EARTH, BONES, AND MARS
By Wittyheroine
Summary: Booth gets an intern…in the form of scrawny, annoying and blond nineteen year-old Hearst college student Veronica Mars. Veronica Mars crossover.
A/N: What can I say? The summer heat makes me go crazy. Yet again another weird crossover. I have too much time on my hands.
Disclaimer: Bones and Veronica Mars are property of their respective owners. I own nothing.
CHAPTER ONE
Babysitting or????
"Let me get this straight," said Agent Seely Booth from his chair on the other side of his bosses' desk, "you want me to baby-sit for the entire summer?"
His boss looked at him sternly. "Baby sitting would imply that I was forcing you to watch a child," he said, "what I'm asking you to do is to train an intern."
"Okay, I could ask anyone of the other people who work here and they would say that I was babysitting," said Booth.
"You can't baby-sit a nineteen year-old," said his boss, "she's legal, so it's not babysitting."
"She can't buy a beer. It's babysitting," said Booth, leaning back in his chair, giving his boss a glare.
"Agent Booth, unless you want me to make you do three months worth of paper work instead of field work, you will do as I say," his boss said in a tone that would scare anyone into doing what he wanted, Booth included.
"Okay, okay," said Booth, straightening up, "don't get your boxers in a twist there. I'll baby-sit----"his boss was now shooting daggers at him with his eyes "—I mean I'll train your intern. But on one condition."
His boss now had a vein on his forehead that was suddenly showing and looked as though it was going to burst. "What?" he said through gritted teeth, already annoyed with Booth for not just doing his job.
"Can I at least make her get my coffee or something?" Booth asked, an impish smile on his face. "Because an intern isn't any good if to me if it can't bring me my coffee."
His boss sighed in reluctance. If that was what it would take to get Seeley out of his office, and for him to do his job, he would let Seeley make the girl get coffee. "Fine," he said, "you can make her get you coffee."
Booth smirked. "Well then, I'm all for this babysitting gig," he said and he got up out of his chair.
"It's not babysitting!" yelled his boss as Booth made his way through the door. "It's training an inter-"Booth had already made his way out of the office before his boss could finish his sentence.
Oh god, Booth thought, realizing what he had just agreed to, what have I gotten myself into? He shook his head, and then headed to his car so he could go pick up two things.
"So why are you babysitting for your boss again?" Temperance Brennan asked as they stood in the airport waiting for Booth's intern to arrive. Having her ask the question made it seem silly, and Booth realized that it was a bad idea for him to have told her.
"I'm not babysitting," said Booth, feeling that for some reason when she said it, the whole thing actually sounded embarrassing, "I'm training an intern for the FBI."
"But you used the term babysitting earlier," Brennan said pointedly.
"Look, Bones, just forget that I ever said the word babysitting," Booth said, attempting to get her to change the subject.
"Why are you so uptight about the word babysitting?" said Brennan. "It's not just a woman's job, you know. Men are just as capable of babysitting as women. I'm certain you'll do fine. You have a son after all."
"I'm not uptight about the word babysitting," Booth insisted, although even he knew he didn't sound very convincing when he said it, "I just…I just don't think she's going to appreciate it very much if I, or even you for that matter," he said shooting Temperance a look, hoping that it would help shut her up, "referred to her as a babysitting case. She is an intern that I'm training for the F.B.I., and she's not a kid."
Brennan looked at him curiously. "Just how old is she?" she said.
"Nineteen," said Booth, now wondering if he should have answered that question. He wondered just where Temperance was going to go with this.
"She can't buy a beer. You're babysitting," said Brennan, with a slight smile, clearly enjoying her partner's agony.
Booth glared at her. He was beginning to wonder if he was rubbing off on her some, because she seemed to be starting to act like him a bit lately. It was kind of scaring him, to be honest, and at the same time, he kind of liked it.
"Whatever," he said, not wanting to admit to her that she was right and that he fully agreed. He couldn't let her win all the time. There had to be limits.
Just then, a scrawny blond girl walked to the luggage carousel, and stood waiting for her bags. "That would be her," said Booth.
"Are you sure?" Brennan asked. "She looks like an ority girl on summer vacation or something."
"Ority?" Booth said, looking at Brennan with an amused expression on his face. He was constantly amazed by how little she knew about pop culture, and how much she knew about science. "I think you mean a sorority."
"Yeah, that," said Brennan.
"Yeah, well, her Professor described her as scrawny, blond, and mentioned something about her being pesky," said Booth, "she's scrawny, blond, and is already pesky because I have to baby-sit her."
"You used that word again," Brennan said pointedly, "just because you're babysitting doesn't make the job any less important. You'll be teaching her too, won't you? I mean, someone has to take care of the next generation of F.B.I. agents and if that means babysitting-"
"Bones, for the millionth time, I'M NOT BABYSITTING," Booth shouted a little too loudly. Several people in the airport looked at him strangely. The scrawny girl who Booth thought was the intern grabbed her bags and looking up at him, she gave him an odd sort of smile and walked towards him.
"So from all the shouting about babysitting," said the blond girl when she got over to them, "I gather you're Booth?"
Booth cleared his throat. "That's Agent Booth to you, er---" he said. "Oh crap."
"I prefer to go by Veronica Mars, thanks," said the blond, "Oh Crap isn't a very pretty nickname."
"Er right," said Booth, "no, I was just uh…thinking about something else."
"That's Booth speak for he forgot your name," Brennan said, putting her hand forward to shake Veronicas. The girl took it.
"I'm hurt," said Veronica with sarcasm and she shook Brennan's hand. "And who are you?"
"I'm Doctor Temperance Brennan," she said, "I'm Booth's partner."
"Is that the terms all the kids are using?" Veronica said after she was done shaking Brennan's hand. "You know, its okay to tell me that you're his girlfriend."
"WHAT?" Bones and Booth chorused together.
"We're not—" Brennan started to say.
"Bones isn't---"
"And Booth---"
"English, please," said Veronica, "I can't translate stammering."
"Bones and I aren't dating," said Booth.
"What he said," Brennan added, "I work for the Jeffersonian as an anthropologist. Booth comes to me when he has a murder where the remains are too far gone to for the coroner's office to figure out what killed them. We work together on solving crimes."
"Right," said Veronica, not sounding convinced.
"We're just work partners," said Booth, trying to convince her, "not those kind of partners."
"Uh-huh," said Veronica.
Booth and Brennan exchanged looks, wondering whether or not she got it. Why it was important she got it neither of them could put into thought, they just didn't want anyone thinking they were a couple.
"Right, well," said Booth, "we should get going."
"Yes, we definitely should," said Brennan, "Hodgins had something he wanted me to look at in the lab."
"And I have to take you to headquarters," said Booth, looking at Veronica.
"Okay then," she said, "let's go."
The three of them headed out to Booth's SUV and then Booth drove Brennan to the lab, and then it was just him and Veronica. There was an awkward silence, and then, in an attempt to break the ice, Booth said, "Why are you here?"
"In the car? Well, I thought that was obvious. You're taking me to F.B.I. headquarters," said Veronica, "after all, you're the one who told me that."
"No, I don't mean why are you here, here," said Booth, "I mean, why are you here this summer. Why do you want to be an F.B.I. agent? I mean, a girl like you should be, I dunno, staying in a beach house with some rich boyfriend or something like that."
"Wow, a girl like me," said Veronica, "if that was some subtle quip about my being blond, I would like you to know that I have a taser in my messenger bag, and I'm most definitely not afraid to use it."
"You know sarcasm isn't a very attractive quality in a woman," said Booth.
"Who said I was being sarcastic?" said Veronica, and to prove her point, she unzipped her messenger bag and pulled out a taser, and played with it to show that it worked. The thing made Booth jump and made him make the car swerve.
"Put that thing away!" Booth ordered, suddenly realizing that he was in the car with a lunatic.
"Okay, okay, calm down," said Veronica, "don't worry. I won't actually use it on you. Besides, I haven't decided if you're an ass or not yet. Only when I decide will this thing actually come in contact with you." She turned the tazer off and put it back in her bag.
"Oh, gee, well that's just so comforting," Booth said with sarcasm.
"It could be worse," she said.
"How could this be worse? I'm stuck in a car with a girl that has a tazer."
"I could have brought Backup with me," said Veronica.
"Ha ha," said Booth, "we don't get a lot of interns. I don't think-"
"I was talking about my dog not people," said Veronica, "he's an overprotective dog by the name of Backup."
"Right, right," said Booth, and he drove in silence, not really certain what to say.
"Cheer up Boothy," said Veronica patting him on the shoulder, "we're going to have a FUN summer."
Sure, let's have Booth watch the psycho girl with the tazer, Booth thought, what a WONDERFUL idea. Ha, ha, ha….I'm going to KILL my boss. They drove in silence for the rest of the way to headquarters, Booth fuming silently about the position that his boss had put him in.
"So Booth's babysitting?" said Angela, just as surprised at the news as everyone else had been. She sat in front of the computer she worked on, waiting for Brennan to tell her more…and to give her instructions as to what to do next.
"Well, he says he's 'training an intern'," said Brennan, "but he might as well be babysitting. Wait….can you zoom in on that area right there?"
"Uh, sure," said Angela, and she made the computer zoom in on the area Brennan had asked her to. She then turned the subject back to Booth and his intern. "Well, I don't see why Booth's complaining."
"Oh, c'mon Ang, do you honestly think Booth's the ideal candidate for a nineteen year-old girl to hang out with?" Brennan asked.
"I'd think there was something wrong with the girl if she didn't hang out with Booth," said Angela, "if I were her, I'd be begging there was a job opening at the end of the summer, skip college, and stay here to drool over his sexy self…and all the other hot F.B.I. guys out there."
"Angela, that's completely beside the point," said Brennan, giving her friend a look, "it isn't the social norm for a teenage girl to want to be spending her time trying to find someone dying. She should be doing something…….like going to a party, or watching that show on a creek. I just think that her doing all this F.B.I. stuff is going to mess with her head a bit, that's all. I mean, I've been doing this work for years and it still gets to me."
"Brennan, you tried to make a pop culture reference!" said Angela, "admittedly an outdated one, but still, I'm proud of you."
"I don't care," said Brennan, "what I care about is that I don't think this girl should be doing stuff that should clearly be left to the professionals."
Angela smirked. "You're jealous," she said, looking at Brennan in a knowing sort of way. Brennan looked at her in surprise.
"Jealous?" said Brennan. "I'm not jealous. I have no reason to be jealous. She's a nineteen year-old girl, and besides that Booth and I are just partners. I'm just worried about the psychological damage this kind of environment is going to have on this girl, and that she won't be able to do her job. What if she compromises evidence or something? She doesn't know the protocol."
"Well, honey, that's why she's an intern," Angela said pointedly.
"I still think she shouldn't be doing this job," Brennan said, not budging from her belief that the girl was going to be nothing but a pest, and not to mention a complete distraction for Booth.
"Okay, so what exactly did this girl look like?" Angela asked.
Brennan sighed and answered, "She was of short stature, petite build, with blond hair, along with good facial structure and all the scientific attributes that would logically attract many mates."
"So in English, she was pretty?" Angela said.
"Not that it's important, but yes," Brennan said, "she is what one would consider attractive."
"So you're absolutely positive it isn't the fact that Booth is going to be spending time around a pretty nineteen year-old intern all summer that is making you a bit on the edge about this whole situation?" Angela asked.
"Positive," Brennan said.
"Right," said Angela, sounding completely skeptic.
"Okay, did you zoom in on that thing like I asked?" said Brennan.
"Yep, as you can see, its extra close on the computer screen," she said.
"Wow," Brennan said, surprised by what she saw in the picture.
Angela looked at it closely for the first time. "Is that what I think it is?"
"Definitely," said Brennan, "I'll call Booth…"
Angela opened her mouth to say something but Brennan shot her a look. "No more insinuations," said Brennan, "we're just work partners."
"Okay…" said Angela, turning back to her work as Brennan headed out of the office to call her 'partner' as she insisted that was all he was.
Veronica Mars was bored beyond the point of tears. She had been in Washington D.C. working as an intern for one hour and already she had been put to work doing normal, boring, intern things. As soon as they had got to headquarters, Agent Booth as he insisted he called her, (although Veronica was seriously considering calling him Agent Pain in the Rear) sat her down in his office in an extra chair he'd had in there (he refused to let her sit in the one behind his desk) and gave her a mountain high stack of paperwork to look over.
Sure, she hadn't expected that she'd be doing anything of the X-Files kind of work, but she had expected to at least do something interesting on the first day. Was that asking too much? Just then, her cell phone rang and she looked at the caller I.D. and saw that her dad was calling.
"Hey honey, you get there okay?" Keith Mars, her father, asked.
"I'm still in one piece, if that's what you mean," said Veronica, "but I also had to endure listening to some man read to his child about a rabbit and I was about ready to take him and the book and make a mean rabbit stew with them in it."
"You have such a high tolerance for people," said her Dad jokingly.
"You know it," said Veronica.
"So, how's your first day as a Fed?" Keith asked.
"Well, my superior thinks that I'm a babysitting case and his partner makes me actually understand what Charo says. Also, I'm being forced to look over some paperwork that's longer then the Bhagavad Gita," Veronica told him.
"Sounds like fun," said Keith.
"So, how's the sheriffs office treating you?" Veronica said.
"Wonderful. I arrested two kids for underage drinking yesterday, and gave Vinnie Vanlow a ticket for parking in the red zone," he said.
"You gave Vinnie Vanlow a ticket?" said Veronica," Did you take pictures?"
"I'll e-mail you them when I get home," said Keith jokingly. "I wish you could have seen his face."
"It had to have been something," said Veronica.
"Believe me, it was," Keith said, "enough about me. You said something about a superior who thought you were a babysitting case and a woman who made you understand what Charo said. Who, exactly, are they?"
"The man who thinks I'm a babysitting case is Agent Booth, or Agent Pain in my Rear which is the pretty little nickname I've decided to give him. He's the guy that's going to be my boss during my internship. He's SUPPOSED to be showing me around headquarters right now, but he got called into a meeting and just left me in his office with paperwork," said Veronica, "I might have to kill him at some point. Or at the very least injure him, badly."
"Honey, I'd rather not get a call from the F.B.I. saying you put one of their agents in the hospital," said Keith, "think you can at least try to restrain yourself from murdering the man?"
"I'll try," said Veronica and she added, "but I make no promises."
"Well," Keith said with a sigh, "I'll pretend I didn't here the last part. Now, what about the woman you're working with?"
"The woman is Temperance Brennan. She's an anthropologist who works at the Jeffersonian."
"What's an anthropologist doing working with the F.B.I?" Keith asked. "Shouldn't she be looking at the remains of Lucy or something?"
"She does stuff like that too, but she also helps the F.B.I. out with cases when they find bodies that are too far gone to be worked on by the coroner's office to figure out what happened to them," said Veronica, "and she writes mystery novels."
"Great," said Keith, "I'll add some of her books to my summer reading list."
"Dad, you don't have a summer reading list," Veronica reminded him.
"To true," said Keith, and then he told her, "look honey, Deputy Saks just came in and he wants me to take a look as something, so I'll probably be a bit busy here. But if you need anything, just call me."
"So, if I call you and I say I need a brand new Iphone---" Veronica started to say.
"You can keep on dreaming," Keith said, "but even if you don't need anything, call me. I want you to check in as much as you can and I'll try checking in with you too. You're working for the feds now. I'd like to know when you're in a hostage situation because of the big case."
"You mean you'll call me to wake me from the big sleep I'll go into," said Veronica.
Keith laughed. "Don't worry honey," he said, "you'll do something other then paper work soon. Just show 'em what you've got. I believe in you. Goodbye."
"Thanks Dad. Bye Dad," Veronica said and her Dad hung up the phone as did she. Just as she was pocketing her cell, Agent Pain in her Rear opened the door.
"I'm going out to work on an assignment. Stay here, finish that paperwork, and don't get into trouble," Booth ordered her.
"But I-" Veronica started to object. Shouldn't she be going out with him? After all, it would be a learning experience. She was an intern. She was supposed to learn things.
"No butts," said Booth, "I'm going to arrest someone and I'd rather not have to try and get the criminal and keep an eye on a kid too. I'm not a daycare service." With that, he left the office and closed the door.
Wow, Veronica couldn't help but think, why did I sign up for this again? Oh, wait, that'd because you want to be an F.B.I. agent. Good going, Mars, you should have majored in journalism like everyone else.
Veronica looked at the paperwork that was on her lap and then her Dads words came back to her. 'Just show 'em what you've got' he told her. Well, she wasn't going to be able to show Agent Booth what she could do if she was sitting on a chair in an office doing paperwork.
Well, if anyone asks, I'll just say dear old Dad told me too, Veronica thought, a smile crossing her face. She laid the paperwork on the floor (made sure she had her tazer just incase) and then got up and followed Booth, knowing just exactly what she was doing.
Seeley Booth hated when he got into situations like these. That is, life and death situations. They came with the job, but still it was one part that he could do with out, especially since it was made worse by the fact that Bones was also involved.
This one involved Brennan being held by the whack-job they came there to arrest, while said whack-job had a knife pointed at her throat. Booth had his gun out and pointed at the suspect, but he didn't want to shoot the gun just yet because there was always the chance that he could miss and hit Bones instead and that was not a chance he was willing to take.
"For the second time, I'm going to tell you, put the knife down, now," Booth ordered.
"Now why would I want to do that?" the greasy man asked who was pointing the knife at Bones's throat said.
"Because I'm going to shoot you if you don't," said Seeley even though he knew that he wouldn't unless he absolutely had to.
"See, I don't think you will," the man said, "because right now, I've got girly with me and…
This was bad. Veronica would know, after all. She had been in worse situations. Like life and death situations where it was just her, the bad guy, and no one else to come to the rescue. Doctor Brennan, however, was lucky. She had Agent Booth with her, and Agent Booth also happened to have a gun.
But despite this fact, it didn't really help the good doctor, who was currently being held captive by some guy who had a knife to her throat. If Booth shot, there was a good chance that he could hit Doctor Brennan too.
Bruce Willis Agent Booth is not, Veronica couldn't help but think from her hiding place behind the wall in the parking garage where they currently were. Sneaking into the back of Booth's car to tag along on this particular excursion had to be one of the smartest things she had ever done, and bringing her taser along with her.
Just as the man was saying, "…I've got girly with me and…" Veronica tip-toed as quietly as she possibly could away from her hiding place, taser in hand. She didn't want anyone to notice she was there, otherwise the point of her coming out from her position would be completely pointless.
"Girlies going to kick your ass," Veronica muttered and, quickly, she took the taser to the guys neck. The guy wiggled a little and then collapsed.
"What the-"Agent Booth was about to say and then he looked up directly at Veronica. He shot her a glare. "How the heck did you get here?"
"What does it matter how she got here?" said Doctor Brennan. "She saved my life. I like this girl."
Booth rolled his eyes and then walked over to where Veronica was. "What are you doing here? I specifically remembered telling you to stay put and do paperwork."
"You did tell me that," said Veronica, "but that's not what interns do. Interns learn things. I can't learn things if you leave me in the office everyday."
"She does have a point, Booth," said Brennan, "I mean, Zach was my intern and he was there to-"
"I don't need commentary from the peanut gallery at this particular moment," said Booth.
"I don't know what that means," said Brennan.
Both Booth and Veronica shot Brennan a look, only Booth's was one of frustration and Veronica's was one of amusement. "It means, shut up and let me handle this," said Booth.
"Shouldn't you be deciding my punishment later?" said Veronica. "I mean, he is going to regain consciousness soon and it would be better if you focused on the whole, putting the handcuffs on him thing."
"Oh," said Booth, realizing that she was right, "right." He put the handcuffs on the unconscious criminal. "I'll deal with you when we get back to headquarters," he told Veronica.
Veronica just smiled. "Can't wait," she said.
Brennan looked at Veronica. "So, where exactly do you get one of those?" She asked, referring to the taser.
"Well I-" Veronica started to say but Booth interrupted her.
"DON'T encourage her to get one of those things," he said.
"But Booth-" Brennan started.
"No buts," he said, "to the car now."
Both Brennan and Veronica let out a sigh and then the two of them followed Booth back to the car so they could get back to headquarters. From all the muttering Booth did in the car, Veronica could tell she was definitely going to be in for it.
And yet, she thought with a smile, it was so worth it.