Chapter One:

"Lily! Lily!" cried he.

I traced my finger around his silhouette in my window.

James.

James.

James.

"Lily! Don't leave! Don't leave! Lily!"

His desperate pleadings drifted towards a crack in the window and I felt the warm rush of tears plaiting down a cheek. I heaved back a sob and craned my neck to catch a last precious glimpse of him. Of James.

He was pounding on the train. His iron fists banged sharply against the metal. But it was useless. No matter how strong he was, he couldn't beat the Express. Not even the fact that I was in the Express. And I was leaving. He finally caught sight of me, my tear-splotched face gazing forlornly at him through a rain-stained glass.

"Lily! Lily!"

I couldn't look away. My heart was splintering. It was shredding into minute fibers and incinerating to a pile of ashes. My heart was screaming in pain, in hurt. My heart was doing so much more than just breaking.

There was a creak as the train lurched forward.

It was a sign of the journey.

I smashed my palms against the window and peered sadly at the boy on the platform. He was confused; confused, angry and distressed. He couldn't understand. I didn't even understand. Why was I doing this? Why was I tormenting us so?

Then I remembered.

I remembered the people that came to my home during the holidays. I remembered James' mother. She was tall and coldly beautiful. She haughtily pushed a voluminous briefcase towards us. There were crisp notes and dollars and Galleons and Sickles and money from every corner of the Earth. My parents stared. Petunia stared. I looked away. She wanted me to stay away from her precious son. I wasn't good enough. I needed to leave.

I rejected her offer. She smirked and told me not to regret my decision.

I told her I wouldn't.

Two days later when my father's company fell, I sent an owl telling her I had reconsidered.

I took the money.

At this tender memory, my head collapsed onto my hands and the tears of my sacrifice exploded onto my icy skin.

There is no gain without sacrifice.

My family was grateful to me.

I was regretful.

Petunia looked at me under her dark lashes. I didn't know what she was thinking.

The train was gaining speed.

James was running now.

He was so athletic and could run for so long.

But he couldn't outrun the train. He couldn't chase up to me.

In desperation, I saw the shape of his mouth. His words were drowned by the roar of the engine.

"Lily! I love you! I love you!"

I couldn't look anymore.

I was blind.

I told myself I could be indifferent. I could sit and isolate myself from the memories and the love and the ache and the betrayal of myself. I could take myself out of the equation. I sank back in the seat and willed myself not to treat myself to a receding glance at the breathless boy crying my name behind me.

I could do it.

Was my pain worth it?

"Forgive me, James. Forgive me."

AN: Hello! I decided to re-do this chapter. Ah, fond memories. This was the first chapter I EVER wrote on fanfiction. I remember writing so much, then looking at the preview and thinking where the hell did it all go? So, let me know what you think and REVIEW! It's still very short, but I think it's not so confusing now. Maybe. Hopefully. You tell me.