This is the first chapter of my new Vampire Academy fanfiction. I haven't written a really long one…ever on this site, so this is a first and I really hope you enjoy it. It's already finished but I'll upload a chapter a week as it is still under heavy editing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or the characters.

I hope you enjoy and review please! It helps me a lot :D

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I suppose that the main thing I can say is that life officially sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love where I've ended up. I'm…okay with my job. I always thought that I'd end up guarding Lissa, that we'd be together forever, as corny as that sounds.

Life…Life always ends up different though. Life never works out the way that you want it to, and that's just the way that it is.

I always thought that I knew what I wanted; to become the best guardian for Lissa. That didn't exactly happen.

Half way through I thought that I could be with Dimitri, the one forbidden love I was willing to risk my dream for…that didn't happen either. I suppose the only thing that did go according to plan was that I became the best guardian I could be. It was the only thing left that I had. I know that I had Lissa, and Christian and Eddie. I know I had people there but not the one that I really wanted.

Everything else felt like a chore, it felt mediocre after that.

I saved him. I saved his life. I almost ended mine. When I ran back into that cave after him I almost killed my mother who ran after me. It was that fucking blonde Strigoi. I know that I didn't kill him, I only managed to plunge the stake into his neck, but it was enough to stun him, enough time to grab Dimitri and run. Enough time to hold that hope in my stomach and drag him back to the school.

People found out…rumours spread…Dimitri was fired as being my mentor. He told me he never wanted to be with me again. He avoided me like the damn plague, and if he wasn't such a damn good guardian and with all the shit going on I'm sure he would've been fired as well.

I'm thankful he wasn't, but it gave me time to myself. I was in pain, I was in serious pain. He was the first guy that I ever allowed myself to fall for, the first guy I ever truly took that risk with. He broke me, but it was my fault. I know that it was my fault. I'd fallen for the one guy that I shouldn't have.

I followed everything he taught me though, and I incorporated every bit of pain and anger and resentment into my training. I kept up the training patterns and practically became a recluse. I studied my arse off, I trained almost every spare minute and it turned out to be for the best.

I don't want to admit it but the truth is that it was all for him. If it hadn't been for him then I wouldn't have made it as far as I had. I wanted to make him proud, even if he didn't want me anymore. I think that I did make him proud, or I hope I did. I came out with the best score that anyone had ever gotten at St Vladimir's. I had even gotten a harder and more complicated course than the other students, you'd think it would make me fall behind but instead I came out the best.

My mother came, as did my father who I had met after the attack. He was the one that offered to get me the job at St Basils because I declined the offer to be Lissa's guardian. She didn't know until the unveiling of who we got as our guardians and Dimitri and Eddie's name was called out, but mine was not. People gasped, they thought it was a mistake, but when Lissa looked back and found me and realised there was no shock on my face, she knew what I had done.

Afterwards, not only did she, Christian and Eddie corner me and demand to know what happened, so did Dimitri, and if that wasn't crazy enough he seemed the most pissed off. I still remember Lissa's distressed, betrayed face, Christian was simply pissed because I hurt Lissa and Eddie's confused, trying to know what was going on. Mostly Dimitri's though. I had never seen him as mad as I had then.

He stood at the back as the other yelled and cried; I could remember practically seeing the fury rolling off of him in waves. He was silent though. That furious silent, where the eyes penetrate, the jaw is tight and the fists are clenched. It was when the others left that he let it all out. Left in a room with a seething, pissed off Russian was not my idea of fun. It being Dimitri made it just that much worst. I don't want to admit it but I was scared. I almost didn't know him anymore. He was so pissed off that it almost hurts to remember the words.

"Why?" his accent was thicker than I think I've ever heard it. I leant back against the brick wall, barely hearing the sound of families with their kids, charges getting to know their guardians.

"Why what?" I'd had enough of the others and seeing him was hurting me. Why did he care so much? He didn't want to see me anymore, he's been avoiding me like hell, he should be glad!

"You know why? Why give up your position as Lissa's guardian?" he was getting closer to me, staring down with a look of anger I'd only ever seen him stare at a Strigoi with, and seeing that much anger was killing me. I kept an indifferent face because I didn't want to show how much it hurt.

"I felt like it." I snapped back, trying to turn my pain into anger.

"God dammit, Rose!" he snapped, his hand slapped against the brick wall beside my head. I hadn't expected it and I hated that I flinched. He almost seemed regretful for a moment. It must be hard to see the girl that defeated Strigoi, got kidnapped, held her best friends dead body in her arms and entered a battle without fault wince in fear at the man that she loved.

"Why the fuck do you care? You've been avoiding me like the fucking plague lately! You should be rejoicing, be happy!" I yelled back, trying not to let the pain overtake me.

"I care because of Lissa! I care because you were meant to be her guardian! She's like your sister and you're giving her up because of me! It's pathetic, Roza!" I wasn't sure if the name just slipped out or not, but he seemed damn shocked he said it.

He must've seen the look on my face because it was as if the anger just vanished from him.

"No, Rose, I didn't—" it was stupid really, what was he going to say? He didn't mean it? The only things that he could say would only hurt me more.

"Just, just don't bother, Dimitri. I've heard enough. The fact is that I'm too connected and that you were right all along. I wouldn't protect her, and that's wrong. I found an out, so I'm taking it. You protect her because as much as she hates me now she is my sister. If you don't protect her with your life I'll come back and kill you, and that is a promise," I knew I had to stop because my lip was quivering "just give her back this, will you?" and I reached into my back pocket for the chotki and placed it in his hand.

"Rose, I'll leave, I'll stay and work here, don't hurt her like this," I knew that I was going to break any second.

"Dimitri, I've given everything up for other people all my life. It's only ever hurt me. For once…for once I'm doing something for myself. It's not just you; it's Mason, it's the memories. I'm getting rid of the pain and I'm going to live my life. Take it how you will, I won't guard Lissa any longer. Goodbye, Guardian Belikov." and I placed my hand on his chest and pushed him back because he was a lot closer than he should be. And I just walked away.

It was the last time I saw him before I left. The last time I saw any of them.

…

And now I'm 20, and it's been two years and things haven't been too adventurous. I work as a guardian at St Basils still.

I can't say that I hate my job because I don't. In fact I even like some of the students and I like teaching my students to fight. Of course a lot of them hate me; you could say that I channel Dimitri in most of the training aspect. It was awkward, of course, when I found out that Dimitri's sister was a student here, Viktoria, but she graduated the year that I got there and I never really saw her. And when I did I was great at avoiding her questions. It really was awkward though.

Now his nephew, Paul, was here. I quite liked him. He was a sweet boy, tough and looked exactly like a miniature version of Dimitri did. On days that I hated myself I found myself thinking if Dimitri had been just like Paul as a kid. Happy, smart, charming, sometimes a bit annoying, but that was a given. Dimitri was annoying as an adult, why would it be different as a child?

…

"I thought I'd find you in here." I looked up from my staring at nothing yet everything. Today was one of those days that I hated myself.

"What are you doing up?" I asked in confusion as the Father came and sat beside me. He was a nice man. Younger than you'd expect, but trustworthy and kind. He kind of reminded me of the Father back at St Vladimir's.

"I could ask you the same thing," he said back and I smiled, shrugging.

"Couldn't sleep." I stated and it wasn't a lie. I liked to sit in the church during the day, human day, because the sun came in through the windows and it warmed my skin, and it made me wonder what life would've been like had Lissa and I not been found.

We'd probably be dead, true, but Mason would be alive and Dimitri would still be a great guardian at the school. I wouldn't have tarnished his reputation; I wouldn't have hurt my mother or friends. Sometimes I wonder what fate would've had planned instead. Would those Strigoi still have tried to destroy all those family lines? Maybe, maybe not.

"You seem to not sleep a lot. I brought you a tea." I smiled at him. I'd gotten myself off of coffee; tea had more caffeine in it and it didn't leave that gross after taste.

"Thank you." I grabbed the cup and sipped at it. "Neither do you," I continued the conversation. He shrugged one shoulder.

"They say that the smarter ones stay up later." and we both grinned in humour.

"I suppose you heard about them," I sighed. I knew Father Maars too damn well. We'd become quite close friends actually, and one night I'd confessed most to him. It's not like he hadn't heard the rumours, I just filled in the blanks.

"It's great; more schools are bringing the program in. Lissa's making a great life for herself," I stated positively but you could hear the undertone in my voice.

"Yes, that's true, it's great that they're teaching magic in more schools now, but you still wish that you didn't have to cross paths with her again. Tell me I'm wrong." he dared and I turned to stare at him before sighing.

"It's been two damn years. Couldn't they have at least waited until next year to come, when I leave?" my father's main guardian was leaving to protect his family, to have a life and he offered the job to me. I couldn't refuse. He was my family and it would be great to see my dad more. Sometimes a phone call couldn't cut it.

"You have to wonder why they chose now, don't you?" he said with a small smirk and I glared at him.

"I don't have to wonder, but now I am and I hate you." I stated lightly and he chuckled, trying to look innocent.

"I did nothing," I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, sure, and pigs fly and I'm Spiderman." I retorted, once again making him laugh.

"You'll be fine, Rose. It's a big campus, I'm sure you won't even see them," I rolled my eyes.

"And why don't I believe that?" I asked slightly sarcastically. He smirked.

"Maybe because I'm lying."