door behind him.
I collapsed on my bed and stared at the ceiling thinking. When had my life become so complicated? I knew the answer to that question immediately… when Jasper entered the picture. He had turned everything I had known upside down. The fact that my parents had doubted me and I apparently had doubts myself was worrisome. He was messing with my head more than I had realized and it was high time I did something about it. What I was going to do about it, I had no clue, but I had to do something, this could not continue.
It must have been a tiring day because the next thing I knew I was being woke up from a very comfortable sleep to someone pounding on my door. I had passed out sometime after my talk with Carlisle in the exact position I fell back on the bed in and now my body was protesting loudly. There was another pound on my door and not even thinking about whom it was I shouted for them to enter. My door suddenly swung open and in walked Jasper. Shit!
"What are you doing here?" I spat out unnecessarily sounding harsher than I realized. "I thought you had an appointment today and couldn't make it?" I added in a slightly softer tone.
"That's what I said, but I changed my mind," he scoffed, walking into my room and plopping down beside me on the bed.
I froze not knowing what to do or how to react. I didn't want to seem like a dick and jump up screaming, but that was the first thought that entered my mind. I also didn't want to give him the wrong impression and continue to lie next to him on my bed, that was just way to intimate in my mind. There was nothing casual about to guys lying in the same bed. How do I get up without making it completely obvious how uncomfortable I am with our close proximity? I know if I get up now he'd be offended. Do I care if he's offended? Strangely enough I do? When did that happen?
Slowly I turned my head to glance at him, but instead of coming face to face with him like I had assumed I would, because I assumed he would be staring at me, or at the very least milking this situation for everything it was worth. Instead he was lying there with his eyes closed not paying attention to me at all. Well what was that all about? Did he not find me attractive anymore? Did he get sick of waiting for me to change my mind and found someone else? That thought sparked something inside of me… something not very pleasant, the fact was it was down right nasty. I didn't like the thought of him seeing someone else or talking dirty to someone else or even telling someone else my jokes. That wasn't right. They were my jokes and mine alone. Okay, where the hell did all of that come from?
"I can feel you, you know," he stated as matter-of-fact.
"What?" I snapped at him.
He turned his head and looked me directly in the eye.
"I said I can feel you," he stared at me not moving, not even blinking. "Staring… I can feel you staring," he added.
I exhaled loudly, for a moment I thought he heard my internal battle that was taking place a moment earlier. I never thought I would be so glad that people really couldn't read minds. If Jasper had heard my inner dialogue there would be no explanation good enough for him. I would never live it down, that was for sure.
It suddenly occurred to me that we were lying fairly close together and staring at one another on my bed. And if I were being completely honest about it I wasn't freaking out like I expected I would. What does that say about me? Have I been in deep denial about this entire situation? Was Jasper actually right?
As I looked at him I couldn't decide. I needed something, but I couldn't figure out what that something was. Damn, if I just had some type of sign giving me an indication either way it would make this whole thing a lot easier. If I just reached out and touched him would he freak out, maybe jump up and call me a fag it. Would he say ha, ha, got you, playing it all of as some elaborate joke that he had planned from the start? Or would he simply accept it and allow me to touch him? Those were the thoughts that were pounding in my head making me anxious as to what would be appropriate in this moment.
As I was considering all of this what I failed to realize was that Jasper was already making a move. Before I knew what was happening, I felt his hand at the nape of my neck as he pulled his face close to mine pressing his lips against mine. He just held us there for a minute before his lips started moving against mine, softly. I was frozen, unsure of what to do. This was so foreign to me, I had never kissed a guy before and I couldn't really be sure I wanted to now, but I wasn't stopping him either. His lips were softer than I had expected (that's to say if I had really had ever consider it, which I hadn't) they weren't much different then girls, which was kind of surprising. He moaned suddenly, snapping me from my thoughts, the vibration sending a shudder through me. I couldn't be positive, but I think I moaned back, which spurred him on further as he rolled his entire body next to mine so he was now leaning over me and I was flat on my back.
He pulled back for a moment and looked at me, probably to see if I was rejecting his advances. That is what I had done when I was in his position with girls, so I assumed he was doing the same thing. Wait, would that make me the girl in this situation? I hoped not because there was no way I was the girl. He was the girl because he was smaller than me so he had to be the girl. Right! (I know, real logical, what can I say, I've never had a guys tongue done my throat before, so I'm a little off my game)
When I made no effort to move either way, he came in and pressed his lips to mine harder this time. And this time he started moving them faster and the odd thing about it was I was moving mine also. We were kissing now, like really kissing and there was no denying I liked it. Damn! I had a heart stopping moment when he opened his mouth and his tongue came out to lick my lips asking for permission to enter. That is when I lost all coherent thought and opened my mouth to moan, loudly. Jasper shifted the rest of his body and was now lying completely on top of me and thrust his tongue further into my mouth. I reached up placing my hands on the small of his back.
My mind was racing while my body was igniting in flames. The voice in my head was screaming for me to stop this now, but the rest of me was clearly enjoying this and the evidence was clearly felt as my dick began to harden. Traitor. Jasper chose this moment to grind his dick on mine and that was enough to snap me out of my haze. All my movements still instantly and he pulled back to gauge my reaction.
I closed my eyes and tried to regain my breath. My hands fell to each side of me as Jasper stayed as still as a statue on top of me. I clenched my eyes even tighter afraid to open them. I was afraid to see his face, but I was also afraid of what this all meant.
So softly that I barely heard him, he began to speak. "Edward?" he questioned, but I still had my eyes clenched shut. "Edward, please look at me," he begged, but I couldn't look at him now.
How could I look at him after what just happened? I was freaking out here and didn't know what to say or do. On one hand, I wanted him to get off me and to never speak of this again, pretend it never happened. On the other hand, I was enjoying what was happening and it was that that had me freaking out the most. I was not gay. So then why was I enjoying it? Why had I not stopped him from the start? And why couldn't I just tell him to leave now?
Slowly I opened my eyes and glanced at Jasper. His expression was not what I was expecting. I had expected him to be happy, smug even, but he was neither of those, his face looked sad, a hint of pity almost. I was uncomfortable under his gaze and tried to turn my head away. I didn't want him to be sad and I certainly didn't need his pity. He placed both his hands on either side of my head to stopping my movements.
"It's okay," he offered.
But it wasn't okay. None of this was okay. And for the last goddamn time I was not gay. All right, so maybe under these circumstances I couldn't quite defend myself on this matter, but I'm almost positive I'm not gay. So shit, why did I enjoy it so much? What does that say about me? Could I have been wrong about this? I just didn't know anymore, and I had no answers at all. I had to ask, I had to know what this all meant.
"Jasper…" I breathed out quickly.
"I know, Edward. I know… you're not gay," he said quietly as he rolled to the side and off me, leaving me feeling cold and empty.
"That's right," I blurted out without thought.
"I gotta go," Jasper spat out before getting up quickly off the bed and headed for the door. "See ya later," he said quietly before reaching for the door handle and opening the door.
I couldn't just let him leave like that. I had to say something, but I had no idea what to say. My brain and body were frozen and I blurted out the first words that came to my mind.
"Yeah, see ya later," I rushed out.
He stepped out into the hall and slammed my door on the way out. Well shit!
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