Please give me feedback on my fan fiction, it is greatly appreciated! Also I obviously don't own warriors but this fanfiction and all characters in it belong to me!
Allegiances
Oceanclan
Leader:
Rainstar- dappled grey tom with yellow eyes
Deputy:
Spottedtail- light brown she cat with a white tail and brown eyes
Warriors:
Maplebreeze- orange she cat with brown ears and blue eyes
Snowblossom- white she cat with orange paws and brown eyes
Redleaf- russet tom with black paws and grey eyes
Sunstrike- orange tom with brown eyes
Wolfheart- grey she cat with black paws and blue eyes
Hawkswoop- black tom with brown legs and grey eyes
Hazelfur-brown tom with a white chest and blue eyes
Cherrynose- calico she cat with blue eyes
Apprentices:
Waterpaw- brown and white tom with blue eyes
Frostpaw- white tom with grey paws and brown eyes
Ashpaw- grey speckled she cat with grey eyes
Lilypaw- grey she cat with one white ear, one white paw, a white tail and green eyes
Medicine Cat:
Mistcloud- grey long furred she cat with blue eyes
Queens & Kits:
Flowerpetal- black and brown she cat with green eyes
Leopardkit- brown and black she cat with green eyes
Speckledkit- pretty brown, black and white she cat with blue eyes
Dawncloud- gold she cat with black speckled tail and green eyes
Stormkit- black, brown, white and grey calico she cat with blue eyes
Featherkit- brown and grey tom with green eyes
Elders:
Sunheart- orange tom with golden eyes
Echosong- grey she cat with green eyes
Leafclan
Leader:
Fernstar- white she cat with green eyes
Deputy:
Wildfur-fuzzy orange tom with green eyes
Warriors:
Sparrowwing-russet she cat with grey eyes
Rainstorm- grey and white tom with brown eyes
Foxfang- brown she cat with brown eyes
Amberbreeze- white she cat with amber eyes
Ravenflight- black tom with green eyes
Apprentices:
Beetlepaw- black tom with gold eyes
Streampaw- white and black she cat with green eyes
Cloudpaw- fluffy grey tom with brown eyes
Medicine Cat:
Thornfur- grey and white she cat with constantly tangled fur and green eyes
Queens & Kits:
Leafdrop- orange and grey she cat with green eyes
Pinekit- brown tom with green eyes
Silverkit- grey she cat with grey eyes
Thunderfur- cream she cat with brown eyes
Gingerkit- russet she cat with grey eyes
Poppykit- orange she cat with green eyes
Elders:
Owltalon- brown and white tom with yellow eyes
Rabbitclaw- tall white she cat with green eyes
Flameclan
Leader:
Emberstar- orange she cat with black paws and grey eyes
Deputy:
Swiftbreeze- skinny grey she cat with blue eyes
Warriors:
Petalwind- white she cat with grey eyes
Flameheart- orange tom with blue eyes
Shadowfur- black tom with a white tail and grey eyes
Mousetail- brown short tailed she cat with blue eyes
Rosepetal- russet she cat with grey eyes
Lightningstrike- fuzzy black tom with amber eyes
Apprentices:
Stormpaw- calico tom with brown eyes
Ripplepaw- calico she cat with brown eyes
Medicine Cat:
Mintpelt- grey she cat with amber eyes
Queens & Kits:
Minnowsplash- orange and black she cat with blue eyes
Tinykit- small orange she cat with blue eyes
Blizzardkit- white tom with blue eyes
Prologue
Three cats crowded around a starlit pool of water, these cats were the first leaders of Oceanclan, Leafclan, and Flameclan. They didn't usually bother with the affairs of the living cats but today was different; the Dark Forest had succeeded in creating an evil entity. They had somehow connected it to a kitten that was about to be born and Starclan was powerless to stop it.
"Do you remember the first time this happened? I assumed they would've been satisfied after the incident with Hawktalon!" sighed Leafstar, a grey she cat with green eyes.
"Ugh don't remind us Leaftstar." Flamestar, an orange tabby tom, hissed jumping to his feet.
Many moons ago when the clans were just beginning there was a cat named Hawktalon who would often speak of herself being two different cats and go into unpredictable fits of rage. Most clan members thought she was just eccentric, but Hawktalon ended up proving them wrong about that. One day she killed her apprentice, claiming he wasn't worthy of learning from her. Obviously she was exiled and at the next gathering all clans were warned to kill her on sight.
When several moons went by and nothing happened the clans assumed she had died at some point, after all not many survived Leaf bare on their own. But they were wrong; cats would start to go missing without a trace. There were never any signs of a struggle, and their paw prints always stopped at the place they'd disappeared from. It was eerie almost like the cats never even existed. Eventually each clan had lost about half its members and the leaders decided something had to been done, so they visited the sites the disappearances occurred at and discovered that each one had a small tunnel near it. So all three leaders and their patrols crammed into the last tunnel they saw and followed it to a small cave.
Hawktalon sat upon a mountain of corpses, many of which the leaders recognized as the lost clan mates. Her fur was matted, coated with blood, and her eyes looked crazed. The leaders exchanged looks with each other trying to decide which one had to send the monster back to the dark forest. They decided it would be Oceanstar, a tall white she cat with blue eyes, the other two leaders distracted Hawktalon while she crept up the back of the pile. When she got to the top she threw herself at the other she cat, sending both of them crashing down to the ground.
"If I'm going down I'm taking you with me" Hawktalon screeched furiously. The deranged she cat grabbed Oceanstar by the neck and in return Oceanstar sunk her claws into Hawktalon's throat. A loud gush echoed throughout the cave, followed by the sound of Oceanstar's neck snapping, the two she cats had killed each other. A vigil was held that night, no one had known the brave leader was on her last life, if they had one of the other leaders would've fought in her place.
The three leaders shuddered, even though it had faded out to a scary nursery story among the living cats that time was still fresh in their minds. "Hopefully this time the Dark Forest's little experiment won't succeed, I don't want the clans to be living in fear like that ever again!" Oceanstar hissed angrily. Leafstar and Flamestar dipped their heads in agreement and all three cats went back to watching the scene that was unfolding in the water.