Notes: Why doesn't a skit like this exist?

Summary: "Don't look now, but there's an Asch headed this way and either he's got a knife in his pants or he just saw Natalia."

Tales of the Abyss is property of Namco-Bandai; I do not claim any rights.

I see Chokmah, I see Daath

"Don't look now, but there's an Asch headed this way and either he's got a knife in his pants or he just saw Natalia."

Yawning, Luke looked at Guy quizzically, still drowsy from having just woken up. "What?"

"REPLICAAAAAAA!"

Despite Guy's earlier warning, Luke looked behind him, just in time for Asch to tackle him and send them both rolling on the ground in a mess of red hair and angst and Yuri Lowenthal. Next thing he knew he was spreadeagled on the ground, Asch pinning him down with one fist inches from his face.

"Asch!" Luke exclaimed dramatically, suddenly awake, emotions blowing up inside him at the sight of his original, "I told you I'm not going to fight you!"

Asch wasn't listening. "Why the hell is she wearing that—that—well, nothing?"

"Huh?"

"For you," supplied Guy helpfully, "Do you like it?"

Asch didn't seem to hear him, either - or maybe he did, but his fury for Luke raged over that of Guy's, so he ignored him. Asch stood and commanded his replica to do the same, then drew his weapon against poor, bewildered Luke.

"You bought that indecent thing for her, didn't you? You scheming, perverted!—How are you my replica? She's—that—the skin, I don't even—"

"It's nice, right?" Guy commented coolly, "I in particular am a fan of the bandages—"

"Shut up, gynophobia!" Asch shouted ferociously. Guy nodded calmly and backed away a few steps, smirking. Luke took the temporary distraction to scramble to his feet and away from Asch. He frowned - he still had no idea what Asch was going on about. Asch whipped back around at the movement, and yelled, "Don't move! I'm not done with you!"

"Done with me with what?" Luke asked, a low whine settling in his voice as the confusion eased into frustration, "I haven't done anything! You're the one that just showed up and attacked me!"

Asch sheathed his sword, growled. "You useless dreck! How can you even—it's huge, or, no, it's microscopic—and—" Asch cut himself off, at a loss of words, and ended up making lots of unintelligible sounds and making vague hand motions; finally, he huffed and his arms fell loosely to his side, and he moaned, looking down: "Damn it..."

Luke stared wide-eyed at Asch. "What are we talking about?"

"You—I..." Asch sighed, giving up completely as all his rage subsided into weariness. "I'm talking about—"

"Asch! What are you doing here?"

"—Natalia."

At the princess's entrance all three guys turned, Asch slowly, with agony; Guy with fearsome speed; Luke like a normal human being, which was ironic, since, you know. Replica.

And suddenly Luke understood.

"...Natalia," he said, and Asch addressed her at the same time; then Luke said, "Why are you in your swimsuit?" while Asch tried, "Is that really what a princess should wear?" Then they turned on each other, with Luke going, "Hey, stop doing that," and Asch shouting, "Shut up, replica!"

As Asch put all his energy into staring at Luke with great intensity so he wouldn't stare at Natalia, and Luke tried to keep his gaze, Guy contributed sheepishly, "It looks nice, Natalia."

Natalia flushed, and avoiding eye contact with any of them, told, "I-It's not that I wanted to dress myself so... revealingly today, but rather that Emperor Peony is to call upon Father, and as this was a gift from the emperor, Jade suggested it." She bit her lip and frowned. "Asch is correct, however - to me this seems inappropriate, but Father will not allow me to change. " She stopped, finally looked up, and noticed that Asch was red, too, and fuming. "Asch? Is something the matter?" she asked worriedly.

"Excuse me," Asch muttered, and stomped off in the general direction of the inn, ready to kill.

"Wait! Asch!" called Natalia, and she ran after him, leaving Guy and Luke behind, because. You know. Childhood love and all that.

Once she was gone, Guy laughed. "He's sly."

"Asch?"

"Jade," Guy corrected, shaking his head with a grin. "The emperor's not coming today, but Asch has been stalking Natalia for two days now."