Author's Note: First off, Merry belated Christmas everyone. And Happy New Year!

Second off, this is a side story to a story I have in the works for the Mass Effect fandom. It takes place a good way into it so I must warn of spoilers for those who might not want to read something that takes place in the middle of a story before reading the actual story. While this is an Alternate Universe to even the AU that is the story itself, it does contain spoilers to the story I am writing. I have not posted this story yet and will not for some time, especially with how writing is going for me right now. The scene that takes place is a work in progress for how it actually goes and may be completely different by the time I actually reach this point in the story. So how it plays out in the actual story will likely be different from this and will likely simply be better written. This is a rough draft, essentially, I put together as my Christmas project for this year. I didn't do anything that I shared last year, so I thought I'd go ahead and share this. Feedback would be great from those willing and able to give helpful feedback. Such as how you believe Garrus would actually act in this situation or emotions that need to be felt by the reader better. I am not convinced I wrote Garrus correctly and any help would be great, as that is where I worry the most with writing in Mass Effect. Garrus is my favorite character so I want to get him right even more than I do the others, though I do want to get everyone else right as well. I am intending to write this story to completion or near to before I post to avoid such long gaps between updates that I've had with my Transformer stories. Also so I can go back and change things if needed without confusing my readers, if my writing ability improves a lot or if I find something just doesn't make sense in the long run.

Thirdly, to any of my readers of my other stories who may also be reading this, don't worry, I have not abandoned my writing in the Transformers fandom. Writing has been going...well, poorly for me lately. In that every time I have sat down to write something new, my muse has frozen up along with my brain. It's just been shutting down to a point I can't get any of the many thoughts and ideas I've got onto paper(so-to-speak since I do type). I've also been distracted a lot lately as well. On top of all that, I am also in the process of rewriting what I have so far of Your War, Our Battle. I feel there's a number of things I could've done better in what little I have of it so far so I am going back and fixing things that need fixing and changing things that need to be changed in order to both fix things and make those fixes make sense. My writing ability has grown since I started it and I care more about the overall writing of YWOB than I have about any other story I have posted so far. I've grown a lot since I started writing any of my stories I've posted and I want to pay extra attention to both YWOB and Across the Galaxy of the stories I'm posting as I write them. In the end these are practice, honing my skills for the book I am writing, but it is still important to me to give you all good material to read. I enjoy it, it's fun and I love it. But I also love doing well with it, not just hashing something out just for you to read something.

And finally, I would like to vent about GarrusxOC stories in which Shepard is a female. I've not once found a good one of these. In all the stories I have found, Shepard has been extreme renegade, even more than she/he ever is in the games. One I read literally had her acting like a spoiled, snobby, stuck up teenage girl who's beyond selfish, has anger issues and should in no way be put into a battlefield much less as a Commander. She played both Garrus and Thane and then when confronted decided to choose Thane, but then decided she made the wrong choice and not only continued to play Thane anyways, but also threatened the life of the OC, ruining her friendship with Garrus completely and wronging literally everyone involved. No, just no. No matter how renegade Shepard could be, she/he wouldn't act like that. I don't mind minor departures from a character's canon personality, it's incredibly difficult to get premade characters completely in character one hundred percent of the time, as much as any of us may try. But one thing I can't stand is taking a character and changing their personality so completely they're a completely different character. I am only ok with this if it's a character we honestly don't know enough canonically to know their personality on a day-to-day basis. Or if the universe is so alternate that they grew up differently and the differences are explained fully enough to make sense for that character to have those specific changes. Another one I read had Garrus show more interest in Shepard yet still chose the OC even though the Shepard was interested in Garrus, and only Garrus, which makes no sense whatsoever.

It just irks me so much when a pairing, or any kind of story, is written so horrible I just cringe at every turn. Why I even read that story all the way through is beyond me. *drops head onto desk* Ugh. And, no, I will not name names or stories. That'd just be mean. So I'm not pointing fingers, I'm just venting cause I haven't done that. So there we go, I am done.

Christmas on the Normandy

"We gotta do something," Jayna said as she leaned against a wall while chatting with Thane, Shepard and Tali.

"Like what? Those two are denser than lead," Tali said. "They've been dancing around each other since before the Collector trap. And she's been avoiding him since then."

"If they are not ready, we should not force them together," Thane said. "Perhaps they merely don't want the distraction."

Jayna shook her head. "I know my sister," she said. "If anything, getting them together would get her even more determined to stop the Collectors and ultimately the Reapers. They are a threat to everything she's come to care about. If there's one thing you don't want to do if you want to live, it's mess with those she cares about. Or any of us cares about. We're a protective bunch."

"That explains why she kills more enemies when it seems like one of us is in danger," Shepard said, crossing his arms. "But how do we go about this?"

Jayna paused and thought for a minute, looking around the Life Support Room, taking in the decorations. Her eyes took in the mistletoe hung on the wall, something she occasionally pulled down to get a kiss from Thane. Slowly, she grinned. "We're gonna do what she did to Thane and I a week ago," she said.

"Are you sure that will work?" Thane asked. "It's her trick after all."

Jayna and Shepard shared a look.

"It's not her trick," Shepard said, getting where Jayna was going. "Humans have been using this tactic since Christmas was first invented."

"Still, she just used it," Tali said.

Jayna grinned. "But she doesn't expect me to use it on her," she said. "Because I know her personal rules. But I can use those against her in this case. Or for her, depending on your point of view. Give her enough pressure, she'll go with it, because she does have feelings for him. We just need to make sure it happens in a public area and not let either of them leave until they kiss."

"But Turians don't kiss the same way humans do," Tali pointed out. "How will either understand what's going on?"

"I have observed that both have been researching the other's species' courting rituals," Edi spoke up from the intercomm. "However, if Crystal were to kiss him under pressure, it would not prove anything to him."

"Maybe, if it was anyone but Crystal," Jayna conceded. "But she's different. If she had no feelings for him, then she'd just walk away regardless of what we do."

"How do you know she won't just walk away anyway, then?" Shepard asked, now unconvinced of this plan's ability to work.

Jayna paused a moment. "True, she might," she agreed, nodding as she paced. "But I know her. I know she wants to give it a chance. She's just afraid to start the conversation because of her past. Much like I was with Thane." She glanced at the Drell. "If nothing else, it'll get them talking again."

"The fear explains why she's been avoiding him since the Collector ship," Thane said.

Jayna nodded. "Something passed between them when he saved her," she said. "I don't know what, but something. He must've said something. Nothing bad, but something that would've triggered her insecurities when it comes to anything remotely romantic."

"Maybe I could talk to him, find out what," Shepard said.

"It's not our business what the details are," Jayna said. "It's between them. We just gotta get them talking."

"I think knowing what the problem is will help, though," Tali said, agreeing with her boyfriend.

"Maybe," Jayna agreed. "Do what you want, just make sure you get him to stand under the mistletoe in the dining hall and I'll make sure to get Crystal there."

—

I sighed as I looked down at the gift I had bought for Garrus for Christmas. It sucked spending Christmas season on a suicide mission where you didn't know if what you got someone would get much use of it. I knew Garrus could use what I got him at least for the fight against the Collectors, even if we didn't make it out.

I shook my head at that thought. Of course we'd make it out. We were simply too stubborn to die or let each other die. Maybe some of the squad was still at odds with each other, but we always had each other's backs while on the job. After all, Zaeed and I didn't get along at all, but when it came down to it, we watched each other's backs. Because it was all part of the job. We were a team. And I would protect my squadmates no matter what. They were my nakama.

I gave an ironic chuckle at myself. It had been years since I had watched any anime, much less anything in Japanese, but sometimes I still thought in terms of the language of particular shows. Nakama. Crew. Friends. Comrades. Those who you would lay down your life in order to protect. That's what the whole of the Normandy crew was to me. Even if they did work for Cerberus.

"Sis!" Jayna said, just barging into my room without knocking.

Well, it's not like Kasumi and I kept the door locked. And half this area was public unless we required privacy for some reason. Why they put the bar in the same room as a bed was beyond me. Maybe Cerberus intended people to get drunk and then sleep with each other. That wasn't a pleasant thought in my head.

"Wow, this place is so quiet with Val gone," Jayna said, looking around.

"It's better he is safe," I said, moving my eyes to the stars. We had dropped Valerius off at Palaven to stay with Garrus's father until the mission was over. We had decided it was no longer safe for him to be on the Normandy. Not after the Illusive Man allowed us to walk into a trap. Garrus's father had promised to take good care of him and make sure he was well taken care of if I didn't make it back to make the adoption official.

"I know, but I also know it must be hard having to send him away at Christmas time," Jayna said, walking up next to me.

"We're walking into hell at Christmas time," I said. "At least he is safe. That's all that matters. If we don't stop the Collectors there won't be a galaxy for us to be a family in. Won't be a universe to celebrate Christmas in."

"I understand," Jayna said. "But I also understand that you have been feeling lonely."

I sighed. "I miss having him around," I said and then shifted. "And I miss talking to Garrus…"

"Then why aren't you?" Jayna asked.

"Because," I shifted nervously. "When he protected me back on the Collector ship...when I thanked him….he repeated my words I said to him when I protected him while we went after the Shadow Broker with Liara...or word."

"Which is?" Jayna asked.

"Always," I said. "He said it the same way, sis. But I don't know if he held the same meaning behind it as I did. He has no way of understanding what that word, said in such a way, holds to me. It could mean something completely different to him. Different culture and all that. Different background."

"And you're afraid if you tell him what it means to you, he'll reject you," Jayna surmised.

I bowed my head. "You know what I've been through," I said, sighing. "I don't think I can handle another broken heart."

Jayna was silent for a moment before grabbing my arm. "Come on, I know what'll cheer you up," she said and then pushed me toward my dresser. "Get dressed and then we're going to the dining hall."

I sighed as she left, but did as I was told.

—

I glared at my sister as I stood awkwardly next to Garrus. I should've expected this. When Jayna decided it was time for me to stop hiding, she could go to any measure to get me to stop doing so.

Garrus himself appeared to be unsure of what to do with this situation himself. He knew of the mistletoe tradition, I knew because I had heard Tali explaining it to him when she and Shepard had kissed—well, he kissed her helmet anyway—under this exact mistletoe. It was the same one I had used to get Jayna and Thane to talk. He likely didn't want to put me in a position I was uncomfortable. Or maybe he didn't see me that way and had the same rule I had about not kissing someone without having feelings for them. I had no way to know for sure.

I knew why she had done this. But I wasn't going to play along. I did not kiss anyone who I wasn't dating. Even if I had feelings for them. Perhaps it defied all tradition, but it was a protective shield. A necessary one.

So, as the viewers watched with baited breath, I debated. If I turned around and just left, Garrus might get the impression I really was avoiding him like the plague. But if I kissed him then I'd be breaking my own rules. I couldn't break my own rules, I had developed them through experience. They were there not only to protect myself, but to protect the ones I cared about. After all, if I kissed any single guy who I got stuck under the mistletoe with people would get the wrong idea and I could end up hurting the one I really had feelings for. But this wasn't just anyone. I maybe couldn't kiss him, but I could at least explain it to him.

I typed a message on my omni-tool to Jayna, telling her I would be talking to Garrus later and another to Garrus requesting that we talk later. Then I left as soon as I heard both of their omni-tools beep as they received the messages.

—

I poked my head into the Main Battery tentatively to see if Garrus was there. He had agreed to talk here, to avoid anyone overhearing. Upon seeing that he was there, calibrating the guns as he was always doing, I walked slowly into the room, taking in the familiar room around me. I blinked at the presents piled up in a corner of the room as I heard the doors shut behind me. A glance told me he had locked the door, though he had yet to say anything.

I turned to find Garrus had turned from the console to watch me. Seeing this, I looked away and down, rubbing my arm as I shifted nervously. "Hey," I said, aware of how small my voice sounded.

Garrus gave a Turian frown as he observed my behavior. "Is everything alright, Crystal?" he asked.

"Yeah, I mean no…" I said and then sighed as I took to pacing a couple times. I ran a hand through my hair when I stopped. "I dunno. I...about the mistletoe incident…"

Garrus blinked and then held a hand up. "Don't worry about it," he said. "Tali told me about your personal rule about not kissing someone you're not dating. Though Jayna had thought for sure it would 'work'..." he did air quotes, which made me giggle despite my nervousness, "...but I'm not sure what she meant by that."

I laughed nervously. "She was….trying to get me to talk to you," I said and paced a couple times again. "Guess it worked after all, cause here we are." I sighed, letting my shoulders sag. I turned to him, head down, unable to look him in the eye. "Look, I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you."

"You've done more than that," Garrus said. "You've been avoiding me."

I opened my mouth to argue, but shut it again when I realized he was right. I looked further away, ashamed. "I know," I said. "And I'm sorry. My silly insecurities should not be cause to put either of us through that."

"You are forgiven," Garrus said. There was a pause of silence before he spoke again. "But if you don't mind my asking, what are you so insecure about?"

I paced again and this time I kept pacing. "Feelings," I answered honestly without fully telling him.

"Feelings?" Garrus actually sounded amused. "I've never known you to be insecure about showing how you felt."

I chuckled anxiously. "These ones are different Garrus," I said, shaking my head, still pacing. "They're….of a specific kind of nature. I am….not sure…." I ran a hand through my hair again, causing it to sit messily on top of my head. I probably looked ridiculous.

Garrus watched me for a moment. He was likely surprised to see me avoid naming an emotion I was feeling so much. Eventually, he stopped me from pacing by placing his hands on my shoulders. "Crystal, what is it? Just say it."

I still couldn't look at him as I felt my cheeks redden and I started shaking, afraid. I bit my lip and took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "I…" I started and then clammed up. I was afraid to say what it was that was bothering. I had been for so long, since before the Collector Base. A glance up and I knew I had to tell him, though. He deserved to know. It was better when everything was out in the open. I had learned that a long time ago. When will I follow all the lessons and not just some of them?

But even knowing that, even deciding that, I couldn't find the proper words. The ones that would say I had these feelings, but I could move past them if he didn't have them for me. The ones that would even say that I had them. I couldn't find the words to say something so simple. Not with the fear I felt regarding them.

Bracing myself for the worst, I looked up at him and thought briefly about just kissing him to tell him what I couldn't, but decided quickly against it. It would go against every fiber of my being to do so and I didn't want to give out my first kiss that way. Sure I had been kissed before, but I had never returned said kiss, having not been ready to in those relationships. Maybe that's why the first one failed so horribly. It was possible.

I bit my lip again and I felt the red deepen on my cheeks. I swallowed, thankful he was being patient. "Well…." I started and looked away again, trying to put together a sentence in my head. "You know that I don't kiss someone if I am not dating them, even under a mistletoe….so I didn't kiss you…..but I did...want to." That didn't sound very clear now that I said it. I started wringing my hands, inwardly cursing my awkwardness as I looked down at my feet.

There was silence as Garrus processed what I said and ran through what he knew of my mannerism and what they tended to mean. "You mean you want us to date?" he asked.

I nodded and closed my eyes, bracing for the worst. So I was surprised when I heard him chuckle and I looked up at him, giving him a confused look.

"And here I thought I was crazy for being interested in you," he said.

I blinked and then tilted my head at him. "Wha?"

He smiled and a fond look entered his eyes as he leaned down a bit so his face was closer to mine. "I want us to date too," he said and then placed his forehead on mine.

I blushed, remembering that it was a Turian form of kissing and the fact it was an intimate action for humans as well. At the same time, I also relaxed. ""S-so it's not one way?" I asked, voice small but with hope.

"It's not," he said and I felt his hands move from my shoulders to my back as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

I felt tears prick my eyes and I wrapped my own arms around him as I hugged him tightly. I buried my face in his armor covering his chest as he placed his head on top of mine. "That makes me happy," I said as he tightened his own hold.

Garrus rubbed my back. "Why were you so afraid? You know me, Crystal. We would've remained friends even had I not had feelings for you, unless you didn't want to be."

I chuckled. "I know, Garrus," I said. "But I didn't know if I could handle another rejection….in the past I only ever had feelings for people who weren't attracted to me or have attracted people I could never be attracted to. The one time it was mutual...it didn't stay that way very long. I've lived a life full of disappointments and sometimes….I just can't take disappointments anymore. I just….I want something to go right for a change. They never do for me."

"I know how you feel," Garrus said.

"I know, Garrus," I said and looked up at him. I pushed myself onto my tiptoes as his head hovered just over mine and kissed him lightly. "I know."

His mandiles flicked in an unfamiliar way before he put his lips against mine again, kissing me as best he could. I kissed back, enjoying the feeling of mutual care for once. His subharmonics made a purr-like sound and I smirked slightly, unable to keep it back.

"About damn time," Joker's voice came over the intercom and we broke away.

"Joker!" Garrus only sounded mildly angry, like that time Val had accidentally dropped a small box on his head. "How long have you been listening?"

I covered my mouth as my face heated up and I had to keep myself from laughing. Sure, I was annoyed with Joker as well, but I also found the situation to be somewhat amusing. I wondered if anyone had placed bets on when we'd get together. It was something I could see Joker and Jayna doing.

"Long enough to know I won the bet," Joker said.

I lost it at that. I laughed out loud and for a few minutes until my side started hurting. Pretty soon Garrus was just shaking his head and he returned to his calibrations, unlocking the door as he did so. I didn't leave though. I didn't want to return to my shared room with Kasumi right now. Not with Val being away from the Normandy. I felt more comfortable with Garrus nearby, even if we weren't speaking. So I settled at the nearby console to work on my writing.