A/N: So here it is, the revised version of chapter 1, sorry it took me so long guys, but I had to deal with unexpectedly having to move out of my apartment, but I wont bore you guys with my IRL drama. Now that I'm kind of settled in, I can get back to working on this story more regularly, I promise :P

Chapter 1: A Long Time Coming

They say that the best things come when you least expect them. In forms you would never anticipate, places you would never suspect, and events you could never dream of.

Uzumaki Naruto certainly hadn't thought when he woke up that morning, covered in hickeys and a dried layer of sweat and… other bodily fluids, that he would remember this day for the rest of his life. No, instead, a lazy grin came across his face as he slowly and carefully removed himself from around his bed mate, snatching a pen and paper from his bedside drawer he wrote a brief, but polite, note for the bed's sole remaining occupant, and left it where he was sure they would find it, stuck to their forehead. Returning the pen and pad of paper to their original spot in his drawer he made his way into the bathroom, a shower was LONG overdue at this point.

Walking as if in a trance, shaking off the dregs of sleep from his mind, he entered the room and turned on the light; absentmindedly reaching towards the medicine cabinet for his toothbrush. Upon closing it, the mirror came back into view, giving him a chance to see the extent of his "battle scars".
Little red welts dotted his left collarbone, trailing up to the juncture of his neck and his ear, his flaxen hair falling into his eyes and poking up all over the place, a satisfied smirk on his face, giving him the appearance of a wild man, not that he would necessarily argue with the nickname, because it was pretty much true anyways, at least from certain perspectives. His eyes were a dull blue, still not quite up to their fully awakened gleam, and surrounded by the dregs of his sleep, still yet to have been washed from his body.
That thought snapped him out of his indolence, shedding the boxers he'd put on all of 30 seconds ago when he got out of the bed, he turned on the shower, letting it heat up while he brushed his teeth.

After completing his morning rituals, he exited his bathroom chased by a cloud of steam, reaching out as if to drag him back in. Upon reentering his bedroom, he saw said bed had been vacated, recently by the looks of it too. Sure enough, as if waiting for their cue, he heard the front door slam shut. Shrugging to himself, he proceeded to get dressed.

It's not like it was his problem, he made it very clear the night before he wasn't looking for anything serious, in fact, the way what's-his-name (He thought it might have been something like Yama, or Yoshida, definitely Y-something, but he didn't spare it much thought) kept probing him last night, it was obvious he was trying to push for something more permanent, which was a stupid decision in general when you're picking people up at clubs anyways if you asked Naruto. But, by the time he met him last night, he was too fucked up to care, and just wanted to get his rocks off. Though in all honesty he kind of wished he could see the guy's face when he called "his" number and got "Thor's Hotline" instead.

Taking a glance at the clock on his dresser, Naruto sighed and laid back on his bed, he had about an hour before work, he cast a tired look at his bedside table, the same one he'd retrieved the pen and paper from earlier, though this time he was looking at the drawer below that one, the one with a lock on it. Biting his lower lip in mild anxiety, he finally caved, grabbing his keys off the top of the stand he found the one he was looking for, unlocked the drawer and pulled it open.

Reaching into his bedside drawer Naruto pulled out a small hand size mirror, a razorblade, and a Ziploc baggie filled with about 6 grams of blow. Sitting up he placed the items on the bed to the left of him, and looked around stupidly for a minute until with a burst of inspiration he pulled a $5 out of his wallet and rolled it up then began cutting himself a few lines, rolling his eyes at his own stupidity.

Now, to be fair, Naruto wasn't usually into hard drugs, he drank semi-regularly, and bought the occasional half-ounce of piff for special occasions, but lately the stress from work had him looking for something a little more relieving. He worked a low income job as the morning news reader for WKPB Radio, and while normally, he loved going into work, even at the stupidly early hours of the morning they asked of him, his boss, a man by the name of Ebisu, was making him lose his fucking mind. Needing to relax even moreso than usual, led Naruto from his casual bars, into the seedier clubs he usually only went to once in a blue moon to score (both sexually and narcotically) much more frequently, and when his "buddy" (and Naruto used that term very loosely) offered to sell him some on the cheap to put some pep back in his step, his stress made him finally cave.

Putting his the baggie and other items back in his drawer and locking it once more, Naruto allowed himself to fully lay on his bed once more, his blown-out pupils staring at his ceiling fan in mild interest while he gave himself a little internal pep-talk. He decided that he didn't want to get any more coke once he'd finished what he had (he was far too cheap to just throw out something so expensive after all) the stuff was far too enjoyable, and Naruto did not want to cross the line from "user" to "abuser".

His mind going a mile a minute Naruto let his mind wander while he rode out his high, that is, until he finally tore his eyes from the hypnotically lethargic spinning of his ceiling fan and looked at the clock on his bedside table. With a decidedly unmanly shriek he bolted out of bed and began running in circles around his room looking for work clothes.

"-fucking high is only supposed to last like a half hour, now I have like 15 minutes to get to work. Oh fuck, like I need to give that prick any more reasons to give me shit, being late will be like a goddamn Christmas present." Naruto cursed at himself as he wrestled on his slacks and grabbed a mostly unwrinkled auburn dress shirt from off the back of his computer chair.

Running through his kitchen he slipped his arms through the sleeves of his shirt and began to button the shirt single handedly while he slammed a bowl of instant ramen in his microwave with the other. Tapping his foot impatiently while he waited for the telltale "ding" of his microwave Naruto was going through a heavily abriged checklist in his head, trying to make sure he wasn't forgetting anything else for work. Snatching his ramen from the microwave as soon as it was safe Naruto dashed to the coat rack by his door, slipping on his shoes, not bothering to grab a jacket and bolted out the building to his car.

Getting his his car he put the keys in the ignition, put his ramen into one of the cupholders, and paused to give himself a minute to get his bearings, no sense in showing up for a stressful day of work already stressed out after all. Glancing at the clock on his dash Naruto, now much more calm than he was a minute ago, started his card and headed off towards the radio station.

Five minutes later found Naruto flying down the highway in his station wagon, grinning like a maniac and singing at the top of his lungs, like some insane karaoke rooster, as if it was his mission to wake up all of Suna, which, considering his job, it kind of was.

"HEART OF AN EAGLE, HE FLIES THROUGH THE RAINBO-OW, INTO A NEW WORLD AND FINDS THE-E SUUUUUUUN, SPREADING HIS WINGS ABOVE ALL OF THE SOR-ROWS, THE GLOOOORY OF E-E-EEEAGLEHEAAAAART"

Pulling off the highway Naruto almost pouted as he lowered the volume on his stereo and made the turn around the corner, he could see the building now, and despite all the stress it had been causing him lately the sight of it made his already blinding grin crack a little wider.

He couldn't help it, though he never would have thought it when he first started, Naruto truly loved what he did, well, not actually what he was doing now, reading news every morning like a drone wasn't exactly fun, but it was the experience. Sure, radio might have been a bit of an outdated media outlet these days, but the fact that jockeys had a forum to express their ideas openly to the public, and that listeners could actually call in to add their own thoughts to the mix, was almost intoxicating to him, it was better than any drug he could buy off the street or in a club.

Parking his car in the garage below the station he stole a glance around the lot to see if there was anyone else loitering around. Deciding the coast was clear Naruto popped open his glove box and retrieved a pack of Parliaments, opening the pack he pulled out a cigarette and a dime bag, he was still coasting on his high from before, but he knew the second he walked in those doors his boss would be up his ass with a magnifying glass, knowing he could hide the signs of his mental state well enough he was more concerned with making sure he didn't crash while on the air or something equally as terrible, he quickly packed a bump into the hollow of the filter, then returned everything to its proper place and headed towards the garage exit.

So far, so good, he surprisingly hadn't seen a hair of Ebisu all morning, he was already finished with his morning news report, and was actually already clocked out, but he was in no rush and he and his coworker, Maito Gai, had a mutual understanding. Gai knew Naruto enjoyed sticking around sometimes and listening in on his afternoon segment, he didn't see the harm in it, in fact, he was rather flattered that someone as youthful as Naruto would rather be spending his time listening to him blather on than go out-skirt chasing.

"So who are you interviewing today Gai-sensei?" Naruto asked eagerly once the older man had turned off his mic.

"A young man by the name of Hirito Yoshigi-san, he's written a fascinating book about pop-culture trends that's been blowing up ever since he put it out, and he's only a freshman in college as well… the tireless ambition of youth is truly inspiring Naruto-kun, AH! I can't help it, I must go find my dearest nephew Lee, to sit down and witness such a youthful display would be the highlight of his day as well!" And with that, Gai was gone, that is, until he poked his head back in the room about 3 seconds later.

"Oh, and Naruto-kun, if you would be so kind, Yoshigi-san should be here any time now, if he gets back before Lee and I return, please keep him entertained will you?"

Already well acclimated to his coworker's antics Naruto cracked a reassuring smile "Don't worry bushy-brows, no one can resist the patented Uzumaki charm" giving a highly over-enthusiastic thumbs up in response, Gai bolted back down the hallway without another word.

Ten minutes later and Naruto was deep in concentration, trying to balance a pen on the tip of his nose whist simultaneously balancing the chair on its hind legs. His other coworker, Shikamaru, in the record booth, looked on in bored amusement, calculating to himself the probability that Naruto would fall backwards and crack his head open on the floor behind him versus falling forwards and smacking his chin on the desk and likely biting off his tongue, when the door suddenly came flying open and smacked against the wall of the studio.

Naruto shrieked in surprise, the momentum of trying to rotate to see who'd come in caused him to fall off his chair sideways, his flailing arms scrabbling at the table to try and prevent a total wipeout, but he only succeeded in smacking his arm painfully into the mic before collapsing on the floor in a pathetic heap.

'Damn unexpected variables' Shikamaru thought to himself, nonetheless chuckling at his friend's awe-inspiring stupidity.

Groaning in pain Naruto tried to collect himself 'Damn it bushy-brows, I'm going to kick your ass for this' but he heard a panicked voice from above that definitely didn't belong to Gai, or Lee for that matter.

"Oh my! I'm sorry if I startled you Gai-sensei, I know I'm still a bit early, are you okay?" he heard the voice say 'Ah, so it's that Yoshigi guy, great, that's even worse, now I've made myself look like a retard in front of some genius college student to boot' with a groan, Naruto picked himself up off the floor.

"It's okay Yoshigi-san, it was my fault, and I'm not Gai-sensei by the way, my name is Narut-" but when he looked towards the other man his jaw hit the floor.

"YOU!" they both exclaimed simultaneously, apparently he wasn't the only one surprised to be standing in front of the guy he screwed into his mattress last night.

Hirito recovered before Naruto however, and his expression quickly morphed from one of shock to one of rage.

"You SON of a BITCH! Did you think that stunt you pulled on me was fucking funny?!" the man shrieked "I spend the whole night with your drunken ass and all I get is a note, stuck to my fucking forehead, saying 'hey, thanks for the lay, now please be out of my apartment before I get out of the shower?' and to top it all off, that "number" you gave me was even worse! 'Thor's thought's on the weather?', 'Tips for successfully raiding a village'? I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"

By now Naruto had finally collected his jaw off the floor and made sure to place the desk in-between himself and his irate one-night stand "Listen you prick" Naruto said "I made it very clear several times last night that I wasn't looking for something serious, and if it was such a chore to put up with me all night you should have just gone back to your book club and cried about it over cheap coffee with your 40 year old menopausal girlfriends, you certainly weren't complaining when I had my cock shoved up your ass, that's for sure" Naruto finished smugly, then turned to Shikamaru "Shika, can you believe this jackass?" but the sight he was met with surprised him yet again, the normally expressionless and calm man had a look of pure horror on his face, seeing Naruto's confusion, he managed to jankily point at the table behind him.

Following the direction of Shikamaru's finger, Naruto looked over at the desk and nearly shat himself, the mic was on, he just broadcasted that whole argument directly over the radio.

"Oh… FUCK!" Naruto quickly slammed his finger on the "off" button and proceeded to have a mental breakdown.

"Oh fuck, oh fuckohfuckofuckfuckfuck" he chanted, gripping his head and hoping the floor would swallow him up and drag him to hell already. Hirito was in no better shape, he was staring wide-eyed at the microphone like it had just come to life and started tap-dancing across the table, on the upside, he was so shocked he stopped throwing his bitch-fit though.

Approximately 5 seconds later the door slammed open once more, incidentally beaming the shell-shocked Hirito in the side of the head, and in stomped the absolute last person Naruto wanted to see at the moment, his boss, Ebisu. The man didn't need to say a word, his face said it all, he crooked a finger at Naruto and walked off without another word, the blond following behind him lamely, like a horse about to be put out to pasture.

All the way up the two floors to Ebisu's office he was the subject of incredulous stares and quiet murmuring 'what is this? Fucking high school?' he thought to himself.

Once inside his office, Ebisu closed and locked the door behind him, drawing the shades and sat behind his desk clasping his hands together and resting his elbows on the desk as if in prayer. Silence reigned in the office, and Naruto did not want to be the one to break it, however, after five straight minutes of nothing, his impatience got the better of him.

"So eh… I'm guessing I'm fired then?" He said with a pained chuckle, rubbing the back of his head nervously.

"You're damn right you are…" Ebisu bit back immediately "Do you have any idea, ANY idea AT ALL, how much damage you just did?" he said, finally bringing some of his anger to the surface.

"Not only did you broadcast your sodomy over public radio, but you outed an up-and –coming author, we'll be lucky if he doesn't sue us for defamation of character, a lawsuit he would invariably win by the way. Speaking of lawsuits, we'll probably be hearing from some of the lawyers of our listeners as well, no doubt about how their kids heard all about you 'shoving your cock' in another man's ass this morning. So yeah, I would say you're in some pretty deep shit Uzumaki" Ebisu said, sounding far too calm considering what he was talking about.

Thus began the worst day of Naruto Uzumaki's life.