Okay, it took several time to get the feel of everything right. But now I think it is up to my standards. ...not exactly the highest standards, but I have them!
Anyway, onward! To the promised lands!
This story takes place in the familiar present. Sometime in 2012 for all of you who have managed to find this after the world ended and the world was taken over by insect overlords. On a side note, if you happen to see The Rake, tell him I said ,"Hi!" Whoops, I rambled a bit there. Anyway, it begins with our hero: ME!
I was sitting at home, alone in my 'Computer Cave' dressed about as much as Vincent Brooks when he's climbing those blocks. Only the glow of the screen illuminated the dark room, which was only so because it was two in the morning. One would've heard music, namely a lot of videogame and anime OSTs playing, had I not been using a pair of headphones as to not wake anyone up. You may be asking 'What were you doing up that late?' (Wikiwalking on ) 'What kind of music were you listening to?' (how do you know it was really music?...oh wait, I said it was music) And 'When the hell is the story gonna get interesting?' Well hold your horses, exposition is important, dammit!
To best describe me in less time as possible, think of this: a human-shaped spawn of the manliness born from Saxton Hale's chest; with the personality combination of Deadpool, Gene from God Hand, a hint of Fate Zero Caster, and some original qualities I can't compare. Basically deadly smart, but you'd sooner find me dancing the Electric Slide with a lampshade on my head than getting a college degree or something.
And let's not forget bored. Bored of humanity really. So much so, that I'd gladly change a part or two of my body for the chance to be inhuman. That said, if there are any gene splicers out there in need of a test subject, contact me. I'm pretty much open to anything, but if you could chop of an arm and put a bunch of tentacles there, that'd be super.
Okay, enough about that, let's get this story started already! A chorus of children yelling 'YAY' soon broke out for about three seconds.
At this point, a dimensional rift of some sort opened below me. What color it was and stuff, I didn't know. I was too busy reading that I basically had tunnel vision at this point. When I did notice, I was about knee deep into the rift.
Whoa, did I break the height adjuster on my chair or something?
I asked myself, before I was dragged under like a shark going after a surfer!
I know I blacked out, or maybe the portal was so dark, there was no light. Either way, there was darkness for awhile before I suddenly saw nothing but white. Kind of like that odd place Squidward ended up after screwing up that time machine. As far as I could tell, there wasn't really anything much else here.
"Hello? Look, if it is about that pen I stole from the post office, it was out of ink, so why are you fussing over it?"
"What-no!" This was a deep voice, which had a bit of an echo to it. You know, that stereotypical voice when a god or something is talking to someone. That's right folks, this is one original story thus far! "Pvt. Prinny, I have heard your thoughts. It saddens me to see you bored with such an energetic soul."
"Cool, you can read my thoughts? What else can you do?"
"I can create worlds. Better ones when I'm not drunk."
I thought briefly about that last line, then my eyes widened. "Wait! You're the-"
"Yes," it interrupted. I obviously read my mind.
"Oh man, this is awesome. But where are the beer volcanoes and stripper factories?" I then turned my head towards something. "Hey readers, you get a nice, big cookie if you know who my awesome friend here is!"
"Oh, you're not dead. I'm simply rewarding you for your faith to me, by sending you somewhere that will be sure to entertain you." An egg suddenly floated up to me. The color reminded me of sand, and had green spots on it. "Care to guess where I'm sending you?"
I knew and I grinned. "So glad I decided to worship you. So what are you sending me as? Oh, can I be a Riolu so I can make jokes about using The Force?" I blurted out loud.
"Can you tell me why I'm going to say no?"
"Because that is such an obvious character for humans turning into Pokemon mysteriously; and also because a Riolu making Star Wars jokes is so Diamond and Pearl ago?"
"That's right." The egg split in half an it lifted up like a magically possessed matryoshka. "But don't worry; you'll be something that will allow you to have all the fun you want. As an added bonus, I'm also going to let you keep most of your knowledge. You'll forget you were ever human and never remember, but you get to keep whatever knowledge you have learned."
"Oh, that's awesome. If I had forgotten everything, then how could I tell jokes to the readers who are probably face palming due to the fourth wall being torn down?"
"Exactly. Just remember one thing." The tone of his voice became more serious. "Do not worry about the god of your new home world, Arceus. We worked out this deal, and he has no problem if you continue to worship me. Though when I say deal, more like a bet I lost during a game of beer pong."
"Eh, I was planning on worshipping both of ya. That way everyone is happy."
"Then go inside the egg, and await your hatching."
As I climbed inside the egg, the top began to close down on top of me. "Ramen." I said, before I blacked out. And I know I did this time, because the top of the egg fell and bashed me in the head hard enough to knock me out.
I must have woke up, because I saw a line of light shining in my dark little egg. It wasn't a night light, since it was a cute little animal or something. The light got longer, until I saw it was a jagged crack. I could hear voices, several of them, though what they were saying was all jumbled up since they were talking at once. I tried to break free, but found no resistance. Instead, I seemed to have gone through the thin crack and I found my world amazingly brighter. I opened my eyes, and saw two humans and a gallade. I was in a large laboratory of some kind, behind some glass that I assumed was an incubator. I saw mouths moving, but no words coming out. I tried to place my head closer to the glass, thinking I'd hear something, only to phase right through it.
("Oh sweet!") I said out loud, going back inside, and then coming back out again. ("It's like I'm a ghost or something!")
One of the teenage humans began to speak, this one wearing a red tank top under a pair of denim overalls. She wore a black cloth on her head like a biker cap, with a red design similar to the eyes of a Porygon Z, with a few stray bangs of blue-black hair sticking out the front and back. On her upper arms were two leather bands, each holding three pokeballs. Judging by the looks of her, I went on a limb and assumed she was a trainer. It made me wonder what other pokemon she had on those arm bands. "A g-g-g-gastly?" She said with her voice full of fear. "It was such a pretty purple egg, why'd it have to be a ghost-type?"
"Oh, c'mon sis. Are you really scared of ghost-types?" This came from a young man, older than the girl. Taller, he wore mostly simple, black clothing underneath a white lab coat with a pair of thin-frame glasses. The ends of both sleeves had a huge splotch of black, but if you were to look closely as you looked up from the splotch, you'd see several unown at the very end, showing they were heavily clumped together at the sleeve's end. "You're not scared of your Golurk, and it's a ghost-type."
"Megas is different! It doesn't look like…that." She said pointing at me.
I gave a smirk as I floated closer to the girl, chuckling a bit as she went pale and back away. ("Woooooo. Bring me Beyonce covered in barbeque sauce!") I said as I floated closer to the point she was against the wall, practically about to scream. To her, I only said 'gastly' and bits of that over and over to speak.
("Alright, that's enough, little guy.") The voice was also a man's, but had such a noble tone to it. One a knight would use when upholding chivalry. I looked around and saw it was the gallade, and he took a few steps towards me with one unreadable poker face. ("I'm not overly fond of seeing my trainer like this.")
It was probably best I did so. Sure he was fighting type, but he was still a psychic-type as well. And that wouldn't mix with my poison-typing at all. ("But I was hoping she'd bring me the barbeque sauce.") I said with a frown, then looked back at the girl. She was still stiff as a board. With an idea, I smiled again and vanished from view.
She girl stood there for a few seconds before rushing over to her gallade. "Thanks Galahad. That was scary!" She said, practically clinging to him.
"Ellie, seriously. I think you may have hurt its feelings. All it wanted to do was just meet you."
"You saw the look on his face, Eddie, he wanted to take my soul!" She looked Galahad in the eyes. "You'll protect me, right?" She got a nod in response and smiled. Then I reappeared, over the gallade's head. To him, everything seemed fine, but to the girl, she saw it and went pale again. She screamed and tried to punch me. It went right through me and she ended up slugging Galahad, causing him to fall onto the ground dazed. She screamed a bit more, seeing her arm halfway in me.
("I never knew anyone could be that into me!") I laughed out loud, doing a figure eight in the air while continuing to laugh. Eddie was trying to hide his laughter, while Ellie was waking Galahad up.
"Pfft…haha…I'm sorry, El. Haha. Ghost-types are natural pranksters like that."
"How am I suppose to travel safely with a prankster?" She blurted out, making me stop flying and look at her questioningly. "What good can being a joker do?" Galahad woke up and shook his head, then looked up at me furiously.
("You honorless trickster. What possessed you to make my master strike me down?")
("I dunno. Some comedy for the readers at home?")
("Immature and stupid is no way to go through life, young man. I shall teach you that lesson now!") Galahad's elbow blades extended and glowed with psychic energy. I knew I wouldn't last a single hit of that. He then lunged at me, to which I responded like a man.
("RUN AWAY!") I floated up higher and to the other side of the lab. The gallade only swing the air, faced me, then swung again without bothering to get close to me, sending a blade of psychic energy at me. I got out of the way, and the psychic energy actually left a huge slash in a few computers.
"Ellie, call Galahad off before he wrecks my lab!"
"Call Galahad off? The gastly started it!" The two began a verbal fight of their own while I was still avoiding psycho cuts.
("Geez, you're not exactly cut up for long-range fighting.") I laughed more, floating by the ceiling now. Galahad only gave an angry growl and slashed wildly. Several were avoided, but I got a bit careless and I got caught by the very tip of one. It was enough for my low-level body to feel tremendous pain, so I gently floated to the ground. It didn't hurt that much to do that, but I had a joke coming up. Galahad stood over me, raising an arm to deal a final blow.
("I shall not tolerate such a nuisance to burden my master. Any last words before I send you to the afterlife?")
("Yes,") I started saying weakly, with a tired expression on my face, ("just three words.") I suddenly perked up, the energy seemingly returning from nowhere. I was faking most of the pain, evident by me floating up slightly again. ("Piece of building!") Galahad looked confused, and then he looked up at the sounds of cracking noises. Ellie and Eddie also looked up, apparently that noise being louder than their fighting. It just passed right through me, but Galahad wasn't as lucky. I looked at the dumb struck Ellie and smirking Eddie, making the gas around me form a 'V' for victory.
"H-how? HOW?"
"It is sort of obvious how, sis. Those two brought the roof down." Eddie began to snicker, while Ellie groaned at the bad pun. It was so bad, I began laughing as well, which made Eddie laugh more. Ellie shook her head and called back the Galahad into his pokeball, just in time for Eddie to calm down. "Either way, I think this gastly should stick with you. It seems like you could use the unorthodox style it has."
("Damn right!")
"Erm…maybe not yet. I mean, he probably just got lucky against Galahad is all." She sounded very defensive, patting Galahad's pokeball. "He should stay here for a bit. At least until a proper battle can be had."
"You sure Ellie? I mean, I'm not the trainer here, you are. Plus, a pokemon such as this can be quite versatile and useful for your travels." He looked at me and smiled. He knew almost all my good points. "It does seem quite smart, so I'm sure it'll be easy training him."
("Great job so far, wing man. Now tell her I'm a great kisser.")
"Well, maybe it can learn some things here before traveling. Like not scaring me!"
"Okay okay, if you're that scared of it, then I'll take care of it." Eddie said as he prepared a dusk ball.
"Great, its decided then! That gastly is yours now, have fun, bye! Gotta get back to traveling to keep this place running." She stormed out, before another word could be said.
("I smell a big friendship creating moment with her in a later chapter.")
"Don't mind her, she always gets this way whenever Galahad is beaten. Speaking of, I should give you a name. How about…."
A name! This is the important decision here. It has to be just right. The perfect combination of manliness, brains, sexiness, and chocolate. Something that rolls off that tongue! Something easy to say! Something like…Bonquiqui!
"…how about Gaspard. You've got a gaseous body, and I can tell it'll be hard to get your spirits down." He began to laugh again, and I laughed with him. I was, and still am, a sucker for lame puns. Gaspard, though…that sounds like a great name. Though I still like Bonquiqui…. "Alright, now just hold still for a second. You had an eventful arrival, so how about you take it easy for awhile?" He tossed the ball lightly at me.
("…one.") Just as he said, I stayed for one second, and then began to float upwards away from the ball. Just as he gave a sigh, I stuck my tongue out at him and to make contact with the ball. I heard him laugh a bit as I began to glow red and went inside the ball without a single shake.
Inside my dusk ball was odd. It was almost like a single room home with some bare minimum stuff to keep me cozy. I wasn't enjoying it so much, so I looked around and that caused my ball to shake, until eventually…POP! I opened my ball and got out. Eddie wasn't around, instead seeing shelves, with mine saying 'Nighttime.' I'm guessing that was when I was going to be let out, but nix to that!
I floated through the wall and outside into the daylight. The sunlight felt odd, but not painful. I knew I just needed to explore this place a bit and the feeling would go away. Plus, I didn't know how to get back inside my ball, so I might as well have whatever security come and pick me up. Or try, there is no telling what this free spirit is going to do now.
Haha, hey, free spirit! I made a last minute funny!
Aaaaand cut! That's a wrap for this chapter everyone! Great job, everyone, great job-you're all fired.
Read, comment, say how bad those puns were, etc. I'm sure you readers know how everything works on this site. XD